DAVETV If you could look at only one thing on the Internet, DaveTV would be the obvious choice. What other so-called "website" lets you watch LATE SHOW Highlights, Comedy Clips, Slideshows, Stupid Trick clips and The Tony Mendez Show?
TOP TEN LIST You know it, you love it, you can't live without it: the revolutionary comedy bit that won Dave the Nobel Peace Prize. Check out the latest Top Ten List here.
TOP TEN ARCHIVES Old Top Ten Lists never die, they just get archived. The Top Ten Archives is searchable by date and keyword. Also, please note that the word "archives" contains the word "chives."
TOP TEN CONTEST So you think you're as funny as Dave's writers? Or maybe you just enjoy wasting time at work? See if you've got the chops to win a great prize in our weekly Top Ten Contest.
TOP TEN SEARCH Search Results.
TOP TEN SEARCH Search Results.
WAHOO GAZETTE LATE SHOW staffer Mike McIntee gives you a daily show summary and the behind-the-scenes lowdown with his daily Wahoo Gazette. So much juicy inside information that you'll say "Wahoo!"
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
Thursday, July 01, 1999
Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear From Your Little League Umpire
"You better hit a home run, kid -- I got 50 grand
riding on this game."
"Strikes are the ones in the middle, right?"
"Losing team cleans out my garage."
"Bad news, you just got traded to Milwaukee."
"Hey, is your mom single?"
"If I find out that bat's corked, you're going to
prison for a very, very long time."
"Does this padding make me look fat?"
"Hey, watch it with the foul tips -- I got a fifth of
bourbon in my hip pocket."
"Gooooooooaaaaaal!"
"Let's hurry this up -- I don't want to be here when
they find the real umpire."
·
"My god -- he's got a bat! Run for your lives, kids!"
·
"You kids wanna buy some counterfeit Beanie Babies?"
·
"I'm kinda groggy -- will you whack me in the head a
few times with your bat?"
·
"If you really want to pop one out of here, I got a
bucket full of Andro in my car trunk."
·
"I don't care how good you think you are, you're
still gonna get your butts kicked by those Japanese kids."
·
"Strikey-wikey!"
·
"Admit it--this mask makes me look cool."
·
"If you go get me a pack of smokes, next time you're
up, I'll call everything a ball."
·
"I have to wear this mask for the same reason as
Hannibal Lecter."
"Late Show" Rewind: Week of July 27, 2009 Adam, Katie, Eric, Amy, Mark and more. All the best LS highlights from the week of July 27, 2009.
