I laughed a good laugh at one of tonight's monologue jokes.

"The Detroit Pistons beat the Los Angeles Lakers to win the NBA Championship last night. That means the only Laker getting a ring this year is Kobe Bryant's wife."

Dave watched the NBA Finals Game 5 last night. He was quite impressed with the Detroit Pistons and how they made mince meat of the Lakers from L.A. Dave was trying to think of the name of the Lakers' coach but couldn't quite place it. "Phil . . . . Phil . . . ." Paul offered, "Rizzuto." No, of course it wasn't Phil Rizzuto. Dave continues, "Phil . . .". Paul offers, "Mushnick." No, not Phil Mushnick. Then I think, "Hey! Paul knows Phil Mushnick!" Maybe Mushnick is Paul's favorite sports scribe as well as mine. How many Late Show viewers knew who Paul was referring to when he said "Mushnick"? Wahoo readers probably knew. New York sports fans probably knew, too. But outside of that, not too many. How do you like that? Phil Mushnick. Nice job, Paul. But the Lakers coach's name is not Phil Mushnick. It's Phil Jackson.

Dave takes a moment to advise the viewers at home, "By the way, if your husband is celebrating his 50th birthday and you want me to wish him a happy birthday . . . bring him in!" Cut to a shot of a guy in the audience. I missed it but something must have occurred during the pre-show Q&A.

Dave then leans back in his chair at a rather awkward angle. He feigns smoking and drinking behind the desk. The man is acting downright silly and is wasting valuable network air time. So valuable is this time that most of this will probably be edited out before the show. Since it's likely to be edited out I considered not even writing about it. Then I thought that writing about it will take up a few lines in the Wahoo and bring me closer to the end of tonight's issue. Therefore, I decided to write about it. Then I decided to write about writing about it and now I've really taken up a lot of space. Come to think of it, most of what I've written so far probably never even made it on the air.
Before going much further, Dave stands and hikes his pants for needed adjustment.

Somewhere in all this, Dave holds up a chart of Vice President's Dick Cheney's undisclosed location which was disclosed by Time magazine. In his now disclosed location we see that Mr. VP Cheney had, among other things, an International House of Pancakes, a Champagne Room, a stash of Chef Boyardee, and Cheney's Shrine to Barbara Walters. Seems quite comfortable.

CBS MAILBAG
LETTER #1. From Lori Jager of Colorado Springs, Colorado.
"Dear Dave, How come you don't pick on Dr. Phil anymore?"
Dave says a lot of celebrities don't like to be made fun of. For instance, we've been warned that Barbra Streisand will file a lawsuit against us if we make fun of her. Tom Bosley of "Happy Days" on the other hand, if fair game. We see a photo of a happy Tom Bosley. Alan Kalter follows with this narrative.
ALAN: "With his gigantic nose, sham marriage to James Brolin, and awful performances in films such as 'Yentl,' Tom Bosley has earned the reputation as the biggest bitch in Hollywood. Tom Bosley – what an egotistical jackass."

LETTER #2. From Glen Olofson of Centerville, Utah.
"Dear Dave, when you were a child what did you want to be when you grew up?"
Actually, Dave says he is doing exactly what he always wanted to do. In fact, Dave and Paul celebrated an anniversary the other day; 4000 shows on late night television. Dave received this message to honor the occasion.
ANNOUNCER: "On June 14th, 2004, David Letterman broadcast his 4000th show in late night. Dave, we couldn't be happier that you're at CBS and we hope you stay for years to come.
-A message from the National Broadcasting Company.
-And don't forget to catch an all-new 'Tonight Show with Jay Leno,' only on NBC!"

LETTER #3. From Derek Alldred of Cincinnati, Ohio.
"Hey Dave, Which soft drink do you like better, Pepsi or Coke?"
Dave says he's not much of the soft drink drinker, but our head carpenter Harold Larkin has become quite interested in Cokes new Low Carb soda. Isn't that right, Harold?
HAROLD: "That's right, Dave. Today, I'll be conducting a taste test of C2, Coca-Cola's new low carb soda. C2 has half the calories and half the carbohydrates of regular Coke. But how does it taste?" (Harold sips from the C2)
"Hmmm. It's refreshing and delicious and I can't tell the difference between C2 and regular coke. C2 is fantastic!"
(Freeze frame on Harold. Alan announces a voice over)
ALAN: "Okay, America. It's time for you to decide what happens next. Do you want Harold to continue to enjoy new, delicious C2? Or do you want Harold to get kicked in the nuts by a fat guy dressed as Spider-Man? Vote now."
A vote-count tally appears at the bottom of the screen. At the end of the short voting period, 64% want Harold to get kicked in the nuts by a fat guy dressed in a Spider-Man costume. Back to LIVE action, we see a fat guy dressed in a Spider-Man costume come out and knee Harold in the nuts. Harold withers in pain, but considers it worth it based on what he'll get paid for agreeing to participate in this silly little skit.

Dave calls to close up the CBS Mailbag. Without hesitation, Paul and the Band close up the mailbag. When we come back, Dave reads Letter #4 without mentioning the goof.

LETTER #4. From Rick Stiles of Hilton, New York.
"Dear Dave, What part of your show do you enjoy the most?"
Dave enjoys being able to do nice things for his fans. Tonight, for example, someone in the audience has a very special surprise planned. Dave looks into the audience and asks if there is a Russell Mathison with us? Russell raises his hand. Luckily for us, he's sitting in the very front row by the band so our camera can get a clean shot of him.
RUSSELL: "Right here, Dave. Thanks for giving me this opportunity."
Dave stops Russell and informs him that if this doesn't go well, Dave will send Spider-Man into the audience.
RUSSELL: "I understand. I just want everyone in America to know that my Sarah is the most beautiful woman I've ever met. She means the world to me and I'd be honored if she would agree to be my bride."
We see a beautiful young blond to Russell's left. The elderly woman to his right responds, "Oh, Russell! Yes, I will marry you!" Russell leans over and passionately kisses the older woman.
A somewhat disgusted Dave looks to his left and then to his right. He whispers from behind his blue card, "I was told there would be no humping." He then adds, "And you wonder why I closed up the mailbag."

Dave calls for the closing of the mailbag once again and puts the mail to bed. And that was mailbag for tonight.

CHAUNCEY BILLUPS: Point guard and NBA Finals MVP of your world champion Detroit Pistons. How did he celebrate immediately after the game? Chauncey says there was champagne in the locker room and a party in the arena for family and friends. Hey, it sounds like every night here at the Late Show.
Chauncey is working on an hour and a half sleep. Hey, it sounds like every night here at the Late Show.
Dave asks why does everybody want the Lakers to get beat? Chauncey says people like to see someone new and they love an underdog. The Pistons fit both categories.

And what about the strategy to beat the Lakers? Chauncey said Shaq would get his points no matter how many people you put on him, so the Pistons played him "head up," which I think means one man covered him, and they concentrated on keeping everyone else down. Well, it worked. "And whose idea was the strategy? Was it Coach Larry Brown's?" Chauncey thinks here and there and answers, ". . . . uhhh . . . . . (you can almost see the lightbulb appear over his head) . . . . uhh, yeah, it was Larry Brown's idea." Good answer, Chauncey, very good answer.
Chauncey challenges Dave, "You didn't think we were going to win the Series, did you? Dave has to answer honestly, "No."
Doing a bit of research before the show, I found the Pistons is Chauncey's 6th team in his 7 seasons in the NBA. He never stayed in one place for too long, which is a bit surprising as he was the 3rd pick overall in the 1997 draft (Celtics).

The Indiana Pacers come up in conversation and Dave cringes a bit since it was the Pistons who eliminated the Pacers from the Playoffs. Dave points out that the Detroit Pistons got their start many years back right in Indiana, in Fort Wayne, so there should be some kind of satisfaction for Dave. Why isn't the Detroit Pistons Dave's favorite team? Dave hesitantly says they are. Chauncey says he'll be sure to tell that to Indiana Pacer Ron Artest when he sees him. Dave laughs and says that in his heart the Detroit Pistons are his favorite team . . . . . but that ends as soon as Chauncey leaves the building.
Nice guy, Chauncey Billups. Congratulations to him, to the team, Larry Brown and to the city of Detroit. They people of Detroit deserve the championship, especially after having to sit through season after season of the Tigers and Lions.
Want another reason to like Chauncey Billups. He married his high school sweetheart.

(Wahoo Fun Fact: I was born on the same day and year as Tiger manager Alan Trammel. The day Alan Trammel won the American League MVP, I went 1 for 3 in a softball game. My only hit that day was an infield single. I have his baseball card somewhere in the house. I have a theory that he and I were switched at birth and it was really me who played major league baseball.)

DANA CARVEY: Before the segment, I placed the over/under impersonations line at 9. Half the people in the shack said Dana would do more than 9 impersonations, half said he would do less. Bookies would say I set the perfect line. Early in the first segment, Dana did a quick Dana Carvey. Then he did his cardiologist PK Shaw. He then did some other voices. It was determined that the Carson impersonation was one and Dr. PK Shaw was two. His various, unlabeled voices did not count as an impersonation Dave did his Hans and Franz voice which we counted. He finished the first segment having done 3 impersonations. Those who voted the under were looking good, but we all knew he hadn't even touched on the politics yet. Back from commercial, Dana soon is doing both Bush's, does Clinton, John Kerry, and Al Gore. He did one more which I missed for a total of 9 impersonations. No one wins. It's a push.

ACT 5:
ALAN V.O.: "Now it's time for the answer to last night's 'Late Show Trivia' question.
David Letterman has been incarcerated only once . . . . for administering a well-deserved beating to Holly wood actor Gary Sinise during a 1998 appearance on the Late Show. Also appearing that night; Jeff Foxworthy and musical group Korn. Did you get it? Thanks for playing. Tell your friends."

WILCO: From their new CD, "A Ghost is Born," Wilco performed "Hummingbird."

And that was our show for Wednesday, June 16, 2004. Wahoo EXTRA!

So was that Ed Sullivan Building Engineer George Clarke dressed as Spider-Man? No. It was head writer Justin Stangel.

For you investors out there, Popeyes stock (AFCE) opened at 21.00 Wednesday morning and rose 2.38% to 21.50 by the close. Could it be the Dave influence? The man may be more powerful than Greenspan.

On the front page of today's New York's free Metro newspaper is a shot of the Beastie Boys singing/walking/performing down 53rd Street before entering the Ed Sullivan Theater. Two things I noticed in the photo:
1. They are walking against the light.
2. In the background is excited fan Walter Kim, also known as a Late Show Online Producer.

Also in the news -
From the Sunday June 13th New York Newsday:

SHOPPING WITH DAVE DORSET
Photog's top 8 for a camera
As told to Laurie Squire
June 13, 2004

The product: A video camera.
The expert: Dave Dorset, main cameraman and floor captain of CBS' "Late Show With David Letterman." He also has been lead camera for Walter Cronkite and Dan Rather.
What I want: Lightweight and compact. I want to carry it on hikes, around amusement parks or circulating at a party and I don't want to feel as if I'm lugging a cinderblock.
I must have: Shallow menus. Life's best moments are never scripted. If you have to punch your way through several layers of options, you're bound to miss something.
What I hate: Many larger chains are staffed with overenthusiastic kids trying to make employee of the month. Their knowledge is limited and recommendations questionable. I prefer the professional camera store.
Savvy shopper: Know what you want before you go near a retailer. Have features and model numbers on the tip of your tongue. Online shopping is convenient, but it cannot sweeten the deal (such as providing additional tapes, batteries, tripod) as it unfolds.
My pick: Digital video is currently the highest consumer standard. Sony DCR-HC30 Mini DV has an easy handicam, button that locks out fancy options so you can just point and shoot ($699).
Next best thing: A Sony or Canon Hi-8 camera. This format has 100 lines less resolution and no easy computer interface but is a tried and true workhorse ($269).
Tip: Make sure you turn off the camera when you're done taping. A friend's wife shot wonderful footage of the kids, put the camera down on the dining room table and for the next hour recorded every bad thought she had about her husband.

I love the 'cut and paste.'

I was just called in to the head writer's office. An offer was made, one I could not refuse. It was suggested I include a Wahoo retraction. And what do I get in return? My life.

Wahoo Retraction: No, that was not Justin Stangel dressed as Spider-Man.