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			Tuesday, February 26, 2002 Show #1765
			By Michael Z. McIntee	Change Text Color: Black \| White


	Martin Short and Jack Hanna. PLUS: U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft on tape. Dave is excited for tonight's program because "Jungle" Jack Hanna has brought animals that are mortal enemies to each other. First up will be the cobra and the mongoose. Don't go anywhere. You won't want to miss this. Did you see the CNN yesterday? It was on all over the place. It was our United States Attorney General John Ashcroft like you've never seen him before. During a speech at a theological seminary in North Carolina, Mr. Ashcroft broke out into song, and not just any song. It was a song he had written himself. A little background: In 1997, while walking through a field on his 155-acre farm in Missouri, Ashcroft says he saw some eagles flying across the dawn sky. The senator was discouraged about the national impact of President Clinton's moral problems, but the sighting of the eagles conjured an almost prophetic message. He was inspired to write a song about America's brighter future. LET THE EAGLE SOAR "Let the eagle soar, Like she's never soared before. From rocky coast to golden shore, Let the mighty eagle soar. Soar with healing in her wings, As the land beneath her sings: 'Only god, no other kings.' This country's far too young to die. We've still got a lot of climbing to do, And we can make it if we try. Built by toils and struggles god has led us through." Of course, Dave had a lot of fun with this. We only saw Ashcroft sing a few bars but Dave filled us in with much of the rest. Digging through the web, I also learned this about our Attorney General: Not only does Mr. Ashcroft enjoy a good warble; he's also handy around the kitchen. I found this, spoken some years back by the Attorney General: "Choosing my favorite recipe is a difficult task. Finally, I was able to settle upon a recipe for brownies that I have had for several years. I hope you enjoy them as much as I have. Sincerely, John Ashcroft, United States Senator." Instructions Begin with a box of brownie mix. The brand is up to you. The instructions on the box will give you a list of ingredients to add to the dry mix. Substitute chocolate syrup for 1/4 of the liquid ingredients. Add one cup of chocolate chips and one cup of walnuts. Once you have thoroughly mixed all of the ingredients together, pour the mix into a pan two-thirds the recommended size. This will make the individual portions thicker and chewier! Place the pan into the oven and bake at 320 degrees, not 350 degrees as usually recommended. This will require extended baking time. Attorney General Ashcroft is also a lover of the Arts: Tuesday, 29 January, 2002, 13:37 GMT "Curtains for semi-nude justice statue. No longer will the 'Spirit of Justice' bare her breast. No longer will US Attorney General John Ashcroft appear in public with a semi-nude statue towering above him. The US Justice Department has spent $8,000 on curtains to hide the statue from the cameras. The female, art-deco 'Spirit of Justice' statue, with one breast exposed, is located on the podium in the department's ornate Great Hall where news conferences are often held." And I thought when Bush selected Ashcroft, we were only getting an Attorney General. Who knew? LATE SHOW NEWSMAKERS: Dave shows a photo, and then he reads the caption. - shot of a man in a salad packaging plant: "Here's how I make a salad for Al Roker," personal chef Steve Mengering told reporters. "Sure he's on a diet, but come one, a ton of salad is still a ton of salad." - Man in tent of cushions: "Here's a little something I made with mattresses, cushions, and a blanket," Larry Metzing told reporters. "Sure it's not a big story, I just thought people would like some good news for a change." - Sumo pitcher: "Don't worry, I'll be in shape for opening day," said David Wells as he met with reporters at Spring Training. - Man with bottles of Mountain Dew: "I could drink this stuff all day," Bob Borneman told reporters. "I know it's not a big story, but I thought folks could use some good news for a change." - Guy with ear hair: Bill Conners tells skeptical reporters, "You know what they say about guys with really hairy ears. I get more tail than Frank Sinatra." - Girl with hedgehog: "I'm feeling much better," said area resident Trish Gates. "Thank God it was just a polyp." - Guy eating an apple: "God help me, I love a crisp delicious fresh apple," Lowell Donteen told reporters. "I know it's not a big story . . . but I thought people could use some good news for a change." MARTIN SHORT: he's Jiminy Glick! You can see Jiminy now in primetime on the Comedy Central. Martin talks about the upcoming Liza Minnelli wedding. He does a quick impersonation of Elizabeth Taylor (matron of honor?) and says of Michael Jackson (best man?), "He's a Madame Toussand come to life." We see a photo of Martin Short with Walter Parks (the head of something big in show biz), Steve Martin, and Tom Hanks. Wow, powerful picture. What were they doing all together? They were having a group colonoscopy. Boy oh boy. Show biz people really do know how to have fun. Martin describes the colonoscopy weekend. He mentions the drink one has to take to "clear out the system." Dave, sounding like a man with experience in this, says that the solution one drinks prior to a colonoscopy "is one of the few things in life that works as well as advertised." Oh, yes. Dave is right on the money on this one. Once you drink it, there's no turning back. In his second segment, Martin Short treats us to another of his highly anticipated musical numbers he so often graces us with. Just before he begins, he lauds Dave for his show biz bravery, revealing, "Just last week in London he did the Full Monty at Princess Margaret's funeral." Tonight, Martin sings, "I Love You, 2002." I LOVE YOU, 2002 Look at you, 2002, Just last month, you were new, but you grew Like a child, I see myself through you Here's a message that's long overdue. CHORUS: And I love you, 2002. Allow me to review. CEO Kenneth Lay led Enron askew, Took the fifth, to the Constitution. Had a shredder, fed the documents through Soon the Feds'll shred Kenny's ass, too. There was a pretzel, George W. didn't chew. (Martin chokes) Fell off the couch, hit the floor - OH! - got a bruise. Winona Ryder ripped off Sax Fifth Avenue Allegedly...and said the store misconstrued. Crooked Russkies in Salt Lake City, Utah Hatched a plan to get Canada screwed Post-Taliban bin Laden's been hidden from view Drop this note in his hole: Osama, 'givl' you. CHORUS: And I love you, 2 - oh - oh -2, Who celebrated 20 years in late night? Pappy, it's you! And gee, it's only February I want to spend the whole year with you, Two thousand and...two. Once again, beautiful. JACK HANNA - Director Emeritus of the Columbus Zoo. What's Jack got? 1. A Fizzle Rooster. Jack says he enjoys the roosters and recently joined a rooster group that meets once a week. Asks Dave, "And what do you do when you get together? Play with your cocks?" Jack quickly points out that "cocks" is another name for roosters. Of course it is. Why? What were you thinking? 2. The Red Fox and the Fennec Fox 3. The African Porcupine - porcupines have one of the longest gestation periods of all mammals. Why? "Just imagine how difficult it is to mate." 4. The Spectacle Owl (markings make it look like the owl is wearing glasses) and the Eagle Owl (the world's largest owls). 5. Miniature horse. If you are a short person with a back yard, the miniature horse would make a great pet. Lots of laughs with Jack and Dave. Many here think Jack is clueless. I am in the other camp. I think he is sharp as a tack and knows exactly what he is doing. And that was our show for Tuesday, February 26, 2002. Wahoo EXTRA! Today is Tony Randall's birthday, best known for his role as Felix in TV's The Odd Couple and for his singing performance of Just One More Chance in the film, Hello Down There (1969). Gary Condit was on the Larry King Live show Monday night. For awhile there I had forgotten what life was like before 9/11. New York City is chiming to host the 2012 Summer Olympics. I don't know why. Come to think of it, no one I know wants the summer Olympics here but the newspapers claim we all do. Nobody wants it here. We're too busy, it's too big, and the Olympics should be reserved for "wanna be" towns, not New York City. In another city, the Olympics would be looked upon as its event of the century. In New York, it would just get in our way. There are plans of building a 75,000-seat stadium for the Olympics on the West Side of Manhattan (at 31st Street). It's the last thing this Manhattan needs. It would make traffic worse then the nightmare it is now. Anybody can come up with a bad idea. What always surprises me is when somebody else comes along and says, "Yeah that's brilliant. Let's go with it." The Olympics in New York City is a bad idea. I heard a tape of the radio call in Canada as the Canadian hockey team defeated USA to win the gold medal. It was a bit more animated than the call we heard on NBC. I hadn't heard a more excited, over-the-top, delirious broadcast of a sporting event since a mid-season Yankee win with announcer John Sterling. Martin Short and Jack Hanna. PLUS: U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft on tape. Dave is excited for tonight's program because "Jungle" Jack Hanna has brought animals that are mortal enemies to each other. First up will be the cobra and the mongoose. Don't go anywhere. You won't want to miss this. Did you see the CNN yesterday? It was on all over the place. It was our United States Attorney General John Ashcroft like you've never seen him before. During a speech at a theological seminary in North Carolina, Mr. Ashcroft broke out into song, and not just any song. It was a song he had written himself. A little background: In 1997, while walking through a field on his 155-acre farm in Missouri, Ashcroft says he saw some eagles flying across the dawn sky. The senator was discouraged about the national impact of President Clinton's moral problems, but the sighting of the eagles conjured an almost prophetic message. He was inspired to write a song about America's brighter future. LET THE EAGLE SOAR "Let the eagle soar, Like she's never soared before. From rocky coast to golden shore, Let the mighty eagle soar. Soar with healing in her wings, As the land beneath her sings: 'Only god, no other kings.' This country's far too young to die. We've still got a lot of climbing to do, And we can make it if we try. Built by toils and struggles god has led us through." Of course, Dave had a lot of fun with this. We only saw Ashcroft sing a few bars but Dave filled us in with much of the rest. Digging through the web, I also learned this about our Attorney General: Not only does Mr. Ashcroft enjoy a good warble; he's also handy around the kitchen. I found this, spoken some years back by the Attorney General: "Choosing my favorite recipe is a difficult task. Finally, I was able to settle upon a recipe for brownies that I have had for several years. I hope you enjoy them as much as I have. Sincerely, John Ashcroft, United States Senator." Instructions Begin with a box of brownie mix. The brand is up to you. The instructions on the box will give you a list of ingredients to add to the dry mix. Substitute chocolate syrup for 1/4 of the liquid ingredients. Add one cup of chocolate chips and one cup of walnuts. Once you have thoroughly mixed all of the ingredients together, pour the mix into a pan two-thirds the recommended size. This will make the individual portions thicker and chewier! Place the pan into the oven and bake at 320 degrees, not 350 degrees as usually recommended. This will require extended baking time. Attorney General Ashcroft is also a lover of the Arts: Tuesday, 29 January, 2002, 13:37 GMT "Curtains for semi-nude justice statue. No longer will the 'Spirit of Justice' bare her breast. No longer will US Attorney General John Ashcroft appear in public with a semi-nude statue towering above him. The US Justice Department has spent $8,000 on curtains to hide the statue from the cameras. The female, art-deco 'Spirit of Justice' statue, with one breast exposed, is located on the podium in the department's ornate Great Hall where news conferences are often held." And I thought when Bush selected Ashcroft, we were only getting an Attorney General. Who knew? LATE SHOW NEWSMAKERS: Dave shows a photo, and then he reads the caption. - shot of a man in a salad packaging plant: "Here's how I make a salad for Al Roker," personal chef Steve Mengering told reporters. "Sure he's on a diet, but come one, a ton of salad is still a ton of salad." - Man in tent of cushions: "Here's a little something I made with mattresses, cushions, and a blanket," Larry Metzing told reporters. "Sure it's not a big story, I just thought people would like some good news for a change." - Sumo pitcher: "Don't worry, I'll be in shape for opening day," said David Wells as he met with reporters at Spring Training. - Man with bottles of Mountain Dew: "I could drink this stuff all day," Bob Borneman told reporters. "I know it's not a big story, but I thought folks could use some good news for a change." - Guy with ear hair: Bill Conners tells skeptical reporters, "You know what they say about guys with really hairy ears. I get more tail than Frank Sinatra." - Girl with hedgehog: "I'm feeling much better," said area resident Trish Gates. "Thank God it was just a polyp." - Guy eating an apple: "God help me, I love a crisp delicious fresh apple," Lowell Donteen told reporters. "I know it's not a big story . . . but I thought people could use some good news for a change." MARTIN SHORT: he's Jiminy Glick! You can see Jiminy now in primetime on the Comedy Central. Martin talks about the upcoming Liza Minnelli wedding. He does a quick impersonation of Elizabeth Taylor (matron of honor?) and says of Michael Jackson (best man?), "He's a Madame Toussand come to life." We see a photo of Martin Short with Walter Parks (the head of something big in show biz), Steve Martin, and Tom Hanks. Wow, powerful picture. What were they doing all together? They were having a group colonoscopy. Boy oh boy. Show biz people really do know how to have fun. Martin describes the colonoscopy weekend. He mentions the drink one has to take to "clear out the system." Dave, sounding like a man with experience in this, says that the solution one drinks prior to a colonoscopy "is one of the few things in life that works as well as advertised." Oh, yes. Dave is right on the money on this one. Once you drink it, there's no turning back. In his second segment, Martin Short treats us to another of his highly anticipated musical numbers he so often graces us with. Just before he begins, he lauds Dave for his show biz bravery, revealing, "Just last week in London he did the Full Monty at Princess Margaret's funeral." Tonight, Martin sings, "I Love You, 2002." I LOVE YOU, 2002 Look at you, 2002, Just last month, you were new, but you grew Like a child, I see myself through you Here's a message that's long overdue. CHORUS: And I love you, 2002. Allow me to review. CEO Kenneth Lay led Enron askew, Took the fifth, to the Constitution. Had a shredder, fed the documents through Soon the Feds'll shred Kenny's ass, too. There was a pretzel, George W. didn't chew. (Martin chokes) Fell off the couch, hit the floor - OH! - got a bruise. Winona Ryder ripped off Sax Fifth Avenue Allegedly...and said the store misconstrued. Crooked Russkies in Salt Lake City, Utah Hatched a plan to get Canada screwed Post-Taliban bin Laden's been hidden from view Drop this note in his hole: Osama, 'givl' you. CHORUS: And I love you, 2 - oh - oh -2, Who celebrated 20 years in late night? Pappy, it's you! And gee, it's only February I want to spend the whole year with you, Two thousand and...two. Once again, beautiful. JACK HANNA - Director Emeritus of the Columbus Zoo. What's Jack got? 1. A Fizzle Rooster. Jack says he enjoys the roosters and recently joined a rooster group that meets once a week. Asks Dave, "And what do you do when you get together? Play with your cocks?" Jack quickly points out that "cocks" is another name for roosters. Of course it is. Why? What were you thinking? 2. The Red Fox and the Fennec Fox 3. The African Porcupine - porcupines have one of the longest gestation periods of all mammals. Why? "Just imagine how difficult it is to mate." 4. The Spectacle Owl (markings make it look like the owl is wearing glasses) and the Eagle Owl (the world's largest owls). 5. Miniature horse. If you are a short person with a back yard, the miniature horse would make a great pet. Lots of laughs with Jack and Dave. Many here think Jack is clueless. I am in the other camp. I think he is sharp as a tack and knows exactly what he is doing. And that was our show for Tuesday, February 26, 2002. Wahoo EXTRA! Today is Tony Randall's birthday, best known for his role as Felix in TV's The Odd Couple and for his singing performance of Just One More Chance in the film, Hello Down There (1969). Gary Condit was on the Larry King Live show Monday night. For awhile there I had forgotten what life was like before 9/11. New York City is chiming to host the 2012 Summer Olympics. I don't know why. Come to think of it, no one I know wants the summer Olympics here but the newspapers claim we all do. Nobody wants it here. We're too busy, it's too big, and the Olympics should be reserved for "wanna be" towns, not New York City. In another city, the Olympics would be looked upon as its event of the century. In New York, it would just get in our way. There are plans of building a 75,000-seat stadium for the Olympics on the West Side of Manhattan (at 31st Street). It's the last thing this Manhattan needs. It would make traffic worse then the nightmare it is now. Anybody can come up with a bad idea. What always surprises me is when somebody else comes along and says, "Yeah that's brilliant. Let's go with it." The Olympics in New York City is a bad idea. I heard a tape of the radio call in Canada as the Canadian hockey team defeated USA to win the gold medal. It was a bit more animated than the call we heard on NBC. I hadn't heard a more excited, over-the-top, delirious broadcast of a sporting event since a mid-season Yankee win with announcer John Sterling.


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