This is going to be quick, though not as quick as yesterday's.

Know Your Current Events: Yes, it's good ol' fashioned Know Your Current Events. One category; no cheating.
KYCE #1: Veronica Mondelo of Nederland, Texas. She teaches the 2nd grade. Veronica is here on the 1st Anniversary, after dating for 3 years. They honeymooned in Fiji. Did she see the balloons in the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade? With a bit of hesitation, she says she did. It was something.
Question #1: In the New Harry Potter movie, Harry has to fight for what?" Answer: "A bigger share of the film's overseas profits."
Question #2: What bad news did Robert Blake receive this week?" Veronica answers: "He's getting out of jail?" Dave considers the answer and says, "And how exactly is that bad news for Robert Blake? 'I'm sorry, I have bad news for you. You're going home.'" Answer: "He's starting quarterback for the Jets this Sunday."

KYCE #2: Jimmy Only - hey, he kinda sorta looks like Dave. Jimmy lives in Manhasset, New York and is a preacher. Ever find yourself lacking for a sermon and use the old, "You're all going to hell"? We learn there are websites for desperate preachers who can't come up with a sermon. Damn, I could use one of those, especially when baseball season is over.
Question #3: "This week, millions of Americans celebrated what?" Jimmy answers "Thanksgiving." That's not entirely the right answer. Answer: "The last Thanksgiving before we all die from bird flu."
Question #4: "Who realized this weekend they were in a nightmare situation with no hope for escape?" We see Bush trying to open a locked door. Answer: "The American people."

KYCE #3: Kristin of Montauk, Long Island, now living in Jersey. She's a college grad of Coastal Carolina University in South Carolina. And what is the mascot of Coastal Carolina University? Thinking for a second, Kristin offers, "The Fighting Cocks." What!?! We get a quick reaction shot of the preacher. Me, I know the Cocks are the mascot of the University of South Carolina because in the first home Denise and I bought, it had a Cocks sticker on the refrigerator. Believe me when I say I was very afraid to open the freezer. I was then told their son went to the University of South Carolina, the mascot it the Gamecock, and blah blah blah. Could Coastal Carolina University also be the Cocks?
Question #5: "Ted Koppel is giving up his show so he can devote more time to what?" Answer: "Spending his late nights getting 'Freaky.'"
Question #6: "What scandously sexy party girl made headlines when she was bitten by her new pet monkey?" Answer: "Ruth Bader Ginsburg."

During the commercial break, we found that the mascot of Coastal Carolina University is the chanticleer. And what is a chanticleer? It's a rooster, so I guess Kristin is correct. So when the University of South Carolina play Coastal Carolina University, is that cockfighting?

We have a very interesting gentleman who works here at the Theater. It's Johnny, the oldest CBS Page.
Johnny enters and lights up a cigarette.
DAVE: "Good to see you again, Johnny. Did you have a nice Thanksgiving?"
JOHNNY: "Solid gold, Dave. Surrounded by family, friends and what-nots." DAVE: "Sounds nice."
JOHNNY: "I actually brought in a photo of me carving up the bird." (Shows photo of Johnny in a tank top, smoking a cigarette, carving a turkey)
DAVE: "The Pilgrims would be very proud."
JOHNNY: "Dave, you want to buy an 18-pound lobster?"
DAVE: "Me? Uh, no."
JOHNNY: "You know anybody in the restaurant business, 'cause I really gotta move this son of a bitch."
DAVE: "I really don't. Where'd you get an 18-pound lobster?"
JOHNNY: "Back it up, Sunshine. You're on a need-to-know?"
DAVE: "Does it come with cole slaw?"
JOHNNY: "Hey, that's funny stuff." (mimicking) "Does it come with cole slaw?" (Angry) "You go ahead and make your quips and barbs there, Captain TV. Some of us didn't inherit a talk show."
DAVE: "I didn't actually inherit . . .
JOHNNY: (to camera) "If anyone out there want to buy a beautiful fresh lobster, contact me. I'm very flexible on price. Hit it, Paul." Johnny sings "Hooked On A Feeling" and exits.

TOP TEN: Signs You Had a Bad Thanksgiving
#9. Most frequently used word: "Heimlich"
#3. When dinner came out, so did your son.

JOHN MALKOVICH: In "The Libertine" - now in theaters. At last year's Thanksgiving, John's mom confided in him that it's time he get a job. She's never known him to have a job. She suggested he go to law school since he likes to argue. He says she doesn't quite understand that he was in the bottom half of his high school, perhaps even the bottom third. Even if he did want to go to law school, he most likely wouldn't be accepted. Maybe John should try a community college first.

TONY STEWART: The 2005 NASCAR Nextel Cup Champion.
Back from the commercial break, Tony plays "Gibbs or Monkey?" Joe Gibbs is his racing team's owner, but most in the NYC metro area know him as the head coach of the Washington Redskins. The guy pulls double duty. How to play? Three photos; two are monkeys, one is racing teams owner Joe Gibbs. Each photo is covered with just the top of their heads exposed. Which is Joe Gibbs? Which are monkeys? Tony, hoping to remain in good graces with his team's owner, sheepishly points to photo #3. Dave pulls down the card and . . . . YES! Tony wins! It was Joe Gibbs.

ACT 5: It's Johnny Dark, relaxing in the lobby pulling on a cigarette, boringly waiting for "Good night, everybody."

And that was our show for Friday, November 25, 2005. Wahoo EXTRA!

Jim Gaffigan was originally scheduled to be on this show. Unfortunately, we ran out of time and he had to be bumped. At the end of the show, Dave usually apologizes to the guest and promises to have him back as soon as convenient for all. Since we tape Friday's show on Monday and we didn't have a 2nd guest yet for Tuesday, I figured that would be a good slot for him, on Tuesday. Then I was picturing how Dave would close the Friday show. "My apologies to Jim Gaffigan. We ran out of time. We'll have him back on the show, uh. . . . . last Tuesday?"

Last week I attended the 21st Anniversary gala of the Edward V. Larkin Memorial Pipe Band of the Rockland County AOH --- Ancient Order of the Hibernians. I figured, "Oh, good! Bagpipes and Hibernians!" My nephew is a piper and he would be participating. I'm not sure why or how he became involved with the bagpipes as no one in his family was ever a member of a pipe band, nor any of his friends that I know of. I was talking to his mom the other day and she mentioned he next wants to learn the squeezebox. I mentioned here that I was thinking of learning the squeezebox and I blame her for putting that in my head. So Denise and I got a babysitter for the girls. I was eager to get to the gala and I waited in the car while Denise "got ready." As I see her leaving the house, I think to myself that she may be a bit too prettied-up to attend a beer drinking bag pipe party. She gets in the car, looks at me and says, "You're wearing that?" I tell her, "Yeah, it's a Hibernian Bag Pipe party." I'm wearing jeans and a sweater. I picture my attire will be matched by the hundreds that will also be there. We get to the Sheraton in New Jersey and notice there must be a wedding going on, as I see everyone in suits. Then I see men in suits talking to men and women carrying bagpipes. Uh oh. I look at Denise and tell her, "Why didn't you tell me?" She shakes her head and says she did. "I told you Gary (bro-in-law)was wearing a jacket!" She did, but . . . c'mon, it was a Hibernian Bagpipe party. I used to go to things like this all the time in the Police Department. I then realized this was going to be different. DOH! We walk inside, early for once in our life, hoping to see another ex-cop who didn't know better. Nope. I was the only one in casual attire. I'm thinking of driving home to get a suit. Denise tells me to sit tight and forget about it. "No one is looking at you," she tells me. She can see I'm very uncomfortable and puts in a call to her sister who is also coming to the banquet. Bless her heart, my sister-in-law turns around and grabs a suit jacket from her husband's closet. They finally arrive at the Sheraton and I quickly put it on. It certainly doesn't match, but I'll be sitting most of the night and decide that no one will be looking at me. Lesson learned: When in doubt . . . dress up . . . you can always dress down. It's not so easy going the other way.
When I was finally able to relax, I enjoyed the festivities. I love the sound of the bagpipes and the snare drums. Loud, ancient, Irish.
Nice show. Nice evening. I'll know better next time.