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			Monday, July 22, 2002 Show #1845
			By Michael Z. McIntee	Change Text Color: Black \| White


	Haley Joel Osment; Bill Scheft; and Dashboard Confessional. PLUS: George W. Bush Word of the Night; Is This Anything?; a top ten list; How They're Cutting Costs; and George Clarke tries to fly a kite. GEORGE W. BUSH WORD OF THE NIGHT: It was from a press conference a few weeks back. We see the President talking: "This is all recycled.......stuff." Hi, Bob. Hi, Stan. How's the go going? On days like this all you want to do is go out and play. With that in mind, we decided to send our building engineer George Clarke to the roof to try to fly a kite. Unfortunately, it was too nice. The wind from the southwest was 9 mph, with gusts up to 18. Dave was hoping for more of a steady wind in the 15-20 mph range. It worked during rehearsal but effort was too great and we feared we wouldn't be able to duplicate it at show time. What to do? We decided to have George hale a cab and fly it out the back window. A cabbie pulls up and George tells the driver what he plans to do. The drivers look forced a belly laugh from me. Seeing a generous tip in his future, the cabbie tells George to hop in. Getting in, George accidentally sits on the kite. "Oh, djoy" laments George. Seeing George getting in to a cab, the camera catches an irritated guy trying to get a cab. You could almost hear him think, "Damn guy with a kite gets a cab and I can't." Until things settle down a bit, Dave goes to the prepared comedy piece of the night. HOW THEY'RE CUTTING COSTS: America West Airlines: Pilots are required to bring their own booze. Kellogg's: "Special K" cereal now just "K" Taco Bell: Until further notice, going back to thinking inside the bun Mississippi: Now Misisipi Poland Spring: Diluting their water Back to George, we find him waiting at a red light. As the green, the cab proceeds down Broadway as the kite glides into the air. Is there anything more peaceful than a kite in flight? Seconds later the kite hits a streetlight and becomes disabled. Tranquility disrupted. IS THIS ANYTHING? It's Kiva (pronounced Keeva) rollerblading with her skates afire. Of all her performances, this was the least anything, but it was still something. 5 minutes later we hear the spoosh of a fire extinguisher upon the blazing blades. Why was this done so much later after the performance? One reason is we always want to be ready in case Dave's calls for another look-see. Where was it extinguished right behind the scrim for all to hear? I'm not sure. I'll try to find out Tuesday but my guess is the flame started crawling up her leg and had to doused pronto. Big news: Dave hints he may reopen the Oprah Log. Maybe he really enjoyed the "Up Close" experience? TOP TEN: Tiger Woods Excuses: #5. Distracted by caddy's windblown kilt #2. When a guy gets a Swedish girlfriend, suddenly golf ain't the most important thing in the world. HALEY JOEL OSMENT: He's the kid from The Sixth Sense, the one who saw dead people. I didn't know what to expect but he was a charming and well-spoken lad. I couldn't help but think, "This kid's too mature for his age." He's 14. What's that, 8th grade? Remember what you were like in the 8th grade? Although Haley was in Forrest Gump, most of us first learned of Haley from The Sixth Sense. I didn't see the movie (for some reason I don't see movies) but was very very impressed with his performance simply from the clips. He was nominated for an Academy Award for that. When I was that age, I won a participation award for field day. What does Haley do in his spare time? He likes the golf. We see a photo of Haley and some friends on the golf course. That was Haley between James "Don't Call Me Tiger" Woods and Kenny G. Haley's voice 'appears' in The Country Bears movie opening this Friday. We did not see a clip of his voice. BILL SCHEFT: Comedian, author, raconteur, and writer here at the Late Show. He's been with Dave for 15 or so years now. Bill recently completed his first novel, entitled, The Ringer, about a star softball player paid by corporations to play for their company softball team. And so much more. I plan on reading it during the next break. Bill told a funny story about having problems with his washing machine. Bill took out the owner's manual and found a phone number handwritten at the bottom. He called the guy, named Paul, and asked if he could come over and fix the problem. It turned out to be Paul Shaffer. Bill apologized profusely to Paul for the misunderstanding. Paul responded, "What exactly is wrong with the washing machine." Sounds as if Paul's been hit hard by the stock market crash. Needs that second income. My father was right - "Learn a trade." The Ringer - in bookstores now. And look for Bill Scheft's column in Sports Illustrated starting next week. DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL: From their CD, The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most, Dashboard Confessional sang "Saints and Sailors." And that was our show for Monday July 22, 2002. "Carded" vs "Proofed" Trying to buy beer as a teen? I asked, "Were you 'proofed' or 'carded'?" The results are in. "Proofed" seems to be a New York thing only. I asked Wahoo readers about 'carded vs. proofed' and "carded' came out as the clear winner. Responses from throughout the U.S. said they were "carded" when trying to buy alcohol. As for myself, a New Yorker, it was always "proofed." The Canadians who responded all said they were "ID'd." Oddly enough, from Buffalo, New York, the northwest corner of the Empire State and 8 hours from NYC, I was told it was "proofed," while from Philadelphia, less than 3 hours away, it was "carded." Someone from Albany, New York also said she was "proofed" as a kid but her kids are now "carded." Can "proofed" be on the way out? So there you have it. I was very surprised to learn that 49 states used the wrong term "carded," and only New York correctly used "proofed." Oh, and the only other state other than New Jersey where you are not allowed to pump your own gas is Oregon, not Idaho. Are you supposed to tip the gas jockey? No, though some said I should realize they probably make minimum wage or close to it, so it wouldn't hurt to toss them an extra buck. Cameo Mention of a Non-Wahoo Reader CAMEO MENTION OF A NON-WAHOO READER City: Allentown, Pennsylvania Name: Harper The Principal of Harrison-Morton Middle School in Allentown, Pennsylvania, it's Debra A. Harper. This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A NON-WAHOO READER Wahoo Sports Corner Right after Monday's show the Late Show had a softball game against The Daily Show. I'm writing this Tuesday morning. Who won? Does it really matter? We played to have fun and enjoy each other's company and kinship. Winning and losing had no importance. A matter of fact, I don't think we even kept score. How did I do? Again, it is so unimportant. I had fun. I laughed, I played, I spent time with my peers outside the workplace. I'm sort of hoping for a baseball strike. I think it would be more entertaining to watch the fans' reaction to a strike than actually watching the games. And if there is not a baseball strike, this year's ALCS participants will be the Oakland A's and the Minnesota Twins. If they trade for a first baseman, the Atlanta Braves will face the A's in the World Series...or the Twins. This just in: I received an e-mail from someone that claims being "proofed" in Toledo, Ohio. I repeat: There was a "proofed" sighting in Toledo, Ohio. Haley Joel Osment; Bill Scheft; and Dashboard Confessional. PLUS: George W. Bush Word of the Night; Is This Anything?; a top ten list; How They're Cutting Costs; and George Clarke tries to fly a kite. GEORGE W. BUSH WORD OF THE NIGHT: It was from a press conference a few weeks back. We see the President talking: "This is all recycled.......stuff." Hi, Bob. Hi, Stan. How's the go going? On days like this all you want to do is go out and play. With that in mind, we decided to send our building engineer George Clarke to the roof to try to fly a kite. Unfortunately, it was too nice. The wind from the southwest was 9 mph, with gusts up to 18. Dave was hoping for more of a steady wind in the 15-20 mph range. It worked during rehearsal but effort was too great and we feared we wouldn't be able to duplicate it at show time. What to do? We decided to have George hale a cab and fly it out the back window. A cabbie pulls up and George tells the driver what he plans to do. The drivers look forced a belly laugh from me. Seeing a generous tip in his future, the cabbie tells George to hop in. Getting in, George accidentally sits on the kite. "Oh, djoy" laments George. Seeing George getting in to a cab, the camera catches an irritated guy trying to get a cab. You could almost hear him think, "Damn guy with a kite gets a cab and I can't." Until things settle down a bit, Dave goes to the prepared comedy piece of the night. HOW THEY'RE CUTTING COSTS: America West Airlines: Pilots are required to bring their own booze. Kellogg's: "Special K" cereal now just "K" Taco Bell: Until further notice, going back to thinking inside the bun Mississippi: Now Misisipi Poland Spring: Diluting their water Back to George, we find him waiting at a red light. As the green, the cab proceeds down Broadway as the kite glides into the air. Is there anything more peaceful than a kite in flight? Seconds later the kite hits a streetlight and becomes disabled. Tranquility disrupted. IS THIS ANYTHING? It's Kiva (pronounced Keeva) rollerblading with her skates afire. Of all her performances, this was the least anything, but it was still something. 5 minutes later we hear the spoosh of a fire extinguisher upon the blazing blades. Why was this done so much later after the performance? One reason is we always want to be ready in case Dave's calls for another look-see. Where was it extinguished right behind the scrim for all to hear? I'm not sure. I'll try to find out Tuesday but my guess is the flame started crawling up her leg and had to doused pronto. Big news: Dave hints he may reopen the Oprah Log. Maybe he really enjoyed the "Up Close" experience? TOP TEN: Tiger Woods Excuses: #5. Distracted by caddy's windblown kilt #2. When a guy gets a Swedish girlfriend, suddenly golf ain't the most important thing in the world. HALEY JOEL OSMENT: He's the kid from The Sixth Sense, the one who saw dead people. I didn't know what to expect but he was a charming and well-spoken lad. I couldn't help but think, "This kid's too mature for his age." He's 14. What's that, 8th grade? Remember what you were like in the 8th grade? Although Haley was in Forrest Gump, most of us first learned of Haley from The Sixth Sense. I didn't see the movie (for some reason I don't see movies) but was very very impressed with his performance simply from the clips. He was nominated for an Academy Award for that. When I was that age, I won a participation award for field day. What does Haley do in his spare time? He likes the golf. We see a photo of Haley and some friends on the golf course. That was Haley between James "Don't Call Me Tiger" Woods and Kenny G. Haley's voice 'appears' in The Country Bears movie opening this Friday. We did not see a clip of his voice. BILL SCHEFT: Comedian, author, raconteur, and writer here at the Late Show. He's been with Dave for 15 or so years now. Bill recently completed his first novel, entitled, The Ringer, about a star softball player paid by corporations to play for their company softball team. And so much more. I plan on reading it during the next break. Bill told a funny story about having problems with his washing machine. Bill took out the owner's manual and found a phone number handwritten at the bottom. He called the guy, named Paul, and asked if he could come over and fix the problem. It turned out to be Paul Shaffer. Bill apologized profusely to Paul for the misunderstanding. Paul responded, "What exactly is wrong with the washing machine." Sounds as if Paul's been hit hard by the stock market crash. Needs that second income. My father was right - "Learn a trade." The Ringer - in bookstores now. And look for Bill Scheft's column in Sports Illustrated starting next week. DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL: From their CD, The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most, Dashboard Confessional sang "Saints and Sailors." And that was our show for Monday July 22, 2002. "Carded" vs "Proofed" Trying to buy beer as a teen? I asked, "Were you 'proofed' or 'carded'?" The results are in. "Proofed" seems to be a New York thing only. I asked Wahoo readers about 'carded vs. proofed' and "carded' came out as the clear winner. Responses from throughout the U.S. said they were "carded" when trying to buy alcohol. As for myself, a New Yorker, it was always "proofed." The Canadians who responded all said they were "ID'd." Oddly enough, from Buffalo, New York, the northwest corner of the Empire State and 8 hours from NYC, I was told it was "proofed," while from Philadelphia, less than 3 hours away, it was "carded." Someone from Albany, New York also said she was "proofed" as a kid but her kids are now "carded." Can "proofed" be on the way out? So there you have it. I was very surprised to learn that 49 states used the wrong term "carded," and only New York correctly used "proofed." Oh, and the only other state other than New Jersey where you are not allowed to pump your own gas is Oregon, not Idaho. Are you supposed to tip the gas jockey? No, though some said I should realize they probably make minimum wage or close to it, so it wouldn't hurt to toss them an extra buck. Cameo Mention of a Non-Wahoo Reader CAMEO MENTION OF A NON-WAHOO READER City: Allentown, Pennsylvania Name: Harper The Principal of Harrison-Morton Middle School in Allentown, Pennsylvania, it's Debra A. Harper. This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A NON-WAHOO READER Wahoo Sports Corner Right after Monday's show the Late Show had a softball game against The Daily Show. I'm writing this Tuesday morning. Who won? Does it really matter? We played to have fun and enjoy each other's company and kinship. Winning and losing had no importance. A matter of fact, I don't think we even kept score. How did I do? Again, it is so unimportant. I had fun. I laughed, I played, I spent time with my peers outside the workplace. I'm sort of hoping for a baseball strike. I think it would be more entertaining to watch the fans' reaction to a strike than actually watching the games. And if there is not a baseball strike, this year's ALCS participants will be the Oakland A's and the Minnesota Twins. If they trade for a first baseman, the Atlanta Braves will face the A's in the World Series...or the Twins. This just in: I received an e-mail from someone that claims being "proofed" in Toledo, Ohio. I repeat: There was a "proofed" sighting in Toledo, Ohio.


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