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			Friday, July 12, 2002 Show #1839
			By Michael Z. McIntee	Change Text Color: Black \| White


	Nathan Lane; and Hugh Fink. PLUS: The CBS Mailbag; The Late Show CBS Mailbag 2002 Biff Henderson Map Across America Summer Tour; and Will It Float? CBS MAILBAG: The Late Show CBS Mailbag 2002 Biff Henderson Map Across America Summer Tour continues. Where is Biff tonight? He's at the Niagara Falls! We see a shot of Biff with the beautiful Falls behind him. Very pretty. The Falls was too. LETTER #1: From Jeremy Carlson of Duluth, Minnesota: "What are your plans for the 4th of July?" Dave did nuttin' but our Building Engineer George Clarke had a 4th of July party out at the house. George rubs his chin, which is the universal sign for a memory sequence. We see a clip of George in a tuxedo sitting on a sofa watching a fireworks display on the TV. Sitting with him are two sexy and sassy curvaceous models. George excitedly announces, "All right, who's up for some hot monkey lovin'?" The 2 models respond, "I do, I do." We gliss back to George. Dave doubts the scene we just saw. He asks, "Now come on, George. Is that how it really happened?" George admits it wasn't quite like that. He rubs his chin again to another memory. We see George in a similar scene but this time he is with 4 sexy and sassy curvaceous models. George rubs his hands together and excitedly asks, "All right, who's up for some hot monkey lovin'?" The models all respond, "I am! I am!" We gliss back to George but again, Dave is a bit skeptical. "What really happened, George?" Dave wants to know. George apologizes and we go back one more time to a memory scene. We see George in a sweaty white tank top T-shirt, sitting on a milk crate, spooning ice cream from a quart and watching a fireworks display on the TV. He is alone. The camera widens to reveal 4 sexy and sassy curvaceous sitting on sofa watching the fireworks display, too. George says, "All right, who's up for some hot monkey lovin'?" LETTER #2: From Kaitlin Hildebrant of Yukon, Oklahoma: "Dear Dave, If you could have plastic surgery, what would you change?" "Where would he start?" would be the better question. ( - denotes a joke) Dave says he's been considering getting some of that Botox injection. It takes out the wrinkles and makes you look like you've got a terrible sunburn but with out the pink. Dave says he is having second thoughts after seeing a commercial for the Botox the other day. After an uplifting and hopeful commercial, it is followed this disclaimer: "Botox is not for everyone. Side effects may include nausea, headaches, local numbness, swelling, eye irritation, bruising, burning sensations, temporary weakness, sensitivity to light, drooping eyelids, flu-like symptoms, vertigo, paresthesia, flushing, mild depression, hyperactivity, difficulty swallowing, exhaustion, hair loss, memory loss, loss of appetite, dry mouth, sexual disturbance, high blood pressure, uremia, dimming vision, and unsteady gait." LETTER #3: From Hendy Becaise of Paris, France:"Dear Dave, Could you speak French?" Dave says he doesn't speak the French. (Au contraire, mon ami. In my database I have Dave speaking French numerous times. My favorite being his impersonation of John Wayne speaking French on December 17, 1997: "Bonjour, mon ami.") Our friend Alan Kalter, though, has quite the ear for foreign languages and recently picked up some French on a recent visit to Paris. Alan gives a sample of what he overheard during his visit: "Non, merci. Je n'ai pas soif." (No, thank you. I am not thirsty.") "Regarde cd dingue do rouquin pisse sur la Tour Eiffel." (Look at that red-haired freak taking a leak on the Eiffel Tower.) "Laissons le battement lui et prendre alors les cheques do ses traveller." (Let's beat him and take his Travelers Cheques.") Dave says he's heard enough. LETTER #4: From Eddie Ingram of El Centro, California: "Dear Dave, How can I become the next Paul Shaffer and lead my very own band on a late night talk show?" Paul is always looking to help a fellow musician trying to break into the business and so he prepared a little number just for Eddie. It went something like this.... "If you have skill as a musician And find you envy my position Then luck has come your way 'Cause here...is...what...I...say... Basically, you've got to kiss a lot of ass." Highlights to *Mailbag: - Dave not believing it was George Clarke in the memory scenes, but Tony Orlando. - Biff not being able to find Yukon, Oklahoma on the map. He says, "It's not on the map but Yukon, Oklahoma is right here." He sticks the pin just north of Texas. Dave asks, "How do you know it's there if it's not on the map?" Biff answers: "Well, that's where it is now." I hope Biff went on the Maid of the Mist while he was there. Across the river is Toronto. How's the strike going up there? Where's he going next week? And that was Mailbag* for today. WILL IT FLOAT? Tonight's item: a folding aluminum beach chair. Will it float? Up goes the scrim. We see the lovely models holding a folding aluminum beach chair above the water tank. Standing to the side of the water tank, for no apparent reason, is the snake lady without the snake but with her fire torch. Will it float? I was a little disappointed in the item selected because with the wood arm rests and the aluminum support, the folding aluminum beach chair would obviously float. The models drop the chair into the water tank...and it SINKS! Whoa, that one got me good. NATHAN LANE: Always comes prepared and is always determined to get to everything he's prepared. Nathan is the voice of a cat in the new motion picture, Stuart Little 2, opening July 19th. Nathan mentioned his wife Marge and the twins, his wife dressing like the U.S.S. George Washington for The 4th of July and his going down with the ship. He touched upon the Hamptons, Martha Stewart, Larry the Masseur, uttered one of Dave's favorite words ("viscous"), Whoopi Goldberg; Alan King, Milton Berle, Pola Negri, Hitler, Melanie Griffith, and Stuart Little. It took him two segments but Mr. Lane got it all in. The guy is a real pro and a joy to watch. I'm glad he's in the neighborhood. TOP TEN: PERKS TO BEING SADDAM HUSSEIN'S STEPSON #10. For your birthday, you get the head of an infidel #6. Play your cards right and in 10 years you'll be torturing the Iraqi people. (ed.note - I only list my favorite 2 or 3 items of the night's top ten. For a full list, find the Top Ten at the Late Show website at www.cbs.com - click on the photo of Dave and then click on Top Ten on the Late Show website. For even more fun, click on the Wahoo Gazette for a daily recap of the night's show. You'll be glad you did. It's the best-kept secret on the internet. Nobody knows about it.) ACT 5: I was on stage relaying a message to Tony Mendez (Serena Williams is booked for Monday) and decided to remain to watch Paul and the Cape thing during the ACT 5. Paul really rocks for a good seven minutes, putting his heart into every note. And the CBS Orchestra blows the roof off the place. Tonight, instead of Dave bringing the cape out to Paul, Nathan Lane brought it out. It was a lot of fun to watch. HUGH FINK: Since I was out for the ACT 5, I decided to stay out and watch Hugh Fink do his 6 minutes of stand-up. I liked his impersonation of a baseball first base coach. "C'mon, Bobby. C'mon Bobby." I am rarely in the audience during the show (standing along the wall) and it feels as if I'm seeing the stage for the first time when I am out there. Although I am on stage every day during rehearsal, there is always people milling about here and there. You have camera people, sound people, wardrobe, props, carpenters and electricians, producers, writers, and more on stage. It's a very busy area before the show, lots of hustle and bustle, though usually more of the latter. That's the scene I think of when I think of the stage of the Ed Sullivan Theater. What I don't realize is that during the show, the stage is an extremely lonely place. Watching Hugh Fink, I realized it was just he and his words. Everything else was still. All eyes were on him. It's scary. It was good to see him do as well as he did. And that was our show for Friday July 12, 2002. Wahoo EXTRA! So I went home Thursday night and watched the beginning of the Late Show, the part I missed during taping. For your record keeping, it was Wayne who was the first contestant in *KYCE* and he chose the Executives Who Have Taken the 5th Amendment category, followed by Emily who chose Cuts of Meat. I especially enjoyed Dave and Paul discussing the lyrics to "The Tighten Up." What started as a lovely morning has turned ugly. As I type this glorious issue of the Wahoo Gazette, a Tide detergent commercial with the song "Going Up The Country" by Canned Heat comes up TWICE on the TV behind me. I've complained about this before but since I have little to say today I'll say it again. I love that song. When I hear "Going Up The Country" I want to think about Woodstock. I don't want to think about Tide XK. What is your favorite one-line rock and roll lyric? Wahoo Sports Corner It's a good thing this Allen Iverson thing happened in the off-season. During the season he's a shooting guard. After Bud Selig's All-Star game blunder, he announces that two major league teams may not meet next week's payroll. Now no one is talking about his All-Star blunder. Nice misdirection play, Mr. Selig. I was listening to a sports show on the radio the other day (surprise!) and the topic is the New York Yankees. The host says the Yankee clubhouse is a very professional place; serious, confident, focused, all gentlemen. The host asks the guest what makes them this way and when did it start. The guy said if comes from winning championships and it all started back in 1996 with Joe Torre. Ah, yes, the easy answer. Joe Torre came to the Yankees in '96 and they won the first in a string of championships in 1996. But 1996 is the wrong answer. It started years earlier with manager Buck Showalter. (Manager from 1992-1995) With he as manager and Don Mattingly at first base, the Yankees changed from a rag-tag, undisciplined team to what they are today. That was the start of it all. Where did Buck Showalter go after his firing? The Arizona Diamondbacks picked him up before they even had a team. Buck set the tone there in establishing a classy, poised, and professional team. Spot The Bartender Whom on the Late Show staff once worked as a bartender? Rich Suwanski of Owensboro, Kentucky: "Seems to me that cop and beer go together like cheese and burger. Since you're a former cop, I'll also wager you're a former bartender... before finding your true calling as America's Top On-Line Journalist." - I don't know cops who drink. No, I never worked as a bartender. Larry Santucci of Arlington, Virginia: "I think this is a trick question, as I think that YOU are the bartender. At least that's what the voices tell me." - Well this voice is telling you you're wrong. Sorry, Larry. I never worked that side of the bar. Julie Morello of Madison, Wisconsin. "Could you be the bartender? I know a lot of guys who put themselves through University of WI - Eau Claire campus by tending bar. That and bagging groceries at Kerms." - I see a pattern developing here. From Don Giller of New York, New York: "Mr. Steve Young." - No, Don, I'm sorry but you are wrong. On second thought, maybe I better check. Happy Bastille Day, my French friends. Liberte! Egalite! Fraternite! Have a nice weekend, or as they said in Paris in the mid-40's, "Schones Wochenende!" Nathan Lane; and Hugh Fink. PLUS: The CBS Mailbag; The Late Show CBS Mailbag 2002 Biff Henderson Map Across America Summer Tour; and Will It Float? CBS MAILBAG: The Late Show CBS Mailbag 2002 Biff Henderson Map Across America Summer Tour continues. Where is Biff tonight? He's at the Niagara Falls! We see a shot of Biff with the beautiful Falls behind him. Very pretty. The Falls was too. LETTER #1: From Jeremy Carlson of Duluth, Minnesota: "What are your plans for the 4th of July?" Dave did nuttin' but our Building Engineer George Clarke had a 4th of July party out at the house. George rubs his chin, which is the universal sign for a memory sequence. We see a clip of George in a tuxedo sitting on a sofa watching a fireworks display on the TV. Sitting with him are two sexy and sassy curvaceous models. George excitedly announces, "All right, who's up for some hot monkey lovin'?" The 2 models respond, "I do, I do." We gliss back to George. Dave doubts the scene we just saw. He asks, "Now come on, George. Is that how it really happened?" George admits it wasn't quite like that. He rubs his chin again to another memory. We see George in a similar scene but this time he is with 4 sexy and sassy curvaceous models. George rubs his hands together and excitedly asks, "All right, who's up for some hot monkey lovin'?" The models all respond, "I am! I am!" We gliss back to George but again, Dave is a bit skeptical. "What really happened, George?" Dave wants to know. George apologizes and we go back one more time to a memory scene. We see George in a sweaty white tank top T-shirt, sitting on a milk crate, spooning ice cream from a quart and watching a fireworks display on the TV. He is alone. The camera widens to reveal 4 sexy and sassy curvaceous sitting on sofa watching the fireworks display, too. George says, "All right, who's up for some hot monkey lovin'?" LETTER #2: From Kaitlin Hildebrant of Yukon, Oklahoma: "Dear Dave, If you could have plastic surgery, what would you change?" "Where would he start?" would be the better question. ( - denotes a joke) Dave says he's been considering getting some of that Botox injection. It takes out the wrinkles and makes you look like you've got a terrible sunburn but with out the pink. Dave says he is having second thoughts after seeing a commercial for the Botox the other day. After an uplifting and hopeful commercial, it is followed this disclaimer: "Botox is not for everyone. Side effects may include nausea, headaches, local numbness, swelling, eye irritation, bruising, burning sensations, temporary weakness, sensitivity to light, drooping eyelids, flu-like symptoms, vertigo, paresthesia, flushing, mild depression, hyperactivity, difficulty swallowing, exhaustion, hair loss, memory loss, loss of appetite, dry mouth, sexual disturbance, high blood pressure, uremia, dimming vision, and unsteady gait." LETTER #3: From Hendy Becaise of Paris, France:"Dear Dave, Could you speak French?" Dave says he doesn't speak the French. (Au contraire, mon ami. In my database I have Dave speaking French numerous times. My favorite being his impersonation of John Wayne speaking French on December 17, 1997: "Bonjour, mon ami.") Our friend Alan Kalter, though, has quite the ear for foreign languages and recently picked up some French on a recent visit to Paris. Alan gives a sample of what he overheard during his visit: "Non, merci. Je n'ai pas soif." (No, thank you. I am not thirsty.") "Regarde cd dingue do rouquin pisse sur la Tour Eiffel." (Look at that red-haired freak taking a leak on the Eiffel Tower.) "Laissons le battement lui et prendre alors les cheques do ses traveller." (Let's beat him and take his Travelers Cheques.") Dave says he's heard enough. LETTER #4: From Eddie Ingram of El Centro, California: "Dear Dave, How can I become the next Paul Shaffer and lead my very own band on a late night talk show?" Paul is always looking to help a fellow musician trying to break into the business and so he prepared a little number just for Eddie. It went something like this.... "If you have skill as a musician And find you envy my position Then luck has come your way 'Cause here...is...what...I...say... Basically, you've got to kiss a lot of ass." Highlights to *Mailbag: - Dave not believing it was George Clarke in the memory scenes, but Tony Orlando. - Biff not being able to find Yukon, Oklahoma on the map. He says, "It's not on the map but Yukon, Oklahoma is right here." He sticks the pin just north of Texas. Dave asks, "How do you know it's there if it's not on the map?" Biff answers: "Well, that's where it is now." I hope Biff went on the Maid of the Mist while he was there. Across the river is Toronto. How's the strike going up there? Where's he going next week? And that was Mailbag* for today. WILL IT FLOAT? Tonight's item: a folding aluminum beach chair. Will it float? Up goes the scrim. We see the lovely models holding a folding aluminum beach chair above the water tank. Standing to the side of the water tank, for no apparent reason, is the snake lady without the snake but with her fire torch. Will it float? I was a little disappointed in the item selected because with the wood arm rests and the aluminum support, the folding aluminum beach chair would obviously float. The models drop the chair into the water tank...and it SINKS! Whoa, that one got me good. NATHAN LANE: Always comes prepared and is always determined to get to everything he's prepared. Nathan is the voice of a cat in the new motion picture, Stuart Little 2, opening July 19th. Nathan mentioned his wife Marge and the twins, his wife dressing like the U.S.S. George Washington for The 4th of July and his going down with the ship. He touched upon the Hamptons, Martha Stewart, Larry the Masseur, uttered one of Dave's favorite words ("viscous"), Whoopi Goldberg; Alan King, Milton Berle, Pola Negri, Hitler, Melanie Griffith, and Stuart Little. It took him two segments but Mr. Lane got it all in. The guy is a real pro and a joy to watch. I'm glad he's in the neighborhood. TOP TEN: PERKS TO BEING SADDAM HUSSEIN'S STEPSON #10. For your birthday, you get the head of an infidel #6. Play your cards right and in 10 years you'll be torturing the Iraqi people. (ed.note - I only list my favorite 2 or 3 items of the night's top ten. For a full list, find the Top Ten at the Late Show website at www.cbs.com - click on the photo of Dave and then click on Top Ten on the Late Show website. For even more fun, click on the Wahoo Gazette for a daily recap of the night's show. You'll be glad you did. It's the best-kept secret on the internet. Nobody knows about it.) ACT 5: I was on stage relaying a message to Tony Mendez (Serena Williams is booked for Monday) and decided to remain to watch Paul and the Cape thing during the ACT 5. Paul really rocks for a good seven minutes, putting his heart into every note. And the CBS Orchestra blows the roof off the place. Tonight, instead of Dave bringing the cape out to Paul, Nathan Lane brought it out. It was a lot of fun to watch. HUGH FINK: Since I was out for the ACT 5, I decided to stay out and watch Hugh Fink do his 6 minutes of stand-up. I liked his impersonation of a baseball first base coach. "C'mon, Bobby. C'mon Bobby." I am rarely in the audience during the show (standing along the wall) and it feels as if I'm seeing the stage for the first time when I am out there. Although I am on stage every day during rehearsal, there is always people milling about here and there. You have camera people, sound people, wardrobe, props, carpenters and electricians, producers, writers, and more on stage. It's a very busy area before the show, lots of hustle and bustle, though usually more of the latter. That's the scene I think of when I think of the stage of the Ed Sullivan Theater. What I don't realize is that during the show, the stage is an extremely lonely place. Watching Hugh Fink, I realized it was just he and his words. Everything else was still. All eyes were on him. It's scary. It was good to see him do as well as he did. And that was our show for Friday July 12, 2002. Wahoo EXTRA! So I went home Thursday night and watched the beginning of the Late Show, the part I missed during taping. For your record keeping, it was Wayne who was the first contestant in *KYCE* and he chose the Executives Who Have Taken the 5th Amendment category, followed by Emily who chose Cuts of Meat. I especially enjoyed Dave and Paul discussing the lyrics to "The Tighten Up." What started as a lovely morning has turned ugly. As I type this glorious issue of the Wahoo Gazette, a Tide detergent commercial with the song "Going Up The Country" by Canned Heat comes up TWICE on the TV behind me. I've complained about this before but since I have little to say today I'll say it again. I love that song. When I hear "Going Up The Country" I want to think about Woodstock. I don't want to think about Tide XK. What is your favorite one-line rock and roll lyric? Wahoo Sports Corner It's a good thing this Allen Iverson thing happened in the off-season. During the season he's a shooting guard. After Bud Selig's All-Star game blunder, he announces that two major league teams may not meet next week's payroll. Now no one is talking about his All-Star blunder. Nice misdirection play, Mr. Selig. I was listening to a sports show on the radio the other day (surprise!) and the topic is the New York Yankees. The host says the Yankee clubhouse is a very professional place; serious, confident, focused, all gentlemen. The host asks the guest what makes them this way and when did it start. The guy said if comes from winning championships and it all started back in 1996 with Joe Torre. Ah, yes, the easy answer. Joe Torre came to the Yankees in '96 and they won the first in a string of championships in 1996. But 1996 is the wrong answer. It started years earlier with manager Buck Showalter. (Manager from 1992-1995) With he as manager and Don Mattingly at first base, the Yankees changed from a rag-tag, undisciplined team to what they are today. That was the start of it all. Where did Buck Showalter go after his firing? The Arizona Diamondbacks picked him up before they even had a team. Buck set the tone there in establishing a classy, poised, and professional team. Spot The Bartender Whom on the Late Show staff once worked as a bartender? Rich Suwanski of Owensboro, Kentucky: "Seems to me that cop and beer go together like cheese and burger. Since you're a former cop, I'll also wager you're a former bartender... before finding your true calling as America's Top On-Line Journalist." - I don't know cops who drink. No, I never worked as a bartender. Larry Santucci of Arlington, Virginia: "I think this is a trick question, as I think that YOU are the bartender. At least that's what the voices tell me." - Well this voice is telling you you're wrong. Sorry, Larry. I never worked that side of the bar. Julie Morello of Madison, Wisconsin. "Could you be the bartender? I know a lot of guys who put themselves through University of WI - Eau Claire campus by tending bar. That and bagging groceries at Kerms." - I see a pattern developing here. From Don Giller of New York, New York: "Mr. Steve Young." - No, Don, I'm sorry but you are wrong. On second thought, maybe I better check. Happy Bastille Day, my French friends. Liberte! Egalite! Fraternite! Have a nice weekend, or as they said in Paris in the mid-40's, "Schones Wochenende!"


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