It's Friday and tonight we'll be playing Know Your Current Events. Tonight's categories:
Know Your Current Events
Know Your Cuts of Meat
Know Your Democratic National Convention
Know Your Low-Carb Fast Food Options
Know Your Camp Ton-A-Wandah in Hendersonville, North Carolina
Know Your George W. Bush Accidents

Contestant #1: Jessi. . . . Jacqueline! Uh oh, sounds like an alias. "Jacqueline" is a gymnastic teacher from the Grand Canyon. Jacqueline is in town to celebrate her 30th birthday on Saturday. She is here with her friend Laurie. What will she do to celebrate her birthday? "Drink." All right! Anything else? "Going to a baseball game, the Yankees against the Baltimore Orioles." One of them knows Oriole player Jerry Hairston. Dave mentions that he may be free to go to g baseball game on Saturday. The girls don't bite. Dave mumbles, "Oh, never mind."
Category choice? Know Your Low-Carb Fast Food Options.
#1. What catchy name is used to describe Arby's low-carb wraps? Answer: "Carby's"
#2. If you wanted to eat a meal consisting of just 9 carbs at Burger King, what would you eat? Answer: Three packets of ketchup.

Contestant #2: Vince from Ontario, Canada. Vince is a lawyer, his first time here in New York City. Dave says to Vince, "I'll get though this quick so you can get back to the hotel and change." The camera widens to reveal the attorney dressed very comfortably in relaxing shorts.
Category choice: Know Your Current Events:
#1. This week, Lance Armstrong achieved what remarkable feat? Answer: Finding a way to make other countries hate America even more.
#2. Why was Ben Affleck in Massachusetts this week? Answer: He and Matt Damon finally agreed to make it official and get married.

HEY! We got time for one more.

Contestant #3: Keith from just outside California. He's an account manager and is enjoying a rewarding two-month getaway celebrating 7 years with the company. He's on a road trip. With who? Nobody, he's on the road cross country by himself. An envious Dave says, "I've been wanting to do that for 20 years."
Category Choice: Know Your Camp Ton-A-Wandah in Hendersonville, North Carolina.
#1. What is the tuition for the July 18th - August 6th session? Answer: $2,600
#2. Name a popular Ton-A-Wandah out-of-camp trip. Answer: Backpacking in the Pisgah National Forest.

During the playing of KYCE, Dave makes conversation with the woman behind Keith, contestant #3. She's quite the lovely from Nebraska. Dave asks what she does for a living. She says, "I'm a nanny." Hoo boy, the mind races. At the conclusion of KYCE, Dave says under his breath regarding the nanny, "Good luck running that by the little woman."

Back from commercial, we see Dave writing something on the back of a blue card. Says aloud softly, "Look into nanny."

Once again in for Paul, Anton Fig. Keyboards: Michael Bearden. Drums: Duke Diamond.

Dave enjoyed it so much earlier this week, he wants to see it again. It's a message from Senator Edward Kennedy.
"John Kerry and John Edwards / are / gays."
Oh, the fun we have with editing.

WILL IT FLOAT? Item: a 12 ounce jar of Heinz Home Style Rich Mushroom Gravy. Oooh, vacuum sealed? Yes, it's vacuum sealed.
Does Anton have a question? Yes, he does. Anton: "What color is it?" Dave laughs at the irrelevant question, having nothing to do with an object's floatability. Anton says it'll sink. Dave says it'll sink. The girls toss the jar of gravy into the Will It Float tank and it . . . . sinks. Take my word for it.

TOP TEN: Signs Your Lifeguard is Nuts.
#8. When waves destroy a sand castle, frantically searches for tiny people.
#6. When sitting in the lifeguard stand, insists on wearing a bib.
Following #6, Dave says "That may not be funny, but it's a sure sign he is nuts."

Before going to commercial, Dave says "cigar smoke is a vasoconstrictor." I hope to find out this weekend. I'm in the mood for a beer and a nice cigar on the back deck

ROSIE PEREZ: Dave: "You look tremendous!" Rosie: "Why, thank you. . . . . Hey, wait a minute!" I guess looking "tremendous" could be taken a couple ways. Rosie will be starring in an upcoming Broadway revival of the play "Reckless."
Previews begin on September 22nd. Rosie's last appearance at the Ed Sullivan Theater was at Vince Vaughn guest-hosted show back in March of 2003. Her last time with Dave was in April 2002.
Rosie has been working on a documentary about Puerto Rico. She admits to putting on some pounds during the shoot, but says, "Since I'm Puerto Rican, the weight comes on in all the right places." Dave asks, "How did you find Puerto Rico?" She looks at Dave quizzically, "What do you mean how did I find it? I'm Puerto Rican!"
Dave asked about the bioluminescent pools found in Puerto Rico. While Rosie explained how beautiful they are, found in few places in the world, I was busy looking up "bioluminescent."
Does Rosie like live acting in the theater? She does, and tells a story of working at the small Public Theater in New York. She worked with an actor who had the unfortunate habit of spitting while he delivered his lines. She said to him, "Excuse me but do you know that you're spitting on me when you read your lines?" He said, "Pacino spits." Rosie came back with, "Yeah, but you're no Pacino." Come the performance, they are involved in a heated scene. He spits and it lands on her arm in the form of a big spit bubble. She couldn't take her eye off the spit bubble sitting on her arm. She waited for the right moment and suddenly swung her arm. The gesture resulted in the spit bubble flying off her arm . . . . and landed right on a person sitting in the front row. There's nothing like live theater.

Back from commercial, our announcer asked if he could say a few words if we had a free moment tonight. We didn't have a free moment but needed to put something in the ACT 4.
Alan: "Thank you, Dave. I just wanted to take a moment to mention someone very special in my life. A woman for whom I care deeply. Our romance is a mere two weeks old, but there is already a tangible excitement, like I've never felt before. In fact, Connie, this might be the weekend we finally take that beautiful, passionate step and consummate out relati . . . ." Suddeny, a big burly guy rushes in screams, "Hey, that's my sister!" He proceeds to beat up our crimson-headed announcer. Poor Alan writhers to the floor in pain.

ACT 5: It's time once again for Tales of Late Show Security.
DOROTHY: "A few weeks ago, someone parked a Ford Taurus illegally in front of the theater"
STEPHANIE: "To teach him a lesson, we slashed the tires."
DOROTHY: "And broke the windows with a hammer."
STEPHANIE: "Turns out it was Dave's car. Not our problem."
DOROTHY: "That bastard broke the law."
This has been Tales of Late Show Security. Tell your friends.

GREG GIRALDO: comedian: Oops. We've run out of time. There is no time for Greg's standup routine so Dave has him sit at the desk for a quick hello and meet and greet. You can see him around New York City as well as these future dates and places:
August 12-15 at the Punchline in Destin, Florida.
August 26-29 a the Punchline in Atlanta, Georgia
September 2-4 at the LAFF Stop in Houston, Texas

And that was our show for Friday, July 30, 2004. Wahoo EXTRA!

I'm flipping through the channel yesterday during the day and came across "All My Children." I haven't watched the soap on a regular basis in nearly 15 years. I was amazed at how little Tad and Chandler have changed over the years. Good for them. And within 20 minutes, I was caught up with the story.

The New York Yankees announced plans of building a new stadium. They've hinted at this before but at least time they say they'll pay for it, not the taxpayer. Do the Yankees need a new stadium? Well, they will draw nearly 4 million fans this year. I don't hear much complaining from them.

One of my useless fun facts from the other day:
"The Giant Squid has the largest eyes in the world"

Not any more: From Clem:

FYI, the giant squid (Architeuthis) has been superseeded by the Colossal Squid (Mesonychoteuthis hamiltoni).
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/2910849.stm
"Now we can say that it attains a size larger than the giant squid.
Giant squid is no longer the largest squid that's out there. We've got something that's even larger, and not just larger but an order of magnitude meaner."

"Are the Wahoo Gazette and David Letterman Show newsletter separate identities (lack of a better term, sorry)? I subscribe to the D. L. Show newsletter, is there a Wahoo Gazette newsletter?"

There is a report today that Tom Ridge may step down as head the Department of Homeland Security. Hello, paging Rudolph Giuliani. Mr. Rudolph Giuliani. Didn't I predict this some time back?

Would somebody please drop the balloons and make Don Mischer happy!

Don't forget: former President Bill Clinton will be here Tuesday August 3rd.