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			Tuesday, March 25, 2003 Show #0
			By Michael Z. McIntee	Change Text Color: Black \| White


	GUEST HOST: BILL COSBY. Bill’s guests tonight: “The Bachelor” Andrew Firestone; jazz legend Clark Terry; actress Sofia Vergara; and The D4. Sitting in with the band tonight: Hilton Ruiz on piano; “Spaceman” Paterson on guitar; Steve Berrios on percussion; and Andy Gonzales on bass. The first Guest Host in Late Show history makes his return. Bill and his wife became grandparents not too long ago. Bill finds it fun and interesting to watch his kids also being parents. Although the kids are parents to the baby, they are always kids to you. Bill says when you become his age, you become known as the co-signer. Bill goes on to talk about fast nipples for the next 5 minutes. Relax. He was talking about a nipple on a baby bottle. With a fast nipple, the milk goes all over the baby and gets a belly-full of milk. You may say, “Wow, what a fast nipple.” But you then put it right back in. Things to know, things to ask yourself, things to ponder when having a baby. 1. First lesson – fast nipple? Take it out. Put another one back in. 2. Ask yourself, “Why do you want to have a baby?” 3. To all you husbands, after the baby comes and your wife has to breast feed at 3:00 AM, don’t you fall asleep next to her. If you do, she will stab you in the neck. Bill Cosby introduces the Paul Shaffer, the CBS Orchestra, and some friends sitting in tonight. Our cue card guy slips the show’s guest list cue card into Bill’s hand, then slips in the “we’ll be right back”. As we go to commercial, we see the talents of Mr. William “Spaceman” Patterson on the guitar. Returning from commercial, we get to enjoy the piano stylings of Mr. Hilton Ruiz. Back to Mr. Cosby: we find him with the cue card for the introduction to the evening’s first guest. Bill doesn’t say a word. We read the intro, then cut to the guest entrance to see Andrew Firestone making his entrance. ANDREW FIRESTONE: He’s the new Bachelor. Bill asks Andrew, “Where’s your tie?” Andrew comes up with some lame excuse for not wearing a tie. Mr. Cosby says, “You sound just like my son.” Bill asks about Andrew’s new show on CBS. Andrew tells him it’s on ABC. So what are you doing here on CBS? Bill tries to figure out why Andrew has a TV show? Can he sing? Can he run fast? Is he an athlete? No, no, and no. Andrew Firestone is the new “Bachelor.” He’s just a regular guy who spends time with 25 stunning women. After spending all that time with 25 stunning women, they whittle it down. Bill says, “I’ll say it whittles down...with 25 women!” Bill finds out that Andrew is from the Firestone vineyard family. He’s also from the Firestone tire people. The Firestone’s are now out of the tire business, they are just in the wine business. (Firestone is now Bridgestone.) And he’s also the guy who gets paid to spend time with 25 stunning women. Yes, I agree, life is unfair. Bill’s words of wisdom to Andrew when dealing with women: “As soon as you surrender, the better your life will be.” For some reason, the rich and good looking Andrew felt the need to go on a TV show to find a beautiful woman. I guess beautiful women are hard to find in Andrew’s hometown of San Diego. Watching Bill with Andrew reminded me of Kids Say the Darndest Things. The Bachelor – the third season starts Wednesday night. To close the ACT, our cue card guy slips a “We’ll be right back with Clark Terry” cue card into Mr. Cosby’s hand, mid-sentence. Bill looks deadpan into the camera as we go to commercial. CLARK TERRY: this legendary jazz player is Bill Cosby’s voice teacher. He sings a scat and plays his horn upside down, too. Huh? During the performance, Clark Terry takes a moment to talk to Paul. (Note to self: tonight when I watch the show at home, turn on the closed captioning) I found this very oddly entertaining. It worked for me. SOFIA VERGARA: Yowzer! Weeeoooo. Yippee. She’s quite the package. I think Ralph Kramden described Sofia best: “Hummina hummina hummina hummina.” Sofia has been called “one of the most beautiful women in the world.” No argument here. She appears in a new film, Chasing Papi which opens April 16th. We see a clip. Very talented. I laughed out loud when Bill referred to the Bachelor guy as the guy worth $467 million. Sofia perked, “Where?” Sofia: This millennium’s Charo. THE D4: From their new CD, 6Twenty, the D4 sang “Get Loose.” We see the cue card scrambling to find the right cue card for Mr. Cosby to close the ACT. He finally comes up with something and runs out on stage. I wasn’t expecting that. I think/hope it was scripted. If it wasn’t, it was funny anyway. And that was our show for Tuesday March 25, 2003. Wahoo EXTRA! I enjoyed Bill. I liked the cue card angle to the intros and outros. And I really liked the Clark Terry number. I was watching Jeopardy last night. I used to watch it all the time but haven’t been able to since I started working here in ’94. My father-in-law loved the show, too, and my wife Denise, just to be a nuisance, would always call him during “Final Jeopardy.” He would pick up the phone and yell at her, “Damn it, ‘Final’ is on. Call back in 5 minutes.” Denise would try to keep him on as long as she could. This happened every night. He never caught on. Anyway, last night at the end of Double Jeopardy, one of the contestants ended up in the negative. I’m sure she is a smart woman but for the rest of her life she’ll be known for not qualifying for Final Jeopardy. It was so sad when Alex said goodbye before the commercial. Last night’s Final Jeopardy answer/question topic: 20th Century Presidents. The answer: “He is the only President in the 20th Century who had the same number of....” hold it a minute... Denise is on the phone. It’ll only take a second. OK, I’m back. I hate when she does that. “He is the only President in the 20th Century who had the same number of letters in his first name, his middle name, and his last name.” Answer below. Answer: Ronald Wilson Reagan. Check out the Tony Mendez Show. It’s better than ever. Don’t forget to drink Yoo-Hoo. Shake it! It’s great. Wednesday’s Guest Host: Luke Wilson. THIS DATE AND SHOW NUMBER IN HISTORY. Today’s date: March 25. Today’s Show Number: GH19. So what happened on March 25, GH19? Sorry, Google has no record of such date. And that’s how we play THIS DATE AND SHOW NUMBER IN HISTORY. CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER From Cedar Rapids, Iowa, it’s Evan Hindman. This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER GUEST HOST: BILL COSBY. Bill’s guests tonight: “The Bachelor” Andrew Firestone; jazz legend Clark Terry; actress Sofia Vergara; and The D4. Sitting in with the band tonight: Hilton Ruiz on piano; “Spaceman” Paterson on guitar; Steve Berrios on percussion; and Andy Gonzales on bass. The first Guest Host in Late Show history makes his return. Bill and his wife became grandparents not too long ago. Bill finds it fun and interesting to watch his kids also being parents. Although the kids are parents to the baby, they are always kids to you. Bill says when you become his age, you become known as the co-signer. Bill goes on to talk about fast nipples for the next 5 minutes. Relax. He was talking about a nipple on a baby bottle. With a fast nipple, the milk goes all over the baby and gets a belly-full of milk. You may say, “Wow, what a fast nipple.” But you then put it right back in. Things to know, things to ask yourself, things to ponder when having a baby. 1. First lesson – fast nipple? Take it out. Put another one back in. 2. Ask yourself, “Why do you want to have a baby?” 3. To all you husbands, after the baby comes and your wife has to breast feed at 3:00 AM, don’t you fall asleep next to her. If you do, she will stab you in the neck. Bill Cosby introduces the Paul Shaffer, the CBS Orchestra, and some friends sitting in tonight. Our cue card guy slips the show’s guest list cue card into Bill’s hand, then slips in the “we’ll be right back”. As we go to commercial, we see the talents of Mr. William “Spaceman” Patterson on the guitar. Returning from commercial, we get to enjoy the piano stylings of Mr. Hilton Ruiz. Back to Mr. Cosby: we find him with the cue card for the introduction to the evening’s first guest. Bill doesn’t say a word. We read the intro, then cut to the guest entrance to see Andrew Firestone making his entrance. ANDREW FIRESTONE: He’s the new Bachelor. Bill asks Andrew, “Where’s your tie?” Andrew comes up with some lame excuse for not wearing a tie. Mr. Cosby says, “You sound just like my son.” Bill asks about Andrew’s new show on CBS. Andrew tells him it’s on ABC. So what are you doing here on CBS? Bill tries to figure out why Andrew has a TV show? Can he sing? Can he run fast? Is he an athlete? No, no, and no. Andrew Firestone is the new “Bachelor.” He’s just a regular guy who spends time with 25 stunning women. After spending all that time with 25 stunning women, they whittle it down. Bill says, “I’ll say it whittles down...with 25 women!” Bill finds out that Andrew is from the Firestone vineyard family. He’s also from the Firestone tire people. The Firestone’s are now out of the tire business, they are just in the wine business. (Firestone is now Bridgestone.) And he’s also the guy who gets paid to spend time with 25 stunning women. Yes, I agree, life is unfair. Bill’s words of wisdom to Andrew when dealing with women: “As soon as you surrender, the better your life will be.” For some reason, the rich and good looking Andrew felt the need to go on a TV show to find a beautiful woman. I guess beautiful women are hard to find in Andrew’s hometown of San Diego. Watching Bill with Andrew reminded me of Kids Say the Darndest Things. The Bachelor – the third season starts Wednesday night. To close the ACT, our cue card guy slips a “We’ll be right back with Clark Terry” cue card into Mr. Cosby’s hand, mid-sentence. Bill looks deadpan into the camera as we go to commercial. CLARK TERRY: this legendary jazz player is Bill Cosby’s voice teacher. He sings a scat and plays his horn upside down, too. Huh? During the performance, Clark Terry takes a moment to talk to Paul. (Note to self: tonight when I watch the show at home, turn on the closed captioning) I found this very oddly entertaining. It worked for me. SOFIA VERGARA: Yowzer! Weeeoooo. Yippee. She’s quite the package. I think Ralph Kramden described Sofia best: “Hummina hummina hummina hummina.” Sofia has been called “one of the most beautiful women in the world.” No argument here. She appears in a new film, Chasing Papi which opens April 16th. We see a clip. Very talented. I laughed out loud when Bill referred to the Bachelor guy as the guy worth $467 million. Sofia perked, “Where?” Sofia: This millennium’s Charo. THE D4: From their new CD, 6Twenty, the D4 sang “Get Loose.” We see the cue card scrambling to find the right cue card for Mr. Cosby to close the ACT. He finally comes up with something and runs out on stage. I wasn’t expecting that. I think/hope it was scripted. If it wasn’t, it was funny anyway. And that was our show for Tuesday March 25, 2003. Wahoo EXTRA! I enjoyed Bill. I liked the cue card angle to the intros and outros. And I really liked the Clark Terry number. I was watching Jeopardy last night. I used to watch it all the time but haven’t been able to since I started working here in ’94. My father-in-law loved the show, too, and my wife Denise, just to be a nuisance, would always call him during “Final Jeopardy.” He would pick up the phone and yell at her, “Damn it, ‘Final’ is on. Call back in 5 minutes.” Denise would try to keep him on as long as she could. This happened every night. He never caught on. Anyway, last night at the end of Double Jeopardy, one of the contestants ended up in the negative. I’m sure she is a smart woman but for the rest of her life she’ll be known for not qualifying for Final Jeopardy. It was so sad when Alex said goodbye before the commercial. Last night’s Final Jeopardy answer/question topic: 20th Century Presidents. The answer: “He is the only President in the 20th Century who had the same number of....” hold it a minute... Denise is on the phone. It’ll only take a second. OK, I’m back. I hate when she does that. “He is the only President in the 20th Century who had the same number of letters in his first name, his middle name, and his last name.” Answer below. Answer: Ronald Wilson Reagan. Check out the Tony Mendez Show. It’s better than ever. Don’t forget to drink Yoo-Hoo. Shake it! It’s great. Wednesday’s Guest Host: Luke Wilson. THIS DATE AND SHOW NUMBER IN HISTORY. Today’s date: March 25. Today’s Show Number: GH19. So what happened on March 25, GH19? Sorry, Google has no record of such date. And that’s how we play THIS DATE AND SHOW NUMBER IN HISTORY. CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER From Cedar Rapids, Iowa, it’s Evan Hindman. This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER


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