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			Thursday, December 19, 2002 Show #1925
			By Michael Z. McIntee	Change Text Color: Black \| White


	Tom Hanks; Phish; and a Top Ten List from the 16 Survivor Castaways. One of the new films that just opened is Martin Scorsese’s Gangs of New York. It’s a gritty, brutal look at the dangerous gangs of the 1800’s. Dave has a clip of the film. We cut to a dance scene from West Side Story. Pretty brutal stuff. Have you seen the new Lord of the Rings movie? Dave says he’s seen the promos and he thinks they’ve added some new characters. Dave shows a Lord of the Rings promo. We see a lot of action shots of swords, Lords, and stuff, and then a quick cut to a guy sitting at a kitchen table eating onion rings. “There rings are delicious,” he says. Dave can’t wait to find out what happens to that guy. And before the holiday is upon us, Dave shows one more time the Osama bin Laden Christmas card he received last week. It’s one of those video Christmas cards. We see Osama and the Iron Sheik singing “We Wish You A Merry Christmas.” WHO ASKED FOR IT? It’s sort of like the CBS Mailbag except we answer questions from the studio audience instead of the home viewers. 1. Eddie Kwan – He works at the DMV and has been there for 5 years. Dave wants some of those personalized special license plates and is hoping Eddie can hook him up. Paul wants in on the action, too. Dave suggests Paul get the license plate, “Pablo.” Eddie’s question or request: “On TV, it looks like Rupert’s deli is right outside the theater. Is it really that close?” Dave says it really is nearby, right outside our door, in fact. Eddie asks if he could take a look. Dave grants his request. Eddie walks out the side door to 53rd Street. He heads towards Rupert’s Hello Deli. Once near the deli, Eddie breaks out into a sprint and doesn’t look back. Seeing Eddie run down the block reminded me of the final scene of Midnight Express. Dave says, “I don’t think he’s coming back.” Who is Eddie Kwan? He’s the Late Show website producer Walter Kim. He also holds the camera during the Tony Mendez show. But who is Eddie Kwan? According to a knowing source, Eddie Kwan was a name Walter used on a fake ID back in high school to get into the bars. 2. John Ward – he lives in Waterford, New York. He’s in the silicon marketing department at G.E. Dave is impressed, but concerned. “Is it safe working with silicon?” John answers, “Well, I’m in marketing, so...” Silicon, Shmilicon, who cares when you work in the marketing department? John’s question: “What do you do with the ‘Will It Float’ tank when it’s not in use?” Dave says we keep it backstage. He sends a camera to show John exactly where. As we approach the Will It Float tank, we find our embarrassed building engineer George Clarke taking his nightly bath. Creepy. Who is John Ward? He’s actually our writer Steve Young. But who is John Ward? I don’t know. I didn’t get a chance to ask Steve. 3. Tommy Yang Dave: “What’s your name?” Tommy: “Tommy Yang.” Dave: “And where are you from?” Tommy: “I live in Harrison, up in Westchester County.” Dave: “Are you married?” Tommy: “Yes, I am. 5 years now.” Dave: “And what do you do for a living?” Tommy: “I’m an audio technician.” Dave: “That’s a very interesting line of work. And where do you work?” Tommy: “I’ve worked here for nine years. I was just adjusting the microphone for the next person, you moron.” Who is Tommy Yang? He’s Tommy Yang, our audio technician. But who is Tommy Yang? He's Tommy Yang, our audio technician. 4. Julia Tognari – she lives in Connecticut and is expecting her first child. Her question: “Where do your guests wait before they come onstage?” Dave says they rest in the green room, a lovely place to relax and prepare coming out. Julia says, “That’s what I thought.” She then walks to the end of the row of seats in the audience and says to Tom Hanks, “Hey, Fat Head, out of my seat.” Tom Hanks sheepishly gets up from his seat and slinks to the green room. Who is Julia Tognari? She’s Michelle O’Callaghan, the Late Show makeup artist. But who is Julia Tognari? It’s her daughter, sweet Julia. And that’s how we play, Who Asked For It? TOP TEN: Things We Can Say Not That “Survivor: Thailand” Is Over And to present the Top Ten list, LIVE from Television City in California, the 16 contestants from Survivor: Thailand. #8. The locals would not stop asking if we knew Becker. #4. I lived for one week on sunscreen and bark. #2. During a period of political instability in July, I was briefly the Prime Minister of Thailand. I’m not sure but I think the house microphones were broken. I couldn’t hear the audience at all! Hey, where was Richard Hatch? TOM HANKS: He had a recent run-in with the law. He walked his dog Snowball where it wasn’t allowed. Ignoring the clearly marked signs in that universal language of pictures and drawings, Tom and his Snowball took the path towards the bridge. Sure the sign should have prevented him from proceeding, but he did it hundreds of times before and there was the unwritten understanding that the signs were there simply for the law-abiders, not for the lawbreakers. Tom continued on his way. Bicycle riders coming down the path told Tom the cops were ticketing all the dog-walkers. They advised the two-time Academy Award winning celebrity to turn around or else suffer the consequences. Tom didn’t break stride. Why should he? He’s Tom Hanks. More pedestrians and bike riders on the path warn Tom of the Heat working the Beat up ahead. Feeling the power that two Academy Awards can give a man, Tom continues. “I’m Tom Hanks and this is my dog, Snowball” Tom tells himself. At the end of the trail, Tom meets Reed and Malloy who have their summons pad at the ready. Tom gets the ticket he didn’t think he would get. If only there was a sign or if someone had warned him, this wouldn’t have happened. Alas, poor Tom. Poor Snowball. My favorite part of the story was when Tom referred to the two police officers as Reed and Malloy. I was able to hear head carpenter Harold Larkin laugh out loud from around the corner. I looked around and realized that he and I were the only ones old enough to remember Reed and Malloy. Back from commercial, Tom tells what it’s like at his house during the holidays. He says he makes all guests and visitors perform in the Hanks House talent show. Nobody is exempt. Everyone must perform. Tom admits that many friends avoid his house from Christmas to New Year’s in fear of having to put on a show. I smile. That Tom Hanks is one smart guy. I write down the idea and plan to introduce it into the McIntee House next year. Tom then tells the story of how his wife Rita discovered Nia Vardalos putting on her one-woman show. Rita like the show, like the actress, told Tom, and it was made into a movie. The movie, of course, is the super red hot, My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Without Rita’s discovery, who knows where Nia and her show would be today. I hope Rita reads the Wahoo Gazette someday. Not this one, though, One that’s funny. We see a clip of Tom in his new film, Catch Me If You Can. It opens December 25th and received high praise from Dave. Like Dave said, I liked the feel and look of the movie. Seeing Tom playing the detective, I half expected Dan Akyroyd to appear, but that was a different film. ACT 5: On Thursday! Friday we have a big music production number with Darlene Love so we decided to do the Cape Thing tonight. Our Cape Thing performer tonight was Late Show Costume Designer Susan Hum. Susan did a very commendable job under difficult circumstances, having to dodge Phish during the performance. Here’s something you probably didn’t know – Paul has no idea who will be performing the Cape Thing until he or she places the cape around him. PHISH: From their new CD, Round Room, Phish sang “All Of These Dreams.” I liked their sound. I’ll have to give them another listen. Let me guess, they’ve been around for years, haven’t they, and I’m just becoming hip to them. Am I right? Are Hootie and the Blowfish still hot? And that was our show for Thursday December 19, 2002. Wahoo EXTRA! Prediction: The Survivor producers will be hard at work to amend the show next time. I don’t think it’s good for the “key demographics” that the final 4 Survivors are aged 34, 54, 46, and 47. And they are all married! I guess after being married and raising kids, surviving in Thailand is a piece of cake. I’m at the Late Show Christmas Party the other night and I see the bartender is pushing the Heineken Dark. I ask the young 20-something barkeep, “Is this stuff any good?” College it’s all I ever drank.” I look at him with wonder. I ask, “You drank Heineken in college?” He proudly answers, “Yeah, all the time.” It was obvious to me that he and I come from different worlds. All I could think was, “You could buy 3 Piels for every Heineken. Idiot.” Different people drink for different reasons, I guess. The Only Good Rock 'n Roll Christmas Song It’s Darlene Love Friday night singing “Christmas, Baby Please Come Home.” To sing along at home, the Wahoo Gazette offers the lyrics: Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) (Christmas) The snow's coming down (Christmas) I'm watching it fall (Christmas) Lots of people around (Christmas) Baby please come home (Christmas) The church bells in town (Christmas) All ringing in song (Christmas) Full of happy sounds (Christmas) Baby please come home They're singing "Deck The Halls" But it's not like Christmas at all Cuz I remember when you were here And all the fun we had last year (Christmas) Pretty lights on the tree (Christmas) I'm watching them shine (Christmas) You should be here with me (Christmas) Baby please come home They're singing "Deck The Halls" But it's not like Christmas at all Cuz I remember when you were here And all the fun we had last year (Christmas) If there was a way (Christmas) I'd hold back this tear (Christmas) But it's Christmas day (Please) Please (Please) Please (Please) Please (Please) Please Baby please come home (Christmas) Baby please come home (Christmas) Baby please come home (Christmas) Baby please come home Friday's CBS Mailbag LETTER #1: From Jeremy Byrd of Hot Coffee, Mississippi: “Dave, What do you like to do for fun?” LETTER #2: From Ron Sertz of Erie, Pennsylvania: “Dave, My two daughters just moved to New York City. Could you or Rupert check to see how they’re doing?” LETTER #3: From Kris Koskellin of Sun Prairie, Wisconsin: “Dear Dave, Does any of the Late Show staff hang mistletoe in their offices during the holiday season?” LETTER #4: From Jeff Dearman of Winchester, Massachusetts: “Dear Dave, Would you consider running for President?” That’s all, folks. Tom Hanks; Phish; and a Top Ten List from the 16 Survivor Castaways. One of the new films that just opened is Martin Scorsese’s Gangs of New York. It’s a gritty, brutal look at the dangerous gangs of the 1800’s. Dave has a clip of the film. We cut to a dance scene from West Side Story. Pretty brutal stuff. Have you seen the new Lord of the Rings movie? Dave says he’s seen the promos and he thinks they’ve added some new characters. Dave shows a Lord of the Rings promo. We see a lot of action shots of swords, Lords, and stuff, and then a quick cut to a guy sitting at a kitchen table eating onion rings. “There rings are delicious,” he says. Dave can’t wait to find out what happens to that guy. And before the holiday is upon us, Dave shows one more time the Osama bin Laden Christmas card he received last week. It’s one of those video Christmas cards. We see Osama and the Iron Sheik singing “We Wish You A Merry Christmas.” WHO ASKED FOR IT? It’s sort of like the CBS Mailbag except we answer questions from the studio audience instead of the home viewers. 1. Eddie Kwan – He works at the DMV and has been there for 5 years. Dave wants some of those personalized special license plates and is hoping Eddie can hook him up. Paul wants in on the action, too. Dave suggests Paul get the license plate, “Pablo.” Eddie’s question or request: “On TV, it looks like Rupert’s deli is right outside the theater. Is it really that close?” Dave says it really is nearby, right outside our door, in fact. Eddie asks if he could take a look. Dave grants his request. Eddie walks out the side door to 53rd Street. He heads towards Rupert’s Hello Deli. Once near the deli, Eddie breaks out into a sprint and doesn’t look back. Seeing Eddie run down the block reminded me of the final scene of Midnight Express. Dave says, “I don’t think he’s coming back.” Who is Eddie Kwan? He’s the Late Show website producer Walter Kim. He also holds the camera during the Tony Mendez show. But who is Eddie Kwan? According to a knowing source, Eddie Kwan was a name Walter used on a fake ID back in high school to get into the bars. 2. John Ward – he lives in Waterford, New York. He’s in the silicon marketing department at G.E. Dave is impressed, but concerned. “Is it safe working with silicon?” John answers, “Well, I’m in marketing, so...” Silicon, Shmilicon, who cares when you work in the marketing department? John’s question: “What do you do with the ‘Will It Float’ tank when it’s not in use?” Dave says we keep it backstage. He sends a camera to show John exactly where. As we approach the Will It Float tank, we find our embarrassed building engineer George Clarke taking his nightly bath. Creepy. Who is John Ward? He’s actually our writer Steve Young. But who is John Ward? I don’t know. I didn’t get a chance to ask Steve. 3. Tommy Yang Dave: “What’s your name?” Tommy: “Tommy Yang.” Dave: “And where are you from?” Tommy: “I live in Harrison, up in Westchester County.” Dave: “Are you married?” Tommy: “Yes, I am. 5 years now.” Dave: “And what do you do for a living?” Tommy: “I’m an audio technician.” Dave: “That’s a very interesting line of work. And where do you work?” Tommy: “I’ve worked here for nine years. I was just adjusting the microphone for the next person, you moron.” Who is Tommy Yang? He’s Tommy Yang, our audio technician. But who is Tommy Yang? He's Tommy Yang, our audio technician. 4. Julia Tognari – she lives in Connecticut and is expecting her first child. Her question: “Where do your guests wait before they come onstage?” Dave says they rest in the green room, a lovely place to relax and prepare coming out. Julia says, “That’s what I thought.” She then walks to the end of the row of seats in the audience and says to Tom Hanks, “Hey, Fat Head, out of my seat.” Tom Hanks sheepishly gets up from his seat and slinks to the green room. Who is Julia Tognari? She’s Michelle O’Callaghan, the Late Show makeup artist. But who is Julia Tognari? It’s her daughter, sweet Julia. And that’s how we play, Who Asked For It? TOP TEN: Things We Can Say Not That “Survivor: Thailand” Is Over And to present the Top Ten list, LIVE from Television City in California, the 16 contestants from Survivor: Thailand. #8. The locals would not stop asking if we knew Becker. #4. I lived for one week on sunscreen and bark. #2. During a period of political instability in July, I was briefly the Prime Minister of Thailand. I’m not sure but I think the house microphones were broken. I couldn’t hear the audience at all! Hey, where was Richard Hatch? TOM HANKS: He had a recent run-in with the law. He walked his dog Snowball where it wasn’t allowed. Ignoring the clearly marked signs in that universal language of pictures and drawings, Tom and his Snowball took the path towards the bridge. Sure the sign should have prevented him from proceeding, but he did it hundreds of times before and there was the unwritten understanding that the signs were there simply for the law-abiders, not for the lawbreakers. Tom continued on his way. Bicycle riders coming down the path told Tom the cops were ticketing all the dog-walkers. They advised the two-time Academy Award winning celebrity to turn around or else suffer the consequences. Tom didn’t break stride. Why should he? He’s Tom Hanks. More pedestrians and bike riders on the path warn Tom of the Heat working the Beat up ahead. Feeling the power that two Academy Awards can give a man, Tom continues. “I’m Tom Hanks and this is my dog, Snowball” Tom tells himself. At the end of the trail, Tom meets Reed and Malloy who have their summons pad at the ready. Tom gets the ticket he didn’t think he would get. If only there was a sign or if someone had warned him, this wouldn’t have happened. Alas, poor Tom. Poor Snowball. My favorite part of the story was when Tom referred to the two police officers as Reed and Malloy. I was able to hear head carpenter Harold Larkin laugh out loud from around the corner. I looked around and realized that he and I were the only ones old enough to remember Reed and Malloy. Back from commercial, Tom tells what it’s like at his house during the holidays. He says he makes all guests and visitors perform in the Hanks House talent show. Nobody is exempt. Everyone must perform. Tom admits that many friends avoid his house from Christmas to New Year’s in fear of having to put on a show. I smile. That Tom Hanks is one smart guy. I write down the idea and plan to introduce it into the McIntee House next year. Tom then tells the story of how his wife Rita discovered Nia Vardalos putting on her one-woman show. Rita like the show, like the actress, told Tom, and it was made into a movie. The movie, of course, is the super red hot, My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Without Rita’s discovery, who knows where Nia and her show would be today. I hope Rita reads the Wahoo Gazette someday. Not this one, though, One that’s funny. We see a clip of Tom in his new film, Catch Me If You Can. It opens December 25th and received high praise from Dave. Like Dave said, I liked the feel and look of the movie. Seeing Tom playing the detective, I half expected Dan Akyroyd to appear, but that was a different film. ACT 5: On Thursday! Friday we have a big music production number with Darlene Love so we decided to do the Cape Thing tonight. Our Cape Thing performer tonight was Late Show Costume Designer Susan Hum. Susan did a very commendable job under difficult circumstances, having to dodge Phish during the performance. Here’s something you probably didn’t know – Paul has no idea who will be performing the Cape Thing until he or she places the cape around him. PHISH: From their new CD, Round Room, Phish sang “All Of These Dreams.” I liked their sound. I’ll have to give them another listen. Let me guess, they’ve been around for years, haven’t they, and I’m just becoming hip to them. Am I right? Are Hootie and the Blowfish still hot? And that was our show for Thursday December 19, 2002. Wahoo EXTRA! Prediction: The Survivor producers will be hard at work to amend the show next time. I don’t think it’s good for the “key demographics” that the final 4 Survivors are aged 34, 54, 46, and 47. And they are all married! I guess after being married and raising kids, surviving in Thailand is a piece of cake. I’m at the Late Show Christmas Party the other night and I see the bartender is pushing the Heineken Dark. I ask the young 20-something barkeep, “Is this stuff any good?” College it’s all I ever drank.” I look at him with wonder. I ask, “You drank Heineken in college?” He proudly answers, “Yeah, all the time.” It was obvious to me that he and I come from different worlds. All I could think was, “You could buy 3 Piels for every Heineken. Idiot.” Different people drink for different reasons, I guess. The Only Good Rock 'n Roll Christmas Song It’s Darlene Love Friday night singing “Christmas, Baby Please Come Home.” To sing along at home, the Wahoo Gazette offers the lyrics: Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) (Christmas) The snow's coming down (Christmas) I'm watching it fall (Christmas) Lots of people around (Christmas) Baby please come home (Christmas) The church bells in town (Christmas) All ringing in song (Christmas) Full of happy sounds (Christmas) Baby please come home They're singing "Deck The Halls" But it's not like Christmas at all Cuz I remember when you were here And all the fun we had last year (Christmas) Pretty lights on the tree (Christmas) I'm watching them shine (Christmas) You should be here with me (Christmas) Baby please come home They're singing "Deck The Halls" But it's not like Christmas at all Cuz I remember when you were here And all the fun we had last year (Christmas) If there was a way (Christmas) I'd hold back this tear (Christmas) But it's Christmas day (Please) Please (Please) Please (Please) Please (Please) Please Baby please come home (Christmas) Baby please come home (Christmas) Baby please come home (Christmas) Baby please come home Friday's CBS Mailbag LETTER #1: From Jeremy Byrd of Hot Coffee, Mississippi: “Dave, What do you like to do for fun?” LETTER #2: From Ron Sertz of Erie, Pennsylvania: “Dave, My two daughters just moved to New York City. Could you or Rupert check to see how they’re doing?” LETTER #3: From Kris Koskellin of Sun Prairie, Wisconsin: “Dear Dave, Does any of the Late Show staff hang mistletoe in their offices during the holiday season?” LETTER #4: From Jeff Dearman of Winchester, Massachusetts: “Dear Dave, Would you consider running for President?” That’s all, folks.


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