AUDIENCE SHOW AND TELL
AS&T #1: Mark Ishikawa from Gilbert, Arizona. An attorney. Mark claims he can name all 43 United States Presidents in chronological order in ten seconds. We put up the clock and Mark is off, starting with George Washington, sailing past James Buchanan, pleased to have multiple-term presidents, and finally coming to Bush, stumbling a bit at the Bush to Clinton transfer of power. Though Dave was impressed, Dave thought he heard "spaghetti cauliflower" somewhere in the middle. I quickly did a Google search and could not find a U.S. President named either Spaghetti or Cauliflower, though I did find a President named Pierce who is just as well known as President Spaghetti and Cauliflower.

AS&T #2: Scot Haney of Canton, Connecticut. He's a weatherman for the CBS affiliate in Hartford, WFSB. Is Scot a meteorologist? Yes! Dave discusses global warming with the local weatherman, who minimizes the supposed dangers of a hot earth. This is a great relief to Dave. Does Scot have something to show or tell? "A little of both" says Scot. A few weeks ago, Scot was the question in a Know Your Current Events topic. From the June 25, 2004 installment of Know Your Current Events, the category "Know Your Local CBS Weatherman." We see a clip from that appearance.
The question: "Hartford/New Haven, Connecticut WFSB Weatherman Scot Haney has 2 cats named what?" Answer: "Billy and Sarah."
The KYCE contestant must have been from the Hartford/New Haven area since she knew that Scot's cats were named Billy and Sarah.

I'll be pitching a category for an upcoming KYCE night: "Know Your Late Show Audience Show and Tell Contestant Who Was Once a Question in a Recent Installment of Know Your Current Events Under the Category 'Know Your Local CBS Weathermen."

AS&T #3: Jimmy Martinez, originally from San Francisco, recently moving to New York City. He works at a record store. Hmmm. Do people still buy records? I guess not in San Francisco. What can Jimmy do? He can put ten nickels up his nose, 5 in each nostril. Ooooh, good. I like nasal tricks! Jimmy slowly places the nickels into the slots until he has the half dollar's worth of coins up his nostrils.
Warning: Do not accept change from this man.
Jimmy would be great fun at the airport metal detector.
And that is Audience Show and Tell.

This Sunday, July 18 is Dave's mom's birthday. 83 years old she will be. We set up a satellite hook-up in Indiana to pay her a visit. Dave raves about her healthy and strong look. Dave has a new favorite thing whenever he speaks to his mom. He asks her to name all her grandchildren. The proud grandmother responds: "Brynn, Bill, Anna Grace, Liam, and Harry." Dave presses, "And who's your favorite?" Grandma knows best, she says, "They're all my favorites."
Did mom receive the card Dave sent? Yes, she did. She opens it to reveal a nice crisp 20 dollar bill inside. Such a nice boy.
And since Dave couldn't be there, he sent a guy who sort of looks like him to the house. Is he there? Yes, the Dave look-alike enters with a lovely birthday sheet cake. And as is tradition whenever he visit mom, Dave wants to know what's in the refrigerator. It looks like Mom is off the Colt and now into the Red Bull and vodka. Mmmm, the lady sure knows how to throw a party.
Dave takes a moment and whispers with urgency, "Didn't you once tell me in a quiet moment that Harry really is your favorite?" Mom smiles and says again that it is not true.
And how does Mom plan on celebrating her birthday? Says mom, "I'm going to put nickels up my nose."
And that's mom. Another lovely visit to Indiana.

From there we play Will It Float back home at the Ed Sullivan Theater. Tonight we are playing for a toro lawn mower. And what is tonight's item? "A bell of bird seed." Dave thinks a moment and asks Alan, "Isn't that what they called you in high school? The bell of bird seed." Oh how I laughed at that. Still wrapped in plastic, the bell of bird seed is dropped into the Will It Float tank, and it . . . . floats!

And that's how we play Will It Float. Dave likes to twist things up every now and then just to keep everyone on their toes. In Will It Float, Dave normally first asks Alan, "Alan, what is tonight's item?" Alan will answer in a normal tone, if not a bit subdued like in Password with Alan Ludden. Dave will then ask, "And what are we playing for tonight?" and Alan Kalter will belt out something like "A brand new car!" Tonight, Dave switched it on Alan, and the cue card guy, by first asking "What are we playing for?" He then followed that with "And what is tonight's item?" You can usually notice the slightest hesitation for some mental regrouping by those involved. It's sort of like the game within the game.

JULIANNA MARGULIES: She used to be on the "E.R." show. Julianna says she is presently homeless. Dave, shocked and concerned, asks with alarm, "Was it a twister?" No, Julianna bought into a new construction project, buying site unseen (pun intended), part of an 8-floor building. She was originally led to believe the move-in date would be February. It has since been pushed back to August. She expects to be in by Christmas. She is now living in a hotel. Dave says that gets old quick. Julianna seems to like it. She feels sort of like a Princess. Except the laundry. She asks, "Do you know it costs $6.00 to wash a pair of socks?" Dave wisely responds, "That's where hotels make their money."
Does Julianna ever see her old "E.R." buddies? Not really. Does she watch the show now that she's not on? Nope. Once gone, stay gone. Dave thinks after all these years, the show has become a bit silly now. Julianna agrees, saying the hospital once was a place where you went to get healed. Now bombs are blowing up the hospital. I think the next episode of "E.R." I watch will be my first.

Julianna Margulies: starring in the TNT mini-series "The Grid." Part 1 is Monday night.
Julianna describe "The Grid" as "gritty." Dave giggles out a smile and says, "You made a little pun, there. You said 'The Grid' is gritty." Dave looks oh so proud of himself for catching that. I laughed out loud at his glee. It reminded me of the time Princess Sarah Ferguson was on the show and she pronounced "vitamins" with a short 'i', like "vittamins." Dave grinned a wide grin and at the end of her sentence he proudly pointed out, "You said 'vittamins.'"

During the commercial break, head carpenter Harold Larkin informs me that the Bell of Bird Seed just sunk.

BOB SARLATTE: He's the field announcer of the San Francisco 49ers, and long time friend of Dave's. He was the announcer for Dave's daytime show back in the 1980s. I mean, back in 1980.
I don't quite remember what was discussed about but I know Bob did most of the talking. Lots of talk about sports announcers; John Miller, Tim McCarver, Hank Stram and Jack Buck. Don Rickles name came up. Starbucks. The family. And what is Bob doing while in New York City? "Trying to lay off the booze."
Bob describe most of his references as "obscure, but hilarious." I agree on both counts, with a bit more weight placed on the obscure.
I always like Bob Sarlatte's appearances. Got lots to say, gets as much in as he can, and always with a smile.
FYI: Bob's dad wears 40X26 pants.

ACT 5:
Alan: "It's time once again for 'Cooking with Late Show Costume Designer Susan Hum.'
Tonight, Susan will show us how to make delicious summertime potato salad."
Susan: "I don't know how to make potato salad so I don't really have a recipe. I usually buy potato salad or cole slaw or any salads really from the supermarket. I don't know ho thought I knew how to make potato salad."
Alan: "Sounds delicious, Susan! This has been 'Cooking with Late Show Costume Designer Susan Hum.' Tell you friends."

ASHLEE SIMPSON: She's Jessica's little sister. From her debut CD, "Autobiography," Ashlee performed "Pieces of Me."
I told my 8-year-old Dominique that Ashlee Simpson would be on the show tonight. She said, "Oh, 'Pieces of Me.'"

And that was our show for Friday, July 16, 2004. Wahoo EXTRA!

Martha Stewart was sentenced today to 5 months in jail. My first thought was, "Thank goodness she'll be back in time to show us how to do Christmas."

A local priest here in New York City was accused of swindling half a million dollars from a parishioner. Not only that, the church recently discovered $1 million missing from their finances. The priest has been asked to step down. But why? Why not just transfer him to another parish?

Here's something I found while I was sitting around today getting my computer cleaned up and de-bugged by a professional. About 7 months ago I asked for stories about their wedding song. I received a few e-mails, put them to the side, and lost track of them. I think the topic I was looking for was "Wedding Songs that Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time." In need of Wahoo filler, I thought I would type some out.

From Judy Havener of Fort Worth, Texas:

"I once attended a wedding reception where the bride and groom danced the first dance to 'You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling' (by the Righteous Brothers?). I don't know if they're still married."

"Why was my wedding song a good idea at the time? Well, while discussing our wedding plans my soon-to-be husband told me he didn't want to slow dance at the reception in front of everyone so I had to find the SHORTEST romantic slow song I could find for us to dance to. I came up with 'You Are So Beautiful to Me' by Joe Cocker. Needless to say, my marriage was just as short."

"Tracy and I had a beautiful traditional wedding with some very appropriate music . . . except for the recessional music. At the end of the ceremony, the minister presented us as a married couple and we walked out to the theme music to 'Star Trek: The Next Generation.' We had a good quality recording done by a full orchestra with no voiceover or sound effects. We're both big fans of Star Trek, though neither of us are rabid Trekkers or Trekkies. Since we also have a playful side we thought it would be neat. The assembled people actually applauded! Apparently everyone thought it was fitting since we were embarking on our own adventure. We have never regretted the choice."

"I was married in hippy tippy Boulder, Co in 1977 and 'Bridge Over Troubled Water' was and is one of my favorite songs. I wasn't happy with having it sung during the Mass (by a church-recommended baritone who could not manage the Garfunkel tenor, but I was at a loss as to how else to find someone) as I should have been but decided that the traditional wedding march was much too traditional for me. So my father and I 'marched' down the aisle to this beautiful song which is, unfortunately, not suitable for marching. As if this were not enough, many wedding guests commented that 'Bridge Over Troubled Water' was used typically at funerals. This, the fact that a black cat that 'marched' down the aisle right before I did, and that the church later burned are but three reasons that the marriage didn't last."

"I don't regret my wedding song for an instant. My wife allowed me to handle the music for our reception, and I was able to fulfill a longtime dream and have a full 10-piece 1920s dance band (The Royal Society Jazz Band – http://www.rsjo.com) play for us.
When we were finally able to get out on the floor, we danced to 'The Nearness of You,' (by Hoagy Carmichael and Ned Washington.) The only regret I might have had was the band decided to play it for about 5 minutes and we were ready to quit dancing after about two.
Other than that, I dare say we had the best wedding reception ever."