It's an All-Dave show tonight: David Letterman, with David Hyde Pierce and David Byrne. Another celebrity had hoped to be a guest tonight but since he's not named David, we told him, "Sorry, try another day." Dave apologizes to Tom Hanks, who is sitting in the green room. A disappointed Tom Hanks weakly waves back.

We visit Rupert in the Hello Deli to prepare for a game we call, "Which CBS Personality Is Eating the Corn Chips?"
Dave says hello to Rupert and asks, "How's bidness?" All night long Dave has the desire to increase his "street cred." Instead of saying "business," he says "bid-ness." Wow, Dave's quite the ruffian.
Dave asks Rupert what tomorrow's special will be. Rupert says he doesn't know yet and won't know till tomorrow. Dave follows with, "Whatever makes it through the night, right?"
Dave sends Rupert outside to get a contestant for the "Which CBS Personality Is Eating the Corn Chips?" Meanwhile, Dave will continue with the show.

Have you heard about the new Dunkin' Donut Lattes? They've put together a commercial promoting it.

"Dunkin' Donuts is proud to introduce a new line of smooth, delicious lattes. Dunkin' Donut Lattes are brewed fresh daily form real espresso beans. How do we do it? Our employees simply . . . . walk to a nearby Starbucks. . . buy a latte . . . and pour it into a Styrofoam Dunkin' Donuts cup. New Dunkin' Donut Lattes. Just the thing."

Are you excited about the Tony Awards? I was, until I saw this commercial.

"It's that time of year again, theater-goers! Nominations for the 58th Annual Tony Awards have just been announced! Which talented performers will take home trophies for best actor and actress in a musical? What will win best play of the year? And who will take home the trophy for best musical? Since nobody gives a crap, the answers are Hugh Jackman, Idina Menzel, 'Anna in the Tropics' and 'Wicked.' Paid for by the American Theater Wing."

Back to Rupert. He was with him Sarah Buscher of Minster, Ohio. She just finished her 2nd year in law school at Wake Forest with only one more to go. Is she ready to play "Which CBS Personality Is Eating the Corn Chips?"
How do we play? A CBS personality is on Rupert's phone. The CBS personality will begin eating corn chips and the contestant, in this case Sarah Buscher, will have 30 seconds to determine who is eating the corn chips.

Some CBS Personalities that it may be:
Amy Brenneman of "Judging Amy."
Kevin James of "The King of Queens."
Charles Osgood of "Sunday Morning."
William Peterson of "CSI."
David Caruso of "CSI: Miami."
Ray Romano of "Everybody Loves Raymond."
Paul Shaffer of the "Late Show"
Mike Wallace of "60 Minutes."
Charlie Sheen of "Two and a Half Men"
Bob Barker of "The Price is Right."
Greg Gumbel of CBS Sports.

Dave says something to the effect, "even if Greg Gumbel isn't tonight's CBS Personality on the phone, he's probably at home enjoying some corn chips anyway."
After 10 seconds Sarah says she thinks she knows who it is. "Ray Romano." Is it Ray Romano? Dave asks the CBS Personality to reveal himself.
CBS Personality: (muffled due to a mouthful of corn chips) "I am Ray Romano."
SARAH WINS!
And what does she win? Some water pic or something.
As an added feature, tonight was the first time our celebrity picked his own corn chips. What brand did Ray Romano choose? Frito corn chips. Says Raymond, "I'm in a supermarket. I guess I gotta go pay for these now."
And that's how we play "Which CBS Personality Is Eating the Corn Chips?"

How did Sarah know it was Ray Romano? What have we learned from this? Perhaps we learned that when Ray Romano speaks, he sounds as if he has a mouthful of corn chips?

IS THIS ANYTHING? It's a guy on stilts jumping around while juggling. Paul enjoyed the costuming, along with the overall Gestalt thing going on. Dave saw it as just a guy jumping around.

TOP TEN: Ways Dumb Guys Would Lower Gas Prices.
#10. Sell gas by the half-gallon.
#2. Drive really fast so you're not driving so long.
The average price for gasoline is at an all-time high, averaging almost $2 a gallon. But doing some investigative research, I found something quite interesting. When adjusted for inflation, today's average price remains about 90 cents a gallon lower than the peak gas price in March 1981.
Here's something else I calculated. When I first started driving in the mid 70's, gas went for about 65 cents a gallon. The car I drove got about 12 miles a gallon. Now in 2004 the gas is three times the 65 cents a gallon, but the car I drive gets about three times more a gallon than I did back then. The way I look at it, I'm paying just as much on gas now as I did back in '76.

"Let's get this party started."
"Raise the roof."
"Let's get biz-zay."
"I got my mind on my money and my money on my mind."
"I'm downin' 40s, chillin' with shorties."
"Just a squirrel trying to get a nut."

More street cred: "I'm straight pimpin' fo-shizzle."

DAVID HYDE PIERCE: The "Frasier" show is shutting down tomorrow (Thursday) night. After 11 years and 31 Emmy Awards, the "Frasier" is done. Yes, it's a Tuesday show but NBC has decided to put the big finale on Thursday.
DHP came to New York a few weeks ago to speak at a funeral. Afterwards, someone came up to him and said, "You spoke so well at the funeral. You were much funnier than when you were on Letterman." David Hyde Pierce was struck by the comment, thinking, "Gee, I'm funnier at a funeral than on Letterman."
After the final day of shooting at "Frasier," Pierce was invited to Washington DC for a fundraiser attended by First Ladies, Rosalyn Carter, Hillary Clinton, and Laura Bush. Unfortunately, the pants tuxedo he came with belonged to Kelsey Grammer. Although the length was OK, the waist was too large. DHP's sister was with him at the hotel and she quickly pinned the pants to keep them up. On the way to the function, one of the pins popped. There was only one safety pin left to save him from incredible embarrassment. During the photo op afterwards, David found himself with the 3 First Ladies. The only thing between him and a violent beating by the Secret Service was a little safety pin. David Hyde Pierce admits that if his pants dropped at that moment, the Secret Service would probably shoot him dead. And if they didn't shoot him dead, he would have done it himself. Luckily the pin held.
David Hyde Pierce has been having some trouble with one of his dogs, Maude. The vet has put Maude on doggie Prozac. The impetus of placing the pooch on the medication was Maude's behavior at the beach. Apparently Maude has issues with people lying down on towels. She tends to go nuts. Whenever DHP tried to calm Maude down, it only incited her. Usually the beachgoers would rise up to see what the commotion was all about at the exact same time Maude was about to pounce. It was an ugly scene.
Hmmm. I wonder if the Prozac would stop me from doing the same?
DHP was watching the 911 Commission Hearings the other day. It was being discussed what kind of FBI agent we would need in the future. Commission member Richard Ben-Veniste described the recruit this way: "He may not want to break down doors. He may be a very mild person. This guy may be a brilliant linguist, he may be a philosophy student, he may be a chess champion, he may look like Niles Crane." This is great news for David Hyde Pierce now that "Frasier" is over.

ACT 5: "It's time to announce the winner of the 'Why I'd Like to Work at the Late Show Contest.' Once again, we received no entries for the 'Why I'd Like To Work at the Late Show Contest.' So there are no winners. Keep on playing the "Why I'd Like to Work at the Late Show Contest.' Tell your friends."

DAVID BYRNE: From his new CD, "Grown Backwards," David Byrne, the strings, and the band performed, "Other Side of This Life."

And that was our show for Tuesday, May 11, 2004. Wahoo EXTRA!

So what's the deal with Friday's 4 AM Show? For quite a while we taped two shows on Thursday; the second show to be aired on Friday. The second show was taped an hour and a half after the first show. Recently we went back to taping one show on Thursday and one on Friday. Some on the staff like the two shows on Thursday schedule; some like the one show per day schedule. The 4AM Show is simply a compromise.
Sometimes a compromise is not the best answer.

The Bush Wild Card - Rudy Giuliani. The Wahoo Gazette predicts Mr. Giuliani will be entering the scene for GWB in the not too distant future.

There was a photo of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston on the front page of both the New York Daily News and the New York Post today. And do you know why there was a photo of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston on the front page of both the New York Daily News and the New York Post today? Because they both had a photo of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston to use.
Newspapers are like anything else. They are in business to make money. They have a pretty good idea how many newspapers they will sell with Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston on the front page compared to how many newspapers they will sell with Rumsfeld, Bush, or Kerry on the front page.

We are taping the 4AM show on Friday. Why 4AM? Because 3AM doesn't so late and 5AM doesn't sound so early. But what about sleep? Won't we be dead tired? Bah. Sleep is way overrated. Sleep is for when there is nothing else to do. For awhile I was trying to reduce my need for sleep by 10 minutes a month. I was doing great with 5 hours a night. I was shooting for four hours. Couldn't do it. Now I'm back up to 6.
In the past, why have you been up at 4AM? Was it mostly because you haven't been to sleep yet or because you've already woken up? With the bars in New York closing at 4:00, for me it was the former.
I love 4AM in the morning. Everything is quiet and peaceful. Especially in Manhattan. At 4AM, Manhattan actually seems like a nice friendly town. Working at a NYPD police officer, I volunteered to work the midnight shift. It enabled me to feel more like a policeman. Working the day shift, you spent the whole day taking twisted ankle reports and with all the traffic, it took 25 minutes to get from 59th Street to 96th Street for an emergency. There were too many obstacles in the way of doing the job.

Yesterday I wrote how I enjoy reading scathing reviews, unless they're from Dave Sikula. Of course this was a joke. The reason I pretended not to like his reviews in the Letterman newsgroup was because his harsh reviews are usually directed at the Late Show. I was playing the role of the overly sensitive hypocrite. I thought it was obvious. Oops.

Tomorrow: A look at Broadway's biggest of flops, "Moose Murders."