Ball State takes on the Toledo Rockets this Saturday. Toledo is the 23rd nationally ranked team in the country. Ball State isn't. The Cards are a 22-point underdog for this Homecoming Weekend 2001 weekend game at Ball State. I thought you were supposed to schedule cream puffs for Homecoming Weekend?

CBS MAILBAG:
LETTER #1: From Heather Mroczkowski of Milwaukee, Wisconsin. "Dear Dave, Can you show me how to carve a pumpkin?"
Dave asks Biff to find Milwaukee on the map and stick a pin in it. Dave directs our attention to building engineer George Clarke, who happens to be an expert in this area. "Isn't that right, George?"
George is zoned in to his cue cards, ready to read from them as soon as he hears Dave stop talking. Dave could have asked George about the weather and George would have responded, "Thanks, Dave. I put together a short film to show Heather how to carve a pumpkin. Roll it." And that's just what George said.
We see George on videotape going through the steps of carving a pumpkin. "First you cut the top. Then you take off the lid and remove the innards. Then you dispose of the pumpkin by throwing it in the garbage. Now place the innards on a roll with lettuce and tomato and you got yourself a tasty lunchtime treat." George bites into the pumpkin sandwich, a pumpkin pit hanging from his mouth. George says, "Mmm . . . Pumpkiny good!"
The first few times we shot this scene, George quickly spit out the pumpkin innards. By the 6th time, George began to develop a taste for pumpkin.

LETTER #2: From Michael D. Sink of Atlanta, Georgia. "Dear Dave, I'm going to get engaged soon to my girlfriend. Give my some good ideas for a way to propose."
Dave has Biff locate and mark Atlanta, Georgia. Biff does so. Dave begins to answer the letter but Paul interrupts. Paul tells Dave he forgot to read the letter. Dave is confused. Dave thinks he read the letter but now is not sure. He asks for help. Nobody wants to commit. Dave reads the letter again and Paul recognizes that it indeed had already been read. Confusion ebbs.
Dave is a sentimental and so he decided to invite Michael on to the show to propose to his girlfriend, Lori. They've dated for 10 years. Michael enters and sits beside Dave. Dave hands the phone to a nervous Michael and dials, or punches, the number. Lori answers and Michael prepares to pop the question. Halfway into the proposal, Michael stops and asks Lori if that is a TV he hears in the background? We cannot hear Lori but we can tell the answer is yes from Michael's reaction. "Oh, Leno's on? And he's doing 'Headlines'? Put the phone up to the TV." We see Michael listening intently, breaking into frequent laughter. Michael continues to laugh. "Oh, that's pretty good. OK, I'm on my way." Michael hangs up the phone and tells Dave he's gotta go. Michael exits. Dave tells Biff to take out the kid's pin. Dave admits, "You can't blame the guy. Everyone loves 'Headlines.'"

LETTER #3: From Mike R. of Denver, Colorado. "Dear Dave, How big is space, Dude?"
Dave sarcastically chuckles over the "Dude" reference. Says Dave, "It's like talking to Bo-Az." The audience roars. It's a joke stemming from the pre-show Q and A. It's an easy night for Biff as he locates the large metropolis of Denver on the map. Dave has Alan, our announcer Alan Kalter ladies and gentlemen, answer this question. Alan says, "Thanks, amigo. So Mike, you'd like to know how large the observable universe is? Well, I could tell you about it . . . or you can see for yourself!" Alan is dressed in a shiny silvery space suit. He stands and is suddenly takes off into space.
Alan: "Welcome to outer space! Many astronomers agree that the universe measure 15 million light years across. But how big is that? Well, one light year is equal to the distance a beam of light can travel in a year, at a speed of 186,000 miles per second, that's roughly 6 trillion miles!" Alan is floating deeper and deeper into space towards a glowing orb. He continues, "Multiply that by 15, and then you have some idea of just how . . ." Alan suddenly disappears in a poof as the fiery orb flares.

LETTER #4: From Mike Morgenthal of Los Angeles, California. "Dear Dave, Who's on the big show tonight?"
Los Angeles? So easy was this night for Biff - Milwaukee, Atlanta, Denver, and Los Angeles, Dave calls an audible and has Biff find Muncie, Indiana. Biff will be spending the weekend in Muncie, home of the Ball State Cardinals, taping his time during Ball State's Homecoming Weekend. Biff finds it with no trouble. Who is on the program tonight? Dave lists the night's guests: "Kevin Kline, Ambassador Richard Holbrooke, Caroline Rhea, and a special guest that will surprise many. It is Osama bin Laden's brother who lives right here in the United States, Darryl. Darryl enters and one can immediately tell it is Osama's brother, the resemblance is that strong.
Dave asks, "Now Darryl, your brother remains a very enigmatic character. Is there anything you can tell us to shed some light on what kind of person he is?" Darryl bin Laden pauses and says, "Dave, the guy's an asshole." Darryl exits to much applause.

KEVIN KLINE: an Academy Award winner, Kevin is appearing in "Life as a House" opening in selected cities October 26th. Hopefully, your city is one of those selected cities. Kevin's kept himself busy this summer appearing in Chekov's "The Seagull" in the outdoors Central Park. Dave wonders how one can perform in Central Park, having to battle the oft heard sirens of passing ambulances and law officers. Kevin says you quickly learn to pick your spots, when to rush to your lines and when to hold back to let the sirens pass. Kevin says he's had more problems with the helicopters than anything else.
Not only is Kevin Kline a star of the stage and screen, he has also dabbled as a recording artist. We hear a cut from the 1978 "Disco Clone" album. Those are two words I never ever want to hear in the same sentence: "disco" and "clone."

AMBASSADOR RICHARD HOLBROOKE: The former U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations and is a leading figure in the field of Foreign Policy. This was one interesting guest. He spoke clearly, was full of facts, knowledgeable, organized in thought, and was damn funny.

Ambassador Holbrooke assures us the Taliban will be taken down. But what exactly does that mean? Well, it doesn't mean we necessarily get Osama bin Laden. It doesn't mean we get rid of the entire Taliban. But we will rid ourselves of this form of terrorism. He points out that when we are "done"in Afghanistan, we can't just up and leave the Afghans on their own. The many refugees will need to be taken care of. In 1989, the Freedom Fighters of Afghan helped get rid of the Soviet Union. When the Soviets left, we left too, leaving a vacuum, leaving a rudderless mess. We can't do that again. According to Ambassador Holbrooke, this is where the United Nations comes in. They will have to lead.

Dave asked one question that really impressed Holbrooke, saying "That's a tough question. Ted (Koppel) doesn't ask questions that tough." He then talked about Dave's history on late night TV, mentioning how he used to watch Late Night while stationed in Germany. Holbrooke added that right after Dave's Late Night, Germany had their own "David Letterman" show, copying the show right down to the scenic design. Dave laughed as he was familiar with this program. Dave said that show was hosted by his brother Derde.

Ambassador Richard Holbrooke was a great guest. Dave could have talked to him all night, and he almost did. I quickly looked down at my watch at the end of Holbrooke's segment. The first 3 ACTS took 51 minutes. The next 3 ACTS will be 9 minutes.

CAROLINE RHEA: Caroline was scheduled to do 7 minutes of standup but we simply ran out of time. The ACT 4 opened with Caroline sitting in the guest chair for a quick two minutes. We went through the ACT 5 audience shot and back to Caroline for two more minutes. She stayed out for the close and that was our show. I can understand Caroline being a little upset but in a few months I think she'll understand how these things happen. Caroline will be taking over the Rosie O'Donnell Show in the Spring. I'm guessing they'll be changing the name of the program.

And that was our show for Friday October 19, 2001. WAHOO EXTRA!

I'm doing this Wahoo late late Thursday night. The place is empty except for me and the cleaning staff. Here are the upcoming repeats and then I'm out of here.

The Yankees just won Thursday night.
Yankees win 3-2. The Yankees were not perfect but played solid enough ball to get the win.
Watch Mariano Rivera pitch. He breaks more bats than any pitcher in the game. Most of the hits against him are the broken bat variety just over the heads of infielders.

MONDAY: Original Show Date: 10/03/01 - Show #1683: John Cusack; Grant Paulsen; and Joe Strummer
TUESDAY: Original Show Date: 10/11/01 - Show #1689: Bruce Willis; Cody Arens; Alicia Keys
WEDNESDAY: Original Show Date: 8/23/01 - Show #1659: Brooke Shields; Joe Henry; and John McEnroe on the roof.
THURSDAY: Originals Show Date: 10/08/01 - Show #1686: Farrah Fawcett; Marv Albert; Tina Fey; and Garbage.
FRIDAY: Original Show Date: 8/02/01 - Show #1654: Nicole Kidman; Iggy Pop; and Dave works at the McDonald's Drive-Thru.

And that's that. It's a working dark week so I'll be in the office, working to make the Wahoo Gazette even better.