"Is that the real stuff or can you cook with it?" Don't ask. I have no idea.

We can't show you any of the Winter Olympic Games highlights. It's the property of NBC. Instead, we have "Out of Focus Olympic Highlights."
Tonight: The first half of the Women's Figure Skating. We see a foggy Sasha Cohen of the United States skating to first place. She has a chance to win it tonight. Good luck, Sasha.

If there are a thousand athletes at these Games, then there are a thousand stories. Tonight we present one such story in something we call "LATE SHOW Olympic Profile in Courage."
We see a photo of United States hockey player Mike Modano.
Narrator: "U.S. hockey player Mike Modano was benched in the third period of the American's 4-3 loss to Finland for ineffective play. Afterward, he blamed his performance on the fact that he had to book his own flight and hotel. This has been a Late Show Olympic Profile in Courage."

Here's something new, it's time for the "Out of Focus Live with Regis and Kelly Highlight." We see a shot from a recent Live with Regis and Kelly program which we have made totally out of focus. We could have shown it in focus, but we really didn't want to.

The FCC has announced it will stand by its decision to fine CBS for Janet Jackson's 2004 Super Bowl performance. And apparently, more fines are on the way.
Announcer: "The FCC would like to announce that, after a through review, the $550,000 fine for Janet Jackson's 2004 Super Bowl flash will stand. Also, sanctions for decency violations will soon be imposed on FOX for Nicole Richie's use of inappropriate language at the 2003 Billboard Music Awards, on ABC for an unedited broadcast of 'Staving Private Ryan',' and on CNN for this." (We see Larry King saying, "Hello, Omaha, is the caller there?"

And now another installment of "Late Show Olympic Profile in Courage."
We see a photo of Canadian Curler, Christine Keshen.
"Canadian Curler Christine Keshen blamed their loss to Japan on the 'rich pasta and cheesy pizza' she had for dinner. This has been a Late Show Olympic Profile in Courage."

Dave was reading the newspaper this morning and saw that there is a cat in China . . . . "maybe you know him, Paul. . . .", there's a cat in China that weighs 33 pounds. The normal house cat weighs between 8 and 10 pounds, so this is one big cat. And we have it here tonight. The cat is backstage with Biff. Can we bring it out? We cut to find Biff backstage with the vicious attacking cat. The cat's got hold of Biff's arm and won't let go. Blood is everywhere. Biff cries out, "Kitty's gone crazy. Get him off me. Get him off me!"
I had money down that Dave would make a Jack Hanna reference here. No win. I did suggest that we have that clip standing by during the Jack Hanna segment later in the show just in case Dave referenced it. Again, it didn't happen but we had it just in case.

And now once again, another installment of the "Late Show Olympic Profile in Courage." We see a photo of U.S. figure skater Johnny Weir.
"U.S. figure skater Johnny Weir blamed his 5th place finish on missing a bus to the rink.
This has been a Late Show Olympic Profile in Courage."

Each of these Profiles in Courage is an actual excuse made by the competitor.

WINTER OLYMPICS QUIZ - We sent a camera crew out to Torino to get some neato Olympic footage. We then sent the tapes back to New York to our comedy lab. We then put funny captions to the clips. This was the result.
- (Young boy with a make believe gold medal around his neck)
"This young boy:
A) is having the time of his life
B) came all the way from France
C) has more gold medals than Bode Miller

- (Dad and little son with Swedish flag tattoo on their forehead)
"Unfortunately, this young Olympic fan:
A) didn't get to meet any athletes
B) had to leave before the hockey finals
C) Inherited his father's birthmark

- (Group of people walking and wearing orange coats)
"These fans are wearing orange coats because:
A) they're the latest style
B) they're lightweight yet warm
C) there's a rumor the trigger-happy United States Vice President is coming

- (Family of four in a bobsled for photo)
"Families loved this attraction called:
A) "Bobsled Like The Pros"
B) "Bobsled: The Experience"
C) "Bobsled The Britney Spears Way"

STEPHANIE AT THE OLYMPICS - we once again head to Torino to say hello to our LATE SHOW correspondent to the Olympics, Stephanie.
- There she is on a balcony with the Olympic flame in the background. Dave asks/informs Stephanie that after these Olympic games the flame from Torino begins its run to the next Olympic games, either Summer or Winter. I don't know the specifics but I think Dave is right about this.
- we have Jack Hanna on the show tonight - does Stephanie have a favorite animal? Of course, it's the monkey.
- has she been mistaken for an Olympic athlete? No.
- we see a clip of Stephanie's day at the Winter Olympics. We see her doing some shopping at an outdoor grocer, she tries on an outfit from a local haberdasher, talks to "Top Gun", sings "That's Amore", does some jumping jacks, meets "Sean Penn," and sits for a caricature drawing.
- Plans for tonight? A big party of chips, cookies and beer. Who's paying? Stephanie is.

TOP TEN: Things I, Peter Griffin, Would Like To Say To America.
Peter Griffin from Family Guy enters and gives his top ten things he would like to say to America.
#10. "If George Bush had Dick Cheney's first name, his name would be Dick Bush and I'll tell you, I'd listen to a lot more of his speeches."
#9. "Did the Patriot Act take care of Mujibur and Sirajul?"
#8. "Shouldn't Crystal Bernard be in 'Playboy' by now . . . I mean we did our part and sat through seven seasons of 'Wings.'"
#7. "Laura Bush killed a guy."
#6. "This is the best moment in television history since Mr. Belvedere sat on his own nuts and fainted."
#5. "Did you know Jim Belushi had a brother who was in TV, too?"
#4. "Hey Ben Affleck and Matt Damon, we're all still waiting on that second Oscar-winning script."
#3. "I have always wanted to do this . . . ladies and gentlemen, The Max Weinberg Seven!"
#2. "If Jay Leno makes you laugh, chances are I do not care for you as a person."
#1. "We should all buy more American-made products which at last check are down to porn and cheeseburgers."

I watched Family Guy for the first time a week or two ago. There was a crude joke about playing "Marco Polo" in a pool with Helen Keller. The kid kept saying "Polo" while Helen Keller just stood there motionless without saying a word. The kid just swimming around saying "Polo . . . Polo . . . . Polo . . . . Polo . . . " It was in very poor taste. And the scene went on much too long. I got the "joke" in one second, but the joke continued for another 15 seconds. And I laughed out loud the whole time. I enjoyed a guilty laugh over the silly and tasteless scene. I'll be watching Family Guy again while my wife and daughters watch Desperate Housewives.
Family Guy - Sunday nights at 9:00 on FOX.

Back from commercial, Dave calls out the artist Paul was performing during the commercial break, “The Belfast Cowboy, Van Morrison!” Oooh, I like Van Morrison . . . but I never heard the nickname Belfast Cowboy.

AMANDA PEET: Quickly becoming a LATE SHOW favorite, Amanda is currently working on Broadway in the Neil Simon revival of “Barefoot in the Park” at the Cort Theater at 138 West 48th Street. And she’s engaged to be married in the fall.
Will there be a wedding shower or a bachelorette party? She doesn’t think so since most of her friends don’t get along. Plus, a spa weekend of manicures, pedicures, facials, and massages doesn’t appeal to all of them. Some think it would be a dream; others a nightmare. I’m in the nightmare corner. I’m a “don’t touch me and live my fingernails alone” type guy.
Honeymoon in the South Pacific? No, but she did do some traveling in the area. She and her fiancé took a trip to Cambodia and Laos over the holidays. It was a “Get-away-from-Hollywood” trip. They visited the famous temple of Angkor Wat which is thousands of years old. So much history, so much beauty. Hollywood was the last thing on their mind . . . . until the tour guide said, “And right over there Angelina Jolie shot Scene 93” for Tomb Raider. Did the tour guide recognize movie star Amanda Peet? No.
And now she’s in New York working in “Barefoot in the Park.” Learning her lines was an incredible ordeal. A week and a half before the curtain went up she could not conceive that it was possible to learn two hours of dialogue in time. She spent hours with co-star Jill Clayburgh working it over and over. And the pro that she is, Amanda got her lines now in her memory.
Dave invites Amanda to stick around for Jack Hanna and his animals.

Late Show Trivia: This was not the first time Dave has invited a pretty starlet to remain in the guest chair for Jack Hanna and his animals. I thought it was a certain actress. Three other staffers thought it was someone else. I checked my records . . . and we were both right. Dave had offered the invitation to TWO other actresses. Do you remember who they were? Answer below.

JACK HANNA: Jack’s animals.
1. Red Rough Lemur – Dave asks, “What is that, a cocker spaniel?” No, it’s a lemur. Jack has Dave stand like a tree. “Watch what happens” an excited Jack says. Jack throws the lemur at the tree-like Dave. The lemur falls to the desk. Jack explains the lemur was supposed to latch on to Dave. Jack tries it again and this time he lemur does. This oddly reminded me of Dave in the Velcro Suit. Lemurs can also clean your nose. Dave does not wish to witness this.
Dave asks, “How long do lemurs live?” Jack hems and haws and answers, “Uhhh . . . . uhhh. … who knows?”
I “Played the Dave” and said to the question “How long do lemurs live,” with “Not long it you keep throwing them around like that.”

2. Kookaburra: it’s a loud squawking bird. And it doesn’t stop. Over the squawk, Jack explains you often hear this bird in the old Tarzan movies and yet, the kookaburra does not live in Africa. How about that? I only know the kookaburra from a Barney song. This is a laughing kookaburra from Australia. I unknowingly “Played the Dave” and said of the laughing kookaburra, “Put it in the audience.” A few moments later, Dave said of the laughing kookaburra, “Have a seat in the audience.”

3. White tiger cub and a lion cub. Dave has the lion cub cradled in his arms and feeds it from a bottle. Jack has the white tiger cub. Jack has a bit of trouble handling his feline critter and explains they are a frisky lot. Dave calmly points out, “I’m not having any trouble with mine, Jack.” Jack then tells a story to Amanda about how he was playing with one of his monkeys while his wife was breastfeeding their newborn child. The monkey became hungry and started looking towards Jack’s wife. Jack tried to feed the monkey but the monkey kept looking at his wife. So Jack, concerned for the monkey’s health, looked to his wife and asked, “Honey, would you . . . .?” Dave quickly throws to commercial as I cover my ears not wanting to hear how the story ended.

We go to commercial without music from Paul. He’s learned from past experience that it is better not to alarm the animals. It may be true that music can cure the common beast, but I don’t think Foo Fighter music fits the bill in this case.

ACT 5 – Alan announce: “Here’s an animal that won’t be seen tonight! It’s a warthog named Kenny!” We see Jack and the warthog eating an apple in the green room. “Thanks for helping us out, Kenny, but we’re outta time! We’ll be right back.”

JACK HANNA:
4. kangaroo – Jack lets the kangaroo hop along through the audience. It seemed like a curious kangaroo and was happy to take the tour. A kangaroo can get going for 30-40 mph and grow to 7 feet tall. While the kangaroo hops around the theater, Jack holds a very rare albino kangaroo. Dave mentions that a kangaroo is a marsupial and that gets Jack talking about how infant kangaroos feed and latch on to its mother’s nipple. Jack continues to explain the process and probably says “nipples” 6 times within a minute. Dave closes up the segment by informing Jack, “I think you’ve said enough about nipples.”

Back from commercial, Dave says he feels his throat is starting to close up. Paul screams, “Suck out the poison! Suck out the poison!” I missed what created this.

And that was our show for Thursday February 23, 2006. Wahoo EXTRA!

My favorite Olympian: Pete Feston of the Men’s Curling Team. They won the Bronze Medal Thursday morning and they made me a fan of curling. Eight years ago we shot a remote in Ardsley up Westchester, New York at a Curling facility. I definitely can see the attraction to the sport; lots of strategy with a need for nerves of steel. And I found this morning’s event and those prior to today very exciting and interesting.

My advice to any one of the 8 lucky winners of the $365 million Powerball Lottery --- put your money in the bank and don't do anything with it for one year. After a year, take a look at the mistakes the other 7 winners made in the past 12 months, then act accordingly.

Any kids out there under the age of 25 who smoke? I'd love to know how and why you decided to start. Was it the 5 bucks a pack? Or the great stank it puts on your clothes? Or was it you simply didn't know of the dangers? I always said the best way to keep kids from smoking is to put out a study that claims it causes acne.

Remember Tuesday when we had Matthew Fox on the show and he talked about a guy bringing trout from California to Wyoming around 50 years ago? Knowing my readers would want to know more about it, Wahoo reader Richard Spears from Tulsa, Oklahoma wrote in the following.

"Name? Finis Mitchell, the only guy to have a mountain named after him while still alive (the man, not the mountain). I met him while hiking the Wind River Range in 1978. I carried about a thousand dollars worth of fancy gear on my back, he had a little canvas bag over his shoulder and was strolling with his granddaughter."

Got two songs to play at the juke box? Here's what Mike Henderson of East Windsor would play:

"Very tough to pick just two because you always think of some other great song later on, but these would be on my list:
Bernadette (Four Tops)
Whipping Post (Allman Brothers)"

Nigel Kogander of Pearl River, New York:

"This just in: The President just named Mahatma Gandhi the Secretary of Defense."

"This just in: The Bush Administration just named Michael McIntee to head the Government Printing Office with its new motto 'The first draft is the only draft.'"

"President Bush has just appointed himself as Secretary of Education."
"The Iraqi transitional government has named Scott McClellan the new Minister of Information."
"Hamas has announced a partnership to sponsor the 2006 Nobel Peace prize."
"The IOC has named Barry Bonds as its new czar of drug testing."

And now the answer to the question: What actresses stayed in the 2nd guest chair for Jack Hanna’s animals?
Kate Hudson – February 3, 2003.
Drew Barrymore – February 10, 2004 – this is the one I remembered.