Dave likes to refer to Thursday as "Almost the Weekend Night." In college, that's Wednesday.

Dave takes out his blue card and says, "Let me tell you who in on the show tonight. But first let me tell you who is not on the show tonight." (Laughter from the audience.) "Not on the show tonight . . . Sarah Jessica Parker." Apparently something was said or asked during the pre-show Q&A about Sarah Jessica Parker being on tonight, or possibly backstage in the green room, since hubby Matthew Broderick is a guest. So, not on the show tonight: Sarah Jessica Parker. On the show is Matthew Broderick and Jamie Cullum.

Dave and Paul are long time friends but that doesn't mean they don't sometimes disagree on things. One thing they do agree on, though, is the great taste of Popeye's New Full Flavor Green Beans. Delightfully tasty.

Do weather has run amuck across our great land, with tornadoes, hurricanes, and devastating heat. On Tuesday, NYC weather was a near record-setting 93 degrees. Did you see this announcement on the Weather Channel the other day?

"National Weather Service Warning: High temperatures today and tomorrow may result in fat guys removing their shirts in public. Use extreme caution."

And the Iraqi TV channel Al Jazeera has expanded to a new Al Jazeera Sports Channel. Dave saw an interesting commercial on his satellite TV just the other day.

"Coming soon to your cable service, it's the Al Jazeera Sports Channel, the only channel you need for all your sports favorites. Start your day with "Cold Hummus", a blasphemously irreverent roundup of scores and highlights. Then, tune in for our exclusive coverage of exciting events like the world camel skiing championships. Plus, we're the new TV home of baseball's Montreal Expos. It's all here on Al Jazeera Sports. Catch the fever."

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE? Dave will hold up an undoctored photo and explain what is wrong with the picture.
1. High prices at a gas station: What's wrong with this picture? "Since this photo was taken this morning, prices have gone up another 4 bucks.
2. Ancient Greek ruins, a few columns standing amidst rubble: What's wrong with this picture? "This is the only construction built so far for the Greek Olympics."
3. Heavy New York City traffic: What's wrong with this picture? "There are no cabs driving on the sidewalk.
4. a sexy photo of Beyonce. What's wrong with this picture? "Absolutely nothing."
5. Late Show audience. What's wrong with this picture? "You can see a guy actually enjoying the show.
6. International House of Pancakes. What's wrong with this picture? "Not as international now that Spain, Honduras, and the Dominican Republic have pulled out."
7. Michael Jackson. What's wrong with this picture? "How much time do you have?" Dave skips one and goes to the last one.
8. Courtney Love on the red carpet. What's wrong with this picture? "She's upright and fully clothed.
And that's how we play, "What's Wrong With This Picture?"

But what picture did Dave skip? I have it for you right here.
- Jennifer Lopez. What's wrong with this picture? "In this photo, she is neither getting married or divorced."

During the commercial break, Paul and the CBS Orchestra performed "What'd I Say," one of the many Ray Charles classics. Dave says that earlier today, Ray Charles passed away at the age of 73. Paul calls him a "genius of jazz and soul." Ray Charles was one of my all-time favorites. I find it near impossible to sit still during "What'd I Say." On my drive home after the show, I punched at my radio as if it were a typewriter looking for some Ray Charles. None was found. It makes me wonder who is in charge of the music we hear on the radio these. Empty-headed nitwits is my guess. This morning (Friday) I immediately turned to WFUV, the Fordham University college station for my dose of Charles. They'll be paying tribute to him all day. Thankfully somebody out there is aware of the world around them.
Throughout the night, Paul will be playing the Ray Charles.

During the commercial break, Dave decided to go to the Late Show hose which is wired up on a lamppost at the corner of 53rd and Broadway. With a camera positioned right along side the hose, Dave takes delight at spraying the passersby. Under the audience laughter, Dave says, "Most shows don't have this." I chuckled.

Sarah Jessica Parker is not the only celebrity not on the show tonight. We also don't have Tom Hanks, who is in the green room. He stopped by for the backstage party.

PAT AND KENNY READ OPRAH TRANSCRIPTS - If you're a fan of "The Oprah Winfrey Show," you know that you can write in and order written transcripts form any Oprah episode. We recently did just that and tonight our stagehands Pat Farmer and Kenny Sheehan performed part of the transcripts on our show. In this episode, Oprah welcomes celebrity guest,
Pat plays the part of Oprah.
Kenny plays the part of Julia Roberts.
Every time I watch Pat and Kenny Read Oprah Transcripts, I find it hilarious. Why, I don't know. It's just two guys reading a transcript from the Oprah show. No jokes. No hijinks. Just a straight read. It reminds me of how Charles Grodin first did something similar on his talk show when he would read Elvis Presley song lyrics. Grodin would stand in front of a podium, and all stoic-like, read the lyrics. Hearing the words spoken by Charles Grodin instead of being sung by Elvis Presley made for great comedy. Pat and Kenny Reading Oprah Transcripts reminds me of the Grodin bit.

TOP TEN: Signs the Actor Playing Harry Potter is Too Old - 14-year-old Daniel Radcliffe is quickly approaching the ago where he can no longer portray the Potter character. So far, the 3 Potter films have earned $2 billion. Yikes. And if I decide to go see it this week with my 2 girls, it'll have earned $2,000,000,022.

Back from commercial, we find another celebrity backstage who won't be on the show tonight. The popular Matthew Perry is here, but won't be here.

MATTHEW BRODERICK: I wish I could tell you what Dave and Matthew talked about but I was busy out on Broadway looking for more celebrities to put in our green room. I thought it would be easy when I found Tom Hanks and Matthew Perry strolling by. Unfortunately, I couldn't find any others. I'm told Matthew talked about the Isle of Capri; its dimensions; teaching his son to swim; that his wife SJP thinks he walks too slow; he and his wife conduct conversations through their TV appearances; Amy Sedaris is a unique individual; Amy Sedaris is a member of a club called "The Crafty Beavers"; and she's one heck of a Christmas decorator.
Dave offers Matthew the opportunity to play with the Late Show hose but is unsure how it works. Dave gives him a quick lesson, admitting "It's pretty tricky." Dave shows Matthew the simple on/off switch clearly marked Hose On/Hose Off. Matthew gives it a shot and enjoys the sophomoric fun of squirting pedestrians. Dave suggests he go out there so Dave can squirt him. Matt sees this as an opportunity to get out and agrees.

ACT 5:
ALAN VO: "It's time for 'Dating Advice from Late Show Security Officer Stephanie Montague.'"
STEPHANIE: "Don't put out on the first date. He'll think you're a whore!"
ALAN VO: "Good advice, Stephanie. This has been 'Dating Advice from Late Show Security Officer Stephanie Montague.' Tell your friends."

Back from commercial, we find Mr. Broderick out on Broadway. Dave takes delight in squirting the star of "The Stepford Wives."

JAMIE CULLUM: From his CD, "Twenty Something," Jamie Cullum performed "All At Sea." Reminded me a bit of Rufus Wainwright.

And that was our show for Thursday, June 10, 2004. Wahoo EXTRA!

The economy has been stinking so bad lately that as soon as I get the Business Section in my local newspaper, I wrap it in fish.

USELESS FUN FACTS:
-The word 'set' has more definitions than any other word in the English language.
-"Pulp Fiction" cost $8 million to make -- $5 million going to actor's salaries.
-Maine is the only state whose name is one syllable.
-If you toss a penny 10,000 times, it will not land on heads 5,000 times, but more like 4,950. The heads picture weighs more, so it ends up on the bottom.

Ah ha! The fact about the penny toss! So there may be some credence to my father's lottery theory. In the New York State lottery, as well as the big megaball lotteries across the country, the numbers are selected in a popcorn popping-like machine filled with ping pong balls. Each ping pong ball has a number printed on it. For the New York State lottery, I think the numbers range from 1 to 54. My father believes that the double digit ping pong balls weigh more than the single digit ping pong balls due to the use of more ink to print the number. In addition, a number like 50 would weigh more than a digit like 51 (0 using more ink than 1). Once you figure out which ping pong balls have a better chance of falling into the trap door, the heavy balls or the lighter balls, you should fill out your lottery card accordingly. Once my father figures out the final part, he'll be rich! RICH! Until then, he'll continue to wait by the mailbox every first of the month.

I just enjoyed a refreshing Caribbean Passion Jamba Juice. Dang, that was tasty.

So Kimmel was taken off the air Wednesday night for saying the following during halftime of Tuesday's Detroit Pacers/LA Laker game:

"They're going to burn the city of Detroit down if the Pistons win."

To be fair, I don't think they let him finish the joke. To make the joke work, Jimmy should have said, "They're going to burn the city of Detroit down if the Pistons win . . . and they're going to burn the city of Detroit down if they lose."

I've been mentioning the pathetic fans reactions to their teams winning a championship for years now; any sport/any city. Although New York City has the reputation for being the uncivilized capital of rude, it's seems to be the only city that doesn't cause destruction when one of their teams win a title. More often than not, as soon as a pro team or now even a college team wins a championship, the fans of that city go to the streets and cause destruction. I think the Tampa Bay Lightning fans refrained from this behavior the other night only because no one in Tampa Bay realizes they have a hockey team. Anyway, my bet is if Detroit wins the series, their will be some trouble in the streets of Detroit. If L.A. wins the series, there will be some trouble in the streets of L.A.
Will I be wrong? History says I won't be.

Was Kimmel making light of the "explosive 1967 Detroit race riots"? I don't think so, and neither was I above. I could replace any city for Detroit in the above joke and it would still work. The '67 race riots never crossed my mind.

Monday's show is #2186. With having performed 4 Late Show primetime specials, Dave will have performed 2190 Late Shows Why is this significant?