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			Tuesday, November 27, 2001 Show #1717
			By Michael Z. McIntee	Change Text Color: Black \| White


	George Clooney; Martha Stewart; and Sitting in with the Band, Jimmie Vaughan. PLUS: Day 20 of the Oprah Log; Pedestrian Theme Songs; and a Top Ten List That Nearly Brings Down the House! Sitting in with the band tonight is Jimmie Vaughan. His new CD is called, Do You Get The Blues? I have a great idea for a top ten list: "Top Ten Ways to Misspell 'Jimmie Vaughan.'" QUEST TO GUEST: It's Day 20 of the Oprah Log and still no word from Oprah. Dave promises to be a great guest on the show if asked. He promises to talk about his open-heart surgery (see clip). He'll talk about the time he was attacked by a dog on the show (see clip of dog biting Dave on the lip). Dave will talk about the time a duck ate cottage cheese out of a woman's mouth, the same woman who seconds before kissed Dave on the lips (see clip). And Dave promises to talk about his relationship with Richard Simmons (see clip). And Dave also promises to talk about his demons. (Demons! That's an hour show right there!) Has Oprah called? According to the receptionist, no. Dave can only imagine that Oprah's phone is out of order. But Dave isn't about to give up because, as the great Yankee Yogi Berra used to say, "It ain't Oprah till it's Oprah." This cues Paul to sing his biggest hit since "It's Raining Men," *"It Ain't Oprah Till It's Oprah"* "I called up and asked him, 'Did we hear from Oprah?' And he said, 'Sorry Dave, Noprah.' But it ain't Oprah till it's Oprah. It ain't Springer till someone lands a zinger. It ain't Ricki till there's some chick with a hicky. It ain't Maury till that transsexual love story. No, it ain't Oprah till it's Oprah." Will Dave someday be on the Oprah? I think so. Doesn't she sometimes do one of those "Forgive me, I'm sorry" shows? That would be a perfect time for Dave to be on. PEDESTRIAN THEME SONGS: You know how it works. Paul takes out a camera crew and secretly tapes normal, everyday, New York City pedestrians and pens their personal "theme song." Paul and the band then sequester themselves in a recording studio for days and days to put music to the writings. The result is hilarity with a beat that's easy to dance to. TOP TEN: "Ways Osama bin Laden Can Improve His Image." #10. "There's no way he can improve his image. He's a murdering, soul-less asshole." End of list. One item. That's all that was needed. And the audience showed their appreciation by giving the longest sustained applause since Dave's return from his heart thing. This told me one of two things. 1. The audience either loved this Top Ten list, or 2. They hate the Top Ten in general and were glad it was only one item. GEORGE CLOONEY: Dressed in all black. He produced and stars in the new film *Ocean's 11. George has been in "Producer" mode since the end of filming Ocean's 11. What are the responsibilities of a Producer after filming? Nothing. "Nothing" seems to suit George just fine. George spent Thanksgiving in Canada even though Canada celebrates Thanksgiving at a different time than the U.S. Why is that? Paul? Paul, and millions at home, answered, "Early harvest." George is currently directing, or about to direct, a film about Chuck Barris, the game show host/CIA assassin, entitled Confessions of a Dangerous Mind. Chuck Barris produced many game shows but is best known for his hosting The Gong Show, a huge hit in the late '70's. I actually adjusted my college schedule to allow me to watch The Gong Show* each day. George mentions that Drew Barrymore and Julia Roberts are in the movie. Says Dave, "I hope there's a part for the Unknown Comic." I gave a hearty laugh at that. The Unknown Comic and Gene, Gene, The Dancing Machine were two favorites seen regularly on The Gong Show. Some jobs held by George Clooney before becoming a producer and a director: - a tobacco farmer - door-to-door insurance salesman - sold ladies shoes (George: "I worked in ladies shoes." Dave: "I heard that about you.") - was fired from The Facts of Life (not funny enough) and Sunset Beat. What can George tell us about Ocean's 11? George says, "I was just on Oprah yesterday talking about it." That hurts Dave, but George makes up for it by making a quick plea to Oprah to have Dave on her show. In Ocean's 11, there is George Clooney, Matt Damon, Brad Pitt, and Julia Roberts. Now there's a movie I can relate to. MARTHA STEWART: Dressed in all black. Martha has a CBS Special next Tuesday, December 4th, entitled, *Martha Stewart's Home For The Holidays. I'll be watching because I have a box of pine cones in the garage that I have no idea what to do with. (I know, poor sentence structure but I'm in a hurry to get home.) After some turkey salmonella talk, Dave introduces a special feature to tonight's program. In the windows behind Dave's desk are two cannons that will shoot out tinsel! It's special for the holidays. Dave and Martha crouch down in front of the desk, safe from the possible terror of tinsel. Dave presses the button to activate the double-cannon and three small fluffs of tinsel fly out. Not since the opening of Al Capone's safe have I been so disappointed. To finish the show, Dave and Martha cook up some Pierogies. Sealing up a Pierogie, Dave licks the edge, much like one would seal a marijuana cigarette as seen in the movies. Meanwhile, Paul takes part in some vodka sampling and then falls to the floor, much like one would see during my college days. And that was our show for Tuesday November 27, 2001. Wahoo* 5th Anniversary! Hey! I forgot to mention that last Sunday, November 25th, was the 5th Anniversary of the very first Wahoo Gazette. It appeared on November 25, 1996. How did I get this gig? I ran the Late Show football pool at the time and on the back of the football sheet, I would print out the results and add my opinions of how staffers were doing with their picks. Much was tongue-in-cheek and filled with sarcasm, but staffers did not mind just as long as they were mentioned. At the same time, Walter and Jay were putting together this Late Show website thing (check it out at www.cbs.com/lateshow) and asked if I would like to write a behind-the-scenes look at the show. Not knowing what I was getting myself into, I readily agreed. The Wahoo started as a twice a week thing, maybe a half page each, and has expanded to 5 days a week with each issue at least 3 pages long. (I need an agent. Any available?) Here is a reprint of my very first Wahoo Gazette: "Monday, November 25, 1996 - Tonight is the Christmas Tree lighting ceremony in New York City's Rockefeller Center. So if you like pushing, shoving, and pickpockets while listening to 'Silent Night,' that's the place to be. Mailboy Bob Borden is scheduled to appear LIVE on tonight's show and is in his dressing room at this very moment running his lines. Bob is wearing a navy blue terry-cloth robe, white towel around his neck, open back slippers, and is sipping from a green coffee mug. Can you believe we have a grown man on our staff who calls himself, 'Corky'? Some plans by Late Show staff members for the Thanksgiving holiday... 1. Nancy Agostini - work 2. Zoran Zgonc - work 3. Chris Schukei - work. ...more tomorrow." And that was it! That was the very first Wahoo Gazette. Can you believe I got away with that crap? Anyway, the Wahoo you read today got it's birth over 6 years ago, growing, evolving, and mutating all along the way. "Herbie" vs "Hermie" The debate continues: It's a Wahoo Gazette tradition. From *Rudolph, The Red-Nosed Reindeer, the question: Is the elf who wants to be a dentist named "Herbie" or "Hermie"?* I ask it every year. If you watched the Rudolph show, you would have heard the head-elf definitely call the dentist elf, "Herbie." He is called "Hermie" elsewhere. So which is it? Wahoo readers respond. From David Murphy of Marietta, Georgia: "Rudolph's friend's name is the main topic of conversation on the radio down here. They think the boss elf mispronounced his name on purpose, since Herbie didn't show up at elf practice (why was it called that? They were already elves!)" From Scott Hayes of St. Albert, Alberta, Canada: " "It's Hermey. If you don't trust me (and why wouldn't you), go to this page: http://us.imdb.com/Title?0058536. And from Joel Caulum of Portage, Wisconsin: "In an amazing occurrence, I am able to respond to the last two topics mentioned in Tuesday's Wahoo Gazette at the same time! You see, Shopko Stores were passing out free Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer figurines Friday Morning. Of course, you had to be one of the first couple hundred people there. Now, my daughter is the world's biggest Rudolph fan, so my wife and I were on line outside Shopko at 5:30 a.m. When the doors opened, we charged in with the crowd and immediately overwhelmed the pathetic table they were passing the figurines out at. (As I end a sentence with a preposition) Anyway, it was like being on the floor at a rock concert, or maybe like a European soccer match, although I've never been. Well, when I finally secured my figurine, I got Herbie/Hermie. My wife got Rudolph. Needless to say I was thrilled. I carefully scoured the package, and sure enough printed on the clear bag it said........Hermie. Let's all hope we can now put this issue to bed. Of course, it ain't Oprah, till its Oprah." From Tim Painter of Marietta, Georgia "If you have not already received a ton of email about this, on Rudolph, he is called 'Hermey'. There is a great site about the whole story of Rudolph at http://www.tvparty.com/xmasrudolph.html. Like, did you ever wonder what was wrong with the misfit doll? All the others had obvious problems, but hers was 'psychological'. No kidding." There's more, this from Sue Tiedeck "The correct name of the elf on 'Rudolph' is actually Hermey. At least, that's how his name is spelled on the Rankin Bass web site and in the book 'The Enchanted World of Rankin Bass' by Rick Goldschmidt. Because of his intercession, the name is actually being spelled correctly now on all of the related products being sold to go along with the show." Kim Bass of Lorain gives the most convincing argument: "Definitely HERMIE!!!" She sends something every year, from Suzanne Charette, of London, Ontario: "I thought the same thing... but my theory is... It's HerBie, but one of the elves has a cold." And from Karen Holmes of Marble Falls, Texas: "Hermey is the name you are looking for. I found this on a basic search under Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and the action figures that are available: Island of Misfits Hermey Dentist Action Figure." So that just about settle the Hermie/Herbie dispute. That is, until next year. Today's question: Razzles: Is it a gum or a candy? George Clooney; Martha Stewart; and Sitting in with the Band, Jimmie Vaughan. PLUS: Day 20 of the Oprah Log; Pedestrian Theme Songs; and a Top Ten List That Nearly Brings Down the House! Sitting in with the band tonight is Jimmie Vaughan. His new CD is called, Do You Get The Blues? I have a great idea for a top ten list: "Top Ten Ways to Misspell 'Jimmie Vaughan.'" QUEST TO GUEST: It's Day 20 of the Oprah Log and still no word from Oprah. Dave promises to be a great guest on the show if asked. He promises to talk about his open-heart surgery (see clip). He'll talk about the time he was attacked by a dog on the show (see clip of dog biting Dave on the lip). Dave will talk about the time a duck ate cottage cheese out of a woman's mouth, the same woman who seconds before kissed Dave on the lips (see clip). And Dave promises to talk about his relationship with Richard Simmons (see clip). And Dave also promises to talk about his demons. (Demons! That's an hour show right there!) Has Oprah called? According to the receptionist, no. Dave can only imagine that Oprah's phone is out of order. But Dave isn't about to give up because, as the great Yankee Yogi Berra used to say, "It ain't Oprah till it's Oprah." This cues Paul to sing his biggest hit since "It's Raining Men," *"It Ain't Oprah Till It's Oprah"* "I called up and asked him, 'Did we hear from Oprah?' And he said, 'Sorry Dave, Noprah.' But it ain't Oprah till it's Oprah. It ain't Springer till someone lands a zinger. It ain't Ricki till there's some chick with a hicky. It ain't Maury till that transsexual love story. No, it ain't Oprah till it's Oprah." Will Dave someday be on the Oprah? I think so. Doesn't she sometimes do one of those "Forgive me, I'm sorry" shows? That would be a perfect time for Dave to be on. PEDESTRIAN THEME SONGS: You know how it works. Paul takes out a camera crew and secretly tapes normal, everyday, New York City pedestrians and pens their personal "theme song." Paul and the band then sequester themselves in a recording studio for days and days to put music to the writings. The result is hilarity with a beat that's easy to dance to. TOP TEN: "Ways Osama bin Laden Can Improve His Image." #10. "There's no way he can improve his image. He's a murdering, soul-less asshole." End of list. One item. That's all that was needed. And the audience showed their appreciation by giving the longest sustained applause since Dave's return from his heart thing. This told me one of two things. 1. The audience either loved this Top Ten list, or 2. They hate the Top Ten in general and were glad it was only one item. GEORGE CLOONEY: Dressed in all black. He produced and stars in the new film *Ocean's 11. George has been in "Producer" mode since the end of filming Ocean's 11. What are the responsibilities of a Producer after filming? Nothing. "Nothing" seems to suit George just fine. George spent Thanksgiving in Canada even though Canada celebrates Thanksgiving at a different time than the U.S. Why is that? Paul? Paul, and millions at home, answered, "Early harvest." George is currently directing, or about to direct, a film about Chuck Barris, the game show host/CIA assassin, entitled Confessions of a Dangerous Mind. Chuck Barris produced many game shows but is best known for his hosting The Gong Show, a huge hit in the late '70's. I actually adjusted my college schedule to allow me to watch The Gong Show* each day. George mentions that Drew Barrymore and Julia Roberts are in the movie. Says Dave, "I hope there's a part for the Unknown Comic." I gave a hearty laugh at that. The Unknown Comic and Gene, Gene, The Dancing Machine were two favorites seen regularly on The Gong Show. Some jobs held by George Clooney before becoming a producer and a director: - a tobacco farmer - door-to-door insurance salesman - sold ladies shoes (George: "I worked in ladies shoes." Dave: "I heard that about you.") - was fired from The Facts of Life (not funny enough) and Sunset Beat. What can George tell us about Ocean's 11? George says, "I was just on Oprah yesterday talking about it." That hurts Dave, but George makes up for it by making a quick plea to Oprah to have Dave on her show. In Ocean's 11, there is George Clooney, Matt Damon, Brad Pitt, and Julia Roberts. Now there's a movie I can relate to. MARTHA STEWART: Dressed in all black. Martha has a CBS Special next Tuesday, December 4th, entitled, *Martha Stewart's Home For The Holidays. I'll be watching because I have a box of pine cones in the garage that I have no idea what to do with. (I know, poor sentence structure but I'm in a hurry to get home.) After some turkey salmonella talk, Dave introduces a special feature to tonight's program. In the windows behind Dave's desk are two cannons that will shoot out tinsel! It's special for the holidays. Dave and Martha crouch down in front of the desk, safe from the possible terror of tinsel. Dave presses the button to activate the double-cannon and three small fluffs of tinsel fly out. Not since the opening of Al Capone's safe have I been so disappointed. To finish the show, Dave and Martha cook up some Pierogies. Sealing up a Pierogie, Dave licks the edge, much like one would seal a marijuana cigarette as seen in the movies. Meanwhile, Paul takes part in some vodka sampling and then falls to the floor, much like one would see during my college days. And that was our show for Tuesday November 27, 2001. Wahoo* 5th Anniversary! Hey! I forgot to mention that last Sunday, November 25th, was the 5th Anniversary of the very first Wahoo Gazette. It appeared on November 25, 1996. How did I get this gig? I ran the Late Show football pool at the time and on the back of the football sheet, I would print out the results and add my opinions of how staffers were doing with their picks. Much was tongue-in-cheek and filled with sarcasm, but staffers did not mind just as long as they were mentioned. At the same time, Walter and Jay were putting together this Late Show website thing (check it out at www.cbs.com/lateshow) and asked if I would like to write a behind-the-scenes look at the show. Not knowing what I was getting myself into, I readily agreed. The Wahoo started as a twice a week thing, maybe a half page each, and has expanded to 5 days a week with each issue at least 3 pages long. (I need an agent. Any available?) Here is a reprint of my very first Wahoo Gazette: "Monday, November 25, 1996 - Tonight is the Christmas Tree lighting ceremony in New York City's Rockefeller Center. So if you like pushing, shoving, and pickpockets while listening to 'Silent Night,' that's the place to be. Mailboy Bob Borden is scheduled to appear LIVE on tonight's show and is in his dressing room at this very moment running his lines. Bob is wearing a navy blue terry-cloth robe, white towel around his neck, open back slippers, and is sipping from a green coffee mug. Can you believe we have a grown man on our staff who calls himself, 'Corky'? Some plans by Late Show staff members for the Thanksgiving holiday... 1. Nancy Agostini - work 2. Zoran Zgonc - work 3. Chris Schukei - work. ...more tomorrow." And that was it! That was the very first Wahoo Gazette. Can you believe I got away with that crap? Anyway, the Wahoo you read today got it's birth over 6 years ago, growing, evolving, and mutating all along the way. "Herbie" vs "Hermie" The debate continues: It's a Wahoo Gazette tradition. From *Rudolph, The Red-Nosed Reindeer, the question: Is the elf who wants to be a dentist named "Herbie" or "Hermie"?* I ask it every year. If you watched the Rudolph show, you would have heard the head-elf definitely call the dentist elf, "Herbie." He is called "Hermie" elsewhere. So which is it? Wahoo readers respond. From David Murphy of Marietta, Georgia: "Rudolph's friend's name is the main topic of conversation on the radio down here. They think the boss elf mispronounced his name on purpose, since Herbie didn't show up at elf practice (why was it called that? They were already elves!)" From Scott Hayes of St. Albert, Alberta, Canada: " "It's Hermey. If you don't trust me (and why wouldn't you), go to this page: http://us.imdb.com/Title?0058536. And from Joel Caulum of Portage, Wisconsin: "In an amazing occurrence, I am able to respond to the last two topics mentioned in Tuesday's Wahoo Gazette at the same time! You see, Shopko Stores were passing out free Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer figurines Friday Morning. Of course, you had to be one of the first couple hundred people there. Now, my daughter is the world's biggest Rudolph fan, so my wife and I were on line outside Shopko at 5:30 a.m. When the doors opened, we charged in with the crowd and immediately overwhelmed the pathetic table they were passing the figurines out at. (As I end a sentence with a preposition) Anyway, it was like being on the floor at a rock concert, or maybe like a European soccer match, although I've never been. Well, when I finally secured my figurine, I got Herbie/Hermie. My wife got Rudolph. Needless to say I was thrilled. I carefully scoured the package, and sure enough printed on the clear bag it said........Hermie. Let's all hope we can now put this issue to bed. Of course, it ain't Oprah, till its Oprah." From Tim Painter of Marietta, Georgia "If you have not already received a ton of email about this, on Rudolph, he is called 'Hermey'. There is a great site about the whole story of Rudolph at http://www.tvparty.com/xmasrudolph.html. Like, did you ever wonder what was wrong with the misfit doll? All the others had obvious problems, but hers was 'psychological'. No kidding." There's more, this from Sue Tiedeck "The correct name of the elf on 'Rudolph' is actually Hermey. At least, that's how his name is spelled on the Rankin Bass web site and in the book 'The Enchanted World of Rankin Bass' by Rick Goldschmidt. Because of his intercession, the name is actually being spelled correctly now on all of the related products being sold to go along with the show." Kim Bass of Lorain gives the most convincing argument: "Definitely HERMIE!!!" She sends something every year, from Suzanne Charette, of London, Ontario: "I thought the same thing... but my theory is... It's HerBie, but one of the elves has a cold." And from Karen Holmes of Marble Falls, Texas: "Hermey is the name you are looking for. I found this on a basic search under Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and the action figures that are available: Island of Misfits Hermey Dentist Action Figure." So that just about settle the Hermie/Herbie dispute. That is, until next year. Today's question: Razzles: Is it a gum or a candy?


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