To open the show, Dave reminds us of the wonderful CD put out by the late Warren Zevon, "The Wind." Dave was listening to it earlier in the day and was reminded of Warren's brilliance. Dave recommends we all get up and get one of these, pronto. "The Wind." I got mine.

Did you hear? Dave's been transferred to Chesterton, Indiana. I know, I didn't get it either but apparently during the pre-show Q&A, Dave spoke to a transplanted New Yorker now living in Chesterton. Dave says things are looking up for Chesterton. "They should be getting electricity any day now."

We are going to try again tonight to explode a half-ton pumpkin. We wanted to do it last night but the heavy rains put the kibosh to it. It seems the pumpkin had electricity running through it. Here's how. Along the sidewalks of New York City is a metal edge. For some reason, 5 volts of electricity runs through the metal edge on the sidewalk of 53rd Street. With the rain water acting as a conductor, the New York Fire Department determined there was a danger of the electric charge from the sidewalk could run to the pumpkin and detonate the 8 ounces of black powder. It sounds reasonable. Tonight, with dry weather, we plan on doing the ‘splosion.

And speaking of pumpkins, did you happen to see "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" on ABC earlier Monday night. It seems the alphabet network tinkered with this children's favorite to make it more hip and today. We take a look at a clip. We see Charlie and the gang trick or treating. One gets a candy bar. One gets a lollipop. One gets chewing gum. Charlie Brown says, "I got prescription painkillers from Rush Limbaugh. Good grief!"
Dave doesn't see the necessity of changing the Charlie Brown special to make it more topical. He says, "It's like that ‘South Park.'"

And the remake of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" is doing great business. Commercialism what it is today, it is not surprising that somebody has decided to piggyback on its success. Did you see the recent commercial?

"'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre' is the bloodiest, most terrifying movie of the year. And this weekend at Home Depot, we've got chainsaws at up to 40% off. Whether you're looking to cut wood or scare the neighbors, you'll find the right chainsaw at the year's best prices! Home Depot - You Can Do It. We Can Help."

George W. Bush Statesman - While giving a speech in front of a large crowd, the President asks, "Are you having burritos for lunch?"

California is burning at a rate of 6,000 acres an hour. Lucky for them, they have a Governor like Arnold Schwarzenegger to lead the way. In tonight's installment of "Meet the Governor" we find Arnold meeting with a constituent.
We cut to a scantily clad woman dancing on a stage. The camera lowers to find Arnold Schwarzenegger ogling the buxom and shapely lady. So fascinated is the body builder, he forms his hands into mini binoculars so to not to miss any of the action.

It's time for the pumpkin blast! Out on 53rd Street is a 1,030 pound pumpkin. It is wired to explode when the order is given. Dave is unsure who is in charge or who is going to blow it up. Dave looks for some help. We see him looking in the direction of our executive producer. Dave says in a questioning tone ". . . . it's a gentleman named Russ. . . ." We cut to a guy out on 53rd Street at the controls. He is dragging on a cigarette. He's about what you would expect a guy in charge of explosives to look like. Russ flicks his cigarette to the side. We are set to go.

Sitting in the shack backstage, none of us know how this is going to turn out. Some believe we'll see nothing but a puff of smoke. Another thinks a hole will be punctured from the pumpkin and nothing much more. We sit and wait and stare at the pumpkin. Dave says we'll explode the pumpkin right after these messages.

IS THIS ANYTHING: Before revealing the performer, Dave asks Alan, "Alan, what are we playing for tonight?" YIKES! We hadn't planned on that. Alan, strictly from memory, recites his "What are we playing for" spiel. "Dave, some lucky contestant is playing for a brand new monkey!" (or something like that). The hand-held camera spins in Alan's direction and we see him through some stage equipment and the boom microphone stand. A laughing Dave says, "I don't think I ever saw that shot before."

Is This Anything?
It's a guy who spins a top on his hat, plays the spoons, and plays the harmonica all at the same time. An impressed Paul points out that it was a 3-element performance.
1. He spins a gyroscope on the brim of his hat.
2. He plays the spoons.
3. He plays the harmonica.

Dave adds that he did all that while standing on one foot. An excited Paul exclaims, "It's a 4-element performance! Gyroscope, spoons, harmonica, while standing on one foot!"
Dave: "So what do you think?"
Paul: "It was nothing."
Very funny man, that Paul.

TOP TEN: Demands of New York City Cab Drivers - NYC cab drivers are threatening to strike if the city does not grant them a fare hike. Taxi rates haven't been raised since 1996. The current rate is $2 to start and 30 cents for every fifth of a mile.
#8. Removal of distracting colored lights from city's intersections
#7. Ban passengers reeking of soap.
#6. For driver safety, turban must inflate on impact.

It's time to detonate the 8 ounces of black powder and explode the pumpkin. We wait in nervous anticipation.
The pumpkin suddenly explodes in all directions! Pumpkin-splatter spews across 53rd. It's a great success! The exploding pumpkin met our best expectations. We are then treated to a number of replays from different angles. Nice job, Russ. Nice job, Scott Armstrong, the gardener of the 1,030 pound pumpkin. We breathe a sigh of relief.

COURTENEY COX: She hasn't been here in 6 years. Dave says that usually means he did something to anger the guest. Courteney assures Dave he did no such thing. She gushes that she loves Dave. Dave congratulates Courteney on her 10 year run on "Friends." (I'm gonna have to watch that show some day.) How will it end? She won't tell because she doesn't know. (I think Ross ends up with Chandler.)

Dave then lauds Courteney on her perfect teeth. Courteney thanks Dave then gleams a Pepsodent smile. Dave later admits that when he was younger, his dentist said he needed braces but his parents wanted a drink cart instead . . .

Courteney is married to actor David Arquette, which makes Dave wonder. He asks Courteney, "Take me through the David Arquette deal . . . he's hooked up differently." Actor David Arquette is known to be a rather bizarre individual. "How did he ever get on your radar?" wonders Dave. Courteney says they met while doing a film. She says that SHE'S the one who can be the wilder of the two. Contrary to what he may appear to be, David Arquette likes order and guidelines.

What do they do for fun? They like to karaoke in "The Diamond Lounge" in their house. I have a "Diamond Lounge" in my house, too. I call it the basement. What song does Courteney karaoke? She says she knows only one song, "Waterfalls" by TLC. Paul softly begins to play "Waterfalls." Courteney looks over at Paul and enjoys his playing. It finally dawns on her that Paul is hoping she'll join in. "Oh no, no. No." Courteney quickly, quietly, but sternly puts an end to any thought that she'll be doing "Waterfalls."

Speaking of her husband David Arquette, "he is here tonight" says Courteney. In fact, he was so interested in the pumpkin explosion he went outside to watch it live. If you were watching closely the first time, you may have seen him. We replay the pumpkin explosion one more time. We can see David Arquette get covered by flying pumpkin guts. He must have been standing far far away because the time it took for the pumpkin guts to reach him after the explosion seemed like a good 10 seconds.

You can see Courteney in her final season of "Friends" Thursday nights at 8:00. She is also busy producing "Mix It Up" on the WE: Women's Entertainment Network on Wednesday nights. Check your local listing for where WE be.

Later, Dave says, "If I had teeth like that, everyone could just kiss me ass." Paul says they already do.

ACT 5: It's a slo-mo of the exploding pumpkin, but this time in reverse!

DORIS ROBERTS: She's the Emmy Award winning mom on "Everybody Loves Raymond." She also stars in a Hallmark movie, "A Time To Remember" premiering November 23rd.
Dave has a photograph of Doris at this year's Emmy Awards. She is lip-locked with Matthew Perry. I'm guessing it was a play off of the Madonna/Britney Spears kiss at the Grammys and the Halle Berry/Adrian Brody kiss at the Academy Awards. Dave then asks if she is romantically involved with anyone. She says she is. She met the gentleman at a dinner party. She laments that with men of her age when they talk about a prophylactic, they're talking about a knee brace.

On a photographic safari to Africa, a cheetah jumped on to her jeep. Doris was in the passenger seat and desired a face-to-face photo of the wild cat. To get the cheetah's attention, she tried, "Here kitty, kitty, kitty." The kitty pounced to within inches of Doris' face. Her fellow passengers nearly threw her out the jeep as catnip. Instead they decided to just scat the cat.

Doris recently came in harm's way when she was injured during a photo shoot. The photographer asked her to climb a tree for a picture. She did. She fell. (I hope he got the shot.) She ended up in a wheelchair but was well enough to go to a Springsteen concert. The leg? Dave suggests that maybe she should consider a prophylactic.

And that was our show for Tuesday, October 28, 2003. Wahoo EXTRA!

When did CNN become so goofy? I was watching the other day and the two anchors were trying to ha-ha everything up. They thought they were so funny, so witty, so clever. There were 3 things wrong with that. They were not funny, not witty, not clever. It looked and sounded like a high school production.

Steinbrenner will be making so many moves this winter, he won't be happy until Mariano Rivera is the weakest link.

From the October 15th Wahoo Gazette:

ELEVATOR ETIQUETTE QUESTION: When I'm in the elevator and get out on my floor, there is another door I have to go through which leads to the main hall. When there is a lady in the elevator also getting off on my floor, should I let her out first? If so, I then have to hurry past to open the next door for her. In order to get to the door first, I nearly have to push her out of the way. My question: Is it OK for me to exit the elevator first so to open the door to the hallway? Hello, Miss Manners

"I used to have a similar problem with the doors placed six feet from the other doors - such as those one may find at hotels. I would open the first door for a lady, then rush past the same lady in an attempt to beat her to the second door. I was instructed by a ‘manners expert' that the first rule of manners is to be graceful. She explained that one must never act without grace in order to obey a rule of etiquette. It follows that one need never brush past a woman to open a door for her. If she does not know to slow down and present the opportunity for a gentleman to open her door, he may grab it as she opens it and say something graceful like, ‘allow me.' Alternatively, if she held the door for the gentleman, he could graciously thank her or politely insist that she enter first. The alternative - exiting the elevator first - suggests that one must be slightly rude to be polite."

"You've gotta' let the lady off the elevator first, even though it sets her up to deal with the next door. One thought: Step out only as far as the threshold and reach back as a gesture to hold the doors open on the elevator... then as she steps out... continue stepping forward (since the doors won't really be closing that fast) and stay a pace in front of her until you get to the next door."

"I had to write regarding your Elevator Etiquette Question since I have a similar situation at work. Here's what I do (not that this is necessarily right): first, exit the elevator in order. That is, if I'm already standing in front of the lady on the elevator, I don't stand aside to let her exit; I just walk ahead and then open the door for her. If I'm standing next to or behind her, I walk behind her to the door and then reach up over her head and help her pull the door open by pulling on the door jamb as she pulls on the handle. This way I feel like I'm doing something and I don't wind up with the lady holding the door open for me."

"I feel manners should involve common sense more than hoopla. So if doing something makes you look like Mo, Shemp, or Curly, I say it's not good manners. I say it's a-ok in the social strata to go out first. Going out first in a calm reasonable manner is better than going second and pushing her over. OR of course you could just go second AND let her open her own door. I don't think that's rude at all, to let someone, woman or man, open their own door. Women like to be chivalrous too and politely hold doors open. In fact we revel in it (sorry I just read one of Naomi Wolf's book recently)

"To answer your elevator etiquette question, I think you should let her out of the elevator first. If she likes when men open doors for her, she'll likely stand by the door and wait for you to get off the elevator and open the hallway door. If she's more of the independent type, she'll probably open it herself. But, at least you let her exit the elevator first, the polite thing to do."

"When faced with elevator etiquette as you were, I simply pretend I'm not getting off on that floor and ride the elevator for a few more floors."