Eric Burdon is sitting in with the band tonight. He has a new CD from his band "Eric Burdon and the New Animals?" entitled "Official Live Bootleg." He's also the author of the unauthorized autobiography, "Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood."

You can look at something every day and not notice it, and then one day, YOWZA! Its perfection slaps you in the face. This happened to Dave the other night when he looked at the Late Show mug.
The Late Show mug - it keeps the hot hot and the cold cold. No cupboard is complete without one. Get yours today.

ODD CATALOGS - there are a lot of odd catalogs out there selling lots of odd merchandise for lots of odd people. There is a market for everything.
- Dress Barn: Clothes have that barn smell Oops! Shouldn't that be "Clothes NO LONGER have that barn smell"? Uhhhh. Well, you see. . . um. The darn sun must have got in my eyes.

I hate getting a flat tire the first mile of the trip.

- Baby Gap: Clothing also fits small monkeys
- High-Tech Gadgets: Electronics that will be obsolete by the time you receive this.
- NASA gift catalog: Mysterious spores, pods, and larvae from outer space
- Clothing catalog: "World's itchiest Sweaters."
- 2002 Montreal Expos team souvenirs - souvenirs include Olympic Stadium and Vladimir Guerrero
- Edwards Luggage - At last, the perfect corpse-sized duffel.
- Government-seized and repossessed hairpiece blowout
- Stuff Stolen from Crate and Barrel (HEY! Who is that guy selling the stolen stuff?!)

During the Odd Catalogs, Dave remembers he forgot to do something. It's a clip he saw from the new program, "The Bachelor." "The Bachelor" is a reality game show where a bunch of attractive woman are vying to end up with this one guy (reality?). The episode the other night was quite surprising. We see a clip. It's the host talking to the group of women and he tells them the bachelor is about to walk through the door. Who is the bachelor? We cut to Bill Clinton walking down a hallway.

And finally, the last catalog - you've heard of mail order brides, now there's a catalog for Mail Order Uncles.

WILL IT FLOAT? Who would have thought this segment would have lasted this long? Surprise, surprise. I expect a TV Guide cheer any day now. Tonight's item - a salami.
Will it float? Paul thinks it will sink. Dave holds back his opinion claiming to have inside information. I'm not sure what the inside info was but a stagehand remembers that during a long ago remote (Sailing Remote - 10/19/95) Dave threw a salami into the water. I don't remember that being done but I do remember he threw doughnuts to 3 cops swimming in the water (me, Delace, and Pat Farmer).

Watching the show at home last night, I learned Dave excused himself from the competition since he felt the weight of the salami prior to the show. It was heavier than he would have thought.

Did the salami float? NO!

TOP TEN: SIGNS YOUR BASEBALL TEAM ISN'T READY FOR THE REGULAR SEASON
#9. Every time pitcher throws ball, catcher screams, "OW!"
#4. Starters asked to be excused from fielding drills to watch "The View"

In a big surprise to Tony, Dave calls for the girls to bring out a cake to wish Tony 'Cue Card Master' Mendez a Happy Birthday! A totally surprised Tony grins from ear to ear. How old is Tony? He won't say and neither will I. Maybe he'll tell you on his "Tony Mendez Show." We were thinking of bringing out a birthday cake for Chase Kimball too but nobody was sure if his birthday was Wednesday or Thursday.

PETER KRAUSE: You saw it on Tony's cue card and then you saw it on Dave's blue card. "Peter Krause (yowza)" I learned Tuesday morning that Peter Krause from HBO's "Six Feet Under" last name was pronounce Krau-zuh, like Yowza. Few believed me, until the research department and talent department verified the information. Well, it wasn't really MY information since I got it from them in the first place. Come show time, even though Dave knew it was Krau-zuh, like yowza, Tony and I decided to put "yowza" in parenthesis just as a reminder. When the birthday cake was wheeled out, you could see (yowza) on Tony's cue card. Then during Dave's introduction of Peter Krause, Dave mistakenly called him "Peter Yowza." Dave explained his mistake by showing the 'yowza' on the blue card. This was a case of too much information getting in the way. And there you go.
Krause opened by saying Dave is responsible for one of Peter's 3 all-time favorite witticisms.
#1. Groucho Marx (I guessed what Krause was about to say): Groucho was talking to a woman who had 16 kids in 16 years. Groucho said, "I like cigars, but I take then out of my mouth once in a while."
#2. Winston Churchill (I guessed wrong here): an old battle-ax of a woman says to Winston, "If you were my husband, I'd poison your coffee." And he retorted, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
(My guess: An old ugly woman comes up to a Churchill who had been drinking - the woman says, "You're drunk." To which Winston says, "And you're ugly, but at least I'll be sober in the morning." - this may not have been said by Winston Churchill buy I thought this was the story Krause was about to tell)
#3. Dave Letterman: a woman on the show says Americans do not have a very diverse diet. She said to Dave, "For example, I bet you never had the hump of a camel." And Dave said, "No, but when I was 17 I wasn't bad."

Later in the segment, Peter explains how to make a musical teething ring stop being musical.
For some reason, Peter reminded me in just the slightest way of Craig Kilborn. Maybe it was from his work as a sports anchor on the critically-acclaimed TV series "Sports Night," and that Kilborn was once an anchor on Sports Center on the ESPN. Later I find out they are both from Minnesota. Perhaps that's the connection.

DORIS KEARNS GOODWIN: She's had a rough go of it lately having to admit to plagiarism in her past. I wondered how and when or if Dave would bring up the subject. Well, I knew there would be no "if". It was pretty much a certainty. I only wondered how. We didn't have to wait long as Dave dove right into the topic. She explained how it was more a case of sloppiness and negligence on her part and was definitely not deliberate. The book in question consisted of over 900 pages and 3,000 footnotes and her record keeping at the time was before she became adept at the computer (it was all in longhand.) When it was first brought to her attention of the possible plagiarism she said she had to admit her error and agreed the source should have been credited and said so as much in her next book. The matter was pretty much settled. Then there was the recent accusations against Ambrose over plagiarism and Goodwin's past resurfaced and she's been explaining herself ever since. Listening to Doris Kearns Goodwin even for just a few minutes would make anyone think she would not purposely plagiarize. Her sweetness, professionalism, and her knowledge of history shines through.

I first became aware of Doris from Ken Burns documentary on the history of baseball. Goodwin grew up a fervent Brooklyn Dodger fan and has since adopted the Boston Red Sox as her team of choice. She admits to crying in 1986 when the Bosox lost to the Mets in Game 6 of the World Series. (trivia: Red Sox Marty Barrett was named the Series MVP in the 9th inning of Game 6 before the game was over. It was then retracted and given to Ray Knight after the Mets won Game 7.) It's hard not to love a woman who knows and respects her baseball as much as Doris Kearns Goodwin. And she has a way of telling a story about American History that makes you feel you were there. I can listen to her for hours.

What I was hoping from Doris Kearns Goodwin: I knew it wouldn't happen but I hoped against hope that Doris would have come out and said, "Dave, you are responsible for one of my 3 all-time witticisms." She would then tell the story about Groucho, Winston Churchill, and Dave.
It doesn't matter that she didn't, though. In twenty years I'll make believe that's what happened.

And that was our show for Wednesday, March 27, 2002. Wahoo Extra!

I'm always on the lookout to see how Major League Baseball can ruin such a great game. Besides the strikes and lockouts, holding opening day in Japan was one of the worst. This year's screw up - opening day is AT NIGHT and not just any night, but EASTER night. It's being played in Anaheim, so I guess it's Easter afternoon for them, right around the time many Americans are enjoying Easter dinner. Congratulations, Major League Baseball! You've done it again.

When should Opening Day be held? On a Tuesday afternoon in Cincinnati.

In a recent Quinnipiac poll, 83% of Americans said they do not know how to spell 'Quinnipiac'.

Hey, New Yorkers, looking for something to do next week? If you can drag yourself away from your computer for a few hours, check out The Fab Faux, featuring our own Will Lee and Conan's Jimmy Vivino at the Bowery Ballroom (6 Delancey Street) April 9th and 10th. It's the ultimate New York Beatle experience. Want to find out more? Click on to www.thefabfaux.com.

More on the "24 Hours from Tulsa" song - I received this the other day:

"If you are 24 hours from Tulsa by car, you could be anywhere in the continental United States."

"You can do better than Whiting, ME.
According to MapQuest, Point Roberts, Washington is 2149.81 miles from Tulsa with an estimated driving time of 36 hours, 22 minutes. To get from Point Roberts to Tulsa in 24 hours, you'd have to average just under 90 mph; I imagine that would be difficult, even without the border crossings.
Did I mention there were two border crossings involved? Yes, Point Roberts is in Washington state, not Alaska. I doubt that there's any point in the continental U.S. further from Tulsa."

I'm unfamiliar with the great northwest but find it interesting that to get from Point Roberts to Tulsa you would have to go through two border crossings.

I'm always trying to think of ways to make your life miserable and I think I've come up with another. The continental United States refers to the lower 48 contiguous states. Why doesn't it include Alaska if Alaska is on the same continent as the 48 lower states? Have a good sleep.