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Friday, July 30, 2004

Top Ten Signs Your Lifeguard Is Nuts
  
Because of paperwork, his rescues generally take 3 to 5 business days
That white stuff on his nose? Ranch dressing
When waves destroy a sand castle, frantically searches for tiny people
If swimmers go out too far, gets their attention by firing a spear-gun at them
When sitting in the lifeguard stand, insists on wearing a bib
Will only come to the rescue of people named "Larry"
Has a paralyzing fear of terry cloth
He's engaged to his whistle
Last week someone needed assistance and he said, "Ah screw it - - let Aquaman take this one"
Keeps trying to give himself CPR
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Once performed CPR on a damp piece of driftwood

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Saw a surfer wrestling with a surfer - - saved the shark

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Boasts of having the tannest tongue at the beach

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Two words: seaweed hairpiece

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Charges down to the waterline screaming "Pirates! Everyone out!"

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Will only work winters

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