Following Dave's final joke, the Weber Twins, George and Lou, walk out to stand beside Dave. They are holding sparklers. Unfortunately, George's sparkler was unlit. Or was it Lou's? Anyway, Dave took things into his own hand by taking the unlit sparkler and lighting it with the other. Now the Weber's both had a lit sparkler. They exit.
Dang. I wished I saw the frantic attempt to light the sparkler as they were cued out. That would have been a hoot!

Dave introduces the band and heads over to the desk. Paul does not play one of his customary "play over" songs and we find Dave roaming about on stage. Oops. Dave forgot we were playing America's fastest growing quiz sensation, Know Your Current Events.

Tonight's KYCE is a special KYCE as this is the Late Show 10th Anniversary edition of Know Your Current Events. Ten years ago, August 30, 1993, Dave and the gang premiered the Late Show on CBS.
Tonight there are 5 big ways to win big. The categories include:
Know Your Late Show Facts and Figures
Know Your Dave Letterman Illnesses and Injuries
Know Your Guests Who Will No Longer Appear on our Show
Know Your Late Show Production Accountant Joe DeGeorge
Know Your Cuts of Meat

CONTESTANT #1: He's Matt from Maui. Matt's an environmental scientist. Maui? Do you surf? Yes.
Go to the Bonzi Pipeline? It's on a different island.
How does Matt enjoy it here? Matt says he stepped off the plane in Newark and thought, "This is disgusting." Matt's here to attend a wedding of a friend. Is he here tonight? Matt's says he's not. "He's probably out drinking." Dave wants to know why Matt isn't out drinking. Matt assures Dave that he will be right after the show. When Matt said he was here for a wedding, I wished Dave asked when one lives in Hawaii, where does one go on their honeymoon? What could be better than Hawaii? Anyway, back to our show.
The discussion leads to Hawaii's statehood. Dave asks "Is Hawaii our 49th state or 50th state?" Matt isn't sure. I yell out "50th!" Hawaii is the 50th State. Hawaii 5-0. Sid Fernandez was #50 on the Mets because he was from Hawaii! Hawaii is our 50th state!"
Before I could relay my information, Dave had already received it.

Matt selects the category: Know Your Guests Who Will No Longer Appear on our Show.
Question #1: "What did Oprah say when I invited her to come on during our show's visit to Chicago?" Play along. I'll supply the answer below.
Question #2: "Name this star who'll no longer be stealing things out of our dressing room?"
Answers:
1. "I am totally out of town."
2. Winona Ryder

CONTESTANT #2: Brook from Aurora, Ohio. Wow, that's tough to say, "Aurora, Ohio." Maui, Hawaii and Aurora, Ohio - that's a lot of vowels! And not one 'E'! I just hope Brook did say "Aurora." That's what it sounded like, anyway.
Aurora is a suburb of Cleveland. And what state was Ohio admitted into the Union? Brook did not know. That was our cue in the shack to get on the ball. A Stangel starts tapping on the keys to the computer. I quickly call research to have them check their computer. I'm sure those in the control room were doing the same. Then it hits me. "A BOOK! A book would have that information!" I say. I quickly grab the big blue encyclopedia book in the shack and flip to Ohio. Third line down reads, "Ohio was the 17th state admitted into the Union. (1803)." I scribble it down on a blue card and send it out on stage.
After the first question, Dave reads from the blue card that Ohio was the 17th State admitted into the Union. Ha! And all those people on the computer were still looking. Books Rule, dude!
What does Brook do for a living? She works for a family business, a butcher business. Uh oh. You could hear a gasp from some home viewers fearing that on this special night of Know Your Current Events, Brook would select the Know Your Cuts of Meat category. Dave senses the inevitable, as well. Discussion runs towards meat, Dave asking her what's her favorite. Brook says "Homemade Turkey." Ahh, the homemade turkey. And I think, "homemade?"

Sure enough, when it's time to pick a category, Brook the butcher selects Know Your Cuts of Meat.
The first cut of meat is in the pork family and is Smoked Pork Shoulder Roll.
The second cut of meat is from the Variety family. The meat is long and slender. Dave hints, "Well, it's obviously one of two things." Man, that guy can make me laugh. Brooks says, "Tongues" and she is correct.

And that's how we play the Late Show 10th Anniversary Edition of Know Your Current Events.

Don't go away. I'll reveal some of the questions to the other categories below. I'll reveal the answers on Monday.

Dave received many congratulatory telegrams from people in the business for his 10th year at CBS. He even got one from Osama.

"Dave, congratulations on ten hilarious years on CBS. It's been a great run. Also, I'd like to take this opportunity to announce I'm running for Governor of California. Vote bin Laden on October 7th. Oh, and death to America."

And once again, the George W. Bush Presidential Cough. We showed it Wednesday night, and after receiving the rave reviews at Sardi's later that night, we decided to show it again tonight.
At the conclusion of a speech, our President says to the audience, "Thank you for coming and may God bless." Bush remains at the podium. After a moment, he coughs a lip-and-cheek-flapping cough. He then looks for a way to exit.

WILL IT FLOAT? Tonight's item: a one-gallon plastic jug of Elmer's Glue. Dave takes into consideration the plastic container. Paul thinks of the air contained in the glue and the container. They both say it will float. The models drop the one-gallon plastic jug of Elmer's Glue into the Will It Float tank, and it . . . . . . . . . sinks! Oh, too bad. And on Dave's 10th Anniversary, too!
Don't forget, you can play Will It Float at home when you buy the Will It Float home game. It's only $29.95.

TOP TEN: THINGS I HAVE LEARNED WORKING FOR THE LATE SHOW
And here to present tonight's top ten list, ten longtime Late Show staffers.
#10. Line Producer, Kathy Mavrikakis: "Most of the audience - prison inmates."
#9. Cue Card boy, Tony Mendez: "That moron couldn't remember his name if it wasn't on cue cards."
#8. Associate Producer, Nancy Agostini: "I have utterly and completely wasted my life."
#7. Film coordinator, Rick Scheckman: "Jennifer Lopez is a hellcat in bad."
#6. Make up artist, Michele O'Callaghan: "The hours may be long, but the money sucks."
#5. Writer, Gerard Mulligan: "We really are a family, and Dave is the crazy uncle everyone is hoping will be put in a home."
#4. Stage Manager, Biff Henderson: "You don't need good looks or talent to get your own show."
#3. Executive assistant to David Letterman, Laurie Diamond: "When Regis calls, Dave's in a meeting."
#2. Executive Producer, Jude Brennan: "All kidding aside, Dave really is an asshole."
#1. Musical Director, Paul Shaffer: "It's much easier if I just tell people I work for Leno."

You may ask why I wasn't in the top ten. Well, somebody had to run the show. From a personal standpoint, it was very nice to see the bunch up there on stage together. Very nice. And they all did a great job.

BONNIE HUNT: From the "Life with Bonnie" show, Friday nights on ABC. She just came back from her first vacation in 15 years. She went to Italy for two weeks and stayed at George Clooney's villa. It must be neat to have a villa. My dream has always been to have a yacht, a mansion, and a string of poloponies.

Bonnie talks about one of her earlier shows, "The Building," in which Dave was an executive producer. Humble Dave says he was no executive producer, but Bonnie insists he was. Dave finally admits to being merely a "titular head" on the show. Thankfully, Dave explains "titular head" means "in name only."

Bonnie shows some photos of her vacation with George Clooney and if I went on vacation with George Clooney, I guess I would too. Bonnie suspects Dave is trying to sabotage her segment and the photos and tries to get them back but Dave insists on showing them. Bonnie forges forth, angry at Dave for his behavior while Dave finds this all very amusing. It was fun watching the repartee between the two.
Also, coming in December is Bonnie Hunt with Steve Martin in the remake of the 1950 film "Cheaper by the Dozen.

ACT 5: Fellow Hoosier, Jane Pauley!

DON GAVIN: standup from Boston - he'll be appearing Saturday night at Giggles Comedy Club in Saugus, Massachusetts. Hey, I liked this guy. He took some simple stuff and made them funny. Hopefully, watching his appearance will cheer him up after Friday night's Yankee win over the BoSox.
I really like the Yankee chances this year if only Steinbrenner would loosen the purse-strings a bit.

And that was our show for Friday, August 29, 2003. Wahoo EXTRA!

Ten years at CBS went by pretty quick. And in ten years, my girls will be almost 18. Oy.

What was that first show like? I don't know, I wasn't here yet. But from a PRESHOW rundown I have in front of me from the first program shows:
ACT 1:
-Calvert
-Ed Sullivan introducing Dave
-Tom Brokaw interrupts
-Dave shows renovation footage of the theater
-Construction workers take a bow

ACT 2:
-Ed Sullivan introduces Paul Newman; Paul talks and exits out the back of the house
-Top Ten
-Bill Murray

ACT 3:
-Bill Murray

ACT 4: Remote: New Show Ideas
ACT 5: Billy Joel - song
ACT 6: Billy Joel - talk
CLOSING: Ed Sullivan cold close.

And that's the way it was, ten years ago.

And now, the missing KYCE:
KNOW YOUR LATE SHOW FACTS AND FIGURES
1. The renovation of the Ed Sullivan Theater in 1993 was overseen by which architectural firm?
2. What is the price of a white cotton Late Show hooded sweatshirt at the CBS Store?
3. On the 1996 Thanksgiving Show, what 2 types of pie did my mom bake?

KNOW YOUR DAVE LETTERMAN ILLNESSES AND INJURIES
1. In January 2000, at what facility was my chest cracked open like a lobster so I could undergo quintuple heart bypass surgery?
2. I had my finger stitched up on the show in June 2003 as a result of an injury I sustained while making what dish?
3. What was the name of the dog that bit my face during "Stupid Pet Tricks" on June 16, 2000?
4. Earlier this year, I was out for several weeks due to shingles, which is caused by what virus?

KNOW YOUR LATE SHOW PRODUCTION ACCOUNTANT JOE DEGEORGE
1. Where does Late Show Production Accountant Joe DeGeorge live?
2. Who occupies the office next to Late Show Production Accountant Joe DeGeorge?
3. What does Late Show Production Accountant Joe DeGeorge do on the weekends?

Answers to the above will be supplied on Monday. Now get going.

Years ago, men would sit in a bar smoking a cigarette dreaming about naked women. Today they go to a strip club and dream about smoking a cigarette.

I'm off to Springsteen on Saturday at Giants Stadium. Here's something. Bruce wanted to play Yankee Stadium in October but Steinbrenner said 'No' because the Yankees would be in the playoffs. The Red Sox said yes. Hmmm.