My favorite monologue joke of the night:

"Looking for a gift for dad? You don't need to get him a fragrance. If he's over 60, he's already got one."

AUDIENCE SHOW AND TELL: Five possibles are at rehearsal. We select 3. The other two were good and will probably be asked back in the near future. Once the 3 are selected, blue cards are prepared on each contestant. The person in charge of this usually doesn't care how good the Show and Tell piece is. All she cares about is the name is easy to pronounce. The first Show and Teller had the last name "Bennette." It reads like Bennett, as in Tony Bennett, but it's pronounced "bih-NET" We decided to go with a spelling of Binette and went over the pronunciation with Dave before the show.

AS&T #1. DAVE: "Is there a Rick Bih-NET in the house?" Rick stands up and says, "Over here." Says Rick, "It's actually pronounced ‘Bih-NET." Dave says, "I'm sorry. What did I say?" Rick says, "Bih-NET." I yell at the monitor, "THAT'S WHAT HE SAID!" Dave looks at the camera a bit confused. It was another one of those, "Is it me or is it everybody else?" moments. Rick is a real estate investor from Bethlehem, Connecticut.
What does Rick have to show or tell? Rick says he can write forward and backwards simultaneously using both hands. Hmmm. A white board is brought out and with his right hand, Rick writes "Late Show with David Letterman." With his left hand he writes Late Show with David Letterman" backwards, a mirror image. Quite impressive, especially after closer inspection reveals that he wrote with his right hand in English and with his left hand he wrote in Chinese.

AS&T #2. Chelsea Marks of Orange County, California. Chelsea is a recent high school grad. Dave asks Chelsea if she watches "The OC"? Chelsea says she and her friends get together every Wednesday to watch. Is it true to life? She says it is. Dave says he's seen it only once but there seems to be a lot of drinking problems, running away, and sexual tension. Chelsea says, "Yeah, it's a lot of fun. What does Chelsea have to show or tell? Chelsea says she can imitate the sound of a dolphin. Is Chelsea a big fan of dolphins? "No, dolphins are annoying," says Chelsea. Dave measures her statement and questions, "So we would be better off without them?" I'm surprised anyone would or could find dolphins annoying. They are the opposite of annoying.
We are ready for the dolphin presentation. Chelsea opens her mouth wide and performs her dolphin impersonation.
Oh yeah, now I see it. She's right. Dolphins CAN be annoying.
It's just a joke, Chelsea.

AS&T #3. Derek Pay of Salt Lake City, Utah. Well, originally from Utah. Derek now lives in the Bronx. Yikes. Now that's what I call a lifestyle change. When Derek stood up I immediately noticed the front of his shirt was tucked in but the back was hanging out. Typical guy, I'm sure he looked in the mirror and said, "Looks good to me." None of that half-turn-in-front-of-the-mirror stuff for him.
What does Derek have to show or tell us? Derek says he can run up a wall and do a flip, sort of like something you would wee in "The Matrix." Wow! This should be cool. Derek turns to the back of the house and runs towards the back wall. Placing one foot one the wall in mid stride, Derek pushes off while leaning backwards and performs the impressive maneuver. Very impressive. He's a regular Donald O'Connor.

And that was Audience Show and Tell for tonight.

That "Jeopardy" guy is still going strong. He won again on Thursday night and is now up to 13 consecutive appearances on the game show. He's accumulated $400,000 in the process. But something's not right. "Something's hinky" according to Dave. Dave suspects this incredible winning run by the "Jeopardy" contestant is rigged in some way. Dave shows a clip as an example of what he means. From the "Jeopardy" program, we see the Answer: "To cut oneself shaving." The Champion supplies the question, "What is Ellis Island?" "Correct!" barks Alec Trebek. I think I see what Dave means. The whole thing looks like a con job to me.

AND NOW THE STORY BEHIND THE "JEOPARDY" STORY!
For the summer, we will be taping Friday shows on Thursday soon after taping the Thursday show, this way we can make for an early escape on Friday to start the summer weekend. Since we taped Friday's show on Thursday at 7:00 PM, we didn't know if the "Jeopardy" guy had won Thursday night and was able to continue. Dave needed to know this for his Friday night set up to the above "Jeopardy" joke. We start taping at 7:00 PM. "Jeopardy" in New York is broadcast at 7:00 PM. I placed a call to the "Jeopardy" people at 6:30 hoping for a one-hour scoop on how this guy did. The "Jeopardy" guy I reached gave me a phone number for someone higher up the "Jeopardy" ladder. I decided to do the same and passed this phone number to someone higher up the Late Show ladder than I. The Late Show receptionist then passed the phone number on to one of our executive producers. The phone call was placed and we learned at 6:50 that the "Jeopardy" champ had won on Thursday night and would go on again Friday night. I immediately called my bookie but unfortunately he wasn't handling that action. Now you know the rest of the story. Good day!

MICHAEL MOORE: He's the writer, producer, and director of the Cannes Film Festival Palme d'Or winning film, "Fahrenheit 9/11." He also won an Academy Award for Best Documentary for his "Bowling for Columbine." Dave questioned him about his acceptance speech when he went after the President. Was that planned? Michael says it wasn't. After he heard his name called, he heard two voices talking to him inside his head. One said, "Say thank you, blow a kiss, and leave." The other voice, the bad voice, was saying, "No! You have a job to do. Attack!" The bad voice won out. Does he regret it? Michael says, "No, not now. I said we were led into a war based on fictitious reasons. I had no idea if I was right. The war was only 5 days old."
We learn a little bit about winning an Academy Award from Michael. Immediately after accepting the Award and leaving the stage, the first words spoken to you are from two interns. One offers and says, "Champagne?" The other says, "Breath mint?" Dave laughs and says, "You're immediately welcomed into the world of drunken hygiene."

Some of Michael's filmography includes:
-"Roger and Me"
-"The Big One"
-"Canadian Bacon"
-"Bowling for Columbine"
-"Fahrenheit 9/11"

The only one I saw was "Roger and Me." After watching it, I immediately made a note to see everything this guy does. I haven't lived up to my personal promise . . . yet. I still plan to, but I have no time, dammit. I have no time. I've never seen "Citizen Kane" yet and I've been promising myself I would do that for 10 years now.
What was the inspiration behind "Fahrenheit 9/11"? Soon after the attack, Michael was reading an article in the New Yorker magazine. One small paragraph in the article stated how the White House allowed 24 members of the bin Laden family to fly out of the country when all air flight was prohibited. Why? Michael Moore continues to ask this question and suspects that the Bush family, after having received billions from the Saudi royal family and its leaders over the years, gave them a free pass out.
He also questions the media in this country for doing a very poor job before our entering the war with Iraq. Instead of asking hard questions of the White House, it played the cheerleader.
Will this film make a difference in how people vote in this election? Michael says it will. Anybody who is sitting on the fence on which way to go, or anybody who is an Independent, after watching the film your vote won't likely be going to Bush. And he says it is not him (Moore) saying this; it is the people who have seen the film.

MISS UNIVERSE JENNIFER HAWKINS: Not only does she wear the crown here on earth, but she also holds the title all over the Milky Way, and other galaxies such as Andromeda, Sagittarius, and Magellan. Congratulations, Jennifer Hawkins.

A quick blue card I prepared for Dave.
Miss Universe 2004 Jennifer Hawkins
-20 years old; from Sidney, Australia
-Crowned Miss Universe 2004 at the 53rd Annual Miss Universe Pageant on June 1st in Quito, Ecuador
-Pageant hosted by:
Billy Bush: east coast correspondent for "Access Hollywood" and the cousin to the President of the United States of America.
Daisy Fuentes: actress and MTV personality
-The Pageant had a worldwide viewing audience of 600 million
-Donald Trump pageants include: Miss Universe, Miss USA, and Miss Teen USA.

After spending a few minutes with the lovely Miss Universe, Dave is reassured and confidently states about the poised beauty, "I feel that the Universe is well represented."
Dave then fulfills every young girl's dream; he puts on the Miss Universe sash and tiara.

ACT 5:
ALAN V.O. "It's time for ‘Father's Day Gift Ideas, with Late Show Security Officer Dorothy Chambers."
DOROTHY: "I don't know. Give him some booze. Look, I gotta go."
ALAN V.O. "Good advice, Dorothy. This has been ‘Father's Day Gift Ideas with Late Show Security Officer Dorothy Chambers.' Tell your friends."

LOS LOBOS: From their new CD, "The Ride," Los Lobos performed good old-fashion rock and roll, "Charmed."

And that was our show for Friday, June 18, 2004. Wahoo EXTRA!

Today's morning traffic jam on the West Side Highway was brought to you by . . . . . a guy standing along the side of the highway with a cut watermelon balanced on his head.
This SOB did this sort of thing last year a couple times a week and every entertainment-starved commuter had to slow down and look. This created an unnecessary jam up and slow down along the West Side Highway. Now, the West Side Highway is no place for a guy to balance a cut watermelon on his head. It belongs on the Late Show during Is This Anything? Once past the guy with the cut watermelon balanced on his head, traffic zoomed the rest of the way.

USELESS FUN FACTS:
-The housefly hums in the middle octave, key of F.
-An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain
-Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur
-Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a belly button. It was eliminated when he was sewn up after surgery.

Hey, Wahoo Readers - if time means nothing to you and you want to share your thoughts and read the thoughts of others concerning the Late Show, click on to the alt.fan.newsgroup. One way to get there is here: http://groups.tutorgig.com/g/alt.fan.letterman/120313
You can thank me and curse me later.

Next week I'll give the directions to a live Late Show chat room featured every Thursday night at 10:00 PM.

From yesterday's Wahoo Gazette:

Here's something that I've been kicking around the last few weeks. Is the tax placed on gasoline based on the gallon or the dollar spent? If it's based on the dollar, then the government is also profiting from the price increase on gasoline. Politicians would then have more money to dicker with for their programs. They get more tax money but the oil companies get the blame. I would think that the pols would then be in no rush to stem the price increase. But if the tax is based on the gallon, then never mind.

"Here's a Canadian answer to your gas question. Here, the government gets BOTH a flat tax (17 cents/liter, or roughly 75 cents per gallon) but they ALSO get 15% goods and services tax on TOP of that on the total price per liter, so in fact you pay tax on your tax here. The higher the price, the more money the government gets."

I read in today's news that Yogi Berra will be on Joe Franklin's final show June 26. Here's my vote to get Joe Franklin on our show next week. Joe Franklin - the original.

Wahoo prediction: The Yankees break L.A. Dodger Eric Gagne's save streak this weekend.