On the program tonight is Kai Leclerc's Upside Down Act. He and his partner will walk upside down and juggle and stuff. How will they do this? Dave says he will have his eagle eye, piercing wolf-like vision putting the performance under his intense scrutiny as he attempts to detect just how it is done. Dave promises to have an answer by the end of the night.

Did you watch the Miss USA Pageant last night? Miss Oklahoma had an interesting response to a tough question posed by the host.
Host: "What is your favorite type of music?"
Miss Oklahoma: "That's the toughest question you could've asked."
DOH!!!
Dave quizzes Paul, "The newly crowned Miss USA is from where?" Paul doesn't know. She's Miss Missouri. Dave awaits the applause from the Missourians. None is coming. I guess our audience is Missouri-free tonight.
And do you know who the host was of the Miss USA Pageant? Billy Bush, the cousin of our President, Mr. George Bush.

Have you done your taxes yet? The IRS is trying to encourage taxpayers to file electronically this year. Have you seen the commercial?
- Upbeat music, people doing their taxes: "Attention, taxpayers! The IRS encourages you to file your taxes via the internet, with e-file! E-file automatically scans your returns for errors, plus you get your refund faster! Act now, and you can also download hot photos of IRS agents! E-file! One more way the IRS is working for you."

Dave points out something you may have missed at Monday night's MISS USA Pageant: Miss New York's talent --- she broke into a Lexus while smoking a cigarette. Now we'll wait and see if Miss New York can take a joke better than Miss Columbia.

GEORGE W. BUSH INSPIRATION TO AMERICA:
We see the President sitting in an auditorium. He says, "Gosh, I can't go back to school! Too old. Not interested!"

BIFF AT YANKEE SPRING TRAINING - This is Biff's 7th appearance down to Yankee Spring Training down at Legends Field in Tampa, Florida.
Biff spent some time with some new faces in Pinstripes, opening with Alex Rodriguez. He then spends some time with our old favorite, Derek Jeter. Biff asks Jeter, "Did you have jet lag in Japan?" Derek says he did. Biff answers, "That's how the Mets feel all the time."
We see Yankees signing autographs. We see Biff signing a fat man's belly. We see Biff making time with a big-breasted woman. We see Biff signing a man's bald head. Two out of three ain't bad, I guess.
Biff and Hideki Matsui perform the famous Abbott and Costello routine, "Who's On First."
Although Biff is in Florida, there are still some things that make him feel like he's in New York. Camera pans over to a dead mouse on the ground.
Are pinstripes slimming? Let's see. We gander at a photo of Derek Jeter in Yankee Pinstripes. Then we gander at a photo of Derek Jeter in street clothes. Hey! The guy's chubby.
Biff and the Yankees spend some time breaking Dave's stuff: cell phone, coffee mug, and eyeglasses.
Biff brings cheer to a sullen Gary Sheffield. Why so glum? Because the Sheff is sad that "Sex and the City" has ended. Biff brings him the DVD on a full season. We cut to Biff and Sheffield enjoying an episode back at the room. Biff says, "That Cynthia is a slut." Gary Sheffield agrees.
And that was Biff's 2004 visit to Yankee Spring Training.

Dave is looking forward to watching the George W. Bush News Conference tonight. Dave thinks this is the night the President is going to outlaw dirty dancing.
Paul says he's going to fight it. "I'm gonna go footloose! I'm gonna go footloose!" I think I know who that Canadian is going to vote for.

PAT AND KENNY READ OPRAH TRANSCRIPTS - If you're a fan of "The Oprah Winfrey Show," you know that you can write in and order written transcripts form any Oprah episode. We recently did just that and tonight our stagehands Pat Farmer and Kenny Sheehan performed part of the transcripts on our show. In this episode, Oprah welcomes celebrity guest.
Pat plays the part of Oprah.
Kenny plays the part of Madonna. In this installment, Oprah had a lot of yee-hawing, woo-hooing, and wee-ohing.
Every time I watch Pat and Kenny Read Oprah Transcripts, If ind it hilarious. Why, I don't know. It's just two guys reading a transcript from the Oprah show. No jokes. No hijinks. Just a straight read. It reminds me of how Steve Allen first did something similar way back when by reading Elvis Presley song lyrics. Mr. Allen would stand in front of a podium, and all stoic-like, and simply read the lyrics. Hearing the words spoken by Mr. Steve Allen instead of being sung by Elvis Presley made for great comedy. Pat and Kenny Reading Oprah Transcripts reminds me of the Steve Allen bit.

TOP TEN: Signs A Baseball Player is Using Steroids
#10. This year he broke the home run record. Last year he was a cellist.
#9. Only signs autographs in exchange for clean urine sample
#4. Can spit sunflower seeds 95 miles per hour.
To close up the Top Ten, Paul plays "The Monster Mash." Why? "Because steroids make you become a monster!"

Back from commercial, Dave asks the Control Room to flip the shot of Dave at his desk so he's upside down. The Control Room turns Dave 180 degrees upside down, stops, then completes the rotation by going the full 360.
In 2004, this procedure took mere seconds. Back in the'80s, the process took an entire 60-minute show. Technology is so much faster now.
Dave thinks it would be fun to flip the camera shot during the Kai Leclerc Upside Down Act.

CHRIS ROCK: Chris is a regular on the Oprah show. Dave has yet to be a guest. Chris is a parent of a two-year-old girl, with another on the way. He's says Dave has it easier raising a boy. All you got to do is raise him to be a man. With a girl, Chris says his main job is "to keep her off the pole."
Ever since the Janet Jackson thing and the crack down on what appears to approach indecency, how has this affected Chris Rock's act? Chris says he's cursing and swearing more than ever. "I got to. I may not be allowed to next year." What's Chris got cooking? This Saturday debuts his HBO special, "Chris Rock: Never Scared." It should be good. Heck, he's the funniest person in America, according to a recent poll.
He'll also be working on a remake of "The Longest Yard" with Adam Sandler playing the Burt Reynold's role. Hmmmm. Who's playing Eddie Albert -- Bob Goldwaith? Throughout the interview, I kept noticing that Chris Rock has a Jerry Seinfeld smile.

ACT 5: It's Dwight the Troubled Teen:
ALAN: "Dwight, I got a call from our guidance counselor today. She said you haven't been to school for two weeks."
DWIGHT: "So what? I don't need school. I'm gonna be a rock star."
ALAN: "That's silly. Everyone needs school!"
DWIGHT: "I don't have to listen to you. I hate you. I hate all of you."
Dwight exits angrily. After a beat, he returns with a smile.
DWIGHT: "Hey, kids, this is Dwight the Troubled Teen reminding everyone, you don't need school - follow your dreams! Shoot for the stars!"
ALAN: "See you next time."
Alan and Dwight wave.
ALAN: (announce) "This has been Dwight the Troubled Teen. Thanks for watching and drive safely."

KAI LECLERC'S UPSIDE DOWN ACT: From the Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus, Kai Leclerc and Marianna Hartung performed juggling and other tricks while "walking" upside down 16 feet above the floor. How they do that? I don't know, but Dave figures it must be some anti-gravity device.

And that was our show for Tuesday, April 13, 2004. Wahoo EXTRA!

The President held his press conference last night during prime time. He didn't have it Monday night because he was watching the CBS "Two and a Half Men-a-thon."

I have a theory and I'm just waiting for funding to pursue it. I believe dyslexics excel at the Jumble.

Last week we did the Top Rejected Tiles for the Upcoming Gay Western - Academy Award-winning director Ang Lee will shoot a gay-themed western this summer entitled, "Brokeback Mountain."
I asked for some of your suggestions. Today's entry belongs to Dennis Dockins of Centerville, Ohio:
"The Man Who 'Givled' Liberty Valance"
"Wild Bill's Hickock"
"Flaming Saddles"
"Blonanza"
"The Crisco Kid"
"Destry Rides Him Again"
"Quigley Goes Down Under"

And the other day I asked when coupling a question mark with an exclamation point, which comes first?
Apparently there is something called an "interrobang," a combination character that is both a question mark and an exclamation point.

David McGaw of Falls Church, Virginia:
Re: the interrobang: "See all the tedious details at http://www.fact-index.com/i/in/interrobang.html

Bob House of Scottsdale, Arizona:
"Don't worry about which goes first. Question mark + exclamation pint = interrobang. http://encyclopedia.thefreedictionary.com/interrobang

Other Wahoo stuff.
From Bill Fletcher of Spartanburg, South Carolina:
"its not 'ko koo kuh choo' in 'i am the walrus'. that would officially be: "goo goo ga joob"

Andrew Hoenig of Rockville, Maryland:
"Re: Take me Home, Country Roads, the song was not written about West Virginia. It was inspired by a road in Gaithersburg, Maryland, a suburb of Washington, DC." http://mp3.washingtonpost.com/bands/bill_danoff.shtml

David Kurman: CBS Broadcast Center
"A fellow named Martin Speckter invented a punctuation mark in 1962 that combined "?!" into a symbol called the "interrobang"; -- "interro" from interrogation and "bang" from the old typesetting terminology for an exclamation mark. Picture an exclamation point centered in a question mark, both sharing a common dot.
If your selection of fonts includes Wingdings 2, you can generate an interrobang with the first key in the top row of your keyboard. Or try a Google search on the word. Victor Borge would have had fun with it in his phonetic punctuation system.

Well, let's see if Mr. Kurman is on to something. First in the font Times New Roman, the first key in the top row of the keyboard is this: '
Now if I Winding 2 the ', I get this:

'

Ta da! So I see! Ladies and gentlemen, the interrobang...'

I can see the interrobang on my screen now, but I'm not sure how it will appear on yours. But take my word for it, like the kids say, the interrobang rules!

I just e-mailed the above to myself. Sadly, when e-mailing a ' in Winding 2, it comes out like '.