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Thursday, February 17, 1994

Top Ten Good Things About Not Winning A Medal
  
No problem getting through metal detector on trip home
Five words: Year's supply of turtle wax
Sure they give you the gold medal, but they make you pay plenty for the matching earrings.
Aren't subject to Clinton's new gold medal tax
Instead of being "Joe, the fastest skier in the world," it's kind of nice just to be "Dorky Ol' Joe"
Sympathy goes a long way with Norwegian chicks.
You won't get mugged for it on the D-Train.
Don't have to go to White House and jog with bloated president
Fame and wealth often inspire strangers to break into your home.
Gillooly won't push for a reconciliation.
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