It’s America’s Fastest Growing Quiz Sensation, it’s Know Your Current Events. We revisit Know Your Current Events for the first time since November 21, 2003.

Tonight’s categories included:
Know Your Current Events
Know Your Cuts of Meat
Know Your Bill Clinton’s “My Life”
Know Your Lawnmowers
Know Your Summer Blockbusters
Know Your Local CBS Weathermen.

Going into KYCE, I was hoping the categories picked would be Current Events, Bill Clinton’s ‘My Life’, and/or Summer Blockbusters. Why would I want those picked? Answer below.

CONTESTANT #1: Vince from St. Joseph, Missouri. And what is the capital of Missouri? “Jefferson City” answers Vince. Ding! Vince sells medical stuff to hospitals. Hey, good thinking, Vince! “Know your customer,” I always say. What category does Vince want to play? Know Your Lawnmowers.

#1. What is this lawnmower?
Answer: “The Troy-Bilt Pro Cut 310.”

#2. What’s noteworthy about the cutting deck of the Black & Decker MM675 Lawn Hog Electric Mulching Mower?
Answer: “It’s made of a super tough polymer and it’s guaranteed for life.”

For his work, Vince wins dinner for 2 (or 3), a CD from the LATE SHOW, and a box of Explod-A-Pop popcorn. And presenting tonight’s parting gifts, is our old friend Smitty, tonight known as Gunther.

CONTESTANT #2: Anja of Sacramento, California. Ah, the capital of California. Dave asks where Anja is from originally. “Stuttgart, Germany.” Dave says, “Ahh, Stuttgart. The capital of . . . .” Nothing, actually. Dave says in an asking kind of way that Stuttgart is near the Black Forest. Anja concurs. I quickly look up Stuttgart in my big blue encyclopedia and find that Stuttgart is in fact near the Black Forest. I’ve learned long ago that Dave knows something about everything; knows something about every country and state in the world. For instance, name any town in Pennsylvania and Dave will say, “Oh, is that near Amish country?” It may or may not be, but it’ll usually lead to something else. I imagine if you said you were from Oklahoma, Dave would say, “Oh, by the panhandle?” You take a shot and see where it lands. “Australia” – Hey, how’s the Outback? It’s fun. Try it with your friends.

Anja is a student and is thinking that maybe one day she’ll become a lawyer. Dave advises that becoming a lawyer isn’t something that just happens. You have to go to school and take courses, and then take a big test.

Anja selects Know Your Cuts of Meat. Is Anja a fan of the meat? “No, I’m a vegetarian” she says. Dave found this odd that a vegetarian would pick Know Your Cuts of Meat. It sort of reminded me in an odd kind of way of how we’ll have someone sitting in with the band all night long who has nothing to do with playing an instrument. He may look like he would play an instrument but doesn’t. For instance, perhaps we’ll have someone sitting in who kind of looks like he would play a cello, but doesn’t actually play the cello. He only looks like someone who would play the cello. Dave will then ask Paul, “but he doesn’t play the cello?” And Paul will answer, “No, but he’s looks like someone who would.” Dave would then shrug and then welcome the guy who looks like he would play the cello. Anja the vegetarian selecting Know Your Cuts of Meat reminded me of this.

#1. What is this cut of meat?
Answer: “Pork Loin Tenderloin Whole.”

#2. What is this cut of meat?
Answer: “Beef brisket boneless.”

Hey, we got time for one more!

Contestant #3. Shannon, from Nova Scotia. What does Nova Scotia mean? “New Scotland.” Dave asks “Ever been to the original Scotland?” I think Shannon said yes, I don’t remember. I once went to Scotland for 6 hours. It was part of my trip to England. Denise and I drove up to Blackpool for the Illuminations (a story for another time) and from there we took a train to Edinburgh for the day. And that is my Scotland story. I just did a quick Google check to see if Edinburgh has an “h” at the end or not. Is it Edinburg or Edinburgh? Dang it if it isn’t both ways on the Google. Neither looks right, then they both look right. Scots? Which is it.?

Oh, by the way. Don’t expect much in the Wahoo EXTRA! at the bottom of today’s issue. I’m spending so much darn time just trying to get through this KYCE that I’m nearly worn out.

Shannon chooses the Know Your Local CBS Weathermen category.

#1. Hartford/New Haven, Connecticut WFSB weatherman Scot Haney has 2 cats named what?
Answer: “Billy and Sarah.”

#2. Duluth, Minnesota KDLH’s Phil Johnson’s philosophy of meteorology is what?
Answer: “When Mother Nature goes into overtime, we go into overtime.”

And now, why would I want the Current Events category, Clinton’s “My Life” category, and/or Summer Blockbuster category picked? Because these categories do not have much carry-over strength, unless we do KYCE again next week. By carry-over strength, I mean that the category will become dated in a short time and the topic would have to be ditched. Meat and Weathermen can last forever; lawnmowers throughout the summer. And now if we do KYCE again, say in August, I’ll have to type up all new categories.

CURRENT EVENTS: new ones are typed up each time time.
MEAT: no need to type up new Meat each time unless used last time. We used it tonight, so I’ll have to type up a new batch.
CLINTON’S “MY LIFE”: probably, hopefully, will be old news come August. I’ll need to type up a whole new category.
LAWNMOWERS: would have been fine in August, but we used it today, so I’ll have to type up a whole new category.
SUMMER BLOCKBUSTERS: usually better at the beginning of the summer, although this may still be OK in late summer.
CBS WEATHERMEN: good forever, but we used it today so I’ll have to type up a new category.

So there you have it. The next time we do KYCE I’ll have to type up 5 a whole new batch. No carry-over. I’ll have to dig out the old Know Your Late Show Production Accountant Joe DeGeorge.

And that was KYCE tonight.

Back from commercial, Dave takes a moment to enjoy the LATE SHOW Hose Cam out on 53rd and Broadway.

Have you seen the new John Kerry campaign commercial? His approach is questionable. Have you seen it?

Announcer: “Of the 41 Presidents of the United States before George W. Bush. 17 were Republican. How many are publicly supporting President Bush now? Only 2.”
(shot of Ford and George, Sr.) “Doesn’t that tell you something America? Paid for by John Kerry 2004.”

TOP TEN: Questions Ralph Nader Asked Potential Running Mates
Erlier this week, Ralph Nader selected Green Party activist Peter Camejo to be his running mate.
#9. “If I pick you, do you promise to vote for us?”
#4. “Isn’t this a step down for you, Mr. Gore?”
#3. “Do you get nervous speaking in front of groups of 8 to 12 people?”

Before introducing Bonnie Hunt, Dave spills some coffee on himself. Paul, trying to help, asks Dave if he wants some hydrogen peroxide? HA! There is rarely a night that goes by where Paul doesn’t crack me up.

BONNIE HUNT: Bonnie is on tonight to promote her appearance on tonight’s LATE SHOW. One of her dear friends recently gave her a gift certificate for a consult to a plastic surgeon. This is unheard of in her home of Chicago, since the high winds against the face hide push back all the wrinkles. In Hollywood, it’s a must. Bonnie recreates the scene in the nurse’s office. The nurse asked her what she wanted done and Bonnie responded, “Nothing.” She had gone simply to satisfy her friend and not let the certificate go to waste. The nurse continued, “Let me just take a look at you.” The next 5 minutes not a word was spoken. Not a word, but a lot of “oooh” and “ohhhhhh” and “hmmmmm” and “wooooooo” and “wooeeeeeee.” The nurse did not say a word but “showed a lot of empathy for all the work she saw I needed.”

On a recent trip to the pizza parlor, the kid behind the counter asked her if she had a daughter who is an actress. Bonnie said, “no.” And the kid said, “Are you sure? Because there’s a girl who was in ‘Jumanji’ with Robin Williams and she looks exactly like she’d be your daughter.” Bonnie said, “I had to tell him the girl he saw in the film was me” and adds, “In 10 years I’ve become my own mother.”

Bonnie has some happy news. She’s to play the lead in an upcoming film with Paul Newman. It’s a dream come true. Then she learned it’s to be an animated feature. Dang the luck. Probably won’t even see Paul Newman.

ACT 5:
ALAN V.O.: “It’s time for Dwight, the Troubled Teen.”
ALAN: “Dwight, I found these in your pocket.” (shows pack of cigarettes) “Have you been smoking?”
DWIGHT: “Why not? All my friends do it. Smoking’s cool.”
ALAN: “Well, then Dwight, maybe they’re not your friends after all.”
DWIGHT: “What the hell do you know about friends? Your only friend is that woman on the phone sex line. I hate you! I hate all of you!” Dwight storms off.

Dwight then returns, cheerful and out of character.

DWIGHT: “Hi, I’m Dwight the Troubled Teen. Kids, don’t download music. It’s illegal, and it’s not cool. So be like Dwight the Troubled Teen and stay on the right path. This is Dwight the Troubled Teen saying we’ll see you next time on Dwight, the Troubled Teen.”
ALAN V.O.: “This has been Dwight the Troubled Teen. Thanks for watching and drive safely.”

DYLAN MORAN: From Ireland. Covers the difference between men and women (men are sensitive); the meaning of ‘not really’; and personal ads. You can see him in his one-man show entitled “Monster” at the Village Theater here in New York City through July 17th.

And that was our show for Friday June 25, 2004.

Hey, don’t forget to check out Thursday’s Tony Mendez Show. Wahoo EXTRA!

In yesterday’s Wahoo Gazette, I lamented how I miss the side vent windows in today’s automobiles. Soon after the Gazette was posted, I received these two e-mails. I’ll probably get more as the day rolls on but I want to get this thing done. I have the weekend in my sights.

Vent window testimonials:

From Paula Goff of Perkiomenville, Pennsylvania:

”Yesss! Wing windows! A friend has a Toyota pickup that's not all that old (maybe 10 years or so) & it has wing windows. We were saying it's probably the last vehicle to have them, and tried to explain to our daughters why they are (were) so great. Inside vents (or as I call them, built-in hair dryers) just don't do the trick.”

“I couldn't agree more on your missing the old vent windows. Since 1970. all my cars and trucks have had air conditioning, but no vent windows. I used to wonder how I got by without air conditioning in the old days. Now whenever I try opening a side window, the wind knocks me around for a minute or two before I give up and crank up the air.

About a year ago, I bought an almost-finished 1940 Chevrolet street rod in Cleveland. As with most street rods, it has a modern drivetrain, stereo, and AC. I was faced with a 120 mile drive home on the Ohio Turnpike, and the temperature was in the low 90's, so I figured I'd run the AC all the way home. But first I wanted to get the feel of the car on the surface streets leading to the turnpike, so I left the air off and just rolled down the windows and opened the vent window.

It was so nice with the fresh breeze that I VOLUNTARILY left the air off and the vent window open all the way home -- for two hours at 65-74 mph on a 90-degree day. Since then I've found I almost never use that air conditioning because the vent windows make summer driving so much nicer. Think how much gas we'd save if everybody could leave the air off and open those vent windows.”

Franklin steps off
'Memory'-go-round
By DAVID HINCKLEY
DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITER
Wednesday, June 2nd, 2004

A slice of pure New York will drift into the early morning mist June 27 when Joe Franklin finishes his last Saturday midnight show on WOR (710 AM).

Franklin's throwback blend of showbiz chat, folksy interviews and reminiscences about the good old days has been heard on WOR since 1964, when it began as a simulcast with his longtime late-night TV show.

"Joe is one of a kind," said WOR program director Maurice Tunick. "We're going to miss him."

"I feel bad that I'm letting millions of people down, because they love this show," said the 77-year-old Franklin. "But I can't work an overnight shift anymore. It was no problem when I was young, but now I feel it for two or three days. It's not good for me."

Franklin told Tunick and WOR general manager Bob Bruno his decision last Friday over lunch at the Joe Franklin restaurant.

"We were surprised," said Tunick. "He's been around a long time, with a real love and respect for an era he helped to keep alive."

Franklin said he will continue doing his show-business minutes on WBBR (1130 AM) and that he's moving forward on a 24-hour Joe Franklin nostalgia radio network.

"I hope that will start up by the fall," he said. "We have some stations already interested, or we may look at satellite."

Franklin would be a host on that network, taping his shows.

"That's been the thing with the WOR show," he said. "You have to do it live, because we want to be there. We take phone calls. In 40 years, I never missed a show and never did one on tape."

Until 1993, Franklin also did a TV show with a similar mix of music, guests and talk. When he left, he calculated that he had done 31,015 programs.

Both the TV and radio shows celebrated New York, yet had an informal, small-town feeling. His guests ranged from a young Barbra Streisand to bizarre characters who looked like refugees from circus sideshows.

On the last show, he says, he will play his favorite interview ever, 22 minutes with Bing Crosby.

And in the interest of equal time, one of his remaining shows will also include his final interview with Crosby's longtime screen partner Bob Hope, which Franklin says is the last Hope ever gave.

Franklin will spend much of the last show thanking everyone who helped make it successful, he said, presumably starting with his 25-year radio partner Richie Ornstein. He says he'll also thank WOR, whose executives he calls "the nicest, finest people I've ever worked with."

He also said his overall health is "absolutely fine," and moving off the night shift is "just preventing any problem before it occurs."

So sometime around 4:58 a.m. on June 27, he'll play "We'll Meet Again" by Vera Lynn, and a chapter in New York life will close.

The above article states he had done 31,015 shows. Hmm. That’s 500 shows a year for 62 years.