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Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Top Ten Things I Can Say Now That I've Won The Masters
  
I'm going to spend the prize money on Mountain Dew and beef jerky
I once beat a caddy to death with a 7-iron
It's so weird -- before this weekend, I'd never broken 100
The jacket's okay, but I'm most excited to win the "World's Greatest Golfer" key chain
Even I've never heard of me
If you like golf, you'll love the sleek looks and smooth handling of the 2007 Volkswagen Golf Sedan -- I just made 50 grand
I just wrote down "3" for every hole. Nobody checked
Maybe I can parlay this into an appearence on "Dancing With The Stars"
It's a magical week: first I win the Masters, and now I get to tell lame jokes on a third-rate talk show
Thanks to global warming, next year I'm playing without pants
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