It's Friday, so let's get right to it.
FRIDAY'S CBS MAILBAG
LETTER #1: From Fatsyl Hastings of Columbia, Illinois - "Dear Dave, Can you ask Bill Cosby to bring back Jell-O Pudding Pops?"
Biff searches for Columbia, Illinois and pins a town near Chicago. Is that where one would find Columbia? According to Biff, yes.
"Dear Dave, Can you ask Bill Cosby to bring back Jell-O Pudding Pops?"
Dave responds, "Well Fatsyl, something tells me the last thing you need is a pudding pop." Fanfare from Paul. These quick, one-line, mailbag responses are what we call a "snappy."

LETTER #2: From Jerry Smith of Coos Bay, Oregon - "Dear Dave, If it's so cold in the Ed Sullivan Theater, why is Tony Mendez always wearing shorts?"
Where is Coos Bay, Oregon? During rehearsal, Biff is instructed not to do any pre-searching of the towns on the map. The first time Biff looks for the town/city is when you see him doing so at 11:45 PM. When I have a free minute during rehearsal, I check the 7 or 8 letters we are considering and look to see if I can find the letter's town of origin on the map. I could not find Columbia. I did find Coos Bay. During the taping, Biff could not find Coos Bay so he pins a town somewhere in central Oregon. During the close up of the pin, Coos Bay can be seen along the coast of Oregon. I nearly break a hip as I jump to point out the town on the monitor. Dave goes back to reading the letter and we soon hear Biff yell, "HERE IT IS! I FOUND IT! COOS BAY!" The camera goes back on Biff as he very proudly points out Coos Bay along the coast of Oregon.
"Dear Dave, If it's so cold in the Ed Sullivan Theater, why is Tony Mendez always wearing shorts?"
That's a good question, so Dave asks Tony that very question. Says Tony, "I like the cold. It's better than my weekend job. I remember . . ." Tony begins to rub his chin which is the universal sign for a gliss to a videotape memory. We see Tony holding cue cards, sweating profusely, and complaining, "Oh, man. It's so hot." We cut to see Osama bin Laden talking into a microphone. Back to Tony saying, "That's it, I quit! Get yourself another cue card boy!" Tony storms off, ripping up his Arabic written cue cards.

LETTER #3: From Mike Barlow of Provo, Utah - "Dear Dave, What is your favorite movie?"
Provo, Utah. That should be easy. At least you would think so. We have to find a better map because the one Biff uses during mailbag is nearly impossible to read. If Biff has trouble finding Provo, it's not really his fault. As Biff continues to struggle, Dave hops up and offers to find it for him. Peering under his glasses, Dave eventually finds Provo. It's not too far from Salt Lake City, less than an inch on the map.
"Dear Dave, What is your favorite movie?"
Dave says the big new movie out right now is the big-star powered "Ocean's 11." In fact, our own building engineer George Clarke recently flew to Los Angeles to sit down with one of the film's stars, Matt Damon. We see George sitting across from Matt Damon. Matt asks George why he's dressed in only a robe? Says George, "I lost my luggage."
And this got a greenlight?

LETTER #4: From Scott Davis of Billings, Montana - "Dear Dave, Why don't people like me?"
Billings? Biff finds it with little problem.
"Dear Dave, Why don't people like me?"
Dave begins to answer this letter but is soon rudely interrupted by Alan, our announcer Alan Kalter ladies and gentlemen, who says, "Dave, let me take this one." Alan continues, "Scott, here's why people don't like you. You're cheap. You talk too much. You chew with your mouth open. You dress like a six-year-old, when you answer the phone you say 'Yello' instead of 'Hello,' you still do impressions of the 'wazzup' commercial from 2 years ago, your laugh sounds like someone strangling a rooster, you talk about your kitties like they're people, you never shut up about what a great band 'Rush' is, you write whiny, insecure questions to late-night talk show hosts who couldn't give less of a crap about your stupid problems, plus, you had sex with my sister and then never called her."

TOP TEN: Top Ten Reasons I Want To Play For the New York Yankees - and here to present tonight's Top Ten list, the newest member of your New York Yankees, all-star first baseman Jason Giambi.

Jason Giambi Fact Sheet:
- On Thursday, Jason signed a 7-year, $120 million contract with the New York Yankees.
- American League Most Valuable Player in 2000.
- Two-time All-Star.
- 2001: led the league in walks (129); doubles (47); on-base percentage (.477); slugging percentage (.660); extra base hits (87); and finished second with a .342 batting average.
- Hobbies - Harley Davidson Motorcycles and rock music.

#9. "When you say, "David Wells sent me," you get half-priced drinks at Hooters.
#6. "I hear Steinbrenner is a dream to work for."
#5. "Miss Cleo told me to."
#1. "After the game, cruising bars with Giuliani and picking fights."

MICHELLE PFEIFFER: dressed in all black. This is Michelle's first time on the Late Show, Late Night, or The David Letterman Show. She was booked once to be on Dave's show but she didn't show up. She was afraid Dave was still steamed about that. Dave says, "No, I'm accustomed to women like you standing me up." Looking for a common ground, Dave discovers that Michelle once worked at a supermarket. Dave started his supermarket career at the age of 16. Michelle at 19. Dave started as a bagger. Michelle started as a bagger. Dave went on to Produce (I strained the lettuce) and then to stock boy. Michelle wants to know, as a stockboy, if Dave ever learned to tie the stem of a cherry in a knot with his tongue? Dave denies this talent, not seeing the need to learn such a trick. Michelle suggestively responds, "They one's at Von's did." I laughed out loud at the Von's reference.

Does Michelle remember her first TV work? She does. She appeared on "Fantasy Island." Her first line, "Who is she, Naomi?"

Whenever I hear the name "Naomi," I think of the old, children's show "The Electric Company." There was a segment on that show with a lone guy sitting on a bare, lone chair in the middle of a barren, empty room. In my mind, this was a recurring bit, but whenever I mention it to anyone, they have no idea what I'm talking about.
The scene: A guy is sitting in the chair. A narrator narrates something with a hint of eeriness. At the end there is a pause, and then the narrator asks, "And what about Naomi?" And that was it. I'm not sure why this stuck with me after all these years. And I'm not sure why I watched the Electric Company since I think I was too old for it when it was on. Come to think of it, I believe the recurring piece was called, "Love of Chair."

Back to Michelle Pfeiffer. Michelle is appearing in the December 28th release of the film, "I Am Sam" with Sean Penn.
She's always been a favorite looker of mine, ever since the Baker Boys/Brothers movie. I don't think I'm alone on that.

DENNIS REGAN: opened his bit with how he acts as a passenger on an airplane. He doesn't like to talk to anyone, makes eye contact with no one.

This reminded me of MY SUBWAY STORY. I've told this story before but I'm sure you've heard Bruce Springsteen's "Born To Run" more than once without complaining so you can read MY SUBWAY STORY again, too.
My wife Denise used to work on 33rd Street and 7th Ave. She would take the A Train home to our apartment. I worked here on 53rd and Broadway and would also take the A Train home. One evening I got on the train and plopped down in the first available seat. I then buried my head in the newspaper, making no eye contact with anyone. (It's a New York City thing) My stop was 181st Street. I continue to read the paper. 20 minutes later I reach my stop. I get up and the woman next to me also gets up. It's Denise. I sat next to my wife for 20 minutes on the subway and neither of us knew it. Thank goodness I didn't try to pick her up.

Dennis Regan is appearing this weekend at Caroline's Comedy Club right around the block from the ED.

And that was our show for Friday, December 14, 2001. The Wahoo Sporting News

Jason Giambi was squired around New York City all day on Thursday. He was at Yankee Stadium, Rockefeller Center for the Christmas Tree, the "Today Show", interviews for NBC and CBS, Mickey Mantle's Restaurant, and of course, the Late Show. Meanwhile, John Vander Wal spent the day at the Stadium Motor Lodge in the Bronx.

The new head football coach at Notre Dame is Coach George O'Leary. From his bio I learned that not only did he earn 3 Letters for college varsity football at New Hampshire, he also created the internet and invented the "It."

I went to the Notre Dame football website to get Coach O'Leary's first name (I pride myself on accuracy). I laughed out loud when I saw that he resigned the post of head coach for lying on his resume. He was their coach for about a week. But hey, he left undefeated. Who else at Notre Dame can say that?

Giants cornerback Jason Sehorn? More like Jason See Touchdown. Jason has seen more touchdowns up close this season than any cornerback would want. I like watching Sehorn get beat deep for a touchdown, then quickly looking around for the safety, accusingly, wondering where was his help. My Bi-Weekly "Steppin' Out" Plug

Looking for something to do this Saturday night? Stay home and at midnight turn your radio dial to ESPN 1050 AM (New York metro area) and listen to "Steppin' Out," the first 12-step program on the radio. It airs a little after midnight and is filled with fascinating stories of addiction, weakness, recovery, and empowerment. To find out more, check out the Steppin' Out website at www.powerfulradio.com. You can also listen to one of the many shows that have already aired. Not only that, you can find out more about my wife, the co-producer and creator of Steppin' Out, Denise McIntee. Wahoo Extra!

I watched Sally Jesse Raphael this morning. The topic: Odd Odd News. It should have been about Sally's "Odd odd haircut." Sort of "David Bowie: 1982." Oh, and don't laugh at me for watching Sally Jesse. I DON'T normally watch Sally Jesse Raphael. The only reason I watched it was because it follows "The Other Half" and I hadn't yet turned the channel.

Which night will Paul Shaffer perform Cher's "O Holy Night"? Let me know. Get it right, get a mention. I've received 80 submissions so far, some the same.