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			Monday, March 17, 2003 Show #0
			By Michael Z. McIntee	Change Text Color: Black \| White


	GUEST HOST: BRAD GARRETT Brad's guests include: Brad’s guests include Cuba Gooding, Jr.; Julie Bowen; Reggie McFadden; and Lyle Lovett. “Welcome to an all-new episode of ‘I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here.’” Why was Brad chosen to host the Late Show? “Because Carrot Top missed his train.” “Happy St. Patrick’s Day. And in accordance with St. Patrick’s Day, to host the show the producers wanted to find the biggest Jew they could.” “On ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’, I play a lonely guy with mother issues. No, wait. I’m sorry, that’s Dave.” “Yes, it’s St. Patrick’s Day. 24 hours of overeating and excessive drinking. Or, as the Irish call it, ‘Monday.’” “I love this time of year. The sun is shining. The ice is melting back into urine.” Brad takes a seat in Dave’s chair. Brad’s rather large size becomes immediately apparent. Brad has to crouch down and sit on a slant to fit his head onto the screen. While Brad squeezes in to set, Paul sings a lovely “Wild Irish Rose.” Paul says Dave continues his mending ways and we all hope he will be back as soon as he can. Brad had a medical mishap his self not too long ago. While working in the attic and straddling a beam his foot gave way and he fell through the floor. Luckily, his testicles broke his fall. Or, as Brad referred to it, “I fell on my twins.” CUBA GOODING, JR.: He’s in the Friday release of the new film, Boat Trip. Paul plays him out with “I Just Don’t Want to Be Lonely.” It was a song done by Cuba Gooding, Sr. Cuba says he will be spending St. Patrick’s Day going to the New York Ranger hockey game. Hey, since it’s St. Patrick’s Day, what do the New York Rangers and the Irish have in common? Because they both like to boast about how good they are but rarely score. The Rangers have a new player they just got from the Edmonton Oilers, Anson “A.C.” Carter, and he’s a friend of Cuba’s. Cuba says Anson is so black he’s blue. Is Brad a hockey fan? Brad says, “Jews aren’t fans of hockey. If you see a Jew on ice, he’s in a morgue.” Hey, since it’s Purim, what do the New York Rangers and the state of Israel have in common? Once again, neither will make the NHL playoffs this year. Later in the segment, Brad says he has the strength of 5 Irish women. And right after that I’m sure every Late Show fan said out loud to no one, “And Dave has the strength of 10 men.” Cooba vs. Q-ba? Which is it? It’s Q-ba. Boat Trip – it opens on Friday. JULIE BOWEN: Dressed in all black. Eyeing Julie, Brad says with lust, “I would leave the wife on Christmas morning.” So what’s the big deal? He’s Jewish. Brad: “How are things at Ed?” And how do they make that horse talk.” Ha. A joke so obvious but one I wasn’t expecting. It made me chortle, although I was somewhat ashamed since it was such a simple joke. Julie says the show Ed films in New Jersey. Watching this I told those around me that I live 2 miles from the Stuckeybowl Bowling Alley. Those around me rolled their eyes as they all knew the story I was about to tell. One Thursday night after a two-show Late Show taping I missed my last bus back home to New York. The closest bus going my way would stop in Northvale, New Jersey. I took it since it would get me close enough to where I wanted to go. I took the bus to the end of its run. The last stop? Stuckeybowl. I walked the two miles home, thinking all the way that I should be working on Ed. I told myself that if I worked at Ed I would jog to and from work everyday to get in shape, even though I knew in my heart I would drive. Julie lives in a studio apartment in downtown Manhattan. She has a female dog named George. Whenever one of the local transvestites stops to pet the dog, they’ll also ask its name. Julie will say, “Her name is ‘George.’” The transvestites then get all upset for giving a female dog a boy’s name. She finds it odd that anyone would be upset by that, especially transvestites. This week’s guest star on Ed is Chris Isaac who plays Julie’s new love interest. She calls him a hip-swiveling crooner. Julie’s character, Carol, had to kiss Chris Isaac in this week’s episode. During the shoot, Chris was to kiss Carol. Julie was so looking forward to the kiss in real life that when the time came for the embrace, she lunged at Chris, even though it was Chris who was supposed to be approaching Julie. The director had to redirect Julie and the scene had to be re-shot. Julie made sure the scene had to be redone a number of times. Hmmm. ED – now Friday nights at 9:00. REGGIE MCFADDEN: Dressed in all black. Topics included fights at the Club. People getting arrested. The show COPS. Reggie likes the show. He particularly likes the chase scenes. You’ll see criminals running away with the camera guy following closely. The cops have given up long ago. LYLE LOVETT: From his new CD, Smile: Songs From The Movies, Lyle sang “Straighten Up and Fly Right.” This song convinced me to finally go out and buy me some Lyle. Great song. I’ll be getting’ more. And that was our show for Monday March 17, 2003. Wahoo EXTRA! Nice job by Mr. Garrett. Got off some good ad-lib lines and kept things moving along. And what a nice guy! He introduced himself to any and all during rehearsal, shaking hands and making the small talk. He came prepared for show but was willing to listen to anybody with advice, and he showed a genuine appreciation towards the entire staff. Are you excited for the NCAA basketball tournament? I have a few teams I am going to follow. I prepared my list on Saturday. I decided to follow and root for Manhattan, Syracuse, and Wagner since they are from New York, and for Pittsburgh since they won the Big East championship. Of course when the brackets were filled, Syracuse is playing Manhattan in the first round and Pittsburgh is playing Wagner. It figures. Watch for one of these two games to be an upset. This year’s Cinderella Team? MAC champion Central Michigan. They open against Creighton. Final Four: Kentucky; Arizona; Louisville; Purdue. Purdue? Sure, why not. If I’m right, it’ll be a big Wowee! Plus, you gotta pick a Boilermaker on St. Patrick’s Day. What’s with pencils today? Either they are much cheaper than the ones I grew up with or the pencil sharpeners are of inferior quality. I grew up with the yellow #2 Ticonderogas. They worked fine and I never had a problem with them. If the point broke, I would take the pencil to the basement and sharpen it on the manual, hand-cranked, pencil sharpener. Today, it’s hard to find the yellow #2 Ticonderogas. Instead at home I have all these “themed” pencils with stripes and flowers and baseball teams and cartoon characters on them. The pencil point breaks and it’s impossible to sharpen. I have a new electric sharpener, a battery operated sharpener, and a little round sharpener that came with my twins first book bag. None work. The point comes out uneven, broken, or not sharpened at all. I’ve been reduced to whittling my pencils with a kitchen knife. My guess is I have cheap pencils. Beautiful weekend in the New York metropolitan area. Sunday brought us weather over 60 degrees. What did I do? I went skiing with my daughter Danielle. Her twin, Dominique, wanted to go for a toy at Toys R Us instead. This worked out because trying to teach one 7-year-old how to ski when you don’t know how is hard. Trying to teach two 7-year-olds is impossible. I know because I saw a guy trying to do just that. I would have laughed at his struggle but it hit too close to home. I’ve been there and there is nothing funny about it. Where did we ski? At the lovely Sterling Forest Ski Center in Orange County, New York. Danielle and I own the Bunny Hill! THIS DATE AND SHOW NUMBER IN HISTORY. Today’s Date: March 17. Today’s Show Number: GH15. So what happened on MARCH 17, GH15? Sorry, but Google has no record of such date. And that’s how we play THIS DATE AND SHOW NUMBER IN HISTORY. I’m driving home. The parade’s been over for a couple hours now. Wish me luck. GUEST HOST: BRAD GARRETT Brad's guests include: Brad’s guests include Cuba Gooding, Jr.; Julie Bowen; Reggie McFadden; and Lyle Lovett. “Welcome to an all-new episode of ‘I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here.’” Why was Brad chosen to host the Late Show? “Because Carrot Top missed his train.” “Happy St. Patrick’s Day. And in accordance with St. Patrick’s Day, to host the show the producers wanted to find the biggest Jew they could.” “On ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’, I play a lonely guy with mother issues. No, wait. I’m sorry, that’s Dave.” “Yes, it’s St. Patrick’s Day. 24 hours of overeating and excessive drinking. Or, as the Irish call it, ‘Monday.’” “I love this time of year. The sun is shining. The ice is melting back into urine.” Brad takes a seat in Dave’s chair. Brad’s rather large size becomes immediately apparent. Brad has to crouch down and sit on a slant to fit his head onto the screen. While Brad squeezes in to set, Paul sings a lovely “Wild Irish Rose.” Paul says Dave continues his mending ways and we all hope he will be back as soon as he can. Brad had a medical mishap his self not too long ago. While working in the attic and straddling a beam his foot gave way and he fell through the floor. Luckily, his testicles broke his fall. Or, as Brad referred to it, “I fell on my twins.” CUBA GOODING, JR.: He’s in the Friday release of the new film, Boat Trip. Paul plays him out with “I Just Don’t Want to Be Lonely.” It was a song done by Cuba Gooding, Sr. Cuba says he will be spending St. Patrick’s Day going to the New York Ranger hockey game. Hey, since it’s St. Patrick’s Day, what do the New York Rangers and the Irish have in common? Because they both like to boast about how good they are but rarely score. The Rangers have a new player they just got from the Edmonton Oilers, Anson “A.C.” Carter, and he’s a friend of Cuba’s. Cuba says Anson is so black he’s blue. Is Brad a hockey fan? Brad says, “Jews aren’t fans of hockey. If you see a Jew on ice, he’s in a morgue.” Hey, since it’s Purim, what do the New York Rangers and the state of Israel have in common? Once again, neither will make the NHL playoffs this year. Later in the segment, Brad says he has the strength of 5 Irish women. And right after that I’m sure every Late Show fan said out loud to no one, “And Dave has the strength of 10 men.” Cooba vs. Q-ba? Which is it? It’s Q-ba. Boat Trip – it opens on Friday. JULIE BOWEN: Dressed in all black. Eyeing Julie, Brad says with lust, “I would leave the wife on Christmas morning.” So what’s the big deal? He’s Jewish. Brad: “How are things at Ed?” And how do they make that horse talk.” Ha. A joke so obvious but one I wasn’t expecting. It made me chortle, although I was somewhat ashamed since it was such a simple joke. Julie says the show Ed films in New Jersey. Watching this I told those around me that I live 2 miles from the Stuckeybowl Bowling Alley. Those around me rolled their eyes as they all knew the story I was about to tell. One Thursday night after a two-show Late Show taping I missed my last bus back home to New York. The closest bus going my way would stop in Northvale, New Jersey. I took it since it would get me close enough to where I wanted to go. I took the bus to the end of its run. The last stop? Stuckeybowl. I walked the two miles home, thinking all the way that I should be working on Ed. I told myself that if I worked at Ed I would jog to and from work everyday to get in shape, even though I knew in my heart I would drive. Julie lives in a studio apartment in downtown Manhattan. She has a female dog named George. Whenever one of the local transvestites stops to pet the dog, they’ll also ask its name. Julie will say, “Her name is ‘George.’” The transvestites then get all upset for giving a female dog a boy’s name. She finds it odd that anyone would be upset by that, especially transvestites. This week’s guest star on Ed is Chris Isaac who plays Julie’s new love interest. She calls him a hip-swiveling crooner. Julie’s character, Carol, had to kiss Chris Isaac in this week’s episode. During the shoot, Chris was to kiss Carol. Julie was so looking forward to the kiss in real life that when the time came for the embrace, she lunged at Chris, even though it was Chris who was supposed to be approaching Julie. The director had to redirect Julie and the scene had to be re-shot. Julie made sure the scene had to be redone a number of times. Hmmm. ED – now Friday nights at 9:00. REGGIE MCFADDEN: Dressed in all black. Topics included fights at the Club. People getting arrested. The show COPS. Reggie likes the show. He particularly likes the chase scenes. You’ll see criminals running away with the camera guy following closely. The cops have given up long ago. LYLE LOVETT: From his new CD, Smile: Songs From The Movies, Lyle sang “Straighten Up and Fly Right.” This song convinced me to finally go out and buy me some Lyle. Great song. I’ll be getting’ more. And that was our show for Monday March 17, 2003. Wahoo EXTRA! Nice job by Mr. Garrett. Got off some good ad-lib lines and kept things moving along. And what a nice guy! He introduced himself to any and all during rehearsal, shaking hands and making the small talk. He came prepared for show but was willing to listen to anybody with advice, and he showed a genuine appreciation towards the entire staff. Are you excited for the NCAA basketball tournament? I have a few teams I am going to follow. I prepared my list on Saturday. I decided to follow and root for Manhattan, Syracuse, and Wagner since they are from New York, and for Pittsburgh since they won the Big East championship. Of course when the brackets were filled, Syracuse is playing Manhattan in the first round and Pittsburgh is playing Wagner. It figures. Watch for one of these two games to be an upset. This year’s Cinderella Team? MAC champion Central Michigan. They open against Creighton. Final Four: Kentucky; Arizona; Louisville; Purdue. Purdue? Sure, why not. If I’m right, it’ll be a big Wowee! Plus, you gotta pick a Boilermaker on St. Patrick’s Day. What’s with pencils today? Either they are much cheaper than the ones I grew up with or the pencil sharpeners are of inferior quality. I grew up with the yellow #2 Ticonderogas. They worked fine and I never had a problem with them. If the point broke, I would take the pencil to the basement and sharpen it on the manual, hand-cranked, pencil sharpener. Today, it’s hard to find the yellow #2 Ticonderogas. Instead at home I have all these “themed” pencils with stripes and flowers and baseball teams and cartoon characters on them. The pencil point breaks and it’s impossible to sharpen. I have a new electric sharpener, a battery operated sharpener, and a little round sharpener that came with my twins first book bag. None work. The point comes out uneven, broken, or not sharpened at all. I’ve been reduced to whittling my pencils with a kitchen knife. My guess is I have cheap pencils. Beautiful weekend in the New York metropolitan area. Sunday brought us weather over 60 degrees. What did I do? I went skiing with my daughter Danielle. Her twin, Dominique, wanted to go for a toy at Toys R Us instead. This worked out because trying to teach one 7-year-old how to ski when you don’t know how is hard. Trying to teach two 7-year-olds is impossible. I know because I saw a guy trying to do just that. I would have laughed at his struggle but it hit too close to home. I’ve been there and there is nothing funny about it. Where did we ski? At the lovely Sterling Forest Ski Center in Orange County, New York. Danielle and I own the Bunny Hill! THIS DATE AND SHOW NUMBER IN HISTORY. Today’s Date: March 17. Today’s Show Number: GH15. So what happened on MARCH 17, GH15? Sorry, but Google has no record of such date. And that’s how we play THIS DATE AND SHOW NUMBER IN HISTORY. I’m driving home. The parade’s been over for a couple hours now. Wish me luck.


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