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			Friday, April 16, 2004 Show #2155
			By Michael Z. McIntee	Change Text Color: Black \| White


	Phil Mickelson; Kathryn Morris; and Patti Smith. PLUS: Stump the Band; and who is on cape? In case you’re wondering, Dave didn’t dress himself. A guy named Joe from Philadelphia picks out his outfits. At the end of the monologue, Dave informs us he’s “just a regular guy.” Hmmmm, a regular guy who has a guy named Joe picking out his outfits. STUMP THE BAND: It’s America’s Fastest Growing Music Sensation, it’s Stump The Band. This is something we’ve borrowed from Mr. Johnny Carson’s Tonight Show. Dave goes into the audience, chats with an audience member, then the audience member gives the title of a song. The band attempts to perform the song. If the band does not play the song mentioned by the audience member, that audience member has stumped the band. Helping out tonight, as always, is the CBS orchestra leader, Paul Shaffer. Apparently, Paul Shaffer got the wrong memo because he was dressed to partake in another Carson Classic, Carnac the Magnificent. Paul holds a sealed envelope to his forehead and says, “3 dollars a gallon.” Paul then opens the envelope to reveal the question inside which is answered with “3 dollars a gallon.” The question: “What are major league baseball players paying for clean urine.” STB#1: Shawn Moe of Liverpool, New York. Shawn sings with the Syracuse Opera. Dave is surprised that a chap of his youth and build would be a performer with the Syracuse Opera. Dave asks, “I thought you had to be old and fat?” I guess not. Shawn’s opera troupe is currently performing “The Magic Flute.” What is the story of the Magic Flute? A guy uses his magic flute to save his girlfriend. I knew what Dave was thinking but I wasn’t sure whether he would say it. He did. Under his breath, Dave says “I’ve tried to save a few old girlfriends with my flute. . .” Shawn’s song: “Alligator Pie” Saxophonist Bruce Kapler says he knows that song. To the tune of “Strangers in the Night,” Bruce sings: “Alligator Pie Exchanging slices Darling, you and I One slice suffices Whiskey, scotch and rye, With Alligator pie. Nice song. Wrong song. STB#2: Christie Barker of Walker, Louisiana: Where is Walker? Not too far from Baton Rouge. What does Baton Rouge mean? I forgot what Christie said but I just looked it up. It means “Red stick.” Christie is a 5th grade teacher. Lot of punks in the 5th grade? Christie says, “Not in our area.” And what is Christie doing in New York City? Christie says, “I’m visiting . . . . NO!.. . . . I’M NOT VISITING!” Uh oh. What is Christie hiding? Christie changes her story, saying she’s come to see some Broadway shows. Christie’s song: “Ten Little Speckled Frogs” – Will Lee volunteers to give it a shot. Warbling a mix of Tiny Tim and Robin Gibb, Will Lee sings “Butterflies and Daffodils, Frolic gaily on the Hill 10 little speckled frogs I see I think those rancid oysters are affecting me.” Nice song. Wrong song. Christie sings her version. For her performance, she is given a Live on Letterman CD, a box of Explod-O-Pop Popcorn, and dinner for two at a restaurant of her choice. How about this one? Christie seems interested. Dave adds, “It’s Cuban food.” ““Oh NO!” cries Christie. I guess she doesn’t go for the Cuban food. STB#3: Fred and Olivia Ellis, brother and sister from Brooklyn, New York. Fred is a music therapist. Olivia is an assistant principal at PS8 in Brooklyn Heights. How are the kids there? Punks? Olivia says, “Nope. Not punks.” Then adds, “But I just started.” Fred and Olivia’s song: “Sardines and Pork and Beans.” Paul says he’s got this one. Paul said it with such confidence that I thought he was on to something. Paul sings, “You gave me sardines and pork and beans, then some ham hocks and collard greens Did I forget to mention that I’m an Orthodox Jew.” Nice song. Wrong song. Fred and Olivia perform the song they learned in camp many years ago. From memory, the song consisted entirely of lyrics, “Sardines and pork and beans.” It was sung to the tune of the Saturday Night Live cheerleading duo of Will Ferrell and Cherie Oteri. And that was Stump the Band for tonight. PHIL MICKELSON: He’s the 2004 Masters Golf Champion. He enters wearing his well-deserved green jacket. I hit my forehead with the palm of my hand, thinking we should have had a green jacket ready for Dave. To recap The Masters: Last Sunday – Phil Mickelson made an 18-foot birdie on the final hole to win the 68th Masters golf championship defeating Ernie Els by one stroke. This is Phil’s first Major victory in 43 attempts. And what makes up the 4 golf majors? Answer below. - The Masters - The British Open - The U.S. Open - The PGA Sorry. I probably should have said, “Answer: Directly below.” Before winning the Masters, Phil wore the unofficial label of “The Best Player Who Has Never Won A Major.” Did that bother him? Phil says not really, and it was actually kind of flattering, though he didn’t want to hear about it before every major tournament. Now, that’s all behind him. Dave asks, “Ever get the yips?” Phil isn’t quite sure what Dave means, asking, “I don’t know. Is it something anti-biotics can take care of?” And how is Tiger Woods doing? Phil says he may not be doing as well right now as he has in the past, but let’s just leave that alone. When the Tiger is stirred or challenged, he always rises to meet that challenge. Phil would rather leave the Tiger alone and if he isn’t dominating the way he has in the past, well, that’s just fine. And that’s Phil Mickelson. Wow, what a nice guy. Very polite, well spoken, and quick with the wit. We see the cover of the recent Sports Illustrated. It’s Phil Mickelson leaping a full 5 inches off the ground after sinking his Masters-winning putt. Dwight Stone he’s not. Back from commercial, Dave feels guilty for bringing up “the yips” with Phil Mickelson. Golf is a very delicate game and you should never mention the “yips’ in company with a golfer, even if only joking. Is Dwight Stone too old of a reference? KATHRYN MORRIS: She’s plays Detective Lily Rush on the new hit CBS series, Cold Case. She and the other top-line detectives take up old cases that have hit a dead end and remain unsolved. I was surprised. When I heard the title, Cold Case, I thought it was a sitcom starring a down on his luck but fun –loving, beer-drinking Jim Belushi. Who knew? We learn Kathryn grew up singing in the family Gospel singing group, describing the singing family like the Jackson’s without Michael. Kathryn admits she wasn’t much of a singer, and saw herself as the LaToya of the group. The name of the group: The Morris Code. Get it? Her first big break in TV and the movies came when she got a small part in Jerry Maguire. She auditioned for the Renee Zellweger role but lost out. It was not all was bad since she did get a smaller role in the blockbuster film. She can’t be blamed for missing out on the bigger part as she was frazzled from her cat just dying. The vet told her to put the cat in the freezer so he could examine it at a later time. Later that morning was her audition. Dave curiosity was piqued. “How long does it take to defrost a cat?” Says Dave, “Do you know what that dead cat was? A cold case.” Cold Case – Sunday nights at 8:00 right after 60 Minutes. In my Late Show diary, I’ll log this segment as “Morris: The Cat story.” ACT 5: On Cape – author, director, screenwriter and host of Bravo’s Inside the Actors Studio, James Lipton. I “Played the Dave” and expected Dave to say, “He looks like a guy who would wear a cape.” Dave didn’t. I lost. PATTI SMITH: From her brand new CD, Trampin, Patti and her band performed “Jubilee.” The CD comes out April 27th. And that was our show for Friday, April 16th. Wahoo EXTRA! If you read the front page of the New York tabloids Friday morning, you would believe the most important thing in the world is the Yankee/Boston baseball series and Bill, the Apprentice. I got nothing, so here is another installment of WAHOO FILLER. Useless Facts, from the website www.pmbc.com - a giraffe can go without water longer than can a camel. - Most elephants weigh less than the tongue of the blue whale - Celery has negative calories. It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. - A coat hanger is 44 inches long if straightened. - Isaac Asimov is the only author to have a book in every Dewey-decimal category. NEXT WEEK’S PREVIOUSLY VIEWED PROGRAMS MONDAY, APRIL 19:From March 22 – Show #2141: Tom Hanks; N.E.R.D.; and a top ten with Dennis Kucinich. TUESDAY, APRIL 20: From March 15 – Show #2138: Jim Carrey; and Steve Winwood. WEDNESDAY, APRIL 21: From March 30 – Show #2145: Matthew Perry and Lou Reed. THURSDAY, APRIL 22: From March 29 – Show #2144: Janet Jackson; John Mayer; and Nobel Prize Winner Robert Mundell telling Redneck jokes. FRIDAY, APRIL 23: From March 17 – Show #2140: Courtney Love Check your Wahoo Archives and make plans accordingly. Beautiful weekend ahead of us. Monday may near 80 degrees! Phil Mickelson; Kathryn Morris; and Patti Smith. PLUS: Stump the Band; and who is on cape? In case you’re wondering, Dave didn’t dress himself. A guy named Joe from Philadelphia picks out his outfits. At the end of the monologue, Dave informs us he’s “just a regular guy.” Hmmmm, a regular guy who has a guy named Joe picking out his outfits. STUMP THE BAND: It’s America’s Fastest Growing Music Sensation, it’s Stump The Band. This is something we’ve borrowed from Mr. Johnny Carson’s Tonight Show. Dave goes into the audience, chats with an audience member, then the audience member gives the title of a song. The band attempts to perform the song. If the band does not play the song mentioned by the audience member, that audience member has stumped the band. Helping out tonight, as always, is the CBS orchestra leader, Paul Shaffer. Apparently, Paul Shaffer got the wrong memo because he was dressed to partake in another Carson Classic, Carnac the Magnificent. Paul holds a sealed envelope to his forehead and says, “3 dollars a gallon.” Paul then opens the envelope to reveal the question inside which is answered with “3 dollars a gallon.” The question: “What are major league baseball players paying for clean urine.” STB#1: Shawn Moe of Liverpool, New York. Shawn sings with the Syracuse Opera. Dave is surprised that a chap of his youth and build would be a performer with the Syracuse Opera. Dave asks, “I thought you had to be old and fat?” I guess not. Shawn’s opera troupe is currently performing “The Magic Flute.” What is the story of the Magic Flute? A guy uses his magic flute to save his girlfriend. I knew what Dave was thinking but I wasn’t sure whether he would say it. He did. Under his breath, Dave says “I’ve tried to save a few old girlfriends with my flute. . .” Shawn’s song: “Alligator Pie” Saxophonist Bruce Kapler says he knows that song. To the tune of “Strangers in the Night,” Bruce sings: “Alligator Pie Exchanging slices Darling, you and I One slice suffices Whiskey, scotch and rye, With Alligator pie. Nice song. Wrong song. STB#2: Christie Barker of Walker, Louisiana: Where is Walker? Not too far from Baton Rouge. What does Baton Rouge mean? I forgot what Christie said but I just looked it up. It means “Red stick.” Christie is a 5th grade teacher. Lot of punks in the 5th grade? Christie says, “Not in our area.” And what is Christie doing in New York City? Christie says, “I’m visiting . . . . NO!.. . . . I’M NOT VISITING!” Uh oh. What is Christie hiding? Christie changes her story, saying she’s come to see some Broadway shows. Christie’s song: “Ten Little Speckled Frogs” – Will Lee volunteers to give it a shot. Warbling a mix of Tiny Tim and Robin Gibb, Will Lee sings “Butterflies and Daffodils, Frolic gaily on the Hill 10 little speckled frogs I see I think those rancid oysters are affecting me.” Nice song. Wrong song. Christie sings her version. For her performance, she is given a Live on Letterman CD, a box of Explod-O-Pop Popcorn, and dinner for two at a restaurant of her choice. How about this one? Christie seems interested. Dave adds, “It’s Cuban food.” ““Oh NO!” cries Christie. I guess she doesn’t go for the Cuban food. STB#3: Fred and Olivia Ellis, brother and sister from Brooklyn, New York. Fred is a music therapist. Olivia is an assistant principal at PS8 in Brooklyn Heights. How are the kids there? Punks? Olivia says, “Nope. Not punks.” Then adds, “But I just started.” Fred and Olivia’s song: “Sardines and Pork and Beans.” Paul says he’s got this one. Paul said it with such confidence that I thought he was on to something. Paul sings, “You gave me sardines and pork and beans, then some ham hocks and collard greens Did I forget to mention that I’m an Orthodox Jew.” Nice song. Wrong song. Fred and Olivia perform the song they learned in camp many years ago. From memory, the song consisted entirely of lyrics, “Sardines and pork and beans.” It was sung to the tune of the Saturday Night Live cheerleading duo of Will Ferrell and Cherie Oteri. And that was Stump the Band for tonight. PHIL MICKELSON: He’s the 2004 Masters Golf Champion. He enters wearing his well-deserved green jacket. I hit my forehead with the palm of my hand, thinking we should have had a green jacket ready for Dave. To recap The Masters: Last Sunday – Phil Mickelson made an 18-foot birdie on the final hole to win the 68th Masters golf championship defeating Ernie Els by one stroke. This is Phil’s first Major victory in 43 attempts. And what makes up the 4 golf majors? Answer below. - The Masters - The British Open - The U.S. Open - The PGA Sorry. I probably should have said, “Answer: Directly below.” Before winning the Masters, Phil wore the unofficial label of “The Best Player Who Has Never Won A Major.” Did that bother him? Phil says not really, and it was actually kind of flattering, though he didn’t want to hear about it before every major tournament. Now, that’s all behind him. Dave asks, “Ever get the yips?” Phil isn’t quite sure what Dave means, asking, “I don’t know. Is it something anti-biotics can take care of?” And how is Tiger Woods doing? Phil says he may not be doing as well right now as he has in the past, but let’s just leave that alone. When the Tiger is stirred or challenged, he always rises to meet that challenge. Phil would rather leave the Tiger alone and if he isn’t dominating the way he has in the past, well, that’s just fine. And that’s Phil Mickelson. Wow, what a nice guy. Very polite, well spoken, and quick with the wit. We see the cover of the recent Sports Illustrated. It’s Phil Mickelson leaping a full 5 inches off the ground after sinking his Masters-winning putt. Dwight Stone he’s not. Back from commercial, Dave feels guilty for bringing up “the yips” with Phil Mickelson. Golf is a very delicate game and you should never mention the “yips’ in company with a golfer, even if only joking. Is Dwight Stone too old of a reference? KATHRYN MORRIS: She’s plays Detective Lily Rush on the new hit CBS series, Cold Case. She and the other top-line detectives take up old cases that have hit a dead end and remain unsolved. I was surprised. When I heard the title, Cold Case, I thought it was a sitcom starring a down on his luck but fun –loving, beer-drinking Jim Belushi. Who knew? We learn Kathryn grew up singing in the family Gospel singing group, describing the singing family like the Jackson’s without Michael. Kathryn admits she wasn’t much of a singer, and saw herself as the LaToya of the group. The name of the group: The Morris Code. Get it? Her first big break in TV and the movies came when she got a small part in Jerry Maguire. She auditioned for the Renee Zellweger role but lost out. It was not all was bad since she did get a smaller role in the blockbuster film. She can’t be blamed for missing out on the bigger part as she was frazzled from her cat just dying. The vet told her to put the cat in the freezer so he could examine it at a later time. Later that morning was her audition. Dave curiosity was piqued. “How long does it take to defrost a cat?” Says Dave, “Do you know what that dead cat was? A cold case.” Cold Case – Sunday nights at 8:00 right after 60 Minutes. In my Late Show diary, I’ll log this segment as “Morris: The Cat story.” ACT 5: On Cape – author, director, screenwriter and host of Bravo’s Inside the Actors Studio, James Lipton. I “Played the Dave” and expected Dave to say, “He looks like a guy who would wear a cape.” Dave didn’t. I lost. PATTI SMITH: From her brand new CD, Trampin, Patti and her band performed “Jubilee.” The CD comes out April 27th. And that was our show for Friday, April 16th. Wahoo EXTRA! If you read the front page of the New York tabloids Friday morning, you would believe the most important thing in the world is the Yankee/Boston baseball series and Bill, the Apprentice. I got nothing, so here is another installment of WAHOO FILLER. Useless Facts, from the website www.pmbc.com - a giraffe can go without water longer than can a camel. - Most elephants weigh less than the tongue of the blue whale - Celery has negative calories. It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. - A coat hanger is 44 inches long if straightened. - Isaac Asimov is the only author to have a book in every Dewey-decimal category. NEXT WEEK’S PREVIOUSLY VIEWED PROGRAMS MONDAY, APRIL 19:From March 22 – Show #2141: Tom Hanks; N.E.R.D.; and a top ten with Dennis Kucinich. TUESDAY, APRIL 20: From March 15 – Show #2138: Jim Carrey; and Steve Winwood. WEDNESDAY, APRIL 21: From March 30 – Show #2145: Matthew Perry and Lou Reed. THURSDAY, APRIL 22: From March 29 – Show #2144: Janet Jackson; John Mayer; and Nobel Prize Winner Robert Mundell telling Redneck jokes. FRIDAY, APRIL 23: From March 17 – Show #2140: Courtney Love Check your Wahoo Archives and make plans accordingly. Beautiful weekend ahead of us. Monday may near 80 degrees!


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