Today is Friday, January 21.

During much of the ACT 1, Dave practices the fine art of the Pencil Flip. Dave is no quitter. He keeps at it until he attains success.

THE WEEK IN REVIEW:
1. Apple reported record profits thanks to their wildly successful iPod. Of course, other companies are jumping on the iPod bandwagon. Look at this new Sunbeam toaster that was introduced this week.
- Dave puts a toaster on the desk. He shows the side, which reads "iPod Toaster." "Now playing: Toast."

2. There was another case of Mad Cow disease found in Canada. Canadian officials tried to do some damage control by airing this Public Service Announcement.
(VT)We see a man sitting behind a desk. A Canadian flag sits on the desk. He speaks:

"Hello. I'm Roger MacKenzie, head of the Canadian Beef Council. I'd like to assure our American friends that Canadian beef is safe and wholesome."
(he bites into a Canadian hamburger)
"Mmmm, delicious. No problems here. This burger, made from Canadian beef is perfectly . . . ahh . ..ah . . . . oh, my . . . ."
(he begins to choke and gag. He is in serious pain. He then suddenly sits upright and chuckles.)
"Just kidding. I'm fine! We Canadians love to kid around, but I'm completely serious when I tell you that Canadian beef is of the highest quality. You can trust . . . .(getting an attack) . . . what the, ah, hell. Something's not right. I'm not joking this time. Turn off the camera. Turn off the camera!"
(he again begins to choke and gag. He is in serious pain. Clutching his throat, he falls to the ground off camera. Blood splurts onto the wall. Yes, I said 'splurts.')
Announcer: "A message from the Canadian Beef Council."

I'm surprised we didn't save this for Paul's show.

3. The Presidential inauguration was yesterday. President Bush tried to make it exciting for everyone.

(VT) Announcer: "On January 20th, it's a Presidential inauguration with an exciting twist. Attend various public inaugural events and celebrations, and you're automatically entered in a drawing to replace Michael Chertoff as the Homeland Security nominee when his various scandals break! So good luck, America, and hope to see you Thursday! A message from President George W. Bush."

(VT) Announcer: "It's time to eat healthy, America! Following these dietary guidelines will help you look and feel your best.
Reduce your intake of fatty foods.
Eat plenty of fruits and vegetables.
Get more exercise.
And cut back on Ukrainian soup. (see show of Yushchenko with diseased face)
For more information, visit the U.S. Department of Agriculture website as usda.gov.

With that, the burly guy runs in LIVE and beats Alan to a pulp once again.

And that was our Week in Review.

WILL IT FLOAT - Last week we played "Antique or Junk" instead of "Will It Float" but the outcry was so great, led by the host, we played Will It Float later in that show. We put up one of those lame internet polls you see on so many shows these days asking which the viewing audience would like to see:
Will It Float?
Or
Antique or Junk?
The votes are in and in a crushing victory, Will It Float received 83% of the vote. Antique or Junk only garnered a measly 17%. So tonight returns "Will It Float?"!

Alan, what is tonight's item? A bloodied Alan responds, "a 50-pound sack of popcorn kernels." It's a plastic sack.
And what are we playing for? A Casio keyboard.
Dave and Paul both say it will float. The models drop the sack of popcorn and it . . . . . FLOATS!

Dave believes "Will It Float" is what sets us apart from everything else in the world.

TOP TEN: Bush Goals for his Second Term
#9. Add mother Barbara to Mount Rushmore.
#4. Get Ray Stevens to write some funny lyrics for "Hail to the Chief."

I laughed at this one. Earlier in the week I made a "Gitarzan" reference.

#3. Ride every roller coaster in the country.

JERRY LEWIS: the legend enters with a set of funny zany gag teeth. Dave wonders if he always travels with them. Jerry Lewis says that after all these years in show biz, this is the first time he's ever had to follow "If It Floats." Back in the shack, we quickly prepare for a 2nd installment of "Will It Float" but changing the name to "If It Floats." During the break we inform Paul of the plan and have him change the theme song to "If It Floats" if we do indeed play.
Dave asks Mr. Lewis what it is like being a big-time celebrity and when did he first realize he was a big-time celebrity. Jerry says when you walk down the street and the cab drivers and the construction workers all call out, "Hey, Jerry!" and "Yo, Jerry!"
During the shooting of "King of Comedy," there were scenes on the streets of New York. The production saved loads of money by not having to spend money on hired "extras." All Jerry had to do was walk down the street and there was all the "Hey, Jerry!" and "Yo, Jerry!" the film needed, and at no cost. It all came from everyday people just reacting to Jerry Lewis walking down the street.
He knew he finally made it when he and Dean Martin were making $250 a week for the team and then a month later they are making $5000 each a week. It happened that fast. Martin and Lewis did all the venues in Atlantic City and then all the venues in New York City. It came at an amazing speed. Could Martin and Lewis have reached that level in show business on an individual basis? Jerry says, "no." What they had together was magical and that time in America just after the War was really special.
Dave brings up Jerry's unstoppable work in the fight against Muscular Dystrophy. This September he will pass the $2 billion mark for money raised against the disease. It is a great tribute to the man and a benchmark for all the work he has done over the years. Progress is always being made and a cure always seems just around the corner. With more research, the cure will surely come.
Jerry also mentions his life of chronic pain which first came on years ago while performing one of his many show-biz falls. He is now the national spokesman for a campaign called, "Tame the Pain." He shows a device called "Medtronic" which involves several electronic devices implanted into his body which he can control with a remote control. When he starts feeling pain, he activates the Medtronic and the pain disappears. To learn more, check out http://my.webmd.com/content/article/54/65286.htm

ACT 5: "The Late Show would like to welcome a new staffer. It's cameraman, Larry Yarbis! Larry comes to us from KGAN Cedar Rapids, Iowa, where his specialty was shooting footage of extreme weather and traffic tie ups! Welcome Larry."

SOPHIA BUSH: From the WB's "One Tree Hill." Sophia says she's cold. Dave offers that if there's any sign of hypothermia, he will gladly throw himself on her. Sophia is engaged to "One Tree Hill" co-star Chad Michael Murray. Dave wonders how that plays out on the set. Sophia says they tried to keep their relationship quiet for a long time on the set but eventually ended up telling the staff and crew. They all told her, "Yeah, no kidding." She guesses now it was kind of obvious.
Sophia has a soft spot for stray dogs. They tape "One Tree Hill" in North Carolina and recently took in a stray that was eating out of the trash can and helping itself to scraps around the service table. So she took her in and cared for her for a few days. Then the owner showed up. Sophia learned the dog just had 7 pups. Sophia ended up paying the woman for the stray and for the 7 pups. She went home and presented the 8 dogs to her fiancé. He must be a nice guy because he welcomed the new family into their new home. Yikes!

And that was our show for Friday, January 21, 2005. Wahoo EXTRA!

And that's not all. Now it's being reported that Bernard Kerik goes to parties even when it's obvious he's not wanted.

And now a Peek Behind the Scenes at the Late Show. RE: My appearance in the "Who's Your Daddy" piece in the Week in Review.

Before the actual shooting of the piece, we walked through exactly what was going to take place. First we take a moment to get shots of all of us "possible dads." The camera pans across all of us in one motion. STOP. Then we take a couple isolated shots of each. STOP. Later in the edit room, it will be decided which 6 seconds will best be used from the two minutes of footage. The Alan interrupt and the kiss and hug are rehearsed a few times before shooting. The fight is also choreographed. Although I'm not in the fight scene, I sense the pillar in the set will be falling my way once the battle begins. I move the pillar with my hand to get a sense of how heavy the thing is. It wasn't too bad. While the director, writer, and the main players go over what they will be doing in the fight scene, I mention to the guys on my left, the other 'possible dads,' that the pillar will likely be falling my way. I tell the guys if it falls on me, I'm going to go down with the pillar so don't try to save me. Just let me go. If it hits me, I'm falling to the ground. I don't tell the director or writer what I have in mind since I'm afraid they will decide it's not a good idea. I know, I know, it was unprofessional on my part but I knew my mom would be watching at home and I wanted to do some "acting!" Plus, if they didn't like it, we could always just shoot it again.
It's time to put this thing to tape. We pick it up where the woman says, "Are you my daddy?" The big guy says "Yes" and comes in and hugs the pretty lady. Alan then makes his entrance, interrupting the reunion. The fight begins. The pillar falls my way just as I suspected it would. I fall to the ground with the pillar. The action continues between the 'daddy' and Alan. Alan falls into the chair. 'Daddy' and babe exit. Cut! The mutterings that followed behind the camera sounded like satisfied muttering. Lots of laughs and discussion over what just took place. The scene is quickly reviewed on the nearby monitor. All seems to be good. My fall was accepted as part of the natural progression of events. We all get the thumbs up and we hear the best words in the business, "That's a wrap!" The footage is eventually taken to the edit room where the real magic takes place. And then some days later it is brought to you.

It's a brand new segment to the Wahoo Gazette! It's something I call, "Late Night/Late Show: The Day They Were Born!"
Tonight's guest Sophia Bush was born July 8, 1982. What happened on Late Night/Late Show the day she was born?
July 8, 1982 was a Thursday. It was Late Night show #86. Comedy included "Win a Date with Peter Tork"; New Video Games; Larry "Bud" Melman; and guests Joe Piscopo and Peter Tork.
And that's how we play, "Late Night/Late Show: The Day They Were Born"

Amanda Bynes is on in a couple weeks. She was born April 3, 1986. I think I'll submit the above for an ACT 5 for that show.

Next week's previously viewed programs:
MONDAY, January 24: From December 14, 2004; Show #2286 - Cate Blanchett; Craig Ferguson; and The Pixies.
TUESDAY, January 25: From January 3, 2005; Show #2294 - Hilary Swank; Andy Dick; and Green Day.
WEDNESDAY, January 26: From January 6, 2005; Show #2297 - Michael Keaton; and Jamie Lynn Spears
THURSDAY, January 27: From December 20, 2004; Show #2290 - Bill Murray; and Kaki King. Plus: Paul Shaffer's "O Holy Night"
FRIDAY, January 28: From January 10, 2005; Show #2299 - Samuel L. Jackson; Amy Poehler; and BB King. Plus: vt of little Harry walking around the house.

Check the Wahoo Archives and make your plans accordingly. 2nd biggest mall in America? From Chris Begley of Vancouver, BC

Not to rub your faces in it, but the West Edmonton Mall is 5.3 Million square feet. See: http://www.westedmall.com/about/wemtrivia.asp

See you in a week.