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Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Top Ten Ways To Improve The Department Of Homeland Security
  
Instead of colors, assign each threat level a different flavor of Pringles.
Come up with a cool catch phrase like that "You're Fired!"
Get on Osama's good side by sending him nice Christmas fruit basket from Harry & David.
Maybe some area rugs and throw pillows?
All foreign visitors to be outffitted with Lojack System.
Anyone who phones in a tip about a terror plot gets Sirius Satellite Radio.
At all border crossings, employ intimidating, locked-out NHL players.
Institute "Books For Bombs" program.
Find a replacement for Tom Ridge who's even ridgier.
Instruct airport screeners to hit everybody in the nuts.
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Sorry, no Top Ten extras tonight.

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