Yesterday was the 100th Anniversary of the great San Francisco earthquake. Dave knows it's important to commemorate these things but it seems like some people are just trying to cash in. Dave holds up an example of what he means. It's a box of Rice-A-Roni, the San Francisco treat. This is the "Vibrating Rice Pilaf." It comes with an attachment which causes the box to shake as if in an earthquake. Clever, but in poor taste. Shame on Rice-A-Roni.

Exxon has come under fire for giving its CEO a $400 million retirement package while charging customers more than ever for gas. SO they've released a helpful message to explain the situation.
(photo of the fat CEO Lee Raymond)

"Exxon has faced tremendous criticism for supposedly giving CEO Lee Raymond a $400 million retirement package while customer struggle with ever increasing gas prices . . . . which is why we'd like to clarify some confusion surround the deal. Mr. Raymond received only $20 million for retirement. He got the other $380 million by selling us exclusive rights to drill for oil in his enormous neck. Exxon: We do chicken right."

ROOSEVELT TRAM - DELACE - KENNY ROGERS ON BLUE CARD - STORY
Did you read about the Roosevelt Island Tram that runs over the East River here in New York City? For 6 hours it was stuck halfway across. Scores of people were trapped and had to be rescued by the fire department. The authorities did their best to keep the passengers calm. Dave has a clip.
We see the Roosevelt Island Tram stuck over the East River. It is not moving. We hear advice coming from the P.A. system to the passengers. The voice is a typical gravelly New Yorker.

"Attention trapped tram passengers: we are sorry for the inconvenience and we are doing everything we can to remedy the situation. In the meantime, please enjoy some soothing music to help take your mind off your predicament . . . . (the guy on the P.A. system starts to sing) 'Lady, I am your knight in shining armor . . . . and I love you. You have made me what I am and I am yours. My love, there's so many way I want to say I love you . . . .'"

And now the story behind the story.
Dave looks at the blue card and reads, "The guy was singing 'Lady,' by Kenny Rogers. And have you seen that Kenny Rogers lately? He had the plastic surgery and now he looks like an Olsen twin." Dave is funny in his description of the "Ruby, Don't Take Your Love To Town" singer.
Why do I bring this up? I typed up the blue card just the way the writers sent it to me. It includes Dave's introduction to the piece, followed by a very brief description of the videotape in parenthesis, which was
"(roll vt - shot of tram - DeLace sings 'Lady' by Kenny Rogers.)"

"'Lady' by Kenny Rogers" was not included on the sheet handed me. I googled "Lady" and "shining armor" and added the song title and the singer on the card, just in case Dave was curious. That added piece of information sparked a tangent which Dave followed. It produced a funny reaction and insight from Dave about Kenny Rogers. This "thrown in" bit of information I always provide elicits something from Dave maybe once a month.

It's time now for a popular segment: GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES.
We see FDR claiming, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."
JFK: "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country."
Bush: "I quit drinkin' in '86.'"

LETTERS FROM INMATES ACROSS THE UNITED STATES - Dave a favorite among forced shut-ins and is proud that he has a rapport with the inmates and prisoners across the United States. Dave has a stack of letters he's received from prisoners he would like to share tonight. Some of my favorites:
-"Hey, Dave - I just caught your show for the first time in ten years. You look like hell."
- Morris Knight, Central New Mexico Correctional Facility
-"Dear Mr. Letterman - I was going to write you a long letter, but I've decided to save the ink for a tat on my ass"
- Cyrus Duchamp, Lincoln Correctional Center, Nebraska
-"Mr. Letterman - Congratulations, you're an honorary Latin King!"
- Pedro Castillo, Folsom State Prison, California
-"Dear Dave - On the rare occasion I get to see your show, it reminds me that life on the outside is just as miserable as it is here. Thanks."
- Jake Louden - Elmira Correctional Facility, New York
-"Dear Dave - I'll save you some "Will It Float" guess time. A body stuffed in a rental car? It floats."
- Louis Lefferts, State Correctional Institution, Waynesburg, Pennsylvania.
-"Dear Mr. Letterman - Send cigarettes to find out what really happened to Don Knotts."
- Bert McAllister, San Quentin State Prison, California
-"Mr. Letterman - I steal $500 and go to prison; you waste millions of CBS dollars and you're a free man. Who's the real criminal?"
- Andy Sackler, Bayside State Prison, Leesburg, New Jersey
-"Dear Dave - I'm guilty . . . guilty of being you're biggest fan. And also of burning down an Arby's."
- Alex Creighton, Tennessee State Penitentiary

Dave billboards the night's program when suddenly off-camera we hear the cussing of Alan Kalter.
ALAN: "What the 'givl'!"
Dave is a bit startled but says nothing.
ALAN: "Seriously, what the 'givl'!"
We cut to Alan and find him holding a syringe.
ALAN: (screaming at the audience) "Which one of you 'vpvl'-suckers threw this at me?! Huh? For the love of God, enough! My life is a shambles! The media won't let me breath and now the fans are throwing needles at me?! Big Red doesn't need this! I'm sick of saving your ass, Letterman!"
Alan throws off his earpiece and storms off stage.

Following Alan's angry rant, Dave holds up a recent photo of Kenny Rogers. Dave says he looks nothing like he once did. The only similarity is this guy's Caucasian." Dave adds, "Even if he went to a family reunion, his family would say, 'It's too bad Kenny couldn't make it.'"

TOP TEN - Other Announcements Meredith Vieira Would Like To Make - Meredith is leaving "The View" at the end of May and going to NBC's "Today" show some time in September. Here are some other announcements she would like to make.
#8. "I once served time for running a cockfighting ring in Managua."
#7. "I'm carrying Brad Pitt's baby."
#6. "I haven't even started at NBC and already I'm getting creepy phone calls from Donald Trump"
#2. "I can smell Dave's cheap-ass cologne from here."

CRAIG FERGUSON: Dressed in all black. Remember when everybody came on dressed in black. It was one of my first observations when I started this . . . this . . . Wahoo Gazette. The "dressed in all black" has dropped considerably in the past few years.
Craig is the host of popular and rising Late Late Show and he's the author of the first of 3 in a trilogy, "Between the Bridge and the River." Dave also has a book, entitled, "Look! I Have a Book, Too" Dave's picture adorns the cover of his book. Where did that come from? It's been sitting backstage in the shack for years. Off the top of my head, I think this is the 3rd time we've used it. The first time I have it in my data base is from November 15, 2002. I don't have it anywhere else but I think we may have used it one other time.

Craig is also, hopefully, about to become a U.S. citizen. Is there lots of studying involved? Preparation? Craig says the one thing he must do is to have his Speedo removed.
While hosting the Late Late Show, has Craig found the opportunity to date some of the guests? Craig says there is an unwritten rule that it is not proper to date the guests, that it must remain on a totally professional level, then adds, "but I have dated a lot of them."
How's the book going? According to Craig, it is the biggest selling book in the country." Control the media . . . you control the message.
Craig Ferguson: look for him on the Late Late Show and his book at your local bookstore . . . you remember bookstores, don't you?

ALEXIS BLEDEL: From the "Gilmore Girls." I am totally unfamiliar with the program so I asked the research department if my 10-year-old daughters were ready for "Gilmore Girls." They gushed, "Oh, yeah!"
He dad is from Argentina and Alexis has made many trips through the country. She's heading back down soon for her cousin's wedding. Weddings in Argentina start late in the day, around 9:00 PM. The ceremony is short, but the party that follows lasts until sun up. Around 6 in the morning, a hot dog cart appears for your dining pleasure. I don't know much about Argentina, but they've got their weddings right.

Alexis lives in Los Angeles with her 6-month-old Maltese-Chihuahua named Sophie. She bought it on Ebay and it looks more like a squirrel than a dog. It weighed one pound when she picked it up but has now grown to 4 times its original size. Still, she's afraid a hawk will swoop down and take it away.
And living in L.A., she needs to know how to drive. The whole city revolves around the car. Unfortunately, she's not a very good driver. The last time she was pulled over she thought she was being Punk'd. The cop was inches away and screaming in her face. She didn't think it was real. She looked for the cameras. No cameras. She apparently cut off the cop, which made him furious. I'm sure when he mentally compared salaries, that didn't make him too happy, either.
"Gilmore Girls" - in its 6th season on the WB - Tuesday nights at 8:00.

ACT 5: It's time for 'This Date in Hat History.'
On April 19, 1892, Thomas Edison finally perfected the double-deck bowler hat! Its lack of commercial success persuaded Edison to abandon further work on hats! This has been 'On This Date in Hat History.'
Go back to your miserable lives, people."

TOM RUSSELL: From his brand new CD, "Fear and Love," Tom Russell performed "Stealing Electricity." Parts of the song, the "da da da da da da" part, reminded me of a Springsteen song on "The Rising" album.
Before saying goodnight, Dave finds a syringe behind the desk. He asks, "Alan, is this yours?" An unhappy Alan reacts like a fish caught with his pants down (???) and storms off, but not before calling Dave a "vpvl'-sucker.

And that was our show for Wednesday, April 19, 2006. Wahoo EXTRA!

Did you see the new NBC program, "Celebrity Cooking Showdown" where celebrities show off their talents in cooking? . . . Hey?! I thought that was the "Tony Danza Show"?

On Google today, April 20, they are honoring the birth of artist Joan Miro, born on April 20, 1893. Google does this every now and then . . . . but not last Flag Day, June 14, 2005. I've been waiting a year to see if they "forget" to do it again this year. I'm sure it was just an oversight.

The NBA's regular season came to an end last night.
From the October 13 Wahoo Gazette:

"Every year, the Knicks and Duke University have the same goal: 30 wins."

The NHL Hockey season is about to start. Who do I root for in the playoffs?
1. Islanders - didn't make it this year.
2. Devils
3. Rangers (depending on the day, 2 and 3 could flip flop)
4. a team from Canada
5. any of the original 6

The rise in gas prices shouldn't affect me much. Any pinch I feel I'll simply subtract from my campaign contributions.

Hey, Disney . . . you got to bring "High School Musical" to Broadway. Ryan Evans is great!

The other day I discussed with myself the use and need of a tachometer in your car.
I received this informative missive from a reader, L.A. Peterson.

"A tachometer is very useful for anyone who is concerned about gas mileage and a long-lasting engine and transmission.
The tachometer measures the speed of the engine in RPM (revolutions per minute.) As a rule of thumb, you want to keep the RPM between 1500-2500 whenever practical when you are moving in order to achieve the best gas mileage and least wear. Idle should be about 750 RPM. Anything less than 1500 RPM while you are in gear and moving will "lug" the engine (bad!) and anything greater than 2500 means you're probably accelerating faster than you really need to. Of course, there are times when higher RPM are necessary, such as when you are merging or racing someone or cutting someone off on an expressway. Or trying to outrun the police.
For best mileage, accelerate nice and easy up to about 2000 to 2500 in any gear. If you take it easy, the automatic transmission will shift itself into the next higher gear between 2000 to 2500 until you are in your highest gear. If you are really accelerating like a banshee, the automatic transmission won't shift into the next gear until just about the redline, 6000 RPM or higher in most 4 cylinder engines. Running your engine at such high RPM wears it out quickly, wears out your engine oil and your transmission, makes a lot of noise and yields lousy gas mileage.
So, when rolling along in your automobile, try to keep the RPM between 1500 and 2500. You'll be glad you did."

THE NEXT 5 PREVIOUSLY VIEWED PROGRAMS:
THURSDAY: From March 21; Show #2528 - Marcia Cross; and Jenny Lewis & The Watson Twins. Plus: a special song from Martin Short
FRIDAY: From March 29; Show #2532 - Josh Hartnett; Chris Elliott; and Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Plus, Ask Donald Trump's Baby.
MONDAY: From March 28; Show #2531 - Ray Romano; and Willie Nelson. Plus, Staff Complaint Forum.
TUESDAY: From March 30; Show #2533 - Antonio Banderas, Patrice O'Neal, and Flaming Lips.
WEDNESDAY: From April 10; Show #2535 - Billy Crystal; and Johnny Damon. Plus, More with Les, and Johnny and Billy play baseball with Dave and Joe Torre on 53rd Street.