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Monday, August 21, 2000

Top Ten Tiger Woods Pet Peeves
  
PGA's pointless insistence I complete all 18 holes before they fork over cash
Have to hire three maids for the trophy-polishing alone
Only "groupies" are doughy 60-year-old men
Always feel like a dork standing in bank line with 6-foot check
You show a woman your long iron and she says, "Nice putter"
Satan calls at all hours of the night to remind you of the agreement
When buying personalized license plate at Disneyland, closest you can get is "Timmy"
You play the best game of your life and it's on CBS
At press conference, not allowed to admit, "I kicked everyone's ass because I'm much, much better than they are"
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