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THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
Kate Hudson; and the cast of
“Camp.” PLUS: The Late
Show Dancers; a barbershop quartet; something from “The
Newshour with Jim Lehrer”; “Gigli”;
the CNN Unfortunate Word Choice of the Night; a George W. Bush
joke; a top ten list; Alan Kalter with a message; and Biff plays
for the Brockton Rox minor league baseball team.
Right after Dave’s last monologue
joke, a barbershop quartet mosies in and harmonizes along side
Dave. They then drift off. The leave as they came, crooning.
And who were those guys? They were the
Westchesteraires Barbershop Quartet. There is something about
barbershop quartets that I really really like. Heaven knows
what it is.
The LATE SHOW Dancers
are back; Mia, Eunice, and Moncia.
Dave likes them. Paul likes them. Dave says he always wanted
dancers, dating back to the old show. Paul always thought he
was kidding. It seems everybody is happy now. Hey,
you girls had Mahir. Now we guys have the LATE SHOW Dancers.
Dave saw something interesting on the PBS this
weekend. Friday while watching The Newshour with
Jim Lehrer Dave heard something he never would
have believed. Words no one would ever dream of being spoken
in the same sentence. Reporting was Ray Suarez.
He was recapping what the daughters said and how they feel about
their father.
Says Ray Suarez:
"They (the daughters) said their father is a loving
and tender man, but wouldn't discuss how he had their husbands
executed."
I laughed a good laugh
at that. One wonders how many people heard the same report and
how many realized its absurdity. The percentage that saw the
imbalance and incongruity I am sure was miniscule.
How many of you saw Gigli this
weekend? I rarely go to see movie but I am tempted to go see
this one. Movies such as Gigli give me the
confidence that I can write a major motion picture as well.
Although the reviews have been slamming, the makers of
Gigli have already spun a new commercial.
"The reviews are in for 'Gigli'!
Newsweek calls it a 'horribly' good time! The Chicago Sun
Times says you'd be 'misguided and idiotic' to miss it! And
the Washington Post calls it 'a steaming pile of' cinematic
treasure! 'Gigli' - in theaters now."
Poor Gigli. Where is David
Manning of the Ridgefield Press when SONY
really needs him?
THE CNN UNFORTUNATE
WORD CHOICE OF THE NIGHT: We see a CNN report on the
Reverend Gene Robinson who is hoping to become the
first gay bishop. Concluding the report, the CNN announcer says
that Reverend Gene Robinson may become the "first openly
gay Episcopal bitch...bishop." Paul got a real hoot
out of that one, even questioning its authenticity. Dave
swears it's real. We take another look and listen. And it's
still funny.
GEORGE W. BUSH JOKE
THAT'S NOT REALLY A JOKE: I'm not sure who the
President is referring to but he says, "Bill has been a
friend of mine for a long period of time. He might have
invented the word, 'piece of work.'" The President
likes his joke and relishes the reaction from the crowd.
Newshour with Jim Lehrer.
"CNN Unfortunate Word Choice." "George W. Bush
Joke." What, we're becoming the Talk Soup of the News.
The President is down in Crawford, Texas on a
month-long vacation and he's already run into some trouble.
Did you see this footage of his day of hunting? We cut to an
old favorite clip: a hunter being attacked by an elk. Still
works for me.
BIFF VISITS THE BROCKTON
ROX: We sent Biff up to Brockton, Massachusetts to play
in a game for the Brockton Rox, a minor league team in the
Northeastern Independent League. - they play at
Campanelli Stadium in Brockton, Massachusetts - July 18,
2003 - The Brockton Rox played the North Shore Spirit. Biff
was signed to be Brockton's DH for a game. - We see Biff
signing a contract; going over strategy with the manager;
meeting some of the players; getting in some batting practice;
getting a peak at the pitcher he's going to face; stretching;
making talk with some groupies; and loosening up. It's time
for Biff to lead off the game. - The first pitch, Biff
fouls off. - The second pitch is a ball, high. -
The third pitch is right down the middle that Biff takes for a
strike. He was probably looking for something else. -
The fourth pitch was a swinging strike three. - To take
out his frustrations, Biff beats the mascot with a baseball bat.
The mascot for the Brockton Rox? Why, it's K.O. the Kangaroo,
of course. Can somebody from Brockton explain that, please?
It was fun to watch Biff try his hand at the
grand old game of baseball. Dave asked Biff how he felt it
went, and Biff says he should have gotten first base on
catcher's interference on the first pitch. Dang it! When I
saw that earlier in the day, I thought I heard the bat hit the
catcher's mitt. And that's catcher's interference! I'll be
watching again tonight to get another look-see.
During the break, our announcer Alan Kalter asked
Dave if he could have a moment to say a few words. Since our
comedy bag was empty, Dave said "sure."
Alan:"It was reported last week that
Liza Minnelli and David Gest have separated after sixteen months
of marriage. In light of these unfortunate events, I'd like to
direct what follows to Mr. Minnelli."
(Alan turns to a second camera. Lights dim. Soft music
plays) Alan: "Liza, I know you're hurtin'
baby. Wherever you go, you're hounded by popping flashbulbs and
reporters invading your privacy. Well, sweet Liza, the only
thing popping at Big Red's place will be the cork off my vintage
Bollinger 82 and it won't be your privacy I'll be invading.
You worries and concerns will melt away as you lose yourself in
a passionate, flaming sea of red. Don't fight it, boo. It's
time to forget about Gest, and come taste the best. Come
closer... closer..." (Alan moves right up
to the camera and begins kissing the lens.) Dave yells
for Alan to stop but in the throes of love, Alan cannot hear.
Just as I was about to get the hose, Alan finally comes to his
senses and abates.
TOP TEN: REAL
REASONS COLIN POWELL IS STEPPING DOWN - a report in the
Washington Post read that Colin Powell
would be stepping down as U.S. Secretary of State at the end of
Bush's first term. #8. Fed up with being
overlooked on Secretary's Day three years in a row. #2. Just attended a seminar about how anyone can
get rich buying real estate with no money down. #1. New Ben Affleck/Jennifer Lopez move made him
lose the will to do anything.
There is no truth
to the rumor that Colin Powell will be going on the Tonight Show
to announce whether he will be stepping down or not.
KATE HUDSON: She's pregnant!
Goldie is about to become a grandma, and
Kurt is looking forward to spoiling his grandchild.
Dave says beings a grandparent is like having all the fun
without the problems. Does Dave have kids, Kate asks? Dave
chuckles. Kate says she thinks he would be a good dad.
"I'm sure you're warm and sensitive at home." Dave
laughs again, saying, "Yeah, at home I practice my warm and
sensitiveness." Then Dave adds, "I'm loving and
tender." It's a call back from how Saddam was described
by his daughters. While filming Le Divorce
(opens Friday), Kate lived in Paris for 3 months. She took
French in high school and it really came in handy during her
stay in France. She says she was on the verge of really
understanding the language when it was time to guy. A few more
months and she would have had it down. What did she do in
Paris? Museums? Kate says she really didn't do the typical
tourist stuff, but learned to enjoy the small, everyday things
of Paris. Dave jumps in with, "It would be too late
for me to ask you out, right?" Kate laughs and doesn't
answer. "The door has closed, hasn't it?" Paul
answers for Kate and says it has. The movie is out on
Friday. The baby early next year.
ACT
5:It’s time to reveal the answer to the
LATE SHOW Million Dollar Trivia Question! The
answer is...‘False’. If you guessed
correctly, you’ve won a million dollars! Keep on
playing! This has been the LATE SHOW Million Dollar Trivia
Question.
CAMP: the cast
from the film Camp performed
“Here’s Where I Stand.” There is a
CD by the same name. I haven’t seen the movie
but it sounds like Fame in the woods.
And that was our show for Monday August 4,
2003.
Wahoo
EXTRA! I was in a great
mood Monday morning. I may have completed the best parallel
park of my life. I saw a spot, it looked tight, but I went for
it. Got it right in with very little jockeying back and forth.
And not once did I touch the car in front or in back. I wasn't
really impressed until I got out of the car and noticed about 5
inches between cars in front and about 6 inches in back. I
hung around for awhile hoping somebody would notice. No one
did, although I think that was due to jealousy. Maybe my best
parking job ever.
Last week I mentioned how an
ad in the classifieds described used golf balls for sale as
"experienced." Not used, pre-owned, or second-hand,
but "experienced." I laughed out loud upon reading
that. I've since found out that "experienced" is a
common description of used golf balls. How silly, immature,
and shallow. Get over yourselves, golfers. C'mon, do
you really talk like that?
I had a very nice
Sunday. Enjoyed the annual Hillcrest Volunteer Firemen's
picnic at Kruckers in Mt. Ivy, New York. The picnic is
a throwback to old fun, old friends, and old stories. Lots of
food and grog. Plus, they got me to play in a softball game
this Wednesday. If I hurry after work, I should get there for
the last inning, followed by lots of food and grog.
Kate Hudson; and the cast of
“Camp.” PLUS: The Late
Show Dancers; a barbershop quartet; something from “The
Newshour with Jim Lehrer”; “Gigli”;
the CNN Unfortunate Word Choice of the Night; a George W. Bush
joke; a top ten list; Alan Kalter with a message; and Biff plays
for the Brockton Rox minor league baseball team.
Right after Dave’s last monologue
joke, a barbershop quartet mosies in and harmonizes along side
Dave. They then drift off. The leave as they came, crooning.
And who were those guys? They were the
Westchesteraires Barbershop Quartet. There is something about
barbershop quartets that I really really like. Heaven knows
what it is.
The LATE SHOW Dancers
are back; Mia, Eunice, and Moncia.
Dave likes them. Paul likes them. Dave says he always wanted
dancers, dating back to the old show. Paul always thought he
was kidding. It seems everybody is happy now. Hey,
you girls had Mahir. Now we guys have the LATE SHOW Dancers.
Dave saw something interesting on the PBS this
weekend. Friday while watching The Newshour with
Jim Lehrer Dave heard something he never would
have believed. Words no one would ever dream of being spoken
in the same sentence. Reporting was Ray Suarez.
He was recapping what the daughters said and how they feel about
their father.
Says Ray Suarez:
"They (the daughters) said their father is a loving
and tender man, but wouldn't discuss how he had their husbands
executed."
I laughed a good laugh
at that. One wonders how many people heard the same report and
how many realized its absurdity. The percentage that saw the
imbalance and incongruity I am sure was miniscule.
How many of you saw Gigli this
weekend? I rarely go to see movie but I am tempted to go see
this one. Movies such as Gigli give me the
confidence that I can write a major motion picture as well.
Although the reviews have been slamming, the makers of
Gigli have already spun a new commercial.
"The reviews are in for 'Gigli'!
Newsweek calls it a 'horribly' good time! The Chicago Sun
Times says you'd be 'misguided and idiotic' to miss it! And
the Washington Post calls it 'a steaming pile of' cinematic
treasure! 'Gigli' - in theaters now."
Poor Gigli. Where is David
Manning of the Ridgefield Press when SONY
really needs him?
THE CNN UNFORTUNATE
WORD CHOICE OF THE NIGHT: We see a CNN report on the
Reverend Gene Robinson who is hoping to become the
first gay bishop. Concluding the report, the CNN announcer says
that Reverend Gene Robinson may become the "first openly
gay Episcopal bitch...bishop." Paul got a real hoot
out of that one, even questioning its authenticity. Dave
swears it's real. We take another look and listen. And it's
still funny.
GEORGE W. BUSH JOKE
THAT'S NOT REALLY A JOKE: I'm not sure who the
President is referring to but he says, "Bill has been a
friend of mine for a long period of time. He might have
invented the word, 'piece of work.'" The President
likes his joke and relishes the reaction from the crowd.
Newshour with Jim Lehrer.
"CNN Unfortunate Word Choice." "George W. Bush
Joke." What, we're becoming the Talk Soup of the News.
The President is down in Crawford, Texas on a
month-long vacation and he's already run into some trouble.
Did you see this footage of his day of hunting? We cut to an
old favorite clip: a hunter being attacked by an elk. Still
works for me.
BIFF VISITS THE BROCKTON
ROX: We sent Biff up to Brockton, Massachusetts to play
in a game for the Brockton Rox, a minor league team in the
Northeastern Independent League. - they play at
Campanelli Stadium in Brockton, Massachusetts - July 18,
2003 - The Brockton Rox played the North Shore Spirit. Biff
was signed to be Brockton's DH for a game. - We see Biff
signing a contract; going over strategy with the manager;
meeting some of the players; getting in some batting practice;
getting a peak at the pitcher he's going to face; stretching;
making talk with some groupies; and loosening up. It's time
for Biff to lead off the game. - The first pitch, Biff
fouls off. - The second pitch is a ball, high. -
The third pitch is right down the middle that Biff takes for a
strike. He was probably looking for something else. -
The fourth pitch was a swinging strike three. - To take
out his frustrations, Biff beats the mascot with a baseball bat.
The mascot for the Brockton Rox? Why, it's K.O. the Kangaroo,
of course. Can somebody from Brockton explain that, please?
It was fun to watch Biff try his hand at the
grand old game of baseball. Dave asked Biff how he felt it
went, and Biff says he should have gotten first base on
catcher's interference on the first pitch. Dang it! When I
saw that earlier in the day, I thought I heard the bat hit the
catcher's mitt. And that's catcher's interference! I'll be
watching again tonight to get another look-see.
During the break, our announcer Alan Kalter asked
Dave if he could have a moment to say a few words. Since our
comedy bag was empty, Dave said "sure."
Alan:"It was reported last week that
Liza Minnelli and David Gest have separated after sixteen months
of marriage. In light of these unfortunate events, I'd like to
direct what follows to Mr. Minnelli."
(Alan turns to a second camera. Lights dim. Soft music
plays) Alan: "Liza, I know you're hurtin'
baby. Wherever you go, you're hounded by popping flashbulbs and
reporters invading your privacy. Well, sweet Liza, the only
thing popping at Big Red's place will be the cork off my vintage
Bollinger 82 and it won't be your privacy I'll be invading.
You worries and concerns will melt away as you lose yourself in
a passionate, flaming sea of red. Don't fight it, boo. It's
time to forget about Gest, and come taste the best. Come
closer... closer..." (Alan moves right up
to the camera and begins kissing the lens.) Dave yells
for Alan to stop but in the throes of love, Alan cannot hear.
Just as I was about to get the hose, Alan finally comes to his
senses and abates.
TOP TEN: REAL
REASONS COLIN POWELL IS STEPPING DOWN - a report in the
Washington Post read that Colin Powell
would be stepping down as U.S. Secretary of State at the end of
Bush's first term. #8. Fed up with being
overlooked on Secretary's Day three years in a row. #2. Just attended a seminar about how anyone can
get rich buying real estate with no money down. #1. New Ben Affleck/Jennifer Lopez move made him
lose the will to do anything.
There is no truth
to the rumor that Colin Powell will be going on the Tonight Show
to announce whether he will be stepping down or not.
KATE HUDSON: She's pregnant!
Goldie is about to become a grandma, and
Kurt is looking forward to spoiling his grandchild.
Dave says beings a grandparent is like having all the fun
without the problems. Does Dave have kids, Kate asks? Dave
chuckles. Kate says she thinks he would be a good dad.
"I'm sure you're warm and sensitive at home." Dave
laughs again, saying, "Yeah, at home I practice my warm and
sensitiveness." Then Dave adds, "I'm loving and
tender." It's a call back from how Saddam was described
by his daughters. While filming Le Divorce
(opens Friday), Kate lived in Paris for 3 months. She took
French in high school and it really came in handy during her
stay in France. She says she was on the verge of really
understanding the language when it was time to guy. A few more
months and she would have had it down. What did she do in
Paris? Museums? Kate says she really didn't do the typical
tourist stuff, but learned to enjoy the small, everyday things
of Paris. Dave jumps in with, "It would be too late
for me to ask you out, right?" Kate laughs and doesn't
answer. "The door has closed, hasn't it?" Paul
answers for Kate and says it has. The movie is out on
Friday. The baby early next year.
ACT
5:It’s time to reveal the answer to the
LATE SHOW Million Dollar Trivia Question! The
answer is...‘False’. If you guessed
correctly, you’ve won a million dollars! Keep on
playing! This has been the LATE SHOW Million Dollar Trivia
Question.
CAMP: the cast
from the film Camp performed
“Here’s Where I Stand.” There is a
CD by the same name. I haven’t seen the movie
but it sounds like Fame in the woods.
And that was our show for Monday August 4,
2003.
Wahoo
EXTRA! I was in a great
mood Monday morning. I may have completed the best parallel
park of my life. I saw a spot, it looked tight, but I went for
it. Got it right in with very little jockeying back and forth.
And not once did I touch the car in front or in back. I wasn't
really impressed until I got out of the car and noticed about 5
inches between cars in front and about 6 inches in back. I
hung around for awhile hoping somebody would notice. No one
did, although I think that was due to jealousy. Maybe my best
parking job ever.
Last week I mentioned how an
ad in the classifieds described used golf balls for sale as
"experienced." Not used, pre-owned, or second-hand,
but "experienced." I laughed out loud upon reading
that. I've since found out that "experienced" is a
common description of used golf balls. How silly, immature,
and shallow. Get over yourselves, golfers. C'mon, do
you really talk like that?
I had a very nice
Sunday. Enjoyed the annual Hillcrest Volunteer Firemen's
picnic at Kruckers in Mt. Ivy, New York. The picnic is
a throwback to old fun, old friends, and old stories. Lots of
food and grog. Plus, they got me to play in a softball game
this Wednesday. If I hurry after work, I should get there for
the last inning, followed by lots of food and grog.
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