Regis can make doing the laundry sound riveting and exciting.

Dave is a bit nervous about what we have going on out on 53rd Street. We take a look outside to see Johnny McCoy standing beside a motorcycle. All up and down 53rd Street we see the most amazing stunt course in the history of the world, perhaps. There’s going to be a motorcycle on a platform which will be lifted by a crane. There is a ramp, a bus, another ramp, another bus, a ring of fire, a tiger, a ramp, 3 taxis, and finally some safety matting.

Will Johnny McCoy be performing this most amazing stunt?
“No,” says Johnny.

We’ll check in later for an update on the non-stunt.

Out of the blue, Dave takes a moment to say “I wonder if Amelia Earhardt is with us tonight?” Before Dave can even finish the question, our Sound Effects guy Gary Kiffel plays his airplane sound effect.

There was no mention of Dave asking for this throughout the week. In fact it’s been a couple weeks since we last heard the Amelia Earhardt plane. Dave’s asking for the SFX was a surprise to everyone, except Mr. Kiffel. Nice job, Gary. If I weren’t bald, I’d tip my hat.

Back to Johnny: Dave asks, “Are you still not doing it?” Johnny responds, “That’s right.”

GEORGE W. BUSH STATESMAN: In a talk from April 27th discussing health care technology.

“Make sure it’s the kind of language we all understand because that’s part of the problem, the medical terminology is, like, really different . . . from English.”

How long will it take for:
- Biff to receive a high 5: 44 seconds
- Someone to wave at the camera: 40 seconds
- A hot dog vendor to become annoyed at Biff for continually asking for napkins: 45 seconds
- For someone to ask Biff what he is looking at in the sky: 5:53
- For someone to mention the sombrero Biff is wearing: 1:30
- For someone to get nervous at Biff for taking his picture: 1:09 (“that’s enough, gorgeous”)
- Someone who kind of looks like a celebrity: I missed the time. Biff found a guy who sort of looked like Joe Torre. I didn’t think so until I saw the split screen. DING!
- Someone to walk away when Biff sits real close to someone: 2:00

Nice job by Biff. Dave asks if anyone ever became so annoyed that they came after him. Biff says not yet, but when that does happen it’ll be the end of this bit.

Back from commercial, Dave asks Johnny McCoy if he can at least ride the motorcycle up 53rd Street. Johnny answers: “No, Dave, I have no idea how this works.”

AMBER BRKICH: (pronounced “Berkitch”) – she’s the Survivor: All-Star winner.
- 39 days on Survivor Island off the coast of Panama
- outlasted 17 others
- she’s 25; from Beaver, Pennsylvania, just north of Pittsburgh
- became engaged last night to Survivor: All-Stars runner-up Rob Mariano.
- Amber first appeared on Survivor: Australian Outback (11th to be voted off out of 16)
- As winner of Survivor: All-Stars, Amber won $1 million
- Her runner-up fiancé Rob won a quarter million dollars.

Amber played in the 2nd installment of Survivor in Australia. Dave asks, “Where was it this time, in a hotel in Yonkers?” I like it when Dave mentions Yonkers. I spent the first 14 months of my life in Yonkers.

Dave mentions that last night at the big Survivor finale as the Madison Square Garden, the other Survivor guy (Rob) “invited you to get married.” Amber talks about the proposal and wonders why none of the Survivor contestants noticed what was going on between them. Amber thought their relationship was so obvious. Dave wonders, “Do you think he asked you to get married so he could get a cut of the million bucks?” Amber laughs but doesn’t think so. “He asked me before we knew who won.”

Where’s the money now? “In the bank collecting interest.”

When you have a million bucks in the bank, that’s not the only thing collecting interest.

When will Amber and Rob get married? No idea.

Rob is a big Boston Red Sox fan, so October sounds like a good time. I’m sure he’ll have free time then.

Survivor is allowing viewers to call in and vote on their favorite Survivor. The winner of the vote will win a million dollars. Amber says she’s available to win that, too. Dave is taken by the fetching Amber Brkich and says, “If I had the cash and the power, I would give you a million dollars . . . (looking over to Paul). . . isn’t that right Paul?”

Paul says, “But you do have that power!” Dave says nothing.

Not a night goes by where I don’t laugh a hoot at something Paul says. The man is funny.

REGIS PHILBIN: Dave is so excited to have Regis on the show, he doesn’t even read the prepared intro. Dave bursts with excitement and brings out the star of daytime. Dave again lauds the Reege, calling him one of the greats in all of broadcasting. I don’t get the chance to watch Regis all that much on his show but when I do I find him very entertaining. I’m smiling when he’s on the screen, enjoying him enjoying his work.

Since Dave has refused every dinner invitation Regis has offered, Regis suggests the two of them go to a movie once a week or something. Dave scoffs, saying “that’s what old people do,” and adds sarcastically, “Why don’t we just go walking in the mall?”

Dave always enjoys Regis’ walks down Memory Lane, something Regis hates to do. Regis says he’s got some bad memories down Memory Lane and would rather not take that hike. He then asks Dave, “Don’t you have any bad memories down Memory Lane?” Dave says, “Well, I’ll have one tomorrow.”

Dave asks about Regis’ lovely wife Joy. Regis says she’s wonderful. Dave jumps back, “She’s more than wonderful . . . she’s HOT!” And speaking of marriage, Regis queries, “Amber’s getting married, Trump is getting married, how about you ‘Big Man’?” Will Dave be getting married? Dave says, “We sent in all the paper work and it was rejected.”

Last week when Kelly Lee Ripa was on the show, Dave, Kelly and Paul weighed themselves. Dave came in at 190. A concerned Regis asks, “What happened? You used to be 172.” Dave tries to explain, “Let me tell you, you ever try ice cream?” It sounds like Dave has rediscovered the fun of ice cream. Dave says that after the surgery, it all started with cookies. Cookies are the precursor for all other devilish food. Mmmmm, me thinks Dave has been dipping into the Cookie Dough ice cream. No man can resist the cookie dough ice cream. Mmmmm, cookie dough.

Dave brings out the scale to weigh each other.
Regis: 159.
Dave: 194
Paul: 165.

Regis suggests, “Hey, I know! After the movies we can go for ice cream!”

Dave wants to say goodbye but Regis has one more thing to say. He leads Dave back to the desk. “Why do some of your female guests feel compelled to get on the desk and take their clothes off?” Regis then does an impersonation of Dave ogling the flashing divas.

Dave says “it all stared when I gained the weight.”

ACT 5: A panoramic view of the course of the amazing stunt which will not be performed by Johnny McCoy.

THE BLACK EYED PEAS: The Grammy nominated band performed “Let’s Get It Started” from their CD, Elephunk.”

And who was the female singer? She is Stacy Ferguson, from the kids’ program, Kids Incorporated. (1984-1989). She also is the voice of Sally Brown, Charlie Brown’s sister in early 80’s Charlie Brown programs. My my, how Sally has changed.

I don’t know. .. maybe somebody should have told the people outside that the amazing stunt was going to be nothing but a goof.

And that was our show for Monday, May 10, 2004. Wahoo EXTRA!


George W. Bush likes to portray himself as a man of the people; one who can empathize with his fellow citizens. I believe him. In fact, like many Americans, he isn’t sure if he’ll have a job next year.

Has there ever been a Southside Johnny concert where it WASN’T rumored that Springsteen might show up?

I would like to thank Boston Bill on a job well done this weekend. Your photograph was just what I was looking for.

The other day I mentioned how advertising is creeping into sports television viewing. Baseball already has the chroma advertising behind home plate which enables them to regionalize the product, i.e. the northeast would see on ad while the southwest would see another. And last year I saw an advertisement on a field during a college football game, but just for a second, as if experimenting.

This from Tim Boychuck of Bellevue, Washington:

“Actually, Michael, the networks have been placing 'ads' in television sports for awhile. In fact, the pioneer was your boss' favorite sports, auto racing.
In the Toronto Indy, for example, the network put up a fake bridge over the track and put advertising on the bridge. They've been doing that for awhile now, at least 3 or 4 years.”

Last Thursday and Friday I mentioned how much I enjoy reading a review of a really bad play of movie. I reprinted part of the Daily News and NY Post reviews of the play, “Prymate.” Today, I offer a partial review from my local paper, the Gannett Journal News.

SEASON-ENDINGSTINKER
By Jacques le Sourd
THE JOURNAL NEWS
(Original publication: May 6, 2004)

It really is the end of outrage on Broadway, judging from the audience that sat in silence (well, there were a few scattered giggles) during something called ‘Prymate’ at the Longacre Theatre.

One would be tempted to call for mass arrests of all participants in this project, on charges of acute audience abuse. This thing (we can't dignify it with the term ‘play’) came to Broadway from the Florida State University School of Theatre, in Tallahassee. Madness used to trickle down from Broadway to the provinces. Now it's trickling up.

’Prymate’ fittingly ends our 29th season of reviewing plays on Broadway, and we can affirm that it is the very worst thing we have seen in 29 years.

The legendary ‘Moose Murders’ — the one-night disaster that made Broadway history in 1983 — has nothing on this show.”

This is the second reference to the Moose Murders play from 20 years ago. I’ll have to Google that and see what I come up with.