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Monday, September 04, 1995

Top Ten Signs Your Picnic Sucks
  
Whenever there's the slightest breeze, Peter McNeeley falls ass-first into the potato salad
The blanket you're sitting on is from Heidi Fleiss' place
The "caraway seeds" in the cole slaw look suspiciously like deer ticks
Your picnic companion is inflatable
That red dog from the beer commercials gets drunk and tries to mate with your roast chicken
Your original campfire has now consumed 5,000 acres
You have to spend all day consoling a weeping Larry Fortensky
Instead of mayonnaise, elderly aunt has used Vicks Vap-O-Rub on sandwiches
In mix-up, your picnic chest contains Larry Hagman's liver
O.J. keeps "accidentally" hitting people with lawn darts
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