Dr. Phil's Words of Wisdom: "Are you nuts?!"

Dave had an audio specialist come to his office the other day to do a security sweep. Afterwards, the guy said there was nothing to worry about, "nobody's listening or watching." Dave says, "I know that. This is CBS." So no one is spying on Dave? There is still a possibility that someone may. How? With a laser listening device. You can hear through a window a half mile away.

"JACKASS: THE MOVIE" - Have you seen the film yet? ("Citizen Kane" and "Jackass: The Movie" are both called "films." Go figure.) Before the showing of the flick, they run a disclaimer. Basically it says you shouldn't try the stunts about to be seen at home. And to be sure not to set your nuts on fire, okay, genius?

HALLOWEEN PSYCHIC SANDWICH: We head over to the Hello Deli. The proprietor of the Hello Deli, Rupert Jee, came up with the name for his establishment from the Broadway sensation Hello Dolly. Has he ever seen "Hello Dolly"? No. As always, while Dave talked to Rupert I eyed the product in the Hello Deli's prime sales spot. It's right by the cash register and is geared towards the "impulse buy." Tonight's item: Snickers. I always wonder if Rupert gets a kickback from the candy people for putting their product in that spot.
Before I know it, Dave asks Rupert, "What have you heard from the Snickers people?" Dave puts in a quick two-bar order of Snickers.
Helping out in tonight's Halloween Psychic Sandwich is intuitive Deborah Lynn. She's been on many times but has yet to correctly guess the sandwich Rupert is preparing. Dave directs Deborah to study the massive Hello Deli sandwich board listing all the sandwiches on Rupert's menu. Many of the sandwiches are named after popular Late Show employees and one Late Show employer. In the corner of the sandwich board listing is a sandwich named, "DJ's Sex Club." Dave wonders aloud, "DJ's Sex Club? What is that all about?" Intuitive Deborah Lynn immediately begins to read the ingredients. That's not what Dave meant. I laughed out loud at this, thinking it more funny than those did around me.

Cut back to Dave and we see him chewing on a Snickers. He holds up a bar and says, "If we don't get a truckload of these..." Mmmm. Snickers. I ain't calling in sick tomorrow.
Rupert applies the blindfold to Intuitive Deborah Lynn while Alan Kalter tells us what tonight's Halloween Psychic Sandwich is.
"Tonight's Halloween Psychic Sandwich is made with chicken cutlet, American cheese, lettuce, tomato, sweet peppers, mayonnaise, on a hero. It is known to Rupert Jee customers as The Paul Shaffer."

Rupert busily makes the Paul Shaffer sandwich while Deborah Lynn opens herself up to the psychic waves in the ether. At the completion, Deborah makes her guess. She has never been closer to being right as she got the first two letters correct. Instead of the Paul Shaffer, Deborah guessed the Pat Farmer. Even though incorrect, Deborah receives a Hello Deli deli platter and a gift certificate for a bag of fun sized Snickers bars.

For some reason, Dave is leafing through a Cooking Light magazine at the top of the ACT 2. By the audience reaction, I'm guessing he received it during the pre-show Q&A.

TOP TEN: LIZZIE GRUBMAN COMPLAINTS ABOUT JAIL.
#10. No one talks about Hamptons, just people they've shivved.
#8. Surly servants act more like a bunch of armed guards.
#2. "240 women sharing 3 showers? What is this - Vassar?"

Dave liked #2. He claims it is his new catch phrase. "What is this - Vassar?"

The top ten was sponsored by the Sonny Liston Grill and the Mitch "Blood" Green Yogurt Maker.

SALMA HAYEK: she's dressed in all black. And she smells great! Dave asks what's the fragrance? Salma says, "It's my sweat." OH! Dave asks, "Are you sweating now?" Responds Salma, "You make me sweat, Dave." Yikes-a-hootie! From there Salma talks about a cricket wrangler. She's directing for the first time a movie in Utah for Showtime ("The Maldonado Miracle") that became overrun with crickets. How to get rid of too many crickets? Call the Cricket Wrangler. Hmmm. Sounds like somebody's trying to take advantage of the new director.
"Oh yeah lady. You need to call a Cricket Wrangler. It's gonna cost you, though."
Do they celebrate Halloween in Mexico? Yes, but the big day is November 2nd, The Day of the Dead. It's a day to celebrate the dead. You're supposed to bring something to your dead relatives that they enjoyed in life. She once brought her dead grandfather some cigars. She decided to try one (taking it off her dead grandfather's altar) and ended up liking it. Now she's hooked. I have a similar story. My grandmother used to read the "Weekly World News." I bought an issue after she died as a symbolic gesture to her memory. Now I'm hooked. Believe me, you will not find more entertainment for the buck than Weekly World News.
Salma stars in the film, "Frida". (pronounced "Freeda"). It's currently playing in selected cities. In the clip, she chugs from a bottle of Tequila. It made me think back to my college days, days I'll never remember.

ALAN KALTER'S SCARY HALLOWEEN TALES: Alan tells the tale of being seductively attacked by a witch. "As night turned to day, my fun-size turned to king size."

ACT 5: "Tired of being ripped off? Send five dollars to:
No More Rip-offs
c/o The Late Show
16967 Broadway
New York, NY 10019.

Together we can make a difference."

TORI AMOS: From her new CD, "Scarlet's Walk," Tori sings "A Sorta Fairytale."

And that was our show for Tuesday, October 29, 2002. "The Pig Pen" or "The Franklin"?

From the July 16, 2002 Wahoo Gazette: Stephanie had performed in the day's Psychic Sandwich:

"Before we go any farther, Dave has a request. He would like to see Stephanie's impression of her old boyfriend dancing. Stephanie is fine with that. With a little Rod Stewart 'Maggie May' from Paul, Stephanie begins her dance. I recognized the dance. It's the same dance as Pig Pen from 'A Charlie Brown Christmas.' (I think it was Pig Pen). Stephanie leaned over slightly, drooped her arms, and lazily bounced from one foot to the next."

I received this from Wahoo reader Rich Rothouse of Boulder Creek - he questioned my referring to the Stephanie dance as "The Franklin"

"OK, so not to be too dorky but 'A Charlie Brown Christmas' was released in 1964 and the character of Franklin did not come into the strip until 1968. Because historical accuracy is so important. And because I'm a Peanuts freak."

Corresponding with Rich from Boulder Creek, he added this in another e-mail. Rich Rothouse of Boulder Creek:

"Alright! This is taking on a life of its own. On the Xmas dance party the guy who bounces his head back and forth (mohawk?) is actually an extra. A character that looks like that was actually called '5' due to a jersey he used to wear in the strips. The 'sleepwalker' is Shermy. The whole scene kinda reminds me of a Dead show."

Hey Rich, now that I have you maybe you could help me with something. Is it Herbie or Hermie?

I believe I have a copy of "A Charlie Brown Christmas" at home and I hope to watch it tonight to verify the identity of the Peanuts character. Wahoo EXTRA!

SNAPPLE UNDER-THE-CAP FUN FACT OF THE DAY
#25. "The only food that doesn't spoil is honey."
And now the humorous comment: "In that case, don't come trick-or-treating at my house. I'm giving last year's candy corn."

Wednesday's guest: Warren Zevon.