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Tuesday, March 04, 1997

Top Ten Signs Your Neighbor Is in the Mafia
  
He seems to do really well for a guy who runs a candy store that's open one or two hours a day
His partner in the neighborhood 3-legged race: Vincent "The Chin" Gigante
For his son's birthday, buys him a U.S. senator
Your tomato plants keep getting singed by the cars exploding in his driveway
Tuesday: paper boy misses porch; Wednesday: paper boy gets "iced"
All his anecdotes end with, "So I blew his head off"
Two goons show up and make your wife reveal the family recipe for apple crisp
At their Halloween party, they bob for mob informants
After having an argument with his kid, your kid wakes up with the head of Tickle Me Elmo on his pillow
His lawn gnome is riddled with bulletholes
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