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Thursday, May 11, 1995

Top Ten Signs Something Is Wrong With Your School Lunch
  
The "surprise" in the "vegetable surprise" is a nasty case of botulism
The chowder's served in same bucket the janitor soaks his mop in
A slew of white lab mice disappear and for weeks they're serving albino pot pies
When you say the name "Steve," your pudding shudders as if to say, "Yes -- that's me. My name is Steve"
Robert Shapiro shows up to order DNA testing on it
That Rice Krispies sound is coming from the pats of butter
You eat something that doesn't taste too bad, then realize it's the styrofoam tray
Hours after eating, your hair mysteriously falls out of your head (vt)
You see a lunch lady straining spaghetti through her hairnet
Chicken a la Don King
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