In what other city than New York does the Mayor get up in front of a press conference and say the city stinks? That's New York. This morning around 9:00, right when I was getting in, a waft of pungent odor descended upon most of Manhattan. The source? So far, no one knows. And after a few minutes, no one really seemed to care that much. Yeah yeah yeah, so there's a gas leak. I gotta get to work.

It was 72 degrees this weekend here in New York City. Because of that, we put together his "Late Show Global Warming Update".
We see a graphic. We hear music. And that's all we have so far.

There's been a lot of speculation about the mysterious gas smell here in Manhattan today. For the latest developments, we go for an update from our own Pat Farmer out on 53rd Street.
Pat: "Thanks, Dave. Starting around 9:00 this morning, people all over Manhattan reported an overwhelming odor of natural gas. Fortunately, the authorities have reassured us that there's absolutely nothing to worry ab . . ." POW! Pat Farmer explodes and disappears to smithereens.
Fortunately, Dave receives a report that Pat is OK.

As most of you know, Pat Robertson frequently chats with God. He's put together this segment; something he calls "Pat Robertson's Getting' To Know God." Photo of God, or someone who looks like him.
Announcer: "Pat Robertson claims the one mystery even God can't answer is why Donald Trump continues to get hot chicks."

SMALL TOWN NEWS
The Bargain Mart Classifieds (Knoxville, Tennessee): "Mobile Home Section. Take over payments. Owner died, but not in home."

The Shoppers Guide, Branch County, Michigan: We see an ad for a deer hunting contest. one of the contest categories includes: "Ladies Biggest Rack."

The Clinch County News (Homerville, Georgia): A letter to Santa from first grader Elizabeth Swearingen: "Dear Santa, I hope you will bring me a deer named Rudolph for Christmas. I will play with him and I will not let the hunters get him."

The Watchman (East Feliciana Parish, Louisiana): "HAWCO manager Mike Hall demonstrates the massive size of his grapple."

The Pioneer Sun News (Williston, Florida): A Help Wanted Ad: "Hard Labor. This job is not for sissies. Whiners need not call."

The Superior (Nebraska) Express: "The driver of this Ford Tempo was injured when he collided with the tank in Lincoln Park early Sunday morning. The tank was fine."

The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel: "Police Report - concealed weapon. Police said the man was uncooperative and was acting strangely. Police found the man in possession of a nut cracker. The man told them he carried the nut cracker for protection."

The Star Tribune West (Minneapolis, Minnesota): "Police Report. a caller reported that about 11:50 PM, he stopped at the drive-through at McDonald's and was ignored. The caller was unaware that the restaurant closes at 11:00 PM."

The Easton Pennsylvania Express Times: "Give your Valentine the gift that lasts --- No Scalpel Vasectomy."

From a New Jersey paper: a story about a school fundraising dinner. "The pasta dinner will be on Friday, March 24th. Proceeds will help fund June's all-night drug and alcohol graduation celebration for the Senior class."

GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES - We see FDR. We see JFK. We see George W. Bush . . . . muttering, blubbering, and stuttering. The President sounded like he was doing Frank Caliendo doing John Madden.

TOP TEN: Things Overheard in New York City Today - you know, due to the big stink.
#5. "I hope this doesn't affect Tony Danza's performance in