Cold Open: we find Dave and Nancy sitting in the green room.
Nancy: "Did you see tonight's episode of 'CSI'?"
Dave: "No, I didn't."
Nancy: "Too bad. There was a withered corpse that looked exactly like you."
Dave: "Sorry I missed that."

It's something new; it's Late Show Elevator Small Talk.
We see a clip of Tony entering the elevator. Already inside is Garth from Graphics. After an uncomfortable silence, Garth says, "Ridin' the elevator?" Tony does not respond.
This has been Late Show Elevator Small Talk.

Off-camera, we hear the laughter of a gentleman. And we notice the camera shaking a bit. What is happening? Dave asks our cameraman if there's a problem. Dorsett, with a beer in his hand, says "Sorry, Dave, it's Oktoberfest and I'm 'djoy'-faced."

Al-Qaeda lieutenant Ayman al-Zawahri is supposed to make an announcement this week about Osama bin Laden's health and other pressing issues. And it looks like it will be different from his previous announcement.
Announcer:

"This week, al-Qaeda's second-in-command Ayman al-Zawahriri is expected to make an announcement about recent developments in the war on terror. And we're proud to say he'll be making that announcement on 'The Megan Mullally Show!' Tune in for all the juicy details about Osama bin Laden's bout with typhoid, exciting new terror projects for the fall season, and a hilarious song-and-dance number with Megan and the gang. Plus, he'll show you how to make Grandma Zawahiri's braised jackal ribs with lemon-pepper goat sauce. 'The Megan Mullally Show' - It's gonna be off the hook!"

Sue Hum enters. She sits in the guest chair. She asks Dave, "Can I have a sip of your coffee?" Dave agrees to let Sue drink from his mug. She sips and sits. Dave finds it hard to continue with Sue sitting there and reminds her that he is trying to put on a show.
Sue, knowing when she is being asked to leave, angrily spits out, "I'll gut you like a fish, fatboy." She exits.

GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES: We see FDR. We see JFK. We see Bush: "Thanks for coming . . . . . . .. (long pause) . . . . Please be seated . . . . . . (long pause and stare) . . . . .Thanks for coming."

Once again, Late Show Elevator Small Talk. We see Production Accountant Joe DeGeorge in the elevator. Property Master Pat Farmer enters. And then Pat suddenly grabs a bat and hits Joe in the nuts. This has been Late Show Elevator Small Talk.

TOP TEN: Chapter Titles in Jim McGreevey's Book - McGreevey resigned as New Jersey Governor in August of 2004 after it was revealed he had a gay affair with a subordinate. The title of his book, "The Confession."
And here to present tonight's Top Ten list is the former governor of New Jersey, Jim McGreevey.
HEY! That ain't McGreevey! That's Mulligan! Dave explains that McGreevey was invited to be here; he said he would be here; then not; then yes again, and then that was the last we heard from him. All the phone calls from his end had stopped.
Filling in for the Governor is our old friend, Gerard Mulligan.
Dave thanks Gerard for being here.
Gerry says, "My pleasure."
Dave says, "I heard you two were close."

Chapter Titles in Jim McGreevey's Book
#10. "The Day I Got Caught Governing Myself."
#9. "How To Pretend to Like Girls for 47 Years."
#8. "From Schwarzenegger to Pataki: Governors I'd Like To Oil Up."
#7. "Another Confession: I Can't Resist Entenmann's Pound Cake"
#6. "At First I Thought I Was Bipartisan"
#5. "The New Jersey Budget Crisis: What Would Judy Garland Do?"
#4. "A Look At The Governor's Balls"
#3. "Politicians Who Left A Bad Taste In My Mouth"
#2. "How To Push Through a Bill . . . . or a Steve or a Larry"
#1. "Why I Don't Like Bush"

DANE COOK: You may have seen Dane Cook recently on his HBO concert special from the Boston Garden. He performed in front of 18,000 and it is the highlight of his 16-year career, which is ironic because 14 years ago he performed at the old Boston Garden and may have been the nadir of his career. Back then he was part of a comedy team called, "Al and the Monkeys." They were invited to perform at the Garden during a big Rock 'N' Roll show. They got to the arena all ready to go and were told, "You're on . . . . in about 2 hours and 15 minutes. They were to perform their comedy right after the Spin Doctors and before Phish. Everyone in the place was there to see Phish. So, 2 hours later Dane and his pals find themselves on stage in front of 14, 000. They started their improv and within 30 seconds the audience turned on them. Thousands of cigarette lighters were thrown at them. And when the audience ran out of lighters, they began throwing shoes. Dane was from the Boston area so he had a lot of family and friends in the audience. After the show they pretended not to have noticed the reaction from the crowd. Oddly, though, all his friends only had one shoe.
Dane is in the film, "Employee of the Month", an epic battle between good and evil. It takes place in a Costco-like store. The battle is fierce to become "E of the M."
I laughed when Dave said, "It has a fantastic cast . . . Andy Dick . . ."
It opens October 6th.

SIR RICHARD BRANSON: He's the founder and chairman of the Virgin Group of Companies. He's Britain's Donald Trump, but not annoying. His wealth is estimated at $2.8 billion. How did he come to create the incredible success of Virgin? Sir Richard says he wasn't much of a student in school. At 15 he decided he wanted to start a magazine for teens to relate to. He called it "Student." He was able to get interviews with the likes of Mick Jagger and John Lennon. From there, he founded a mail-order record company. He called it Virgin since he was brand new in the business. The mail-order business was a success and so he expanded to a retail store in London and began a Virgin Records label in 1972. He ran in to some trouble with Customs in England and something to do with taxes and ended up spending a night in jail. Says Sir Richard, "Everyone should spend a night in prison . . . you'll never want to spend two." Very wise. Branson now owns more than 350 companies; everything from airlines to retail, to internet services to publishing to condoms.
How did he become involved in the airline business? Years ago he was traveling alone and was somewhere in the Caribbean. The passengers at the airport were waiting to catch a flight to Puerto Rico, but the local Puerto Rican scheduled flight was cancelled. The terminal was full of stranded passengers. He made some calls to charter companies and was able to get a plane to Puerto Rico for $2,000. He did some quick math and then walked around the terminal with a sign: "Virgin Airways, $39 single flight to Puerto Rico." The plane quickly filled up and he made himself a nice buck. It struck him at this time about the airline business: "Maybe I can make money on this." It seems most of his ventures start with that spark.
This past week, Sir Richard Branson has pledged to invest an estimated $3 billion into research and development of alternative fuels. He says there is a desperate need to replace dirty fuel with clean fuel. Anyone who doesn't believe global warming upon us has their head in the sand.
Sir Richard Branson - a very interesting guy.

ACT 5: It's Alan enjoy a nice ice cold Budweiser.

MONICA: From her soon-to-be-released CD, "The Makings of Me," Monica performed "Everytime Tha Beat Drop". The CD will be in stores Tuesday.

And that was our show for Thursday, September 28, 2006. Wahoo EXTRA!

"So it's my job to get you publicity, right?" - Terrell Owens' publicist.

"Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time." - Demetri Martin.

The other during Fun Facts, the name Smokey the Bear came up. And now a fun fact about the Fun Fact . . . from Jim Kohler of Chesapeake, Virginia:

"Smokey's correct, full name is Smokey Bear. In the popular song "Smokey The Bear" written in 1952 by Steve Nelson and Jack Rollins a "the" was added to his name to keep the song's rhythm. This small change has caused confusion among Smokey fans ever since."

And don't get me started on putting together furniture which calls for 30 screws. Would it kill the company to add an extra screw or two? You're bound to lose one along the way. Oh, if I ruled the world . . . .

What to watch this weekend: the St. Louis Cardinals - will they become the biggest late season flop in baseball history? And if the Houston Astros sneak in, watch for them to make it to the World Series.
What I'm hoping for: National League playoff teams: Mets, Padres, Astros, Phillies. Each team will make for an interesting New York story.
Padres - Mike Piazza hitting a key home run to beat the Mets.
Phillies - making the playoffs after ownership gave up - Abreu and Lidle going to the Yankees
Astros - Clemens/Oswalt/Pettitte. Is Pettitte still pitching?