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Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Top Ten Signs Paris Hilton Isn't Doing Well In Prison
  
Suffering from insomnia because she's not used to sleeping in the same bed every night
Too depressed to participate in prison riots
Desperate for intimacy, she made a boyfriend out of a stuffed laundry bag
She's ballooned to 93 pounds
Only time she said "That's hot!" was during delousing
Knitted a tea cozy from rat fur (sorry -- that joke was left over from an old Martha Stewart list)
Only call she received was from Eddie Brill asking for her out cue
Was overheard muttering something about voting for Kucinich
Started a pen pal romance with Phil Spector
At last night's conjugal she seemed distant
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