Dave tells us he just spent a weekend at home alone. He described it as a little slice of heaven. "I could do what I want when I wanted. I didn't even have to answer the phone." I was laughing at Dave's joy, as I am about to spend a week alone myself. Denise and the girls will be going to the Jersey Shore next week with Denise's side of the family and many friends. Her family has been going down to the shore the 4th week of July for years. I happen to be working that week. Yes, I'm sad but there is a part of me that looks forward to having the house to myself, for the very same reason Dave just mentioned: I can do what I want when I want. Last year during "Empty House Week," on Night 1 I bought a pizza pie and two quarts of beer. I watched the Yankee game with the sound off, blasted some Van Morrison, drank the half-gallon, and ate 6 slices of pizza. I saved the last two slices for the morning. Night 2 I did the same, but first I stopped off at the local gin mill that my friend owns. I went home and ate half the pizza. Night 3 I was tired and just wanted to go home and sleep, but knew I shouldn't because this was "Empty House Week." I bought a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken and a six pack of beer. I made myself enjoy it, though the chicken wasn't as good as I remember 20 years ago. I woke on the couch the next morning, TV on, the house a mess. I had to clean up since I was driving to the shore that night, taking Friday off. "Empty House Week" was over. I was glad. It gets old quick. It ain't what it's cracked up to be yet I still look forward to it. It all starts Monday morning.

"Big Brother" is back, installment #3, and we have a clip of the night. We see one of the housemates yawning. Need anything more be said?

LATE SHOW NEWSMAKERS: Before Dave begins he admits to being in a disproportionately good mood.
- kid in a huge Clinton mask: "Everybody's doing it. Here we see former President Clinton after just one injection of Botox.
- Brits with face painted like the Union Jack. "Just what we don't need now, another health scare. There's no cause for alarm, but doctors warned, 'You probably want to stay away from British beef.
- Leprechaun on roller blades: "Here's my Uncle Earl enjoying another Saturday afternoon."
- Elephants - "They said it couldn't be done, but Sunday's 'Elephants Across America' raised millions of dollars as well as public awareness. (this was my favorite - few others enjoyed it as much as I. Probably because they don't remember Hands Across America. Or maybe they did remember it but just didn't think it funny anyway.

Another Big Brother 3 Clip of the Night: "I got to show my ass on national TV. That was kind of liberating."

SERENA WILLIAMS: 2002 Women's Wimbledon Champion in both Singles and Doubles. Her serve can hit the speed of 123 mph. Her second serve travels between 80-90 mph. I enjoyed Serena's segment. She seemed very nice and friendly. It must be great to be great at something, but it takes so much work.

TOM ARNOLD: It's official. I look forward to Tom Arnold's visits. He always has something going on with his family and holds nothing back. I'm happy to see Tom is enjoying married life as he was recently married to girlfriend Shelby. During the second segment with Tom, we get to see Shelby sitting in the green room. Everybody thought the same thing. Surprised, we all said, "Hey! She looks normal!" Even Tom can't figure out how he landed up with her.
Tom can be seen nightly on the Fox SportsNet, "Best Damn Sports Show Period."

DAVE MATTHEWS BAND: Singing up on the roof of the Ed Sullivan office building, the Dave Matthews Band sang "Where Are You Going" from their brand new CD, "Busted Stuff." I didn't get up to the roof for the song but I am sure I will tell my friends otherwise. When they ask where was I for the Dave Matthews performance, I will say, "I was right up front. They were awesome."

Oh, last week I was talking to a couple blokes from Ireland. The new word it "Brilliant." "Awesome" is out. It's gone the way of groovy and boss. So the next time someone does something that's really really neat, say, "That was brilliant, man."

Other bands that have played on the roof or on 53rd Street:
ROOF:
Jon Bon Jovi - June 13, 2000.

53RD STREET
Jon Bon Jovi - July 26, 1995
Smashing Pumpkins - July 30, 1998
Rage Against the Machine - November 2, 1999
matchbox 20 - May 23, 2000.

After the show, the Dave Matthews Band played another 4 songs up on the roof. It'll be on the VH-1 in the near future. Watch for it.

And that was our show for Monday July 15, 2002. It's the halfway mark between Memorial Day and Labor Day. Wahoo EXTRA!

"Dear Diary, I will always remember the Summer of 2002 as the summer I . . ."

SPOT THE BARTENDER: Whom on the Late Show staff was once a bartender? Answer: Stagehand Kenny Sheehan.

TV Guide came out with a list of the 50 Worst TV Shows of All-Time. The top (or bottom) ten, followed by a personal comment.
#10. "Hee Haw Honeys" (syndicated; 1978-1979) - I'm not sure if I ever saw it but "Hee Haw" has always been one of my favorite shows. Lots of good bad jokes.
#9. "You're In The Picture (CBS; 1961) - no idea.
#8. "Cop Rock" (ABC; 1990) - I hate a singing cop
#7. "AfterMASH (CBS; 1983-1984) - no recollection. This was during my drinking years.
#6. "Celebrity Boxing" (Fox; 2002 - present) - I once admitted "Celebrity Boxing" was a guilty pleasure of mine. After watching the second installment, I said I no longer had any guilt. I absolutely LOVE "Celebrity Boxing" and am proud to say so.
#5. "Hogan's Heroes" (CBS; 1965-1971) - Sgt. Schultz and Colonel Klink - two of the BEST characters ever in a situation comedy.
#4. "The Brady Bunch Hour" (ABC; 1971) - a half-hour was unbearable.
#3. "XFL" (NBC, UPN, TNN; 2001) - the only thing missing was Bud Selig as its commissioner.
#2. "My Mother the Car" (NBC; 1965 - 1966) - no recollection. This was during my drinking years.

And the Worst TV Show of All Time. . . .

#1. "The Jerry Springer Show" (syndicated; 1991- present) - consistently makes me laugh out loud. It belongs on the TV Guide list that it put out 6 months ago.

For the full list, check out www.tvguide.com

THIS JUST IN! Mr. Steve Young, Late Show writer, once worked as a bartender. Add him to the Late Show "SPOT THE BARTENDER" list. I should never doubt Don Giller. I have once again learned my lesson. Favorite One Line Rock & Roll Lyric

- "I hope I die before I get old." (The Who) - Melanie Young, Toronto, Canada
- "What's so funny 'bout peace, love, and understanding." (Elvis Costello) - Margo P. the Dingo, Madison, Wisconsin
- "If the phone doesn't ring, it's me" and "The weather is here, I wish you were beautiful." (Jimmy Buffett) - Mike Lloyd, Midland Texas
- "Put the lime in the coconut and shake it all up." (Coconut, by Nilsson) - Diane Manns
- "Cocaine" (Eric Clapton and/or Jackson Browne) - Alan Page
- "No short-haired yellow-bellied son of tricky-dicky's gonna mother-hubbard soft-soap me with just a pocketful of hope." ("Give Me Some Truth" - John Lennon) - Heather
- "Don't surround yourself with yourself - move on back a square." ("All Good People" - Yes) - Karoline Steavenson
- "Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away." - Anna Harris, Flagstaff, Arizona
- "Send lawyers, guns, and money, the 'djoy' has hit the fan." (Warren Zevon) - Bill Fletcher
- "Tramps like us, baby we were born to run." (Bruce) - Dave Ahlers, Freehold, New Jersey (you had to travel far for that one, Dave.)
- "Bought a '72 Dodge, painted that sumbitch green with a broom." - Greg Smith, Birmingham, Alabama. - Greg doesn't remember the artist and the make of car may be in error. Any help? Why Me Wahoo

I'm thinking of featuring another "Why Me Wahoo". What is "Why Me Wahoo"? I make the yeomen effort of selecting a Wahoo reader to become a Wahoo writer for a day. Instead of my writing the Wahoo Gazette, one of YOU will be its author. All you have to do is let me know why YOU should be that person. One caveat: the written Wahoo must be on my desk (or in my e-mail) by 10:30 AM EST the next morning. Wahoo reader James Langdell was the first winner of the "Why Me Wahoo" many months back. (February 7, 2001.)
Send me a short bio and why you should be the one to write the Wahoo. Topic title: WHY ME WAHOO

That's it for today. Please support all the Wahoo Gazette sponsors.