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Monday, November 20, 2000

Top Ten Signs Al Gore Is Depressed
  
Hardly gets any pleasure participating in his family's staged football games
Now goes to Buddhist temples for illegal donations and spiritual guidance
Composed novelty song "Bush's States Are Red, And I'm Feeling Blue"
During strategy meetings grabs Warren Christopher, sobs "Hold me"
Was recently seen passionately kissing the inventor of Prozac
Mr. Environment spends his days tossing rusty car batteries into Potomac River
Asks George W. Bush if he can borrow old Sparky for the weekend
At recent Joe Lieberman speech on religion shouted, "Okay, you're Jewish! We get it!"
Just ask Tipper -- lately, the guy's anything but stiff
Won't crack a smile, no matter how many lap dances President Clinton buys him
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That wet spot on his shirt isn't sweat -- it's Jack Daniel's

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He didn't laugh even once during this week's episode of "Moesha"

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During family touch football game, broke three of Tipper's ribs

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Spent last week "campaigning" at Betty Ford Center

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Now he's the one who has the headache every night

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Only thing he's been seen kissing in public lately is a bottle of Jim Beam

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He didn't like "Rugrats in Paris" and if you don't like "Rugrats in Paris," my friend, you're depressed

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