During the pre-show Q&A, a guy in the audience asked Dave if he was going to give out a Big Ass Ham tonight. Dave laughs. We haven’t given out a Big Ass Canned Ham in nearly a decade. Dave thanks the audience member for watching the show every night.

Dave received some exciting news just before the show. Tomorrow night we will be having the naked newswoman from Cleveland, Sharon Reed, on as a guest. Dave is still shocked that she stripped naked for a news story. Says Dave, “When I first came to TV you had to wear a hat! Now you can do the news in the nude!”

Dave is grateful to Paul for last year’s Christmas gift. Paul got him one of those satellite TVs. If not for the satellite, Dave would have missed this Al-Jazeera Holiday Special. We see a clip. It looks a lot like the beginning to Rudolph. Then the title graphic appears, “Khalid, The Red-Nosed Camel.” The clip continues to show an animated camel being ‘milked’ by a kindly gentleman. It looks like they celebrate the holidays a bit differently than us.

And Tom Ridge has resigned from his post as the director of Homeland Security. We see a message from the President, praising and giving tribute to all Tom Ridge has accomplished. It closes with, “That’s why President Bush is proud to announce his choice for Secretary of Homeland Security . . . Ron Artest.” We see Mr. Artest pounding on a lout.

WHAT THEY WANT FOR CHRISTMAS
Osama – either worldwide defeat of the infidels or the new Seinfeld DVDs
Alan Greenspan – same as every year – illegal Mexican fireworks
Billy Joel – air bags
Bill O’Reilly – a cell phone with an unlimited calling plan
Dave Letterman – bling.
Paris Hilton – long life rechargeable batteries for Sony line of hi-def video cameras
Yasser Arafat – no gift necessary
John Oates – just once to be introduced at ‘Oates and Hall’
Spongebob Squarepants – gift certificate to SquareGap
Courtney Love – an illegal prescription for frankincense and myrrh
Bill Clinton – let’s just say it involves Cheney’s lesbian daughter

STUPID HUMAN TRICKS
SHT #1. Tim McCoskey of Eloree, South Carolina – he’s a carpenter on an airstrip. What can Tim do? He can sink a billiard pool shot by shooting the cue ball out of his mouth. Wow! Sounds good. 4 guys roll out a pool table for the trick. Dave says, “These guys will be doing the same for me at me funeral.”

Tim places a ball near the corner pocket. Standing at another corner, Tim shoves the cue ball into his mouth. The crowd applauds. Yes, most nights this would be the trick in itself. Tonight, the last night of sweeps, it’s only the beginning. Tim leans over the table and spits the ball out onto the table. The cue ball caroms off one cushion, then off another. And then a third. It slowly rolls towards the waiting ball by the corner pocket. It taps off the final cushion and hits the ball. But the ball doesn’t go in. He just missed it. Dave says, “I believe it’s my shot.” Being in a charitable mood, Dave let’s Tim try again. This time Tim knocks the ball in with a perfectly executed shot. Nice job, Tim. I bet he hasn’t had to buy a beer at a bar in years.

SHT#2. Book Kennison of St. Charles, Missouri – Book? That’s a unique name. Book explains that both his parents are writers. Book is 14 years and in the 9th grade. What can Book do? He can juggle behind his back while handcuffed. Wow! How did Book ever think of this trick? He says, “My father thought it would be cool if I could to it handcuffed.” Dave isn’t quite sure how to react to that. It is a rather odd suggestion from a parent. Book asks Dave to apply the handcuffs. Dave asks, “Have you been arrested yet?” Book says, “Not yet.”

Book is handcuffed, then stretches his arms over his head and around his back until his cuffed hands are behind him. He then reaches around the side of his body and juggles 3 balls. Very impressive. While taking the cuffs off, Dave says “this is like a scene from my future,” imagining his being called to the police station to release little Harry.

SHT#3. Kay Glynn of Hastings, Iowa. Kay is a gymnastics and tap dance teacher. Can she do a bit of the tap dance? She can and she does. What can Kay do for us? She can stand on2 chairs, bend over backwards, and pick up champagne flute with her teeth and drink from it. Wow! OK, let’s do it. Kay rips off her warm-ups, both tops and bottoms, and leaps onto the chairs. An already impressed Dave asks, “Can I handcuff you. . . ?

Kay leans back, back, back further. She leans backwards even further. She bites down on the champagne flute, brings it up and drinks. Success. Nice bit of trickery.

A very entertaining bit of Human Tricks tonight. Each could have been in the pay-off position. And Dave provided plenty of laugh-out-louds.

NOAH WYLE: Noah has a two-year-old son. Noah tries to keep him from watching TV and from all things materialistic. Yet, his son knows all about Barney. Hmmm, does Junior have a babysitter?

What was Noah like as a kid? He admits to not being much of an athlete. Back in high school he was playing touch football with friends. He tripped and accidentally tackled a guy. The guy got up and cried out, “Don’t mess with Wyle! He’s crazy!” Dave acknowledges the greatness of being known as a crazy guy in high school. It can help out in so many situations.

You can see Noah Wyle on the TNT this Sunday night in the film, The Librarian: Quest for the Spear. I thought it was a bit odd how the movie was advertised in the TV Guide: The Librarian: Quest for the Spear – “With the help of the Dewey Decimal System, Noah Wyle as the Librarian, finds it under ‘S’”

ACT 5: A Message from George Clarke.
George: (he is shirtless) “It’s December 1st, so the Late Show would like to remind everybody to hand in those rent and mortgage checks.”
(looks down at this bare torso)
“Oh, you’re probably wondering why I’m shirtless. Hey, don’t get so caught up in the ‘why,’ just sit back and enjoy the new reality, baby! Know what I’m saying?”
This has been a Message from George Clarke.

SUM 41: From their CD, Chuck, Sum 41 performed “Pieces.” And how did Sum 41 be so named? They’ve been friends since high school in Ajax, Ontario. They created the band 41 days into the summer leading in to the 12th grade.

And that was our show for Wednesday December 2, 2004 Wahoo EXTRA!

From the November 23 and 24th Wahoo Gazette, regarding the Herbie/Hermey non-debate:

NOVEMBER 23
Actually, the debate is pretty much dead but I like to bring it up once a year. The elf who wants to be a dentist in the Rudolph TV special is named Hermey, but you will see him referred to as Herbie in enough places to create question. I’m forever looking for more “Herbies.” I have a few coloring books and a story book at home that call him Herbie, but I have been told many times, with direct reference to the creator of the elf himself, that it is indeed Hermey. So there will be no debate this year. What I will report are any incorrect spottings of “Herbie the elf.” Let me know if you see any.

NOVEMBER 24
The Wahoo Gazette’s “Herbie vs. Hermie” – is the dentist elf on Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer named Herbie or Hermie? It really isn’t much of a debate any longer. It’s been established that it’s Hermie. But I have seen the elf referred to as Herbie enough times for me to bring this up each year. This year I am looking for your spottings of the incorrect “Herbie.”

Here’s a new one for you . . . . Donner or Donder?

Warning: I’m about to write something that may be totally wrong, but it was a first impression I got and wondered if it makes sense.

There are some things I don’t get. People who I think are smart sometimes just don’t think or don’t see the big picture. Tom Ridge, the head of Homeland Security, has resigned. That’s fine. But one reason he gave for his leaving is his desire to “spend more time” with his family. Now, when you’ve been a member of an administration that has sent soldiers to fight in a war and then forced them to stay longer than the terms agreed upon in their enlistment, don’t say you’re quitting your job because you want to spend more time with your family. There are thousands “over there” who would like to do the same.

Here’s something I haven’t mentioned in a while. A few years back I was checking my stock quotes and, forgetting where I was, I typed in DAVE. Up came the stock for a BBQ restaurant called “Famous Dave’s of America.” I followed it for fun but have long since forgotten about it. I went back to checking it a week or so ago and the stock is at a near 6-year high. And it has had a great month. It’s up in the 11s. Why? Don’t know. Maybe it has something to do with its P/E rating...whatever that means.