Hey, if you're in Indianapolis and you want a bite to eat, stop in at the Red Eye Cafe. Just say, "I heard about it on the Late Show" . . . . and it's on the house! We cut to an ecstatic guy in the audience. He's either the owner or a guy who's planning to visit Indianapolis.

On the show tonight is Andy Richter, starring in "New York Minute." It also stars the Olsen Twins. Paul jumps in, "No no no no no! They don't want to be called the Olsen Twins. They want to be called Mary Kate and Ashley!" I think I now know why I find Paul so darn funny. He has kids similar in age to mine and I get all his youthful references. I picture him sitting at home watching the same Amanda Bynes/Raven/Full House programs as I do. My girls love "Full House." They laugh themselves silly every night.
Also on tonight's show, Davy Rathbart, creator of "Found Magazine" and a book entitled, "Found." It sounds similar to Bob Borden's website, www.bobborden.com. It's All Bob All The Time . . . . but don't let that stop you. And Mary Chapin Carpenter will be performing. Dave holds up the CD. The CD cover keeps flapping open. Dave says he wants to invent something to prevent such things from happening. Dave says once he does that, "I'll be a billionaire." That's where Dave and I are different. My first thought would be "I'll be a millionaire."

It's a very special night tonight. If you remember, Monday we had Johnny Magic, or something like that, eating a light bulb. Tonight we have a guy who will eat a martini glass. His name: Johnny Fox! We see Johnny Fox in the green room. Johnny proudly says he's just back from Buenos Aries, Argentina. Dave says, "You seem pretty happy about that." Outburst of laughter from me. Johnny went to Argentina to meet his in-laws for the very first time. I think he's so happy because he's back.

P.Diddy made his Broadway debut at the Royale Theater in a revival of "A Raisin in the Sun." The reviews are flowing in.

"The hot ticket on Broadway is to see Lorraine Hansberry's 'A Raisin in the Sun.' People are already talking about P.Diddy's breakthrough performance! Just listen to what these critics have to say:

'P.Diddy has a natural stage presence . . . and exudes a breezy charm.'
- Howard Kissel, the New York Daily News.
'Confidently stepping into the role, P.Diddy was pretty damn good!'
- Clive Barnes, The New York Post.
'P.Diddy was atrocious! He clearly had no . . ." Gun shots heard. Body thumping to the ground.
'A Raisin in the Sun' - Call for tickets today."

We have a new segment on our show tonight and Dave is already calling it one of his favorites. It's "George W. Bush 'Hey, Vito!'"
We see the President about to give a speech in Buffalo, New York. He looks out into the audience, "Is Vito here as well?" Noticing Vito, "Hey, Vito! Good to see you."

STOP THE PUMP: It's something new we're trying. It's "Stop the Slicer" but at a gas station. Instead of at Rupert's, we'll be getting gas at a nearby Hess Gas Station on 10th Avenue between 44th and 45th Street. With Rupert is a contestant named Danielle from Buffalo, New York. What does Danielle do for a living? She busses tables at the Hudson Cafeteria. Dave says if she's ever in Indianapolis looking for work she should check out the Red Eye Cafe.
How do we play "Stop the Pump"? Rupert will pump gas into Danielle's car. When Danielle thinks Rupert has pumped $10 of Hess Regular Unleaded gasoline into her tank, she should yell, "Stop the Pump!" If she is within $1 of the $10 goal, she wins! And what will she win? A brand new counter top microwave oven!
We begin. Rupert begins to pump. Moments later, Danielle yells, "Stop the Pump!" Dave thinks she stopped the pump prematurely. We unveil the gas pump and it reads that Rupert pumped . . . . $5.43! Not close enough. If Danielle were in California, she would have won!

Gas Station Trivia: Only two states in the U.S. do not allow self-service gas stations. Which two are they? Answer below.

We have time for Johnny Fox, the martini glass eater. We learn from Johnny that he eats glass just for fun. We also learn that Johnny is the owner of downtown's "The Freakatorium - El Museo Loco." I'm not sure what it is but by the sound of its name, I'm guessing it's where Johnny got his shirt.
Johnny is ready to eat his martini glass. He first gulps down the martini and olives, then chomps the glass.
Amazing.
To find out more about The Freakatorium, check out the website at http://www.backwashzine.com/freakatorium.html

TOP TEN: Chapter Titles in Bill Clinton's Memoirs - Bill Clinton has written his memoirs, entitled "My Life," which will be in stores in June. He received $12 million for the book. The book will reveal what else he received.
#6. "From Gennifer to Paula to Monica: Why It Pays to Keep Lowering Your Standards"
#4. "Kneel To The Chief"
#3. "What's With The Moron You Guys Replaced Me With?"

ANDY RICHTER: In the May 7th film, "New York Minute." Dave wants to clarify Paul's earlier statement, "It's not the Olsen Twins?" Andy says it's now Mary Kate and Ashley and they're about to turn 18, coinciding with the opening of the movie. Andy is unfamiliar with the previous work of the Olsens since he falls in that in between stage of life: too old to see them as kids; children not old enough to be watching them. I'm just discovering the Olsen twins on "Full House" (see above). Andy reenacts a scene he's witnessed plenty of times during the shooting of "New York Minute." A young girl will approach Mary Kate or Ashley and ask for her autograph. While the Olsen twin signs, the young girl will break out in tearful, crying, hysterics, "Bwaaaaaahhhhh, I love you so much, I love you so much, I love you so much, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!"
Andy says he's never had that reaction from an autograph seeker.

Andy has a 3-year-old son. Whenever Andy sees him precariously hanging from a ledge in the house, Andy will urgently plea for him to come down. Little Richter response is always the same, "Don't say that to me!" and then whine. Being a parent of the new millennium who must question and examine every reprimand, Andy immediately wonders if the boy is right. Maybe he shouldn't be saying that. Back in the day, there was never a question. Andy says he often finds himself thinking, "This is where the spanking would be." But now, parenting is all negotiating and deal-making. Darn that Spock.

DAVY ROTHBART: The creator of "Found" magazine and the author of "Found: The Best Lost, Tossed, and Forgotten Items From Around the World." Davy Rothbart has compiled little notes he discovered in his walks through life and made them into a book and magazine. Before the show I leafed through the soft-cover magazine-sized book and found it quite interesting in an odd sort of way. Some of those shown tonight:

"Mario, I 'givl'ing hate you. You said you had to work, then why's your car HER place? You're a 'givl'ing liar. I hate you. I 'givl'ing hate you.
Amber.
P.S. Page me later."

- to decipher "givl"ing, simply look to the left of each letter in "givl" on your keyboard.

A "To Do" list:
"To Do
- email Corey.
- Introduce him to lesbians
- Continue to convince self that I'm not madly in love with him."

A Christmas card - amusing last name; great variety in first names.
"May your life be filled with all the special magic of this wonderful time of year. Merry Christmas.
The Slappy Family
DeWayne, Angela, Angelina, DeWayne II, & DeAngelo."

Another note:
"Please do not put crab on my car. Just cut it out!!!"

Evaluation list:

Another note:
"WARNING: The Iguana is loose on the porch. Before entering make damn sure that she is not going to bolt out the door when you open it; Also, be sure to close screen door til it latches shut!!!!
Thank you"

"Found: The Best Lost, Tossed, and Forgotten Items From Around the World."

ACT 5: Attention Drifters and Runways:
The next time you're in Indianapolis looking for a hot meal, why not stop in at the Red Eye Café? Located at 250 South Meridian Street in downtown Indianapolis, just north of Union Station. Open 24 hours - full dinner menu plus breakfast and beer. Mention you saw this announcement and for your meal's free!"

MARY CHAPIN CARPENTER: From her new CD, "Between Here and Gone," Mary Chapin Carpenter performed "What Would You Say To Me." I like any song that has a fiddle. The drummer reminded me of Shazzan.

And that was our show for Tuesday, April 27, 2004. Wahoo EXTRA!

The two states in the U.S. that doesn't allow self-service gas stations: New Jersey and Oregon.

Former New York City Mayor, Ed Koch, is appearing in local ads encouraging New Yorkers to volunteer during the 4-day Republican convention in late summer. I expect the NYPD police officers Union to respond with the following: "With what we're paid by the City, we're already volunteering 3 months out of the year."

This is a great time of year when you can throw open your windows and let the cool spring air blow through the house. The only drawback is you can't yell at your kids as much as you'd like.

The Kentucky Derby is this Saturday. I know I should be rooting for Master David but right now I have my eye on Lion Heart. I like his times in his recent workouts. He's currently at 10-1. Until I change my mind, I'm going with Lion Heart.

A big congratulations are in order for Quality Heating, the Thursday Night Men's Major League Bowling Champion at Island City Lanes in Minocqua, Wisconsin. Way to go, guys! Is that a bumper league?

Boy, would I love to have the "rental space available" sign contract for Broadway, 53rd to 54th. It's doing boffo business.

Here's an oddity: the founders of H&R Block spell their name "Bloch."

And now for some more Useless Facts, from www.pmbc.com/fact.html -cat's urine glows under a black light.
-The average ear of corn has 800 kernels arranged in sixteen rows
-All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.
-The dot over the letter 'i' is called a tittle.