Big night tonight: American Idol champ Carrie Underwood is on the show and so is the electric Howard Stern. Howard is currently being sued by CBS for a whole bunch of millions for some shenanigans of Howard’s during his last few months on a CBS-owned radio station before going to Sirius Satellite. Dave is a bit nervous with how this will play out on tonight’s show. Paul says that maybe the subject won’t come up, or maybe Howard won’t want to talk about it. Dave laughs at the thought, and is reminded of the time we had Neil Armstrong on the show and he wouldn’t talk about landing on the moon.

DA VINCI CODE: Dan Brown, the author of "The Da Vinci Code" has been hauled into court to face charges of plagiarism. Dave got his hands on the book Brown is supposed to have stolen from and Dave isn't convinced there was actual plagiarism.
Dave holds up the book. It's titled, "The De Vito Code," by Danny De Vito.

SLOBODAN MILOSEVIC: Slobodan Milosevic died over the weekend. There's been a lot of coverage about him on the news, but Dave was particularly intrigued by something he saw on CNN. We see a CNN promo.
Announcer: "Tonight on CNN, it's a very special 'Larry King Live' as Larry looks back at the life of former Serbian dictator Slobodan Milosevic with the people who knew him best." Cut to Jim Nabors on Larry King Live.
Jim Nabors: "I hadn't talked to him in quite a while, so no, I didn't know he was sick. But I love that man dearly, as we all did."
Announcer: "Tonight, on CNN."

ALAN GREENSPAN: Alan Greenspan is getting an $8.5 million advance to write a book. Experts say it won't have a wide enough appeal to justify all that money, but it looks like he's a step ahead of them. Dave has an early copy of the audio book. We take a listen.
From the Greenspan book, "Alan Greenspan: A Life."

"I knew that if the interest rate stayed too low for too long, it could create irrational exuberance and lead to a devastating asset bubble. But the only over-inflated bubble I could think about were the ones bulging from my secretary's sweater. As she slowly caressed my body, I could feel my own interest rate rising ---- 25 basis points, 50 basis points --- and before I knew it, there was a full-blown bull market rallying in my pants.(moans.)"

GEORGE W. BUSH: WHAT?! - we see the President with the University of Texas NCAA Division 1 championship football team. He greets the Longhorns' huge strength coach, who is nicknamed Mad Dog.
Bush: "Mad Dog. My body is what it is today because of Mad Dog."

Mad Dog. Now I think you could take what the President said two ways. The President could be pretending that he has worked out with Mad Dog to give him the body he has today, as if the President is proud of his body.
Or. . . .
The President could be making fun of his own body due to the years he spent nipping at the cheap and fruity-tasting wine, Mad Dog 20-20. I like to go with #2.

HAROLD LARKIN'S "SIDEWALK IDOL" – We sent our head carpenter out to Grand Central Terminal to host “Sidewalk Idol,” where he asks passersby to perform their favorite song. We see:
- a lovely rendition of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow,” forwards and backwards.
- “Party Like It’s 1999”
- an elderly gentleman singing “It was just one of those things,” followed by his singing the song into a bullhorn
- a woman takes over the microphone for “New York, New York”
- “Sounds like London calling. . . .” - Harold reaches over and turns off the camera.
- A guy putting to song the directions to Hot Pockets.
- A lad singing “That’s Amore.” The same lad singing “That’s Amore” while being punched in the arm by Harold Larkin.
- More Hot Pockets.
- A guy singing the theme to “Facts of Life.”

And all this was done at Grand Central Terminal. But don’t I mean Grand Central Station? No. Although most people call it Grand Central Station, it is actually a terminal because this is where train lines originate and terminate. I’ll have to look up the story behind Penn Station.

I imagine some of you are here for the first time to read about Howard’s visit to the show. Please realize I write this on the fly and it’s done to the best of my recollection and scribbled notes. I suggest you double-check anything you read here for verification before citing me as a source.

HOWARD STERN: the King of All Media, from Sirius Satellite Radio, it’s Howard Stern. Howard is here to promote his “I Hate Leslie Moonves Tour” and he has the T-Shirt to prove it. He would also like to thank Leslie and CBS for putting him back in the news. Howard’s been on Sirius Satellite radio since the beginning of the year and hasn’t been in the front page news much since. But now that he’s been slapped with this lawsuit, Howard’s back on the front page. The publicity is great for his radio show.
An angry Howard points out the record losses in the CBS radio division since he’s left and places the blame on the guy in charge of the radio division . . . . Leslie Moonves. But before we get into the lawsuit, Dave asks Howard about his recent plastic surgery. Dave was stunned, staggered, and surprised when he learned that Howard had a procedure. Dave holds up a photo of a “before” Howard and Howard points out a little was taken off his nose, “just a scrape,” and some flab from under his chin. Howard credits his doctor, Dr. Baker, for doing such a nice job, adding, “You can look like this if you go to Dr. Baker.” I don’t know . . . is that really a ringing endorsement? Now about the lawsuit . . . . Howard begins to berate the CBS CEO Leslie Moonves and Dave, for the record, wants it clear that although he’s had some trouble with Mr. Moonves in the past, their relationship now has never been happier. Dave has no problem with Les. In fact, Les bought Dave a motorcycle for his birthday!
So anyway, according to CBS, what did Howard Stern do wrong? Howard says the lawsuit alleges that Howard used CBS air time to promote Sirius. Howard explained to CBS that Sirius was now in his life and whatever is in his life, he talks about on his show. Plus, CBS claimed that there was a secret agreement between Sirius and Howard to promote Sirius Satellite. Howard says there was no secret agreement, no secret deals. It was all in the newspaper; everything. Everyone knew about Howard’s going to Sirius. It was all out in the open. But back when this all became public, over a year before he left, Howard was willing to discuss the matter with CBS. He went to a honcho at CBS radio and asked, “How do you want me to handle this?” According to Howard, he was told that CBS had no problem with Howard talking about his departure, but that he don’t mention Sirius Satellite radio by name. Howard agreed to that, and from then on referred to Sirius as “ehh-ehh-ehh.” Howard was told that was agreeable and it was funny. Plus, CBS had their finger on a “dump button” where they could bleep out anything they did not want to go out over the air. If they didn’t like what Howard was saying, they could bleep it. Howard says that Leslie has filed a vicious and frivolous lawsuit at the expense of the stockholders money, and that Moonves is driving the radio division into the tank.
Dave defends Mr. Moonves by saying that when he (Dave) arrived at CBS in 1993, the primetime lineup was in the dump. The numbers were nothing. Awful. And now it’s obvious he’s had great success at CBS, making it the #1 network. Howard scoffs and claims that network rankings are cyclical by nature; today’s #1 was yesterday’s turkey; today’s #1 will be tomorrow’s dog. Dave suggests that if that is true, then couldn’t radio also be cyclical and this is merely a downside in the CBS cycle?
Howard suggests that he may counter-sue CBS and Les for the vicious attack. Dave thinks out loud that there may be some more money in this for Howard in a counter-suit. Dave says, “A counter-suit . . . could be some money in this for you . . . . it would be nice to see things go your way for a change.”
And that was Howard and Dave. No one in the media has brought me more entertainment than these two.

I miss Howard on my morning radio. If I weren’t so cheap on myself, I would get me the Sirius radio for the car. Instead, I’m stuck pressing the radio buttons like I’m working at a typewriter as I look for something entertaining. Today at 9:20 AM, every button on my radio was in commercial. They all run by the same schedule. Why don’t they take my advice? If your ratings are low in the radio market, go to commercial 5 minutes before the competition. People will switch you off and to someplace else. When all the other radio stations go to their customary commercial break 5 minutes later, you’ll be just getting out of yours and people will switch to you and stay tuned until your next round of commercials. And so on.

ACT 5: It's time to announce the winner of the 'Late Show Describe Barry Bonds' contest.
Congratulations to Joe Grossman of Syosset, New York, who described Barry as 'hideously grotesque.' Congratulations, Joe, you win dinner for two at Outback Steakhouse. Outback Steakhouse: No Rules. Just Right. We'll be right back."

CARRIE UNDERWOOD: from her debut CD, "Some Hearts," the lovely Ms. Underwood performed "Don't Forget To Remember Me."

And that was our show for Monday March 13, 2006. Wahoo EXTRA!

Two New York City police officers were shot in Brooklyn last night, but the only shooting in the news today was that of Tony Soprano.

The Academy Awards were held over the break. I'm surprised that I have to admit I didn't watch. I was home. I could have watched if I wanted. But I didn't want. I was curious, though, to see how Jon Stewart did as host. I read that he was panned by some, praised by others. Of course, everyone pretty much agreed he didn't measure up to Billy Crystal. Oh, the great Billy Crystal. He's magnificent. He's incredible. Nobody can be as good as Billy Crystal. But Billy Crystal has a great advantage over Jon. Billy and Jon could tell the same joke, but if Billy sings the joke with a bevy of dancing girls behind him, he's considered a genius. Same joke, different presentation. It's unfair. Imagine Billy Crystal singing, "Uma. . . . Oprah. . . . Oprah . . . Uma . . . have you met Keanu?" . . . . . people would still be chirping his brilliance.

I came in 5th place out of 40 in the LATE SHOW Oscar Pool. I was able to do so well because I picked the upset of Crash over the favorite Brokeback Mountain for Best Picture, which was good for 30 points. I lost when I went against George Clooney in Syriana. I went with Paul Giamatti because I thought the voters would feel bad for not voting for him last year when he deserved it.

I found it interesting that Monday’s CBS promos for the LATE SHOW did not mention Howard Stern. It promoted Carrie Underwood and “Sidewalk Idol.” I didn’t see the promos but I heard this is how the LATE SHOW was promoted. I guess CBS could claim they were appealing to the American Idol crowd, which is a very large crowd indeed. But still, a bit surprising.

Pet Peeve: NCAA BASKETBALL TOURNAMENT PLAY-IN GAME: Monmouth vs. Hampton.
I don’t care that Monmouth’s record is 18-14 and Hampton’s record is 16-15. They each won their conference title and received an automatic bid to the NCAA Tournament and so neither should have to play in the play-in game. They ARE in via the automatic bid. The play-in game should be reserved for two selected teams.

Didn't take long. I watched a bit of the Japan/USA baseball game the other night. Man on 2nd and 3rd for Japan. On the second pitch of my 2006 baseball-viewing season, a guy hits a single to left. While the fielder is about to field the ball, the director decides to show us the guy from 3rd walking across homeplate, as if we don't know that a man on third will score on a single. The man from 3rd wasn't the story. The story was whether the guy from 2nd would try to score. And whether he tried to score or not depended a lot on how the leftfielder fielded the ball. The camera shot should have stayed on the leftfielder. Or better yet, the replay shown was an even better shot. It was a wide angle of the leftfielder at the top of the screen fielding the ball. In the middle/left of the screen was the runner from 2nd rounding 3rd and heading for home. We were able to see the leftfielder field the ball and what the runner from 2nd was going to do . . . . try to score. And then for the close play at the plate, the camera slowly moved to homeplate. No camera cuts. No need to readjust your eye to recognize a new camera angle. It was a smooth shot that showed everything. And it should have been the first shot; not the replay.