Monologue joke: “Prosecutors in the Robert Blake trial say Bush tried to hire a stunt man to kill his wife. Say what you will about OJ – the guy did his own stunts.”

Dave sits and admits to making an error in the monologue. He gets Tony Cue Card’s cue card and shows the mistake. Dave said “Bush” when he should have said “Blake.” Dave says the joke from his desk, the right way this time, and the audience seems to enjoy so much more.

It’s “Tuesday’s With Rupert.” On our way into Rupert’s, Dave asks to go back to check on a flashing hat worn by a woman in the crowd. We return to take a look. Wow! Isn’t New York City great! It’s a flashing hat with lights! We visit with Rupert. Dave asks Rupert if he heard George Bush hired someone to kill Robert Blake’s wife.

Dave suggests he and Rupert join heads and really make the Hello Deli something special. Rupert seems a bit less than enthusiastic. This prompts Dave to ask, “Rupert, are you afraid of me?” Rupert responds, “. . . . . . . . . . . . . no.” Dave sends Rupert outside to find someone to play “May We See Your Digital Photos, Please.”

The hottest movie right now it Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events. Much to my surprise, they feel the need to run a disclaimer at the beginning.

“The following film, “Lemony Snicker’s A Series of Unfortunate Events” may not be suitable for young viewers who are disturbed by anything unfortunate, or by a series, or by events in general, or by a series of events, or by events of an unfortunate nature, or by series that are unfortunate, or by the event of an unfortunate series. Also: snicket’s may be more lemony than they appear.
Enjoy the movie, kids!

Wow! This was one of the best/worst George W. Bush’s we’ve done. He quit halfway through. The President really outdid himself.

Dave says he’s been in that same situation as the President. “You’re going along fine than you step out for a moment.”

Back to Rupert. Rupert has selected to play “May We See Your Digital Photos, Please” the woman with the crazy flashing hat. Her name: Diane Archangel, like Michael the Archangel. Before going too far, Dave asks the woman, “Ma’am, I’m gonna have to ask you to turn down your hat.”

Diane says she bought the hat in Times Square. Of course. Dave has Rupert try on the hat. He does, much to the amusement of Diane. Come to think of it, Diane found just about everything much to her amusement. I suggest we bring her inside and seat her under one of the house microphones. Nobody listened. What does Diane have to show us from her digital camera?
1. The first shot is of Macy’s window.
2. a shot of our cameraman
3. shot of Rupert’s
4. shots of who knows what – street scenes, upside down shots, stuff that we couldn’t make out.

Oh, but boy was the hat fun! She admits, “It is annoying, isn’t it?” adding, “The city doesn’t sleep!” Dave picks this as a good time to get out of here.

And that’s how we play “May We See Your Digital Photos, Please?” Yikes.

TOP TEN: Signs You’re Not the Most Popular Guy in Your High School – And here to present tonight’s Top Ten list, Napoleon Dynamite.
#10. Your yearbook photo caption reads, “Unidentified Sophomore.”
#9. Your only friend is the one you built in shop class.
#8. School song includes phrase about how much you suck.
#7. Every time you talk to a girl, the conversation inevitably drifts to your frequent nosebleeds.
#6. The stupid kid who gets his tater tots stolen every day? He steals your tater tots.
#5. Everyone’s jealous of your tetherball skills
#4. Not only did you take your mom to the prom, you had to pay her 20 bucks.
#3. You can’t dance like this (dances 5 seconds to music from Paul)
#2. “Lord of the Rings” figurines – 50, friends – 0.
#1. How the heck would I know? I’m like the coolest kid in school.

Napoleon then runs away before Dave can thank him.

Paul plays them off with “Cool Jerk.”

Napoleon Dynamite – out today on DVD.

DENNIS QUAID: He’s appearing in two new films, Flight of the Phoenix, now in theaters, and In Good Company, opening in selected cities December 29th. Dennis enters wearing the woman’s flashing, blinking hat from Rupert’s. Or is it the same hat? Dennis says he too got his in Times Square. He hands the hat off to Paul who is unable to turn off the darn thing. Like any frustrated father trying to turn off some new-fangled electronic thing, Paul eventually just rips the battery pack off the hat. There, it’s off.

Dennis is recently married. His mom is coming to visit for the holidays. For New Year’s Eve he is traveling to New Orleans to play with in his band, “Dennis Quaid and the Sharks” with Buddy Guy.

(ed.note: Dennis Quaid and The Sharks are not related to Finn & The Sharks”)

Dennis has recently become a licensed pilot, becoming interested in flight after appearing in the film The Right Stuff and meeting some of America’s greatest pilots and astronauts. He met Chuck Yeager and met Neil Armstrong while attending a ceremony in Dayton, Ohio. Dennis lauds the Ohio city: “Dayton -2 Exits of Fun!” Dave is curious about Neil Armstrong, the first man to step foot on the moon, since Mr. Armstrong wasn’t all that forthcoming with the media. Neil agrees but says the early pioneers in the space program weren’t hired to be P.R. people for NASA. They were basically engineers. They weren’t built to sit and chat and kick back and tell tales. I guess Armstrong is aware of his limitations and lives up to them, not beyond. If NASA were about to send up Apollo 11 today for man’s first visit to the moon and, with so much emphasis on dealing with the media today compared to the 60s, I wonder if they would have selected someone more media savvy than Armstrong to be the first to walk the moon? I’ve often wondered if he was selected simply for his name alone, “Armstrong.” It’s a great American name and a perfect image for NASA.

We see a clip from In Good Company. The clip worked for me. The movie is on my list.

RUSTY WALLACE: He’s a former Winston champ, winner of 55 races, and one of NASCAR’s all-time greats. He is entering his final season as he is about to retire from the circuit. Dave asks Rusty is he wins the championship this year, will he still quit. Rusty answers, “Yes . . . . . . . . maybe not.”

NASCAR had a new scoring system this year, sort of like a 10-race playoff or something. While most drivers liked the idea, as did the fans, Rusty was not a big supporter. He liked the old way. One thing he definitely didn’t like was a driver could lose points for cussing. Rusty won the Winston Cup in 1989, but if the cussing rule was in effect back then, it never would have happened.

(Heck, you should listen to me as I drive to work in the morning. Thank goodness commuters don’t have a cussing rule.)

Rusty then told some stories about racing against Dale Earnhardt. Dale was great off the track, but once on the track, he wouldn’t even know you. Dale was one for practical jokes, though. Before one really hot race down south in Darlington, Rusty found that his car seat felt funny and the whole car smelled awful. Something wasn’t right. He got out to check it out. Looking over at the Dale Earnhardt team, Rusty saw them all laughing hysterically. Upon further inspection, Rusty found two cans of opened sardines under his driver seat. Hmmm. I wonder who put that there?

We see two clips of Rusty doing the bump on the race track. Either that or they were clips of a typical day in NYC traffic. Rusty Wallace – I picture him hosting a NASCAR/auto racing talk show with country music guests. He has a conversation style that those in the entertainment industry call, “breezy.” Very relaxed and entertaining with a friendly disposition.

ACT 5:
Announce: “It’s time for ‘Late Show costume designer Susan Hum’s Message To The Kids.’”
Sue: “To tell you the truth, I do not have a message for the kids. No one told me that this was going to be on the show until about a minute ago. If I had time to prepare something, I would have, but really you caught me off guard. I can’t be expected to stand here and make up something.
Announce: “Thanks for the wise words, Susan! You’re an inspiration to us all.
This has been ‘Late Show Costume Designer Susan Hum’s Message to the Kids.’”

THE CALLING: From their CD, Two, The Calling performed “Anything.”

And that was our show for Tuesday December 21, 2004. Wahoo EXTRA!

Not only that, now it’s being reported that Bernard Kerik returns clothes to Macy’s after he wears them.

So the people of Indianapolis have voted to build a new football stadium for their beloved Colts. It’ll cost an estimated $800 million. It’ll be one block south of their current home, the RCA Dome. The RCA Dome was built in 1984, 20 years ago. ARE YOU PEOPLE CRAZY!!! My first car was over 20 years old and I was fine with it. I don’t know. I like sports and all but, come on. These new stadiums are really getting out of hand. Just in the New York area, the Mets, Yanks, Giants, Jets, Nets, Devils, and Islanders are griping about their home fields. NO! NO SOUP FOR YOU! Enough with your demands. Play in the stadium you have, not in the stadium you want.

So what is the reason for a new stadium for the Indianapolis Colts? The RCA Dome is only 20 years old. What’s wrong with it? There must be more to the story.

Sunday night I was flipping through the TV channels and noticed The Wizard of Oz was just starting on the WB-11. I was surprised. Back in the day, long before VCRs and DVDs and cable TV, a showing of The Wizard of Oz was a really big event. The whole family would gather around to watch the delightful tale of Dorothy and her dog Toto. Kids would look forward to it for days. Sadly, with everything now at our fingertips, having what we want whenever we want it, the allure of such a program doesn’t even create a blip on the television radar. Sometimes, getting what you want causes you to lose something more important.

WHAT I DO TO FEEL 20, EVEN THOUGH I’M 40.
Yesterday I mentioned a couple things I do to feel 20, even though I’m 40 (actually 46). One such activity is to go to rent a bus with 30 friends and go to a Yankee game. I also like to see Finn & the Sharks, a favorite music group I went to see in the late 70s, early 80s. I asked Wahoo readers what they like to do to feel 20, even though they’re 40.

Joe Augitto of Hazelhurst, Wisconsin:

”I've been on a few fly-in Canadian fishing trips with good friends from college. Who says beer, boats, water, sharp hooks and no outside communication is a dangerous situation? Four days trying to be 20 again leaves middle age guys nearly dead but it's a lot better than work.”