"According to his daughter, John Kerry once gave CPR to a hamster. Wait a minute, isn't that what happened to Richard Gere?"

Dave is excited to have the former President on the show tonight. He holds up the book, "My Life," and comments that Bill may be our cutest President ". . . . although George W. Bush is pretty cute, too. He was once a cheerleader." We see a shot of George W. Bush back in his Yale days shouting into a megaphone in his cheerleading outfit. Yes, we always have that photo standing by and ready at the drop of a hat. It is one of many photos and clips at our fingertips.

CNN STARTLED NEWS ANCHOR OF THE NIGHT: Last week, CNN anchor Judy Woodruff was broadcasting water side. In the middle of her sentence, a loud billowing horn from a ship startles the talented Ms. Woodruff. It's fun to see professionals acting unprofessional, except in this case there really isn't an unprofessional way to react to a sudden blast of horn.
Anton says, "Didn't we once do that to Rupert, blow a horn near his ear and startle him?" Dave smiles and says, "Yes, we did." Anton, sensing he may have broken Dave's rhythm, apologizes. I laughed.

GEORGE W. BUSH FOREIGN POLICY EXPERT: From Monday's press conference at the White House: ". . . . working with our friends to keep pressure on the Moo-lahs." BUZZ.
It would have gotten a bigger reaction from the audience if they realized it was pronounced "mullahs."

A MESSAGE FROM JOHN KERRY: "As President, I will / steal / from / the American people."

WHY THEY'D MAKE A GOOD PRESIDENT:
Martin Sheen: Millions of confused Americans already believe he is the President.
Snoop Dogg: Would deliver entertaining ‘Stizzle of the Uzizzle Addrizzle'
Osama bin Laden: We'd finally have a President who knows the whereabouts of Osama bin Laden.
Dave Letterman: Understands the concerns of the elderly.
Dennis Kucinich: Uh, hello --- he's Dennis Kucinich
Rush Limbaugh: Has fool-proof plan to get drugs off our streets
Halle Berry: She's fine
Smarty Jones: Even more horse-like than John Kerry
Dick Clark: Learned valuable lesson by witnessing the mistakes of Harding and Hoover.
Barbra Streisand: As President, would be too busy to do any more farewell concerts
Paris Hilton: Performs well on camera.

PRESIDENT BILL CLINTON: He looks great. Dave asks if he's lost weight? The President responds, "Yes, I have a little bit." His secret: "eat less, eat different, work out a bit more."
Here's how I lost weight some years ago. I went on the Manhattan Diet.
The Manhattan Diet. Rent an apartment in Manhattan. All the money you have left over you spend on food.

Dave congratulates Bill Clinton on the success of his book: 1.6 million copies have been sold.
And how is Hillary's book doing?
Bill with some envy says she sold 1.5 million hard cover copies here and another 1.5 million overseas, so Bill's got a ways to go yet to reach her.

Was it difficult to write nearly 1000 pages on his life?
Mr. Clinton says it took him 2 and a half years; the first 4 months he collected and gathered material, then spent the next two years and two months writing. His first draft was done all in longhand. How much was that? "About 22 thick notebooks of writing." Dave says it must be difficult to wake up every day and forced to write and write and write. I'm not sure what the President said but let me answer for him: "Yes, it is." The President suggests that anyone who lives to be 50 years old should write their life story, even if it's only 20 pages, something for their children to read and learn of their roots. Kids today have access to so much information about the outside world but not so much of their own personal story. They would find it so interesting to learn about their great grandmother and great grandfather and what life was like for you growing up.

What did he think of the Convention?
The former President says it was good. He liked John Kerry's speech and it was given the old fashioned way: He said "This is what I disagree with" and then followed that with specifics concerning his own policy.

What does Mr. Clinton know about John Kerry from working with him?
He says of John Kerry: "Of all the people I dealt with in Congress, he cared the most about trying to find programs that would keep young, inner-city minority kids out of trouble and out of jail and in school." He added, "There were no votes in this for John Kerry ... He just did it cause he thought it was right."

Did Clinton think this recent elevation to Orange Alert in New York, New Jersey, and Washington DC was politically motivated, waiting for after the Democratic Convention to react to 4-year-old information?
Clinton doesn't think so and believes the reaction was on the up-and-up.

Dave shares a story about his uncle. Dave asked his 82-year-old uncle who he plans to vote for. His uncle says he received a letter from the Republicans asking for money. He wrote back that "this tax cut hasn't helped and the cost of living is starting to hurt." His uncle added, "I'm writing a check just as long as you don't bother me again." The former President's thoughts: "What's his address? I'd like to write him a letter, too." Very funny.
Dave says his uncle doesn't want to changes in the White House while we're still in Iraq and Afghanistan with unresolved issues.
Clinton says he can understand that and it is why John Kerry must be very clear with his plans and must be very specific with ideas concerning Osama, Afghanistan, and Iraq.

The 9/11 Commission report: Clinton liked it. It focused on the future. It had good recommendations. Our intelligence needs to be updated; instead of 20th century Russian spies with the knowledge and understanding of the language and customs of the Soviets, we now need those who can infiltrate and blend in with those in Iraq and Afghanistan and in those areas we sorely need new intelligence.

Sandy Berger - what's the deal with his stuffing documents down his pants and out of the National Archives? Clinton laughs and says anyone who knows Sandy Berger knows how he could have gotten his papers mixed up. "He's got a well-organized mind and a disorganized desk." Although visually humorous, Clinton doesn't believe Mr. Berger stuffed papers down his pants the say Dave described. Clinton adds that what was taken were copies of what was already available. The originals are still in place. Plus, what he took was good new about how the administration handled threats and dangers surrounding the Millennium celebrations.

And finally, Africa. Dave says he reads about genetic cleansing, poverty, crime, aids, life expectancy for males being mid-30s. Should we be doing more? President Clinton says we are doing more, explaining that Africa has the greatest potential in the world. Most of the countries are democracies. We are not too late in supplying assistance but we are playing catch-up.

Somewhere in the middle of the interview, Bill jokingly admits to having second thoughts about coming out tonight after that Richard Gere joke. I like it when the guests watch the show.

ACT 5: Late Show costume designer SUE HUM critiques the apparel of the Secret Service.

NATALIE MERCHANT: From her new CD, "The House Carpenter's Daughter," Natalie performed "Sally Ann."

And that was our show for Tuesday, August 3, 2004. Wahoo EXTRA!

My morning commute has me confused. If you remember, I once described the shape of the island of Manhattan as being similar to a paramecium. At the bottom of the paramecium is the Holland Tunnel connecting Jersey to Battery Park in Manhattan, going under the Hudson River.
The Lincoln Tunnel connects Jersey to the central part of Manhattan, around 34th Street. It too goes under the Hudson. The George Washington Bridge is at the top of the paramecium, going over the Hudson from Jersey to 178th Street in Manhattan. Since the increased alert, the Holland Tunnel has been closed to commercial traffic, I'm guessing since the tunnel opens up to the financial district. Now all the trucks that would take the Holland move up to the Lincoln. Many commuters and some trucks that would take the Lincoln opt to take the GW Bridge. This clogs up my commute. Since the alert, my Monday commute was bogged down coming over the George Washington Bridge. Once across, the West Side Highway was a breeze. Tuesday morning, the bridge was fine but the West Side Highway was a crawl the entire way. We'll see how Wednesday's commute goes.

I was about to talk about the American Girl Dolls yesterday but ran out of time due to my 2-hour commute. American Girl Dolls are Cabbage Patch size dolls but look like actual girls. There are about 7 different A.G. Dolls, each being born during a different time in American History. There is a Native American doll that lived during the 1600's, an early American doll from the 1700's, an African American doll from 1860, a doll named Kit who was about 10 years old during the depression, and Molly who was 10 during World War 2. Each doll comes with a back story, and each has 5-10 books about their life during their time. It is very educational and my girls love it.

They have Kit and Molly, the depression and WW2 doll. So far, all is good. But the price, yikes. A doll goes for $98. It comes with a little this and that, but it's just to get you started. There are a lot of accessories to load up on. For the longest time, Danielle wanted new clothes for Kit and Dominique wanted a bicycle for Molly. Trying to keep with their story, I told them we couldn't get the dolls anything due to the Depression and the War effort. I gave them a bottle cap and cut them a piece of string and told them to make a game out of that. They weren't pleased. The begging continued and since they were learning quite a bit from their dolls, Denise and I decided to take them to the American Girl Doll store on 5th Avenue and 49th Street. I was sort of surprised at the location, thinking it an expensive spot for a doll store. Well well well, when I got there I found the store consisted of 3 floors . . . 4 floors if you include the doll infirmary. Purchasing a slew of outfits, eyeglasses for Molly (I couldn't convince Dominique to get her the "surgery"), a pet dog, and miscellaneous, the bill came to over $100. Upon leaving, I tried to think of the last time I purchased $100 worth of clothes for myself. The best I could come up with was never. I looked at what I was wearing and saw my jeans were 3 years old, my sneakers were a Christmas gift, my shirt a giveaway. Only my unders were purchased. . . . and they didn't run me near $100. The girls loved their visit, saw a lot of things they didn't know they needed, and discovered there was an American Girl Doll restaurant and theater. Last Friday, we made that trip. Yowzer. Dominique with her Molly, Danielle with her Kit, and Denise and I with our wallet attended the American Girl Doll theater show. I am happy to say the show was very good; actual girls playing the part of the dolls, each telling their story. In the audience were 50 adults and 50 girls. Each of the 50 girls was holding their American Girl Doll. The dolls, thank the Lord, could go to the show without charge.

Following the show, we all went to the American Girl Doll restaurant. Everything was all very nice. The dolls sat at the table with us in their own little booster seat. Thank goodness they didn't eat much. Upon leaving, we had to stop and pick up a few more outfits and accessories, plus Molly needed to get her hair done. Yes, that cost us too, but I wouldn't allow Molly to tip.

Wanting to get out without spending any more, I convinced the girls if we left immediately I would take them for ice cream at the Stone Cold Creamery.
The girls are already begging to go back to the American Girl Doll store. I've told them they have to wait. I'm not ready for that again.

And that was my trip to the American Girl Doll store.