AUDIENCE SHOW AND TELL - It's America's fastest growing party sensation!
A&S#1: Jerry Siegel of Oyster Bay, New York. Jerry proudly says it's the hometown of Teddy Roosevelt. Do people catch oysters in Oyster Bay? Yes, they do. Does Jerry? Not lately. Would he eat any if he caught any? Jerry doesn't think so. What does Jerry do for a living? He a semi-retired Psychology Professor. What does Jerry have for us? He can play music on his teeth with his thumb. Dave takes half a step and wonders aloud, "How would you like to have a couple psychology sessions with this guy?" Jerry says his son can do the same thing but is too embarrassed to do it. Ahh, the joy of being a senior! You no longer suffer the pains of embarrassment.
It's time for the show and/or tell. Jerry plays a few verses of "Rudolph." Afterwards, Dave pretends to be Jerry conducting a session: "Forget about the voices in your head . . . . how about this?" Dave then pretends to play her teeth.

A&S#2: Scott Bienick of Bellrose, New York. He's a student at Hofstra Univesity, studying Psychology. Maybe Scott and Jerry the teeth-player can get together and discuss Maslow's Pyramid of Needs.
What's Scott got? He appeared on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" with host Meredith Vieira. Did he win a lot of money? No. Do we have a clip of Scott on the show? Of course we do, or he wouldn't be here.
Question: How many words are in the Pledge of Allegiance? We see Scott count once, twice, three times. He starts then stops when he realizes he is counting syllables. When he finally gets through the Pledge, the number in his head doesn't match any of the numbers offered. Finally, after lots of counting and figuring and calculating, Scott gets his number . . . . and he is right.

A&S#3: Kristina Stewart of Huntington Beach, California. Ahhh, Dave says those from Huntington Beach are either surfing or they've got a party going on. Dave is familiar with the area, having hung out at a comedy club/jazz club called "The Lighthouse." What's Kristina got going for us? She's a San Diego Charger dancer and will perform a dance. She has two friends with her, also from the squad. Paul and the band begin to play and the girls do their thing. I immediately thought of Ashanti. Go Chargers!

And that was Audience Show and Tell for tonight.

Osama sent one of those video messages again, and again it's odd. CNN was airing it all day today.
We see Osama in his usual video message position.

"I say to all the faithful that we shall continue our jihad until total victory! However, due to the holidays, the Al Qaeda offices will be closed from December 23rd through January 2nd. We will reopen on Monday January 3rd. Thank you, happy holidays, and death to America."

"Bernard Kerik's sudden decision not to join the Bush cabinet shocked millions of people around the nation, especially those in Washington who were looking forward to Kerik's arrival. But don't fret, ladies. If you were hoping for steamy cabinet-style lovin' . . . . feel free to swing by the Secretary of Transportation's office anytime for some hot Norman Mineta action.
A message from the Department of Transportation."

NBC was really pushing the final episode of "The Apprentice" Thursday night. So much so that it got Dave to switch from his usual CBS viewing and turn on the Peacock. What made the promotion so captivating? We watch for ourselves. We see a montage of shots from "The Apprentice."
Announcer: "Tonight on NBC, it's the season finale of 'The Apprentice.' After all the drama, all the anticipation, all the suspense, Donald Trump finally says the words everyone's been waiting to hear."
Cut to Donald Trump in the boardroom. He speaks:
"It's a hairpiece."
Announcer: "Don't miss 'The Apprentice" finale: tonight, only on NBC."

TOP TEN: Top Ten things That Sound Sexy When Said By America's Next Top Model.
-yesterday on the UPN, "America's Next Top Model was crowned.
-"American's Next Top Model" was created by supermodel Tyra Banks
-the program starts with 14 women
-each week, one woman is voted off by a panel of judges.
And here to present tonight's top ten list, the winner of "America's Next Top Model," Eva!
#10. "The Atomic Weight of Barium is 137.34."
#6. "Gesundheit"
#5. "This soup tastes like dioxin."

KATE BECKINSALE: I know I should know her but since I watch movies that are in color, I'm not familiar. But she sure is pretty. And I liked her voice, too. But most of all, I liked her laugh. . . . enough to get me back in a movie house. This is good, since I'm hoping to see "The Aviator." It's on my list of movies I would go see if I went to see movies.
Kate is a mom of a 6-year-old daughter. Kate is trying to keep her from watching too much TV. Dave agrees with that idea. Says Dave, "I think television has ruined the world . . . . . although I've made a comfortable living from it."
Before I had children, I always saw myself as one who would try to keep his kids away from the TV, too. Then one day, my friend came over with his 18-month-old. The toddler was impossible; crying, fussy, and crying all day. Then my friend grabs a Barney video and slaps it in my VCR. The child stopped crying immediately and it kept her interest for over an hour. It was then that I knew I would be a VCR daddy.
Kate Beckinsale - she plays Ava Gardner in "The Aviator." It opens in selected cities on Friday.

ACT 4: We see Dave toying with one of those iPod minis. He is very happy with his and says how it is such a popular gift this year. His iPod mini holds up to a thousand songs!
Paul apologizes for interrupting and shows off his iPod. It's a regular iPod, not the mini, and is the 40 gigabyte model, able to hold ten thousand songs!
Our head carpenter Harold Larkin then gets into the act, interrupting both Dave and Paul. Harold's got the brand new iPod fresh on the market. The camera widens to reveal a huge iPod, even larger than our large Harold Larkin!
We then hear a joyous announce from Alan Kalter, "Everything's funnier when it's gigantic! A holiday message from the Late Show, providing top-notch comedy since 1993!

ACT 5: It's time for 'Costume Designer Susan Hum's Unrehearsed Holiday Toast to America!'
SUE with champagne flute in hand - she wishes everybody a happy holiday, then starts saying stuff about being nicely dressed, and then some other stuff. Alan Kalter cuts her off mid-sentence with his closing announce:
"This has been Costume Designer Susan Hum's Unrehearsed Holiday Toast to America."

CIARA, WITH MISSY ELLIOTT: From Ciara's newly certified platinum CD, "Goodies," Ciara and Missy Elliott performed "1, 2 Step." Catchy tune.

And that's our show for Thursday, December 16, 2004. Wahoo EXTRA!

And that's not all. Now it's being reported that when Bernie Kerik walks his dog, he doesn't scoop the poop.

There's a new book out that claims Abraham Lincoln was gay. I don't believe it. If it were true, wouldn't he be on the three dollar bill?

Happy Yankee baseball news: Pedro Martinez is no longer a member of the Boston Red Sox. And he isn't with the New York Yankees. And this is particularly good news for me because he is now a member of the New York Metropolitans. I don't hate the Mets, but I do enjoy witnessing their obvious screw ups and examples of bad judgment. Their trades last year - youth for damaged goods - was a typical goof. This one looks to be 'disaster' written all over it. $53 million over 4 years.

And how about them Washington Nationals, the former and possibly future Montreal Expos! The Expos were supposed to move to Washington DC, but now that the DC team has to pay for stuff instead of getting it for free, the move is now in question. It appears the team will play in DC in 2004 . . . after that, who knows? Not to worry, though, I'm sure baseball commissioner Bud Selig will straighten out this mess.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Sorry. I couldn't say that and keep a straight face.

You can't just get rid of the team altogether. You need an even number of teams in the league. This way everyone has someone to play on the weekends, the big attendance games.

Yesterday I asked what you do with a book after you've read it. Throw it out? Give it away? Sell it? Put it on a shelf? I said I put mine on a shelf like a trophy. From Bill Fletcher of Spartanburg, South Carolina:

"funny that you asked the question about what people do once they finish reading a book. i just finished reading bob dylan's 'chronicles vol 1' and strategically placed it on the book shelf with other books as if it were a new trophy saying "look at me! i'm smart!, i read another book!".

"I keep my books for reference and for show.
Just curious, when you asked about the books, were you intentionally referencing a Seinfeld bit? (The early episode where George breaks up with his girlfriend but forgets to get his books so he asks Jerry to do it; Jerry goes into a rant about people keeping their books like trophies). Also, if it was a reference, how many people got it? Inquiring minds want to know."

Did I use "albeit" correctly? I like that word and plan on using it more in my speech.

Hey, and Robert, did you notice you are today's Cameo Mention of a Wahoo Reader? I selected you Thursday morning, then got your e-mail about books and Seinfeld. How about that?

I'm going to be busy on Friday. The Wahoo may be skimpy.