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Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Top Ten Other Announcements Meredith Vieira Would Like To Make (As Presented By Meredith Vieira)
  
NBC promised me two assistants, an intern and a monkey
Six retired generals advised me not to go to CBS
I once served time for running a cockfighting ring in Managua
I'm carrying Brad Pitt's baby
I haven't even started at NBC and already I'm getting creepy phone calls from Donald Trump
I'm thrilled to follow in the high heels of Katie Couric, Jane Pauley and Bryant Gumbel
A minute ago backstage I saw a rat the size of a basset hound
The rumors are true -- I'm on steroids
I can smell Dave's cheap-ass cologne from here
If I seem disappointed, it's because I thought I was going on Leno
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