I'll start off with a few to give you an idea:

"Will you go study? I'm stalling!"

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"I feel like a ping-pong ball." (Dr. Z - yes, that was what everyone called her)

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"I know this may seem obvious to most of you, but some of us are part Polish." (Dr. Z)

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"Where are these things coming from? Am I pitching dirty clothes on my bed when I'm not looking?" (Mary)

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"I'm writing it on my mental note pad. Note to self..." (Amy)

"It works better if you don't write it in invisible ink." (BJ)

Alright, everybody got it?

Aaaand go!

"Psh to all you busy people. I managed to murder people whilst writing a thesis." (RJ)

That was already funny in context (talking about anonline murder mystery game), but out of context... hilarious.

"G, can I borrow your blue rubber?"

"Which one?"

"The green one."

For two of my friends on the art table xD It was so funny, because both of them acted like it was totally normal, it was just everybody else who found it absolutely hysterical.

My best friend a few weeks ago:

"Tomorrow I will have my superpowers back. I will be able to bounce off of every wall within a 50-mile radius at the same time."

My husband said these while we were watching the movie "Taken" starring Liam Neeson...

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"This is the man who trained Batman AND Obi-Wan Kenobi...why are you messing with him?!?"

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"If him and Jason Bourne ever fought, the world would end right then and it would be freakin' awesome!"

"I was giving you the finger, not respect!"

"Dude, do y'all sell gas?" I wanted to duck under the counter then pop back up and say, Nope were making a movie and those (pointing to gas pups) are props!

Got one more... and yes sad to say this came from my own mouth. Friend of mine was driving a moving van and when she got out I said... You moving? with out missing a beat she said nope that's my everyday car.

dr_spitfire wrote:

"**** happens, especially if you eat too much fruit..."

LOL! Liked that one! Well, Ihave one from thn today. "Insane in the membrane!"

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When I was in the 8th grade our junior honor society went on a trip to Orlando. We walked into Sea World and my best friend says, "It smells like fish in here!"

Yeah, Cinny, there's a reason we call her Trips! (Not the original reason, but you can see why it fits!)

cinnysangel wrote:

thn that last one made me happier that a fat rat in a cheese factory lol can't stop laughing

Here's a few from my best friend:

"I'm an RA, I am the master of non-answers and all things diverted."

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"Ketchup? Why would you want to go and ruin them with ketchup? It's like putting ketchup on meatloaf."

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"I love how you bring out this information at the moment Ineed an excuse."

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"I'm nuts but folks call me BJ." (that pretty much sums her up right there)

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"I've heard it's not as funny when you have to explain it 4 times. That was only the third time; I think we're in the clear."

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"Why do you ask me such questions? You know I don't keep track of my brain cells."

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"What is it with you and your expressive 4-letter words? Can't you think of anything better than 'yeah?'"

"You know how some bananas are like, banana, and some are like BANANA. Well this, this wasa BANANA ."

And yes, BJis quite the character. We have very similar senses of humor, so our conversations often veer into the hilariously absurd. For example:

"Hey Steph. What's up?" (BJ)

"Umm, the ceiling." (me)

"Really? Ialways thought you were down." (BJ)

"I know, I'm weird like that." (me)

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"You have the strangest ideas." (me)

"I know, Ido." (BJ)

"Apparently so do I." (me)

"I thought that's why we were friends." (BJ)

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"I keep dropping everything." (me)

"Geez, Steph. Get a grip." (BJ)

I like that one! And meatloaf is one of the few things that ketchup is good on/in! LOL! I knew your name was Stephanie! That's cool, I like that name!

steffers001 wrote:

"I've heard it's not as funny when you have to explain it 4 times. That was only the third time; I think we're in the clear."

Oh, and the ketchup on meatloaf comment - she was being sarcastic. The funny part was I was so tired I didn't realize she was being sarcastic so at first I was like, "Huh?" I had a good laugh at myself afterwards.

Let's see, we managed to last, what, not quite 3 pages before wandering off on a tangent? That's not too bad, actually.

"I hate french. I never understand it, it's like a foreign language!"

That was a pretty big >facepalm< moment of mine.

Reminds me of a quote from one of my ranch friends: "Speaking French is like speaking in cursive."

My boss's boss was in a really hyper mood a few weeks ago. I told her whatever she was on she needed to share and she laughed and said "Flintstones Vitamins"! (She's 40 years old, btw!)

I like meat loaf not the meat but the loaf...

did you taske your vitamin nope you

some times I use ketchup

matalica rocks....

lol not being mean it just is so funny cracks me up

A woman I worked with at Dunkin Donuts had a very bad cold. She wanted to go to the bank to cash her check before going home to rest. While waiting ina large line she began to cough. She coughed so hard that she farted. Instead of ignoring it she made it worse by turning to the man behind her and saying...... "Did you hear what that ***hole said" Iam positive that man never ever forgot her. When she came back to work and told us that story she said the whole bank was giggling.

my parents (God rest my mothers soul) went shopping on afternoon for a pair of galoshes (sic) rain shoes you put over your other shoes. Well my Dad couldn't find them and he went looking for someone to help him. Didn't take long before he found a 17 year old kid stocking shelves.My Dad who is hard of hearing and 74 years old yells to the clerk.. "Excuse me where do you keep your rubbers?" My Mother could have crawled under the floor. She red faced then explainded what my father ment. Needless to say they did not stay at walmart very long that day.

I'm Tired, So I think I will go to bed before the image of my old people in walmart story fades from my mind. Plesant dreams.

Your statement actually goes along with the message I just left for you in the captions thread. Keep telling these wonderful stories and allow yourself to keep laughing. I promise, it really does help. It's the reason I always laugh my head off whenever I watch "The Jungle Book". My dad's favorite part was when King Louie (the orangutan) sings and dances to "I wanna be like you". He would walk into the living room, stop in front of the tv (no matter what we were watching) and start singing that song and dancing around like a monkey! And then he'd just stop on a dime and go sit in his recliner like nothing happened! I swear to this day it still cracks me up just to think about it! I should go to bed, too. I've been on vacation since last Friday but I have to go back to work tomorrow. Take care.

Quote from my dad from a few days ago: "The secret weapon is leaking ketchup."

'Y'know, I think I could be quite good at being a person.'

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(and that works with pretty much anything, for example: "You said you'd take out the garbage!" "That was just pillow talk, baby!"

'I feel like I need a bucket of sarcasm to recover from this show.'

thursdaynext wrote:

"That was just pillow talk, baby."

.

(and that works with pretty much anything, for example: "You said you'd take out the garbage!" "That was just pillow talk, baby!"

LOL! That is even funnier since it reminds me of an episode of Tru Calling.

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TN...our entire conversation from the other night could go here, but I won't subject poor Falc to that again! I'll be nice!

"Rockabye kitty in my laptop..." (my sister)

"This does not compute." (my dad)

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"Stephanie and I are putting ourselves in the cat's brain. Never mind." (my dad)

E: Can you do my hair later?

Me: Sure.

E: What time is Mum coming home?

Me: Soon I think.

E: Oh. What's for dinner?

Me: >sigh< Pizza. Anymore questions?

E: Just one.

Me: Shoot.

E: Who's God?

LOL! Makes for a bit of an awkward situation, I'd say. I tend to avoid religious conversations whenever I can help it. I'm more of the "I have my beliefs (I'm Catholic), you have your beliefs, we'll just leave it at that" type.

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Anyway, from an MSN convo I'm having with my best friend.

Her: I'm in a pickle xD

Me: Literally or metaphorically speaking?

Her: xD

Me:Because if it's literal, you're on your own. Gross.

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(Sparks, In response to my drooling over our "soggy team" on the Round Robin thread...)

>considers building a drool raft<

In the event that CM: The Soggy Edition is ever made (yes please cbs , just sayin'), HEAD FOR HIGHER GROUND AND WAIT FOR THE RAFT.

From Artsy:

. I hated Barney to the ends of the earth. Especially after my Mom bought my brother one of the tapes. I thought that God was punishing me for listening to rock music and thinking about boys.